guyguy420

Honestly super ***ing disgusting you would try to say I'm stalking my stalker when I detailed excplicity this was a public post I saw while in the process of reaching the block function on Reddit mobile. But you know, I'm "stalking" my stalker, and concerned that I may be the only person with evidence that this violent maniac shouldn't have a gun. None by bizz! A simple "try not to think of it," would serve better than accusation.

I want to lead this post with the main question: what, should, and how do I do anything about this? TLDR: my ex girlfriend is a serial stalker and thief and currently a drug addict, with poor morals at very least. I feel like she would be a danger to our community if someone gave her a gun and validated her commanding behavior. I also don't like the idea of a cokehead wielding a gun of the law, flatout. Those who have been with me throughout this long saga of posts, I finally away from my crazy and abusive GF. And though it hasn't been long enough to call it safe just yet, she has yet to harass me again and if she has I have avoided it. Today, I had been going through my phone and cleaning up the space. I was deleting extra photos, apps, saved files, etc. when I came across both my TikTok and Reddit account which I have not used in some time. Clearly though, realizing I had these accounts also meant I had venues of communication to shut down. When I looked at my TikTok, I had seen through the profile visits feature she still was stalking my account and recently, too. I blocked her, deleted almost everything from my account then deleted the app. After this, I began to look at my reddit account which had likely run barren for just as long. Seeing her account as my only follower, I clicked it to use the block function. When opening, not only did I see posts about me and our relationship, but I saw her asking for tutorials on how to become a cop and pass the tests easily. I tried not to look for long, but something that serious is very strange to me. And knowing what kind of person she is, again, it is in no world cool for her to be given a free service weapon. I'm moving away, so it's not the worst situation for me, but let's just say my town has a very bad reputation for power hungry and over bearing police officers to the point my local PD, the smallest one here, is frequently featured in all types of BodyCam / Police Misconduct videos. If she doesn't fail a drug test, I feel like someone will undoubtedly eventually get hurt. She has repeatedly "accidently" hit me and destroyed many of my things. I think me detailing in my last post her rants of how I was spiritually bonded to her and never allowed to leave or trust my family, should paint the picture of an EXTREMELY unfit-to-serve person, all before I even detail the dedicated harassment campaigns and the fact she used to brag about stealing money from bank accounts. Is there anything I can do anonymously? Am I overreacting? Should I just let it be the towns problem?

I believe in my state, unsolicited pornographic images would just play into the harassment charge. I’m really afraid that I screwed up by blocking and deleting our previous messages, because now I’m not sure id be able to prove harassment or petition for a restraining order.

Yes, it is.

TL:DR My ex girlfriend of a year and a half was extremely controlling and at times abusive, we have been apart for a while now and when she found out I was dating again she sent me BDSM porn of herself with another man. I am over her, but seeing such a thing made me feel very disgusted with myself. Well, the post title and my post history should largely speak for themselves but here is the current situation. And just to get it out of the way, the point of this post is I desperately need advice and guidance. I broke up with my girlfriend in December of last year. It was a year and a half long relationship, and a long strenuous breakup. She refused to even acknowledge I had broken up with her for a long time, so if I'm honest with myself about it, we have been apart since early November. Until late January, when she finally started to acknowledge it and we planned a day for her to give me my things back. Two or three post-ponings later she gave me my things, but had been and continued to demand that I do not cut contact with her. I had blocked her on everything, and she had continued making social media accounts to attempt and contact me. Most of the time I would block her without a word, and the few times I responded usually resulted in a short conversation about how I couldn't and did not want to continue contact while she told me I was not allowed to leave. One time though, I had engaged with her in text and the conversation went as usual until she began to say very inappropriate things, telling me to not trust my family, that I was never allowed to leave her, that we were connected spiritually forever no matter what, and asked to move with me when I move for University. I had been very defensive, until playing highly emotional sentimental cards on me and I caved. Falling for the trap, we had a conversation about how much we had missed each other and she had convinced me to sleep on the idea of seeing each other one more time and potentially restarting our relationship. Some weeks would pass and we would not have any contact, I had went back and forth with myself for some time and ultimately came to my senses and texted her once more "I can't do this, we shouldn't,' then blocked her again. More time would pass, and I had went through a short depressive bout but then started getting back out with my friends. At this point, months have passed and I am very firm in my feelings, that I had long not trusted her and no longer wanted to be with her- thanks to tough love from friends, family, and responses to my previous posts. In such conditions, I had begun to think about dating again, hoping to meet someone nice and take things very slow without any expectations. I started reconnecting with some old friends, including a female friend my ex girlfriend had previously forbid me from speaking too, and she had introduced me to a friend of hers and not long after we had started going on dates. Today though, my ex girlfriend contacted me once again. I received an anonymous text saying something to the effect of "oh you hanging out with those *** ass gross **** huh." I was confused and engaged but quickly found out who it was. My ex had begun hurling all types of insults towards me, my friends, and my new romantic interest. She bragged about going on a trip to Seattle, then began to make comments about how I was going to be nothing in my life. Towards the end of the conversation, she was being very mean and I was begging her to just leave me alone and let it be. She then sent me photos of herself, tied up in rope and duct tape, with lashes and bruises all over her naked body, one while she was having sex tied up, saying "Here, you can get off to this." These instantly made me sick to my stomach, as I am a sexual assault victim and had mentioned to her how more extreme things like that made me feel weird and uncomfortable. I have been very through the roof stressed since this happened. I don't think it's any shame of seeing her used by someone else, I have long accepted she probably wasn't my GF even when we were together. But it was genuine disgust, at the material itself and also the realization that I had let my whole life go for this. My friends, my music career, many many opportunities, and a lot of money and trust wasted on someone who would rather be physically abused than ever be with me. It was also just the nail in the coffin, confirmation of what type of person she was no matter how hard I denied it. It was confirmation that she wanted a world where I was hers, but she was whomever-she-wanted's, that she was angry at me for moving on and even talking to someone else while we've been apart, while she did that. I don't love her, but it's also strange to see someone you loved or cared for so tattered and beaten, so deep into something that doesn't help anyone, but is proud of it. I hope I'm not alone either when I say, I believe people who enjoy "consensually" physically assaulting or being assaulted to the point of bruises, lashes, cuts, and marks are deeply disturbed and need help. I am also deeply, gravely disgusted with myself for ever having touched her, been near her, or sleeping with her. I lost my virginity to her, and had kept mine long past my peers and even though previous relationships in high school, and I truly thought she was pure. I feel as though I have laid with evil and allowed myself to be tempted. I feel as though God punishes me for that lust, for not listening to the many signs I should have left. I feel immense, unshakeable shame.

For those who haven’t seen my previous posts, my girlfriend, now ex-, was a handful. She was controlling, intrusive, and emotionally abusive. The other day, she randomly stopped making fun of me (literally in the middle of doing it) to calmly say she didn’t love me anymore and didn’t want to be together. I tried to talk with her, but after a few days to myself I’ve decided I am ready to start making myself move on. Though, with this new lease on life and an opportunity to focus on myself, I still end up feeling lonely. It’s strange, because before dating her I had not felt lonely when I was single, or when I went through the break up before her. I want to start dating again, soon, but understand why I should wait. I fear that even if I wait, and focus on myself, I’m not going to know what a normal or healthy, adult relationship looks like and that I may end up being paranoid as a defense mechanism or ending up with another, similarly undesirable woman. I also have no idea how to date. At first, I was scared because I have never dated outside of my high school days, as this relationship carried from when I was 17. But then I thought , I met her at a party, so no problem! Only to soon realize, over the two years we’ve been dating she has isolated me in way or another from all of my friends and the ones she didn’t demand be gone or fight with, I had my own falling outs with. How do I start dating again? And for that matter, how do I make friends again? : / Life has been a doozie. I got kicked out of my Dads and have been bobbling between motels, my grandmothers, and my great aunts. I also lost my car. I’m at no shortage of money, not like I have anything to spend it on. And no shortage of work, 6 days a week 50 hour minimum. But despite that, having no friends and thus no way to meet people or go to social events, I feel like getting back out there is going to be pretty hard. Idk, I feel like I can’t remember how I used to make friends or talk to girls, and I feel like I used to be a much more, very sociable boy and adolescent but perhaps my social skills have been stunted.

Ask god for forgiveness and hope she can find herself

I'm not oblivious to it and have listed above that multiple people in both of our families have been addicted. I could not be oblivious if I tried but thanks.

Man I'm just retarded and I wish you would've just asked that then. 😕 I'm already aware of this and I'm just not sure what I'm supposed to do. Do you think I found a website called eNotAlone and typed these things thinking it's proof of anything different? I do not want to leave her, that much is true. But with your advice and others I start to see how I have to and why I should have to idfk dude its the anxiety its no courage its being loser mode 100% and no matter who I talk to or how well explained it is to me I cant do it and i just cant even find the words why i cant do it im just very weak right now and have nothing besides working and all my other friends ditched me literally trying to *** her like straight up i know theres guys she has but my own friends said things so openly about it so gross and *** and now if i lose her i got nothing and it sucks and i kinda just hope she can change again but she wont i know IDK Brah! Im helpless and I guess im just looking for some magic words that will drive me to leave or make her happy again

For a number of reasons, vengeance is the last thing I want in this life. I just want to feel safe and loved. Work and saving money are going to happen either way because I want a better life either way. I am just very attached to my life with her and as misguided as it is I cannot bring myself to forget her at her best.

If I do ever plan to be a father, no. People have brought this up before, and I'm not sure what to think about it. Obviously not, but I would like to think by anytime I do start to want children or put myself at risk for them (not like I get any sex lol), we or at least I would be past these issues. I'm no anti-natalist, but I do hate kids so not a huge concern.

I don't think that's how it's supposed to be, I'm very aware this isn't how it's supposed to be. But it used to be very different and I believe I am going through some kind of stages of grief and continue to be in a complete denial. I'm AWARE of this denial, but perhaps just run my mind in a mound of layers of denial to continue on. But I also have no idea what love is supposed to be like. One of my earliest memories of my father was him smacking my brother around and him screaming in my face that I'm a *** and I'm going to *** up and fail. At least she treated me nice for a while before she started doing it. Mother is the same, only BPD and Alcoholic. My last girlfriend was an adult when I was an early teenager who groomed me and ended up cheating on me before saying "I don't love you anymore," and abandoning me. Besides that, I have no family. I am a very lacking-in-confidence male and admittedly, have likely not experienced a healthy and helpful relationship besides a rare good platonic friend and the first few months of my current relationship. I hate myself for all of this because I could have at any point just turned around at the first sign of these red flags and right now I hate myself more than anything for living in a constant delusion. I told her I would never break up with her unless she cheated on me, which as retarded as it sounds, I still believe hasn't happened and will probably continue to stay with her until she does.

I understand if this thread become and remains dead but to avoid posting too much I am going to continue using this as a place for me to update and vent about the situation until I find my conclusion. Thank you for insightful words and returning characters in my threads. I have spent my most recent time continuing to look for help and advice, most recently speaking to my father and many people online who follow similar relationships to me while continuously trying to talk to my Girlfriend and solve our issues. I know it seems like a fruitless effort, but I still want to try even though every day I become more disillusioned and more aware of what I need to do. We had a conversation again about cocaine usage and I made some progress, albeit after and hour of being called horrible names. And at some point, I had tried to tell her that she needs to choose coke or me because this was tearing me apart and I couldn’t live like that, which only made her scream at me about how dumb I am and for a moment she started to laugh at and taunt me telling me she doesn’t give a *** if I leave her and that I can either shut my mouth and stay or leave. For the most part, just a repeat of what I’ve detailed as she listed very superficial reasons to be taking drugs although she called me a ***head and said she “needs a man and not some fag who will freak out whenever she wants to have fun.” I began crying, and told her how badly her words hurt me and that I would never understand why it was so easy for her to abuse me and knowingly attack my confidence. For a moment, she took down her walls and explained to me how she’s been feeling, how her medical and home issues have been effecting her, how our relationship has been effecting her, and how she is struggling and admittedly wants to take the drug because it makes her feel warmer and happier for a while. This only made me bawl more and more as I pleaded with her to explore something else with me, to try something else, to talk with me and continue to tell me how she’s feeling. She began to be agreeable, listening to me as I listed the several reasons it was unhealthy and a bad idea. A detail I have failed to mention in my past posts is that my girlfriend becomes very detached though I’m sure many of you can tell. It drives her to say things that she doesn’t mean and causes her to become extremely defensive when under pressure. In the past, she had made efforts to reassure me whenever this happened, to apologize and take back what she said and it also was never quite as mean. But when I started posting, it was because these remarks had increased and she no longer apologized or ever even mentioned them again. So this moment was very nice, and set us up for a good night. doesn’t entirely matter though, she still went to the park to pick up from her drug dealer. and today, she went out to eat with her two co workers who have both put hands on her. One of them, is the notorious one who said he wanted to *** her. The other, is a childhood friend of hers who is gay, but a few months ago grabbed and held her against her will and took her phone to force her to share her location. I told her just now, as she’s at work, that I’m not comfortable with this guy. She justified it saying that although it’s bad, it’s not the same as the other guy and it’s kinda okay since they’re friends. I told her no, and that using that as justification was beyond okay and still extremely creepy. She said “K.” and ghosted me. I don’t know how to find the courage to do or say anything in any helpful way and I feel like no matter how I approach any issue she is angry at me and doesn’t want me to say my piece or have emotions about anything. She began screaming at me during our coke talk that I don’t want her to be near anyone and just stay home all the time. Which isn’t true, I don’t care what she does with her free time as long as she informs me anytime she goes somewhere dangerous and she doesn’t actively seek recreational time with bad actors. Because I don’t have this courage, I’m afraid I am the one who ruined our relationship. I’m afraid I don’t have any capability to help it. I’m afraid that, as many people say we must, that I won’t have the courage to break up with her. And if I did, I’m afraid I’d be just as feeble and stompable to another girl. I tried talking to my dad about it, and he kinda just told me it’s all my fault and I need to focus on other things and that this isn’t love, which I know it’s not, but it is the exact type of love I was shown growing up.

This is fair. Something for me to consider heavily. Thank you. I just don’t know what changed. She used to be very concerned about each of these issues but the past two weeks, it’s like everything she said she doesn’t like or wouldn’t do was secretly something she was, wanted, or was planning to do.

Also, yesterday after a while she had told me she was “tired of explaining herself and just wants to be able to experiment and do drugs freely.” She never once tried explaining herself. She has exclusively justified it with just the fact she wants to and thinks it’s apparently better than other hard drugs and she also believes she has more control and restraint over herself, even thinking it was okay to mention my family members struggling with addiction as “not being able to handle it like she can.” She continued to ignore my points and just respond with “Lol” so I asked her if it was coke or me which would she choose because I’ve stop I can’t take this anymore so much and she never stops, to which she started yelling at me and changed the topic to telling me how I never let her say anything. I also hate that recently she has started to say I “only talk about how bad she makes me feel,” which just isn’t fair to say. I talk about the things she does and how they make me feel and then she will laugh in my face, ignore me, or call me names. idk I’m crying right now and again just have no one else in my life she made me cut off many of my female peers and I fell out with everyone else either to be with her or because she had a theory they were evil . Everyone else I cut off on my own accord bc of something they did. And now I literally have nothing besides work sleep and playing video games by myself, because the only girl I have ever loved hated me with a passion and wanted to do coke and fantasize about ***ing dogs more than she ever wanted to be near me and every time she told me she loved me and was going to be there forever she was lying and I just wasn’t enough