RockPanda

Thank you! 😊

Although we were just friends, he’d only messaged me to date him, not just be friends so from the beginning, we weren’t really friends.

Thank you, yes I understand it is very individual. And thank you! I’m hoping it goes well too!

No not at all, I’ll be able to stick to the 6 weeks.

Yes that’s what I’m hoping the outcome will be. I will have access to a 24/7 phone line if I ever need to talk to someone again. I can also book more counselling if I need to.

By being able to talk to a professional about my feelings and exploring how I can accept the past and move past it. I think even if I removed my boyfriend from the equation, I’d still benefit from counselling as I think I’d be the same with any relationship in the future. I do think it’s my own attitude towards relationships in general that has caused this issue, after my initial upset, I’m sure most women would be able to forgive and move forward but I definitely think I struggle to forgive as I’m the same with others in my life.

Well I’ve just booked myself in for 6 weeks of counselling so I’m hoping that will help.

Yes I do worry that I may be pushing him away because I never wanted a relationship. Although because our experiences are very similar, maybe we are well suited as I wouldn’t want to be with someone who’s been with lots of people either.

Thank you, the only thing I was going to add is I can’t understand why he’d tell me when he’d pursued me and he’d only wanted to be friends so we could date. So why tell a girl you fancy all about your past? and I understand about finding others attractive, you just don’t tell your partner.

To be honest, it just seems to be completely random. I can’t pinpoint exactly what causes it in particular.

Yes I can see that being the case too. In terms of over sharing, he’d told me everything before I had the chance to say anything when we were friends/ just dating so I knew about his past before getting into a relationship with him. He did make a few more comments once we were together too that I didn’t need to know but the stuff he told me before that, I wrote off as him just trying to be open and honest with me.

Thank you for your response. Just to clear up a few things. I don’t have a problem with the one night stand. I have a problem with what he told me about the one night stand, eg. Over sharing information about it. We’re also both in our 20s but I’m a few years younger. Sorry I wasn’t very clear about the web cam thing, he didn’t pay for an online service. He used chatrooms to find random people to talk to online, which he then exchanged pictures/videos with and some of them they had a live video call. I also haven’t had a one night stand, I meant more because our experience is very limited and there’s not much in it. I have had the opportunity to have one on multiple occasions though but always turned them down as it’s not for me. Basically, he’s slept with one other person and I haven’t slept with anyone else. To be really honest, he didn’t even see it as a one night stand and hoped to date the person afterwards but it didn’t work out. He also didn’t finish because he was so nervous so I suppose it wasn’t a very positive memory for him and something he doesn’t remember as being a good thing as he said he felt used afterwards. Just to add, something he was really embarrassed about and didn’t tell me for ages was that he’s never “finished” so to speak with anyone else other than me. Something that at the beginning of our relationship, he let me to believe he had done, which I said he shouldn’t have as I was actually really pleased as it’s something special we share together.

Yes I know what you’re saying. It’s weird, as I was always a very balanced person before meeting my boyfriend so maybe it is to do with me being in a relationship rather than my hormones, I don’t know.

Well we basically lived together for the first 6 months and I didn’t. I’ve still never been tempted to, it’s never crossed my mind really as it’s something I wouldn’t be happy with if he secretly accessed my phone. He also shows me very willingly if I do feel uncomfortable about anything. And yes my period has never affected the way I behave in other situations, I’m very lucky actually as far as my period is concerned. I just wondered if it was linked to my relationship as I’m so regular so I’m able to pick up on which points in my cycle I may be more likely to get upset over something and it does seem to form a bit of a pattern.

It tends to happen depending on how I’m feeling emotionally (personally I think it could be linked to my menstrual cycle but I don’t know for sure) It seems to be every few weeks, unless something happens in particular that triggers a reminder of something. For example, the other day, someone from his past got mentioned in conversation, I think it was me actually who brought it up and then I just spiralled and it caused a disagreement where everything was brought up and it lasted a few days on and off. I would also say there’s no particular location or condition that causes me to remember these things, it just seems to happen randomly.