moodindigo91

Yes, you are correct. We were both out separately with friends and he came to meet me at a bar to go home (his or mine) after. We planned one date together which was our first, after that, he said he wanted to watch this new series on Netflix and we planned a night in at my place with wine and food and we watched the show together. Then after that, basically he would come over like 2-3x a week for about a month. We were not actively planning any dates. I think you're right. I think he was already pretty drunk when he met me at that bar, and when my friend shut him down, he basically figured he didn't have to deal with it and wanted to leave, which I can understand. I still think his reaction was too dramatic.

Maybe. I think he was interested in me but only sexually. He wouldn't have left his friends to meet me at a bar if he had already lost interest IMO. I also don't assume it was only my friend that made him lose interest. That just happened to be the triggering event to the end of our connection. I'm just having a hard time understanding what happened and/or coming to terms with it for some reason. I find it kind of comforting that many people have different takes on here because it makes me feel like my confusion is at least somewhat warranted. At least we have all come to the consensus that his behavior was untoward at the very least lol

I would say if he pays attention to detail then yes. I mentioned her several times in prior convos because she also used to be my legal assistant but recently took a new job. But he was also impaired when he met her. She's also like 10 years older not that that matters much but just in case it adds context.

I did have a crush on him for sure. But I also believe my friend. She told me he wasn't flirting but she could have been oblivious to it. He is definitely not her type at all and she is not the type to hit on men, so I highly doubt she was coming onto him. I think, if anything, she might have said something a little more rude to him than what she is telling me. I'm curious but I also mostly agree that it probably doesn't matter since he hasn't messaged me and clearly wasn't that interested.

Ya, I agree. It's bothering me. But I still don't know if reaching out to him will solve anything. Because even though I think she's not being up front with me, I also think his behavior was concerning. I'm so torn lol

LOL no he is 36. I think someone else was mentioning a woman who was dating men in their 50s. I'm in my early 30s, he is 36.

Thank you! He's 36 but I agree, his reaction wasn't warranted just based on what my friend told me about what happened. I didn't reach out to him for his side of the story... but I feel like he should have offered an explanation. I do also feel unsettled that I am not able to get the full details from my friend. I tend to believe her when she says she doesn't really remember but I do feel like some other words were exchanged. I don't know. You're right that he did not abandon me, I just felt abandoned, it triggered that feeling. We both openly told each other how "into" each other we were often but, we never defined what that meant. To be honest, I'm really not sure what my feelings were toward him. I guess I was just sorting through them when it abruptly ended in what felt like a very dramatic way. This whole experience has got me upside down. Not to mention, I got off that app (where I did not have my full name), and some man I talked to extremely briefly weeks ago on there and never met or gave my number to somehow found me online and called my work number yesterday! I am having the weirdest time with this whole thing LOL

Yeah, it just felt very mutual until that moment. It was one bad experience followed by multiple failed relationships and mistakes. I think I just need to adjust my expectations and take it slow. I don't want to go on dates right now, I just want to find some inner peace.

Yes, I thought this, too. Until I realized he wasn't "dating" me at all lol

Yeah, I am wondering this myself. I think I'm trying to fill a void and I think filling it will make me happy. As the days pass I am realizing I was not really into that guy, I liked the fact that he was there during the times I felt the most lonely and wasn't there when I was busy going about my personal life. I'm off dating apps for now. I'm going to opt to do other things like take classes for now to try to curb my loneliness, and go from there. I think this thread has offered me tremendous insight into myself.

She can't remember, but they were personal, like how old she is, how many siblings, things like that.

Yeah, I mean, there was really never a "choice" between them. I guess I just read that connection entirely wrong, and when that went down I was confused and I don't know. I really did not like him that much, I guess I just liked the idea of him.

I wasn't sure yet. I will say, I was uncertain about a lot of things about him but I guess I was okay with the no-pressure kind of way things were. But his drinking was limited to weekends and he's otherwise sober and responsible. I didn't really see how the drinking could cause issues until Friday 😅 I think you're right, it probably brings out nasty parts of him that I was otherwise unaware of. I can't say I had any real expectations for this connection but I did have some hope. I think my feelings right now have less to do with him personally and more to do with how I feel generally about my love life and the decisions I've made.

For him it was for sure! He drank every weekend from what I could tell.

No, we were drinking on our first date but were not drunk. After that, all the time we spent was sober. The night this all happened, I was drinking with friends and he was drinking with his own friends before we met up. I actually don't drink much at all, just happened to have a lot of social things in a short sitting.