shazad

Thanks all for the advice. I really liked the comments from Alex 39 and Wiseman is not so wise but a grumpy man who is out to bully and be abusive whilst pretending to give advice

Hi This a complex scenario where a female coworker was being pursued by a male colleague. She then started to flirt with me in a way that was obvious to everyone in the office. I presumed it was due to her wanting to get away from the male colleague as I didn't know her that well. A few weeks later she came to me stating she couldn't sleep and couldn't concentrate. I presumed this was related to her having a crush on me as it had happened before to me with another female coworker. I tried to help her and whilst she wanted to do work jointly that didn't make sense as we don't normally work together and our departments are different. I acknowledged as I was trying to help her and also developed feelings for her. I asked her out and she initially said perhaps and after I asked her about her relationship with the male colleague she became upset stating they were friends and would go out for meals as friends. She said that she didn't want to date me and I left it at that.however I've started to have difficulty sleeping and poor concentration that I'm trying to manage whilst avoiding contact with her. I now notice that she is intermittently finding reasons to come to my office and I presume she is afraid of rejection and her insomnia to return. I feel that I perhaps am being used for her to feel better whilst I continue to suffer and the symptoms worsen if she comes to my office (she doesn't need to contact me for her work as we have different departments) as I struggle to contain my feelings and want to get closure one way or another. I do want to be with her as well but I'm afraid that she is going to hurt me more. I have thought about telling her that I'm happy if she is happy and wish the best for whatever decision she makes about being with me or not. I worry that this may backfire and she may take it as rejection and try to spite me by flirting openly with the other colleague . Sorry as there are lot of presumptions due to her not expressing what she wants from me and thanks in anticipation for your help.

Many thanks Batya!!!😀 I will give the 478 breathing a go

Yes thanks I agree😁 lesson learnt the hard way. I guess it was more of her finding ways of doing things together for a few weeks whilst appearing angry and perhaps she wanted to get over her own crush of me

We'll both our sleeping trouble started at the same time and hers was over after I asked her out

Many thanks it's more about finding it difficult to sleep at night. You have rationalised it very well. Perhaps I invested too much on my instinct rather than what she was offering

Hi Im a male and a female colleague was openly flirtatious whilst someone else was pursuing her. I didn't want to be involved in the triangle despite finding her attractive. A few weeks later she came to me saying she couldn't sleep at night and it being related to her daughter. I though she was attracted to me and was over the other colleague. I then asked her out and she said no and is back again with the original person. Now I feel anxious and find it difficult to sleep. Your advice of what to do next will be very helpful. Im trying to avoid them as much as possible but it is proving hard to.