Chris21324

This was in the first weeks when they came to me, asking what happened exactly because they didn't understand and she couldn't explain it to them too. It is no gossiping, just friends who talk about what happened and giving me emotional support. Well at first i was really scared about this, but now i accepted that this will happen. And as long as she is happy with someone else, I can't have anything against it and will just be happy for her. Yes it means i can't have her but it is her decision and i just need to live with it. I will not let jealousy destroy the good connection we have. Ofcourse it is likely that she (or the new bf) will ask not to have contact with me anymore. So be it then, but i will not be the one to pull the plug out of our relation/friendship/connection.

It is what i and our mutual friends think. We don't know what she is thinking or what her reasons really were because she is not able to explain why and how to us. Just a feeling/thought that slipped in her mind and she didn't know how to handle it. Too many doubts about too many things in her life we think

She now turned 21, so we went together when she had just become 18 and i had just become 19. We know each other from our studies, we were in the same group for practical classes. Well it was 7 weeks of exams, 3 weeks of travel with her family and 2 weeks of COVID. The problem was more that in the entire summer she didn't really meet with friends (they left her out of a vacation too). (We don't live far from where we study, so each weekend we return home. Most of the weekends we weren't together because we live like 70 miles from each other and we saw each other then in the week. We both have an appartment in the city where we study so we would live with each other there during the week) I was her first BF. It kinda feels like she wanted to explore what else there is, because she is so young. I am also young but i was happy with what i had and didn't have the urge to go explore things on my own. I wanted to explore the world with her. Maybe it is a kind of fear too (idk), a fear of what if there is more or someone who i can have a better click with? Do i want to settle me for the rest of my life with my first love? It could be a "the grass will be greener somewhere else" reason (idk). The only thing she could say to me was that nothing was wrong with me or our relationship, she said that it was perfect. She said she was the problem, because she didn't know it anymore, she doubted everything (also because of losing friends and having much stress for school). She said she was searching herself again. Yeah, i don't hope for it anymore. I accepted it, it is not worth it to keep hoping for something u don't have in your own hands. She also didn't fight for our relationship, she just gave up. BUT i still like her and have a lot of love for her, so if we can be friends that would be great. Even if it is friendzone, i don't mind. Sure i would love a reconciliation but it is not in my hands and it is not my task to pursue it. You can't always get what you want. We met in university and started being friends. We bonded clicked pretty good and she was the first one who started having feelings (she told me afterwards) and a couple of weeks later i started to get feelings. And one day we were together in a sofa watching something together and then we had "the talk" and told each other we were into each other. We decided to give it a try and soon really fell in love with each other. After a month there was COVID and lockdowns and we didn't see each other physically for 3-4 months. This was really difficult and was like a pretty heavy test for our relationship, but after those 4 months everything was just so great. Everything felt into place and we were so happy with each other. The next 2 years too, but because of COVID and being with me she started putting less time in her friends and her best friend started to ignore her and started making other friends. This was difficult for my ex, because she did want to meet up but because of COVID rules (living in "bubbles") she didn't want to take those risks. Certainly because her friends just had contact with too many people. After covid it stayed difficult and my ex also didn't really want to stay friends with her formerly best friend. But she had not much other friends. I think she was getting too comfortable with me and i have the feeling she now had like realised this because of being left out of that vacation her friends made. Instead of just talk it out with them and talk with me that she needs to put more time in her friendships so there will be less time for me (which i would be completely fine with), she broke up with me and became best friends again with this girl and also rekindled her other friendships. I think the feelings of being left out started to let her doubt about herself and her life and ultimately also our relationship and she didn't know what to do with this doubts. She told me the feelings lessened and didn't want to keep me at the line because she didn't know how her feelings would evolve.

After some weeks of distance new thoughts came into my mind. We were happy, always together and even neglected our friends to just be with each other for almost 3 years. We would rather spend the evening in each others arms instead of going to have some fun with friends and this more than 2 years haha. The past couple of months she started losing some of her friends and they did stuff and vacations without even asking her. Our common friends and i think that the "honeymoon" phase also started to stop for her at the same time and at this same time we also didn't see each other for almost 12 weeks because of exams and family holidays. 2,5 months ago we broke up because her feelings were less. So it was all a bit much in short time. I get the feeling this was a reality shock for her that her feelings were less than usual and that she didn't know what to think about it and she gave the vibe that she thought it was unfair to me to not have those initial butterflies anymore. Also she started to realise she had neglected her friendships and she would like to revive them. (I tried to let her meet more with her friends but she always just wanted to be with me) The last few weeks have also confirmed this since she is now meeting up a lot again with those friends and even older friends. (Her friends also spoke to me and say it is all a bit weird for them. First i was the only one for her and now she is playing besties again with them after a lot of quarrels in the past 2 years.) Is there anything i can do? Anything i can do to let her understand that what she went through is a normal phase of the relationship and that it is all okay? It was her first relationship and she has been in honeymoon-phase for 2,5 years so she doesn't know any better. After 6 weeks of not speaking to each other (because i asked some distance; she wasn't happy with me asking for the distance...) is started texting her again since a couple days. She answers extensively but doens't (yet) initiate anything herself. (I also don't want to push her so i don't send a lot and let go some time between our texts)

Hi everyone I wrote her letter. To tell her everything she meant to me, how much i loved her, why i loved her, what the things are that i know i have to work on,... but also at the end i wrote to let eachother go now if she does not want me back. We were chatting, she was asking how i was doing etc., what my plans are for the holidays... and it was a moment i felt this is a good time to finish my letter and go put in in her letter box. As we were chatting, i did let her know that i wrote something and put it in her box and that i'll always love her. As i was driving back home she called me up, asked me if I could come over. So i went back and was there for 3 hours. She was very happy to see me, she was very happy i wrote her a letter (she didn't read it yet). And then we talked, she had a mental breakdown, started crying. She told me everything became her too much. Life, friends, love and escpecially university. She feels a lot of study pressure and doesn't know what future she wants. She is in a knot with herself and told me she is searching what she wants and who she is. This is also the reason she made an end to us. She needed to go back what she knows best, herself. She wasn't able to love herself, let alone that she was still able to give me love. She needs to focus on herself right now. I told her i understand this completely and that i can wait and support her. But she says she needs to this alone without being influenced by anything. She doesn't want me to wait because she does not know how long it will take her and she does not know how she will stand to our relation after it. She also told me she started thinking: Do i miss him enough? Do i love him enough? Do i give him enough love? during those 12 weeks apart. I told her that this is not necessary, because she was doing so great in our relation, but all the other things were less great. Kinda miserable actually. So yeah we hugged and layed against eachother for 3 hours. I comforted her and also tried to make her laugh again. The vibe and connection between us was still sensible. She also told me she missed me and still loves me but ain't capable of giving love at the moment. It all just became too much for her and she is tangled in her own wires. As it was time to go, i let her read the last page where i say that we must let eachother go completely now for our own mental health. Like that she can fully focus on herself and i can focus on myself and start accepting the situation. She started crying but said she understood. So yeah no contact anymore now. Now she puts more stories on her private ig account, maybe it is to kinda keep me connected, idk. But it will go better i guess. It is all up to her now, to do what she needs to do and figure it all out.

It is not that i demand her to be mine again. I am just trying to find out what went wrong, with me or in her thoughts. Unfortunately, she can't explain me. Is she just trying to figure it out for herself now ? It would be nice for me to know if i did things wrong in the relationship, so that i can work on that. It is just not knowing how and what happened that plays with my mind. Overthinking...

I understand this 100%, but its more like the why's. Why does she not want to go further with me. She says she does not know and that i am not the problem in all this, that it is just her who started to doubt, she does not know why, it was just a feeling at the last weeks of our seperated 12 weeks. She kept thinking about it and the feeling went back multiple times in the weeks after she saw me again. When together it was always great but she told me that it was when i was gone that she did not miss me as usual and this troubled her. She can't explain it to me and that is something difficult to live with, but it is what is, i know that. Maybe one day she will know how to explain but chances are big that that day won't come.

Yeah i know, i questioned this too. The last time we talked physically i also asked her why she hangs out with them again. She told me no to worry and that she knows how they are and what they did, but that they now are treating her good and that she likes it. She told me that she is still careful with it and that she won't let "herself get driven over again by them". As long as she is happy now i suppose. It is really something that i am asking myself too and i can't find a proper explanation, my friends don't understand it either but yeah its her choice ofcourse so can't do anything about it...

This is more because i want to have as much opinions as possible. In my near environment there are people who say i should just let her completely go and others who say that it is good to stay friends and let her have her space and time. It is because of this 2 contrary visions that i want to see what complete strangers and people with much more experience think about it.

It is because of the connection we had. We felt eachother on a great way and had the same goals and interests in life. It is because i feel that we would have a great future together. And yes maybe i am afraid that this was that one relationship that will never be topped again.

It was not our relationship or me that caused the breakup, she told me this explicitly. It is something inside her but she can't really explain it to me. Something changed inside her. She had some tough moments the last couple moments in (problem with her family's dog which made her very sad, friends who backstabbed her for which she was both sad and furious, a university prof who gave bad grades and didn't want to give proper feedback, the competition in the medicine-study) and i tried to be there for her. But maybe it wasn't enough. I think (she did not say this to me) that she started doubting what she wants in life and that she needed to search for herself again. Revive the friendships and also make new friends (because she also knows that these "friends" weren't very sincere with her). Then she started doubting us and this she did tell me, she kept on doubting. The one day she was convinced that we were made for eachother but the other day she could doubt again because she did not miss me like before (which is also a bit normal i guess in a long relationship). I think she did not want to doubt anymore because this made her unhappy, i saw this (a little bit too late though). So she decided to put it to an end, make a decision and stop the doubt, to begin with a fresh start at the new academy year. She puts more effort in her friends again. She seems happy at this moment, so that eases the pain a bit for me. It feels like she made the right decision but i am a lil bit afraid that the blow will come at a later moment for her. But yeah idk, I just hope that she made the right decision and can be happy. I try to let the feelings go now but i am still there for her when she needs me. I know that many find me a doormat like that, but it is my nature to be there for people and to support and help them. (i study medicine for something xp)

idk, i have the feeling she already is over me and that she now just wants to be friendly, to keep me as a friend. I can't say i am totally ready to be just friends cuz i still want a future with her. We started as friends, then later became a couple. I think she wants to back to the friends-part, maybe it is worth a shot in the near future? Idk how i will feel then and how i will feel when she will start dating again. Probably bad though

Doing this would make me think i am a jerk. I know everybody says to cut the ties, but we broke on good terms and to then cut her completely out of my life and block her on everything is something that feels so jerky.

I know that everyone says to block her and not keep contact but we are eachothers resting point and we have a lot of support from each other in the studies. In January we have the last time exams and from February we have internships for 1,5 year. It will be easier to let her go then i guess...

Yeah, i thought this too... I fear for this too. I don't think i can handle something like that. But for now i just want us to be there for eachother, we like eachother, we understand eachother, we know eachother struggles and strong points so for now i think i can handle communicating with eachother. I also know that she is not open for dating anymore this year (she told me + she wants to focus on herself and the university). But in 2023 this will change and then i will have to see what i can handle...