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Everything posted by waffle
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I don't know if this trend towards sexting is normal, but it's certainly common. 😐 I remember talking to a guy several years ago (real life friend, sort of. We are no longer in contact) who was getting a divorce. One of the first things he did was take multiple pictures of his package because he'd need them for when he did online dating. He wanted to have them ready to send. He really thought this was part of his prep work, sort of like running copies of the agenda for a business meeting you're attending--it's just what you do. I said nothing. Let him find out on his own. (He did get remarried last I heard. So maybe said package was/is more impressive than I was imagining)
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Is it wrong to make intimacy a priority in your relationship?
waffle replied to Alittlehelpplz's topic in Relationship Advice
By "intimacy" I assume you mean "sex." Those terms are not interchangeable but the vast majority of people use them that way. -
Your rules, while not uncommon in situations like this, are unenforceable. How do you legislate someone else's feelings? You can't. You also have no control over someone else's condom use. I'm not saying don't keep the lines of communication open. But recognize the risks. Sort of reminds me of that '70s song "Fooled Around and Fell In Love."
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The only relationship reading I ever did that actually resonated with me was Why Men Love B!tc#3s.
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I found out my boyfriend hid his felony charge from me
waffle replied to Minipic132's topic in Relationship Advice
I don't think I asked this yet but . . . Are these charges or convictions? Although at this point it may not really matter in relationship terms as this guy is clearly not a good choice for a partner. -
I found out my boyfriend hid his felony charge from me
waffle replied to Minipic132's topic in Relationship Advice
What's the felony for? -
OLD ain't a Disney movie. Far from it.
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This is one of the many reasons why OLD is unsuccessful for most. It's easy to become desensitized to it all and adopt the "abundance mindset" which encourages daters to treat the profiles and the people behind them as simply numbers (hence the "it's a numbers game" statement we read here a lot) and not view them as individuals or even humans. They're just an object to evaluate. Many claim the whole process is dehumanizing and this is why. If you don't instantly feel . . . something (even if that something is temporary and deceptive). . . then it's super easy to just dispose of them and put them back into the pile and start swiping again looking for fresh meat before you even leave the parking lot. Because there are hundreds if not thousands more where this one came from. Not that you will or should be compatible with most that you meet, because you won't be, but that "meh" feeling should perhaps be taken as a warning sign that your approach and your expectations could use some adjusting and/or your criteria is flawed.
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The spark will burn out, as evidenced by OP's failed past relationships. I wonder how different things would be if we focused on compatibility instead and let attraction build.
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For me, the "spark" or "attraction" is/are only useful in ONS situations.
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Ummmm . . . ?? 🙄
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My xH in the final years we were married had a phone (we're talking flip phones at this point) but refused to text at all even when it really could have been beneficial. I would sometimes ask "why didn't you text/call me when such and such happened?" and he would say "I don't know your number." I would try to give it to him and he didn't' want it. He would also always keep his phone off so I couldn't' reach him. But he was anti-communication in general so this was no big surprise.
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I would say neither. I think it's an inevitable result of being online on dating sites where the mode of communication is email/messaging. Couple that with people who, as I said, are more concerned with getting attention than they are dating, and digital mode(s) of communication become ultra-important because it's how they gauge their own desirability. I had sort of hoped that with communication being typed out instead of spoken, that peoples' spelling would become better. For example, people would pay more attention to what they're writing and take care to use the correct forms of to, too and two, or your and you're, etc. I didn't find that to be true during my brief stint on dating sites, much to my chagrin.
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Shortly after I filed for divorce, the court required xH and I to attend a session on how to co-parent. There was a STRONG focus on not using the kids as weapons. Too bad the Daughter in this case was not required (it sounds like) to attend a class like this as I think she could've learned something from it. I, too, would have a hard time participating in--and encouraging--this behavior as it almost guarantees you will have more of it and are creating an opening for spoiled brat behavior anytime the daughter gets a poop crosswise. Yet it's hard to not see the grandchildren too, I would imagine (not being a grandma myself). So I see both sides of it.
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A by-product of dating sites. When the mode of communication at the outset is screen-based, and many (most?) people on those sites are only looking for attention anyway, there's really no way to get around it.
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He is still on Tinder after confronting him
waffle replied to Irakotka's topic in Relationship Advice
Yes. The sooner the better. -
Either way it's a jerk move because it isn't socially acceptable to "dump" someone after sex either so between the two options it's easier (for him) to just disappear. That way he doesn't have to deal with potential drama. I'm sure he assumes she'll just get the hint. Besides, the uncertainty leaves the door open. If he at some point decides he wants to go there again, he can reach out and use the "I was busy" excuse.
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There are advantages to both. Advantages to being single and advantages to being coupled-up. For example, for me, one advantage to being single is that I can watch TV in my bed at 3;00 a.m. if I want, and/or I can have a bowl of cereal for dinner if I want and don't have to worry about making sure someone else is fed and consider what it is that they want, etc. Advantages to being coupled can include financial (an extra income), companionship, help getting stuff down from the top shelf, lifting and carrying heavy things, stuff like that. That's how I look at it. I don't really subscribe to all the other hooey.
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Something else you could do . . . Next time she texts him and you're in the car and it comes up on his nav screen that he has a text from her, ask him to play the message out loud.
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This approach has always worked for me.
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Anyway, no, as has been already pointed out, she is not a "stalker", she is an active participant in a relationship of some sort with him. So if he wasn't truthful about that, what else might he not be truthful about?
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Does this make sense?
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Thanks for sharing.
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I have observed the same.
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But what if it's a handsome guy who is smart and interesting and not selfish or self-centered? What then? Just because someone is good-looking doesn't automatically mean they are an awful person.