waffle

There were times when my kids were young that I wished I had help, but (and don't take this the wrong way, I'm not being snarky) it didn't really occur to me that I was owed any help from anyone. Whenever I was heading off to the hospital to have another baby, we put the existing kids in the backseat and took them with us and put them in the waiting room upon arrival at the hospital, while we headed off to the delivery room (my last child was born less than 10 minutes after arriving at the hospital so they didn't have a long wait. I did not make it to the delivery room and I have never seen medical personnel move so fast in my whole life). Once when I broke my ankle I asked my mother to come watch the kids so I could go to the emergency room for x-rays, but she said she couldn't come for a few days (she was local, about 20 minutes away) because she had some shopping to do . . . she needed a new sweatsuit among other things. So I walked on a broken ankle for a couple days. I survived. My in-laws occasionally helped out but mostly they wanted to be available to watch my nieces and nephews for my sisters and brothers in law. This is because my then-H and I were the responsible ones and therefore the other kids needed the help more. So I don't know. I was the one my mother called when she needed something, and I always helped out. I'm not sure if I should have or not, she's gone now . . . and I'm very happily divorced so the in-law thing is not an issue anymore. Somehow it all worked out.

Oh hell no. Definitely get yourself a mental health eval to see why you're desperately clinging to this man and this situation.

I guess? I'm going to have to check my phone but a friend from high school said back in January "we should get together for lunch" . . . and I texted her sometime in early March (?) asking when would be a good time. She answered me after two weeks apologizing for the delay and asking me if weekends or weekdays work better? I answered fairly quickly--I think the next day--and said maybe a weekday evening . . . it's been several weeks and I've heard nothing but I'm not stressing, she'll answer when she can. If she never answers, I move on with my already very full life. My phone is just sort of an accessory. I place very little importance on it or my communications on it. Half the time I can't even find it.

Maybe I'm just old (I'm 50+ also) but it seems to be a sign of the times rather than a young person's issue to judge the quality of a relationship by your phone activity and the amount of time it takes to contact you.

I can give you the names of men who married based on "attraction" who are now in an efficiency apartment eating Ramen while their paycheck goes to the hottie ex who is now with someone else.

What specifically is it about her appearance that doesn't meet your standards?

What is the measurement of "half" cute?

He always has the choice not to read it (or "unfriend" or "unfollow" you or whatever) if it offends his delicate sensibilities. This is his problem, not yours.

I would not tell her that. I think that puts too much pressure on someone you barely know, like they are (meaning she is) now somehow responsible for your happiness. Less is more, early on. I really like your approach about including her in a group setting first. Take it slowly and focus on getting to know her (which you seem to be doing) and keep being pleasant to her without being pushy, and I think you'll have a much higher chance at "success" (however we're going to define "success" here).

It's still relatively early where I'm at. If you jump online right now you could secure a date by later this evening.

This was going to be my answer too.

Hell my first name is four letters, one syllable, and while it's (usually) pronounced correctly, it is spelled wrong at least 75% of the time. If I had a name with any difficulty no one would ever get it right. It annoys me but I've had to let it go. It's because people are way too wrapped up in themselves to care anything about your preferences. Just smile and nod and move along.

And there's your answer.

Why are you participating in this?

What should they post instead? Memes?

That's the one. I recently rediscovered it and had forgotten how much I love it. (I'm also kind of obsessed with Shaun Morgan. And also Metallica's James Hetfield. Not necessarily in that order)

I would recommend not being indirect hoping they will take a hint. Most of the time they will not. I recently asked a guy out with what is so far huge success. I had some inside information that he already liked me at least on some level so I wasn't going into it "cold" plus I've known him for three years--we're part of the same friend group. The downside is I suddenly realized I was more invested than I should've been at that point--in my defense though, I haven't been even remotely interested in anyone in over six years so I totally forgot how to do this. Consequently I was a bit scared of a "no" response, far more than I should've been. Nevertheless I took a deep breath and did it anyway because this is a great guy and I sense we are highly compatible, and therefore the potential reward was worth the risk, and if I get my heart shattered I'll just listen to Seether's "Broken" on continuous loop and cry myself to sleep for a few weeks . . . but then I'll pick myself up and move along because that's really the only choice you have. I've walked that path before. It's still early of course (approximately two months) but he has taken the lead and asked me out every subsequent time (and he insists on paying), and he sent roses to my office for Valentine's Day. I am smitten. So I'd just say if you decide to do it, don't wait too long. For the reasons I outlined above, plus I find that -- for me -- the more I think about it the more nervous I get. It's better to just do it. Good luck with whatever you decide. 🙂

Why were you so desperate to have sex with him? It's well within his rights to say no.

I would not live with someone without being married, but that's just me.

I'd like to hear more about this.

I actually know a guy who is short and skinny who will ONLY date BBWs. It does happen.

Don't buy into this excuse. It is a choice pure and simple. His problem is he lacks impulse control (not to mention maturity), not that he's "visual." 🙄 Biggest B S excuse out there.

I actually understand your concern. I am actually turned off by men who seemingly bed every woman they meet (and I can't be the only one who is), because who wants to be just one more notch on a bedpost at the end of the day? It's the same concept IMO.

Perhaps. At any rate, regardless of reasons real or perceived, ten years was way too long for this to go on--I think we can agree on that much. I really liked @Andrina's comments here: Like anything, it takes time to heal and there are no shortcuts to that. And if you don't learn a lesson from that experience, you will repeat the same pattern. That would mean that if you're interested in a man, you don't let more than two months go by without finding out if dating is in the picture or not. If he doesn't ask, either you do or you don't, and then move on if he's not interested. Getting an answer should be your goal. Making yourself temporally vulnerable is far less egregious than wasting a decade on someone who doesn't share your interest. And no longer be close buddies with a guy you want more with. Stick to female friends. This will ensure you're fully emotionally free to bond with a guy who has asked you out. I would absolutely employ this going forward.

That's how I see it too. A four-year relationship over just like that? Doesn't seem all that solid to me.