waffle

I get it. Sort of. I really think that at the end of the day whatever helps you (meaning the OP) put things in their box, put it on a shelf, and move along mentally, there's no harm in believing what makes sense to you regardless of whether or not it's technically accurate. There may of course be other reasons but they don't matter--at this point it is pure speculation. He said he wants someone to "look down on" and his actions reflect that. Were I the OP I'd go with it and take steps to get past it (which is really the only option she has anyway).

Sounds like overthinking. I always take things at face value until proven different. Men really do (in general) tend to date/marry down the social ladder. This guy has specifically said that's what he's doing. It's less so in modern times, admittedly, but the "social ladder" is still there for the most part. If the guy at the local Burger King drive-thru sees me drive up in my expensive car, unless he's running an agenda he's going to think twice (plus I'm old enough to be his mother). A guy driving up in an expensive car and flirts with the girl at the window, entirely different situation. Facts.

This works like magic.

Unclench, people. By "too good" I'm referring to the above, and that's also why I put it in quotes.

This is a whole lot more common than you might think. I'm sorry you spent ten years on this. In all that time you never suspected this side of him? I am thinking that you weren't quite as good of friends as you wanted to (or were led to) believe. I will part ways with some posters here and say it was a GOOD thing you asked why he never considered you. The answer isn't always easy to hear but it can ultimately help you on your journey to get over him faster, knowing that there really was nothing you could've done differently. You were "too good" for him. Take comfort in that and when you're ready you can set out to find someone who wants an equal partner.

That's very generous of you to give her permission. With your perfect body and winning personality I don't understand why you can't get the hottest supermodel out there. I hear Gisele Bundchen (sp?) is available. She, on the other hand, needs to lose weight/get healthy FOR HERSELF and not to make some guy happy. I will say that every time I have seen a woman lose weight, she ends up finding a better man.

Big-Fennel, if I were you I'd try the above approach. It's short, simple, and doesn't put her on the spot or pressure her for any kind of immediate answer. You will have made your intentions clear, and she has some time to consider it. I'd do it in person rather than over text or even over the phone. But that's just me.

Sure. Every time I've ever heard (or read, here) of a person not "going for it" and look for the reasons why, I always scan for the word Fear. And it is there 100% of the time. This is not a criticism, by the way. I've already said I admire your attitude towards this.

You know what? I like this. Your whole paragraph but particularly the bolded. You show a maturity beyond your years and a resilience that will take you far.

And there it is. 😐

Why am I not surprised this clown has been married multiple times and even his current wife is not happy? His next few wives probably won't be happy either. 😐 A guy would only say to me once "I wish I was still with my second wife" and I'd be out that door before he finished his sentence.

Thanks for the update.

That was an "in the moment" thing, like, you were his right then. Which is true, I guess, you were "his" at that very moment. If you ask him about it now he may or may not remember saying that.

*sigh* I might have to agree with this after all.

You'd be amazed.

I'll just refer back to the above.

= yes, staying with him.

This has absolutely nothing to do with your age. It has everything to do with your clueless man.

And yet you have a 14-year-old daughter. How did that happen?

Sounds like he's figured out that it's his kids that don't like the evil stepmother figure. There's more to this situation.

And when you do have the kids, what happens then?

Prison record for attempted murder, combined with admitted anger issues? Hard pass right there.

And yet somehow you seem to not know why . . .

This is literally the least of your problems here. And frankly, his interest in other women was not "new found" trust me. Frankly if I were you I'd be thankful to get rid of him and gladly let him pursue those other women, and I'd get myself to a therapist posthaste to try and figure out why my man-picker is so incredibly off. If you suffer from anxiety from past trauma, then what about this guy seemed like a safe guy to be with? Under those circumstances this is the exact sort of guy you need to stay far, FAR away from.

Actively choosing to be poor and then complaining about being poor aren't going to help you. If you can't afford basic necessities, then your focus needs to be on that and not on dating. Unless your motivation is to find someone to provide the financial help you seem to need.