Derek

I like that idea: "be cozy with someone forever"

Godess4ever, I am attracted to how well spoken you are and how you are clearly intelligent and well read. Does that make me a real man or an effeminate man or something? We can't win for trying... P.S. The nature/nurture debate can be argued both ways. Even after "modern" psychology has experimented on children in the western world since the 1970s, they still can't seem to eliminate the gender biases. Girls are "girly" without any help from nurture. Sure you can give a girl more choices, but the sad (or not?) thing is that they choose the Barbie of their own volition. Same with boys and trucks. All we have that is different in today's society now is more freedom of choice. What is kind of ironic is some women feel betrayed by the promises of 70s feminists with how their lives are in reality today. Men and women both seem to be less content than ever. Is too many choices a bad thing? Anyway, there are clear differences in the sexes, how they handle language and spacial tasks and other things.

lol, Of course, guys would prefer someone with a balance in between. But you asked which to choose. I was thinking for a first pass I would choose the Ice Queen and see if I could melt her. While the Needy Girl would probably always be needy. But as I thought of it some more, maybe if you loved the Needy Girl like she loved you, then she would blossom and become more independent. But if neither ever had the possibility of change, I guess settling for the Needy Girl would be an uncomfortable but livable option.

ROFL, Breasts are overrated. When the girl with the big boobs from highschool gets over a certain age, they are gonna be hanging around her waist. Especially if she has children. I think attrativeness is about how a woman carries herself, her self confidence, her self esteem. You can tell if she knows who she is and where she is going. Sure, she may have some vulnerable parts, but if she is open and honest enough to communicate that, it shows she has courage to face them anyway. Being able to communicate about stuff that matters is cool. Alot of people can talk alot, but not everyone actually *says* anything. When a person acts confident, they can look you right in the eye (eye contact) they can talk to you about anything (communicate) and they aren't afraid of a little mutual touch (comfortable in their own skin). Most people aren't confident out of the box, so you gotta "fake it until you make it". Pretend to be confident until eventually you are!

Jarupa, dude, you're not gonna win any friends nor get any nooky with that kinda talk... How about you rephrase that to say something like: Women tend to be more influenced by their instincts and feelings which can be a good and bad thing. Men tend to forget their instincts and other factors and focus on one thing which makes them miss things sometimes. You know, men forget to think of stuff like, "if I attack Iraq, what will all my friends think of me the next day". BTW, I agree that men and women want very similar things, such as real intimacy, meaningful connection, 100% trust, friendship and other practical matters in life. But I thought to remind women that men are really alot simpler than your girlfriends, they don't have to be fed drama to live happily. Men can sustain themselves on only a few comforts for a long time...

I saw some posts recently, and it seems clear to me that women are reading too deeply between the lines of men's behaviour. Men can be deep when they need to, but when it comes down to it, men are really simple creatures to please in relationships. They have simple needs like a good sex life, they like good food, they like being financially secure and having low stress. You help a man meet those needs and they'll be yours forever.... Women can't seem to accept that it can be that simple... They think there must be more to it, as if guys must be covering something... Just a thought,

Life is too short. Ask the dude out to a coffee or drink or casual whatever, outside the office. If he is such a nice guy, then he won't be offended if you read the signals wrong and the friendship will not be messed up because he's so understanding right? But my guess is he is nice guy that is not sure where he stands with the girl on the rebound so he is too scared to risk rejection on the nice girl. So you need to do the first risk for him, he can take care of the rest.

I think men and women want the same basic thing. Unconditional intimacy. Not just the physical part, but the emotional, intellectual and spiritual intimacy. That can mean another person that accepts them as they are, faults and all, and in spite of knowing almost everything about them, loves them anyway. Loves them more than they love themselves. Intimacy means growing together. Helping each other become better and more whole people in a loving way not a critical way. Fulfilling the best parts of each other. Total vulnerability without fear of being rejected. It is a kind of thing that takes more guts than merely making woopie in the backseat. That kind of intimacy builds over the years. You see older couples that begin to look and act like each other. They seem to know what the other feels with mere glances. They feel each other's pain. One may pass away and the other dies soon after... But people are human, they hold back a little something, or they use a little piece of information in a negative way and now the intimacy becomes conditional, becomes something to use against each other, now the vulnerability becomes a weakness and the two partners pull back because they could be hurt. So it is never a complete intimacy. We can never totally know each other's hearts and minds. We have this physical barrier and language barrier that muddles the waters between us that relationships have to overcome. It is up to us to find a partner that is willing to fight through life's muddy waters and the shadows of misunderstandings so we can fall into each other's arms and find each other as best we can everyday. I hope she's out there for me someday...

"A lady in the street and a freak in the bed." - Lil' John / Usher "Ye-ah" otherwise known in other circles as the "Virgin(Madonna)/Wh*re Complex". link removed*re+complex

yes, men feel... They may not express it like women want though. Perhaps guys that are upset would go chop wood or go for a walk and stew, maybe the ladies would talk to their friends, or go garden or shop or something. And vice versa sometimes I bet. Though it is a very rare thing for a guy to tell his friends his weaknesses. He'd go out to watch a game or play poker with friends or something, but doubtful he's say anything about feelings, he'd probably only say that stuff to his woman if at all. Yes the stereotypes of guys and girls are still around. What I find interesting is how even girls are looked down on if they are too girly too. Guys are looked down upon if they are too girly or too macho too. Seems to be confusing times these days. Why can't people be free to be themselves?

Dude, she's already taken it nice and slow... Doesn't there come a time when you have to take a step out? She knows he's not a psycho and he seems to be genuine, so I think she should risk telling him what she feels, see if he's willing to explore the same as she is. If not, well the friendship won't be exactly the same, but it will likely still be there. She's got to be honest with herself first though. But it sounds like she's come around and is letting herself be honest.

How about "I am really proud of you." about something important...

There are other options than "intercourse" to show love... Your reasons aren't that compelling... Naturally, two people in love (forming a pair bond) want to get closer and the animal part of ourselves wants to go "all the way" and make like the Discovery channel. But aren't people more than mere animal instincts? Wouldn't we want to try for the ideal instead of accepting second best? Here is a positive point of view: If you want to have the best sex possible, it is generally found in a committed long time relationship with complete trust and honesty allowing for deep communication and connection on every level. Especially for woman, joining their bodies, emotions, spirits, minds together with their partner is a whole person thing, they don't disconnect it all like guys tend to be able to do (though guys fool themselves sometimes). Many people call a committed long time relationship with complete trust and honesty ... marriage. Why not wait for the best? Ask people that had sex before they felt ready, they usually were disappointed, especially women. Usually they just "got it over with". Kinda sad. Here is the negative point of view: So if you do have sex, are you willing to do all the precautions and talk about all the things you need to? Like what happens if you become pregnant from the first time? Adoption, abortion or marriage? What birth control are you and he going to use, condoms may not be enough... You asked your doctor about pre-stretching your hymen? You talked to your doctor about this stuff right? You asked about his previous partners, do you know if he is disease free? If you can't talk and handle all those issues as a couple, then maybe you aren't ready to be responsible about sex, let alone have sex.

Doh, working together 24/7 .... He might be as interested in your body as the furniture, like a brown leather chair, no matter how buff and tight it is. The hunter without prey is a pathetic creature indeed. Part of it is his problem, he should rediscover you and ease off on the p0rn.

because of hope, hope that there is more to life than what we see because of hope that things will be different this time... because they are closest to us and human beings are human and make mistakes. because of fear, and one way around the fear is to realize the answer to question number one, we all will die, so why not live now? because the grass is greener on the other side, once we have them, they don't satisfy. You have to wonder, if what we see in life is all there is, or if there is something more to that we can't see ... i.e God?

I was thinking, and this is probably bad advice, but whatever, imagine if the next day you walk up to her and give her a sly smile and say, "Hi there, so the other day I got this cute girls' phone number, but now I am trying to figure out how soon I should call her or what. Like, I was all nervous because I don't wanna mess it up. I trust you, so do you think most girls would think I was too eager if I called her in one day or should I wait for three days before I called her? " And she says blah blah... "So if I called up this girl and she was nice and remembered who I was and stuff, should I just decide what place to go to or do you think I should ask her for what she'd like first?" She says, blah blah... And you go, "So do you think this girl would be allergic to mini-putt golf? She seems quite athletic, she lifeguards and stuff y'know?" and so on... =) BTW, it's bad advice, but I would think it would be funny.

The same way you get the guts to jump off the high diving board into the pool. Mentally trick yourself into thinking it's safe... Pretend you've already done it before. Pretend you already know her. Pretend she's been your friend a long while. Pretend she's someone else, to get over the first bit.

"Hi there, I notice we're on the same bus alot and I was curious about you, my name is _____, what's yours?". (with a friendly smile) It matters more how you say it than what you say at first...

What is so wrong with being the fool for love? I have heard that girls like it when a guy sticks his neck out and even looks like an idiot on behalf of her. (Like guys that get dressed up in crazy get-ups or do crazy stunts in front of crowds to get them to marry them or whatever) Why not? What's to lose? That people know you like her now? So what? That's a good thing isn't it? Girls generally love it when they are picked out of a crowd of other girls as "The Chosen One".

Ash is right on. I'll try to describe some more and test if I am on the right track... Over the love making time (say 20+ minutes of foreplay (cuddling/kissing/massaging to start with), a woman would be getting more and more "hot and bothered". Her mind has to get in the mood a lot more than a guys (his can turn on in seconds) Basically your vagina starts to "sweat" and gets wet with lubrication in preparation for the "doing the nasty" part you were talking about, otherwise known as intercourse. Nipples get harder. Red flush over the chest below the neck. (blood circulation) The entire body is more sensitive to touch and is very awake and aware. (adrenaline) Person feels less pain. (endorphins). Your entire body may start to perspire as well from the increasing excitement. Heart is pumping faster. Your brain and body are all "turned on". Now... the orgasm part, generally the woman would reach the peak of excitement after the build up mentioned before and suddenly she'll feel most of her body's muscles tense and then she would likely have a few uncontrollable muscle spasms in the vagina and perhaps other muscles too, then perhaps a few waves of pleasant feelings passing over her from head to toe. She might feel dizzy. She'd hear her heartbeat in her ear. (other sounds get blocked out from the blood pressure) She'd feel that nothing else exists in the world but right now. Then feelings of relief would wash over. Complete relaxation. Everything would feel lifted. Contentedly tired, like after a good work out at the gym. Now for women they are still in an excited state and could build up again to the climax for a second go within 5 minutes if they wanted to, while guys may take 30 minutes to many hours to be able to climax again. The thing that is different about girls versus guys is the guys tend to have a powerful climax then immediately (1-2 minutes) come down off the high and feel so relaxed they can fall into a deep sleep soon afterwards. While women come down after the climax but they take 10-15 minutes to ease out of the excited state, which explains why women really need to have post cuddle time =) Best way for a woman to have an orgasm is to do it to herself with self-stimulation. But the next best option might be for the guy to be a man and use oral and hand stimulation on his girl until she is satisfied. Just take a night and say tonight is for the woman and he is to be her love slave and do everything she wants. His satisfaction is not even considered for a while. No expectations are on the woman, she can be completely relaxed, she doesn't have to do or perform anything. It's in a warm comfortable state like that that may let the woman be free to let her self go completely.

scop, Dude, you've got to get back to taking care of yourself, the women will take care of themselves. Making yourself a better man, a better person, through new interests, doing what interests you, taking charge of your own stuff, being self-made will help you find yourself, and the fall out from that is that women will be interested in what you are about. Maybe like learning to ride a motorcycle and then buying one or surfing or skiing or skating or blading or running or canoeing or being in a band or writing a fiction book at a writing class or building stuff for a charity or volunteer group. Or skydiving, or maybe off road mountain biking or horse back riding or paintball or swimming or whatever floats your boat. Once you are doing some of these things and you have the attitude that you don't have a care about what women think... then they'll be all over you my friend. A strange paradox indeed. What does it mean to be a man these days anyway?

hmm, - Something I've heard is, girls with mustaches have a much better sex life than others because of that extra jolt of testosterone. ... makes for a witty comeback if someone stupid makes fun of it. - Maybe try a drama class or working as a waitress or other "outgoing" jobs where you might have to come out of your shell a bit and work with people. - Go to various church events to find people with similar backgrounds.

I think you are totally normal. For alot of women, sex is not the priority that the media/society and men seem to have. A previous poster was right, the media and advertising actively attempt to make us feel that we are missing something, and if we buy their product, then we will finally reach ultimate happiness. Remember the ads and articles in magazines are to sell the product (cars/music/movies/make-up/cigarettes/alchohol/sex) or the magazine/website/newspaper itself. The ads don't exist to make you happy, they exist to make you feel sad and inadequate compared to their fantasy, thus making you buy their product. Sounded like you read alot, so I wonder if you ever were interested in romance novels or even just character driven stories with complex relationships. There is more to life than the physical parts.

hmm, I don't know everything by any means, but I find it interesting to try to better understand the differences between men and women. That makes alot of sense to me that you would want to talk it out to get calm, while he wants to stop talking to get calm. Likely a compromise between both approaches is the best path. Talking something to death isn't good either. But I can understand that you would feel cut off, you might feel like your opinion didn't count to him, perhaps feeling belittled, that he was trying to only talk on his terms and in his time and not allow you to express yourself the way you want. There is some good info out there on how to "Fight Fair" in relationships. Guys sometimes think that "talking" isn't "doing" anything about the issues. But they have to realize that talking itself is an act of "doing", for women especially.

You asked about how to ask him if he loves you. 1. Use a word picture or visual examples to show how you feel rather than accusing or criticizing. Using 2. I've heard people say to phrase things with "I" statements, like "I feel" "I feel ___________ When you _______ because _________" I feel ignored when you don't talk to me. etc.