Cheeky_DeeDee

Thanks for the advice! Its just so hard to communicate with him! He is a dream man in so many ways but he's ALWAYS with his friends or has other plans and I'm never going to get to know him if I hardly spend time with him though am i?! I've mentioned this to him & he understood but he really hasnt made any changes.. I hadnt seen him all week as he had other commitments so he promised he would come get me last night at a certain time but he was over an hour late as he decided to go with his friend to do something beforehand & took his time.. Might sound like unnecessary whinging however, I had been ready & waiting for ages & really lookin forward to seeing him!

Hi everyone - this is my first 'personal' post & I am not sure even where to start.. Sorry if its a bit too long.. thought I needed to put in a bit of background.. Well, here goes... I was with my ex for 4 yrs (2 of those spent living togethor).. We split up last year as our relationship wasnt really going anywhere anymore & we were both miserable. It was kind of mutual, but to be honest I didnt really have a choice, as it was obvious that he didnt want us to be togethor anymore & he had told me that he had no intentions of getting married to me or having children with me in the future... I promptly moved out of his house and back to my parents.. I suppose I didnt feel as bad as I should have felt but I think its because I expected it & I longed to be free of him as I was so unhappy at the time. I couldnt do the 'No Contact' thing as I worked with him so for five days a week I had to put up with it & see him constantly - it was pure hell as I thought I missed him (now I realise that I actually missed the 'routine').. Its been over a year now since we split up, we still work togethor & we are now talking properly (as 'work friends') as we no longer feel anything for each other - he is now in a relationship & so am I! It took me a year to feel ready to have a boyfriend, as I was scared of going through the same sort of emotional pain with someone else. I decided to stick with my close friends & not get emotionally attached to anyone in particular, simply have fun! It worked for a while but when I least expected it I met someone that literally swept me off my feet! I've been with my new partner for about 3 months now & all seems to be going rather well as he is very different from my ex & he is really affectionate. The problem is that I can see that the relationship I had with my ex has affected me in several ways... My ex cheated on my a few times whilst we were togethor (& some whilst we were on a 'break') so I certainly have trust issues - the mad thing is that I know that the man I am with at the moment would never do that to me as he is far to open & honest! Still, I find myself becoming a bit of a green-eyed monster at times but so far I've been able to control myself & he hasnt even noticed! Another issue is with myself as my ex had said some rather hurtful things to me when we were togethor & its hard to simply let go of them, thereforeeee I'm rather conscious at times & not as carefree as I would like to be! I cant stop 'comparing' certain things about my new partner with my ex & its actually alright as I can see how different they really are so it should be a breath of fresh air but on the other hand I am not sure how to 'deal' with my new partner! He is laid back when my ex wasnt, he's not vain whereas my ex was, he compliments me whereas my ex didnt etc etc.. My new boyfriend has quite a busy schedule; work, clubs, fitness, friends, etc and so I dont really see him as often as I would like and sometimes feel like a second priority - we had a chat about this the other night & he apoligised & agreed not to make any plans last night so that we could spent some quality time togethor. The problem I have is that I cant seem to communicate properly with my new boyfriend as I get embaressed and shy when I realise I need to have an in depth chat with him about something or other - he is quite an innocent, sort of shy, naive guy (the sort that asks "are you fine?" and us women answer "yeah" in the most unconvincing tone EVER but they simply smile & say "ok thats ok then"... rather that push us for an answer!!).. I never had this problem with my ex as he was really easy to talk to about serious stuff but now I feel as if im sounding paranoid/unreasonable/acting like a drama queen, etc if i try to open up to my current boyfriend! HELP!

WOW, thanks to everyone for their replies! The main reason why I've asked this particular question is because I am really confused at the moment! To cut a long story short, I was with ym ex for 4 years however, we split up last year - it was kind of mutual as we were both miserable & arguing a lot but it still tore me apart.. Took me a year to even contemplate being in a relationship because I was scared of going through all that pain and anguish again! I am now in a relationship though.. During my single year I was a complete Ice Maiden as i wanted no-one to get 'too near' & now I've turned into a sort of Needy Girl.. What's driving me crazy is that why do men chase after Ice Maidens (like my current boyfriend chased me before we got togethor) but once they have you & you start to WANT to spend time with him, etc he back off?

Hi there! Thanks for the reply - I know exactly what you mean and thanks for adding your own comments to the definitions, as I wasn't sure how much detail to include in my post! So guys, take into account RayKay's comments plz!!

I simply would like to know what men prefer.... DEFINITIONS Ice Maidens - Adopts the policy of 'Treat them mean, keep them keen" , are often 'cold' and distant towards people, proves to be a challenge, mysterious, hates public displays of affection, don't make themselves too available & are often busy, etc Needy Girls - Are usually available & if they're not they will cancel plans for their partner, are very affectionate even in public places, generous, always remembers small insignificant details about people to show them how much they care, etc Now I just know you are all going to answer "Needy Girls" (or tell me that you'd like a happy medium - but that doesnt count for this so tough); This will certaintly be the case for girlfriend material simply because of qualities such as the fact that they are affectionate, cuddly, generous, sweet, blah blah blah.. I have quite a few male friends and they all claim that they LOVE a challenge, women that aren't upfront and in their faces, women who have an air of mystery about them... They are all describing a typical Ice Maiden... Anyone care to clarify things for me as I am TOTALLY confused now..?

Just read through your post & felt incredibly sadddened because you have obviously gone through a lot recently! As others have already mentioned, your ex is unstable & she has a lot of issues which only she can resolve, and thats only if she puts her mind to it as no-one will be able to force her to do anything she's not willing to do.. You sound like a lovely bloke & you should really go with 'No Contact' as I certainly believe its the way forward after a painful breakup! You deserve to be happy so go out there and make new friends, plan a holiday with your friends to a place where you've always wanted to go, etc! Dont sit at home thinking about her every night; you need to keep yourself busy and you will discover soon that things will start to look up again & more importantly you will have your life back.. Take care xx

I went through a break up last year (after 4 yrs of being togethor).. It was kind of mutual as we both knew that things werent as they ought to be & we were both pretty miserable under the circumstances.. After just 3 months, my ex started seeing someone & it really did hurt me (alot..) but he is the kind of person that tends to go from one relationship to another without a second thought so I should have seen it coming.. On the other hand, I took a year to commit.. I wasnt cooped up at home the entire time, far from it!! I went out loads & made new friends and during that time I dated a few men as well, which gave me a great boost to my confidence! I wasnt ready for the whole relationship thing though as there were issues I wanted to sort out about myself, learn how to be more independent & not have to rely on anyone to make me happy & i truly wanted to learn from the mistakes I had made in the past.. I am now happy to say that I'm in a relationship and I am so glad i waited this long to commit as I could have never done it before; not with a clear head & an open heart - I was far too bitter for that & it would have immediately ruined my chances with the guy i've met.. It all depends on the individual though - if you meet someone who you KNOW is worthwhile & you feel ready then give it a go as you might end up regretting it if you decide to turn your back.. Only you can decide whether you are ready or not!!

Oh god there are soooo many.... but they are worth a giggle!! "You must be great at fishing becoz you caught me hook, line & sinker!" "If you were a hamburger at McDonalds you'd be called McGorgeous!" "You bring a new meaning to the word edible.." "Would you like to try an Australian kiss? Its just like a French kiss but down under?" (and yes that guy DID get a well deserved slap..) "So what are the chances we can engage in anything more than just a conversation..?" "How many drinks will it take you to realise that I'm actually a good lookin guy?" Ha ha ha ha ha ;o)

I totally agree with Kittengirl!! Most women don't really have a type - they are initially attracted to someone physically, but I read somewhere that first impressions take up the first 5-10 seconds of meeting someone and then its all about their personality.. too true!! One of my exes was 6ft tall and pretty skinny - could eat all he wanted and not put an ounce of fat on him.. another ex was about 5ft8 and rather squidgy (not fat just not toned) and the guy i'm currently seeing is 6ft & athletic - so there, all completely different!! And so were their personalities!

Dear pink19, You are going through something which is completely normal - we have all been there!! I was really bitter when my ex and I broke up after 4 years - I went from loving him to hating him in a matter of days and that feeling lasted a whole lot longer.. I became bitter and I refused to get involved with anyone as I was under the impression that all men were alike & i just couldnt face going through all that hurt all over again! After a year od being single, I have finally met a guy who's really nice & we are taking things easy - I am really happy and now I've even become 'friends' with my ex in a way where I can look back & not regret having spent those years with him as I learnt a lot from them... It is NORMAL to feel bitter but your happiness is what counts; start being happy with who you are & the rest should come naturally - then you'll start to think what ever did you see in him in the first place! Take care, Cheeky_DeeDee

Firstly, take a deep breath & chill out! You poor thing, i'm sure that quite a lot of people on here can understand what you're going through but you need to put things into perspective... I can see that you are only 16 years old which is way too young to be thinking about marriage and the likes if you ask me! Still, that's only my opinion.. but still a very valid one! I'm sure you really like this girl you've met online but as you said, she is two years younger (which thereforeeee makes her 14 yrs old..) so her parents are probably being really protective as they want what's best for her! Remember that they don't know you personally so for all they know you could be a lot older than you say you are and they are just being cautious.. You hear so many things about chat rooms, the Internet, etc - Don't blame them, as you would do exactly the same in their situation, wouldnt you? I know it seems a bit harsh but you need to let go and see what fate has to offer - maybe the girl you like will manage to e-mail you when she gets her computer back (no matter what her parents do to her computer she can still go round her friends house and use theirs for a minute..so no excuse) and give you a reasonable explanation & perhaps you could take things slowly & become 'buddies'.. In other words carry on living your life & take each day as it comes..

I've been with my boyfriend for 3 months now & we havent said "i love you" yet.. I think its far too soon to be honest! I admit I have fallen for him & I've told him I care about him but left it at that because theres no need to apply any pressure as good things come to those who wait! I understand how you feel though as the main reason I wouldnt say it first it because I dont know how i would react if he didnt say it back!! Probably cry myself to sleep just as you did i suppose.. Dont worry though as he seems to be a bit insecure (he's asked you outright but not willing to tell you himself..) so give him some time? I agree that perhaps you should just be lighthearted about it all & not give it too much thought because if you start to make a big issue about it you're just going to wind yourself up & feel bad about yourself!