Derek

I have heard another interesting tidbit as well. Remember this is just general tendences, girls can be fiercely competitive as well sometimes. Boys and men ask themselves continuously: "Do I have what it takes?" - to hit the football, - to make a million dollars, - to drive the race car - to be a good father - to seduce that girl (Shows why they tend to competition more than connections) Girls and women ask themselves: "Am I worthy to be loved?" - what will people think of me if I... - do I look fat in this dress? - if I don't do this, will people still love me? - if I hit or miss the ball, what will my team think? - if I go to that party, what new friends can I make? - what do my friends think of my boyfriend? (Shows why they tend to be sensitive to connections more than competition) So from that, if you continuously remind a guy that he has what it takes, he will really appreciate that admiration. While if you tell a girl that you love her and she is wonderful and beautiful, she'll really like that show of affection.

I like that kinda stuff too: ======= Amazon added these: If you were a caveman, what five things would you invent first? Have you ever had a premonition? How much money would it take to convince you to break up with your lover? What would you do if you were a ghost? ========= I think there is a book called "1000 Questions for Couples" as well.

Oh my! Ingrid used "perfidious" in a sentence. Quite loquacious. I like a girl that makes me look up a word in the dictionary. Main Entry: per·fi·dy Pronunciation: 'p&r-f&-dE Function: noun Inflected Form(s): plural -dies Etymology: Latin perfidia, from perfidus faithless, from per- detrimental to + fides faith -- more at PER-, FAITH 1 : the quality or state of being faithless or disloyal : TREACHERY 2 : an act or an instance of disloyalty I salute you Ingrid. Oh and now that you explained more, I understand what you mean. If you are surrounded by bad people, then you will have a tougher time in succeeding in life. *shrug* What else is new? External environment doesn't excuse bad life choices. Life is hard and not always fair. Bad parents make it tougher. Are we all victims of external influences now? Does no one take individual responsibility? I think I'll pin responsibility on my ancestor from the 1400s for the genes that make me have to wear glasses.

Alot of good questions and answers in this thread. Princess is very insightful. I understand that girls talk for hours with other girls to create bonds by sharing issues. They learn it from when they are little. Just watch the TV show The View at how women can talk all over each other and finish each other's sentences and somehow feel the bond from that. Every time they share a "secret" they strengthen the network connections to the other girls. Guys tend to get more bonded by doing things together and not saying much at all. Girls try to do the sharing talk thing with guys and the guys tend to try to solve everything they bring up instead of listening to how the girl feels about it. So she suddenly feels cut off and not listened to when he cuts in with the solution, while he feels his solution was dismissed and he withdraws back to his TV thinking "why did she bring it up at all if she didn't want to deal with it". Guys try to "do" stuff for his girl to show his love and she doesn't realize that is how he is showing his affection for her. He thinks, "she already knows I love her, here let me go mow the lawn.". While she needs to hear and feel him show affection for her as if he was courting her anew every day. If you want to get into the psychology of it all, think about how females tend to use both sides of their brains more, while guys use one side at a time. Guys tend to do one thing at a time well. Girls can juggle many things (thoughts, emotions) at a time. Guys tend to focus on one thing and miss details sometimes. There are a number of experiments that show this, the classic one is the following: Guys and girls are asked to count the number of times "The" is said in a story read to them. After the story is done, both guys and girls get the number of "the"s right, but almost all the girls can recall many details of what the story was actually about. The guys couldn't remember the story at all because they were so focused on the task. They missed the forest for the trees. So imagine if you were thinking about everything all at the same time, wouldn't you want to clear your thoughts by sharing it out loud with your friends to see what they think too? On the other hand, if you could think of only a few things at a time, isn't it nice to not be influenced by what you feel about one thing onto the other things and be able to block out anything else from interrupting your thoughts? Remember these are general tendencies, some guys can think of multiple things at once too but it doesn't come naturally and often they have to learn techniques to do it. P.S. (If women sometimes influence what they feel about one thing onto other things, see how important it is for a guy to be sure to take care of the little things? If one of those little things is wrong, her entire world may be wrong.)

I thought about this some more, and I kinda forgot about tips for fixin yourself, 1. smell good. (girl's sniffer is almost as good as a dog's) Use some cologne, ask the girls around you which kinds they like best. 2. dress 1 notch better than the guys around you. (So if they are all in ripped up jeans and that is the cool style, then you be even MORE ripped up jeans =) (If the other guys are all in nice shirts and no tie, you wear the tie!) If you are a notch above the other guys around that shows you care and you are a more valuable catch than them. (If you are 2 or 3 notches above them, then you care too much and its a turn off =) This includes bling bling like watches and jewelry and piercings and tattoos. 3. get your hair cut more frequently than ya are now. (I know how guys are) Spend more than 10 bucks on it. 4. get outside to get a little tan, a little sun, get your skin to look all healthy and athletic-like even if you aren't. 5. Whatever assets ya got, use them. You got a good butt, get jeans that work it. You got buff arms, wear a golf or T-shirt that shows em. You got nothing but a charming sense of humor, do your best with the rest so they don't reject ya before you can bust out the charm. That's all I got for now. Oh yes, about compliments, don't tell a beautiful girl she is beautiful. She's heard that she is a perfect 10 from every 5/10 chump that comes up to her everyday. Compliment something else about her (clothes) and immediately compliment her insides (character), her outsides are old news to her. On the other hand, do tell an average girl she is beautiful... It's all about the ego, get it?

The trick is to go out on "dates" without the other person realizing it actually is a date. Our society's self delusions are crazy aren't they?

LOL, the best position for *her* is on the bed or chair, and you on the floor giving her oral sex with your hands and mouth. Otherwise, just mix it up, don't just do one thing. Oh and don't jackhammer like a porn star, instead swivel slow figure eights like a Latin dancer. Oh and masturbate before hand so you can last longer than 20 seconds.

Here is what I have heard: People feel were more betrayed by the lack of honesty than the "affair" itself. Decide accordingly. Is she worth being completely honest with so that you can commit to building new trust and a new relationship, or are the two of you going to keep dancing around each other?

Ingrid you seem like a well spoken intelligent woman, (and the point about being yourself and not playing dominance mind games is a good one.) so I'll give you this question back, Do you think Donald Rumsfeld, Colin Powell and George Bush are effeminate men who have not been exposed to violence? morally? I'd say "higher class" men do "violence" and compete in a different way, in the boardroom, on Wall Street, in the number of expensive toys and women they can get, instead of winning bar room brawls. The more educated man may at least be self aware enough to know what his Bad Self tendencies are and not repeat the same mistakes as men before him. On the other hand the more educated man just may have more tools to do selfish things more efficiently and even easier than before. And the corollary to the above statement is a higher class woman may not accept less than a man who is successful on Wall Street or in politics or a doctor or architect or whatever. She wants the driven man too. Being a "high class" man doesn't mean your a genius and want stimulating conversation in your partner either. (i.e. George Bush ) It could just mean you got lucky in where you were born. I don't believe more education and higher "class" makes much difference to moral superiority. Humans tend towards selfishness out of the box and do both good and evil no matter how rich or poor or educated they are. Schools don't teach morals anymore, MTV does. Also, I agree with you that quality relationships over quantity is healthier in the long run. BTW, even though I criticized him, I think with the info known at the time, going to Iraq wasn't a bad call for little George.

Hmm, it is good to write this kinda stuff down to clear your own head sometimes: - I like a woman that is well spoken, who can make complicated feelings clear in a few sentences. This probably means she is smart and has a good sense of humor about herself and the world. - she's open and honest, willing to talk about things that matter and to be real about them. Quality talk over quantity talk. - a woman that has her own opinion on things that she has thought about and not merely taken from someone else. - a woman that is curious about everything and is always learning thus she would be interested in my opinion and we could learn from each other. - similar values and background so we have some common ground. Culture matters. - kind and compassionate, concerned about others, especially family and kids. She knows how to make anyone feel comfortable and pays attention to the little things that I might miss. - elegant and graceful when the situation requires it but willing to get a little dirty if needed. (i.e. down to earth and not high maintenance) - she's got to be in a happy place in her life, satisfied with where she is going, doesn't need a man for every little thing. - not too afraid of intimacy, emotionally and otherwise. To be brave about letting someone else that close, she would need to be confident in herself. She is comfortable in her own skin. - we need to compliment each other's strong and weak points. ( she is skilled where I may be weaker ) The physical stuff is perhaps another thread, but how a person carries themselves and the whole package matters. Did she put at least some effort into dressing well and being clean?

Don't ask him "out" yet, ask him to go for a walk and just talk alone... Ask him to sit for lunch together, alone... Then see how those kinda things work out.

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Doh! The guy is going in the military, he's got a built in chick magnet just by having that uniform. Back to the confidence thing, the military teachs it in many areas. Leadership skills, drill sergeants and all that. It's about being sure of who you are and what you know. Maybe a military systematic approach would work. How about this: Make a list of all the girls around you, even the average girls. Force yourself to talk to all of them, even if it's just "hi, how are you". Even the average girls, even the girls no one else talks to. Check each one off the list. Now make a new check box and ask each one of them to a 20 minute "walk" to talk for 15-20 minutes. Yes, even the average girls. Consider it like an experiment and check each of them off as you do that. You could even tell em straight up, you were trying to get to know people before you have to leave to the military. Then make another list of possibles, and ask em out for ice cream or something. Check them off as you do it. Then see what happens. Don't expect anything huge, just be casual. If you are gonna be willing to kill someone, talking ain't so hard.

LOL, I know how guys like to be goal oriented and have things in point form, direct and to the point and they don't care if their motivations are right or not as long as the bottom line is met. So I will indulge in male-speak: First is a general rule: - be confident in yourself, show this by your actions, by having a life, by having interests beyond TV and video games, by having opinions of your own, by knowing about the world, having a sense of humour about yourself and by being honest about yourself. (i.e. "Yes, I still live at home and don't have a car yet, but I am working on it.") It is possible to be a gentleman, to be confident and not be boring. Now the next things: - learn about the girls around you by talking to them as a friend at first, learn their interests. Don't turn into a girly man, but as a hunter, you need to learn everything you can about the prey, where they nest (starbucks), where they hunt (shopping mall), what easily distracts them (flowers and jewelry), what music or movies they like (Shrek 2), what they do for fun (videos,clubs,mini putt, cards, cooking, volleyball, Ultimate,...) - advertise that you are single looking for a girlfriend, if the girls around you in class aren't what you are looking for, find out about their friends and sisters... ask them straight up, "if you could pick the perfect girlfriend for me to talk to, who would it be." This action can help narrow down the targets to girls with some interests in common that you can talk to and aren't psychos. Oh yes, just because she has a "boyfriend", doesn't mean she won't take on another one. Girls know how to hedge their bets and play both sides (with discretion for their reputation of course.) - ok, so you have a target now, now what... Now you've got to narrow the focus, learn more details about her, talk to her and her friends, become friends with her friends. Pay ATTENTION to the little things, then show or tell that you noticed the little things about her so she knows you are paying attention to her and only her. Her friends are extremely important, their opinion can matter as much or more than her own. (girls are weird like that, but sometimes guys are too) - Now that you've been approved by her and her friends as "acceptable", you need to separate her from the pack... the critical moment arrives... Does the friendship go to the next level or not? Asking her out is a way to get her alone formally, but you can also do this by simply asking her to go for a walk, to make excuses to get her alone with you so you can talk about deeper things. Seeing if you and her have a connection, a vibe. Get her digits, email and such. All the contact methods can be used to continue the one on one connection with her. Pay ATTENTION to the little things about her that you learn through this time you insentive thick headed male oaf. - Ok, so we assume she said yes to a few different "hanging out" alone times. Now you've got to follow up with little things. Notes, emails, text messages, and such. The idea is not what you say in those messages, but that you are thinking of her at different times in the day. Don't be a stalker though! Now you remember, you paid ATTENTION to the details about this girl before right? You remember that she likes green stuffed lizards with yellow collared ribbons right? You remember she likes the red M&Ms, so you go do little things like buy 5 packages of M&Ms, and by hand filter out, only the red ones and give them to her in a ribboned present box or something silly and corny like that because even though the modern girls pretend that they don't care, deep down girls love the romantic attention. Don't sweat the guys making fun of you for doing that stuff, they would be doing the same if they had a girlfriend. Any guy can do movie and McDonalds night after night and call themselves in a relationship, but you have to do better than just "any guy". - Don't let her walk all over you, have a life, don't always come at her every beck and call, just come to the important calls, she doesn't want a boy toy who says yes to everything, she wants a Man. (Actually she may want a boy toy, but she'll need a real man) - You are on the road from then on dude, and you'll have to make your own journey with her from there. Either she'll have you, or you'll have her, hopefully you'll both have each other. And the short version is as follows: Find a girl, smile and ask her out to coffee/lunch the first day (moment even) you meet her, if she says no, smile and tell her you can be friends for now and you will ask her out again in 2 weeks, 2 weeks later ask her out again, if she says no, tell her you'll ask her out again in 2 weeks... She'll wear down eventually... Persistence is man's best friend. Ladies, correct me if I was off base.

Hoping&Praying is right. Your BF is a bad lover and doesn't know how to please a real woman. You and he could study up on it and if you guys are willing, experiment with new things for you. If he truly loves you, he should be willing to learn how to do right by you. A woman's sexual response is much different (involved) than a guys. (simple)

There is fun... but when there is other people, especially children involved, you can't contain the fallout and it's not "fun" anymore. and when it comes to affairs, there is always other people involved. Something like 1% of affairs actually result in the two people leaving their other partners, getting married and staying together. Most end after a short time (6 months)... usually after the lovers go beyond fantasy land into the real world relationship and see that their lover has just as many failings as their other partner. People tend to have affairs because they find an unfulfilled need met through another person. Sometime for romance and affection (woman) or sex (men). Instead of trying to work through problems, people throwaway relationships in the false hope that the grass is greener on the other side. Ask yourself what your boyfriend is not providing you that you need, then talk to him and give him the chance to provide it. And flirt with the single guys at work or the gym instead...

How about you go up to the guy, pretend he's your cousin so you don't have any nervousness and say, "Hi, I hear you wanted to know my name? How about we go for a walk sometime and I'll tell ya." *smile* How bad could it be?

Play dress up. Schoolgirl... cheerleader... business woman(secretary), biker girl, club girl... Bath/shower together... Food, chocolate, strawberries, whipped cream... Music/candles/atmosphere changes. Location change, roleplay change up, etc.

Sure, girls can ask a guy out, and it can be fun too. I've had girls approach me before and I found it flattering and at least I took the time to consider them in a new light that I might not have otherwise. What girls seem to get skilled at is to "make it obvious to the guy that it's ok to ask them out". Sure it's not "equal" that the guy has to be the "man" in the relationship all the time. (I say that on purpose) But he is the guy after all. You gotta go with the cards you're delt. I think most people fall back to the typical guy-girl scenario most times, but it is fun to change it up sometimes. But I'll give you another idea, A guy that asks a girl out, or even approaches at all, shows he takes the initiative, he has leadership qualities, he's got guts, he's taking the risk. And those qualities are very attractive for the ladies. Doesn't a guy want to be attractive and start out on the right foot? If she asks him out, who is wearing the pants in the relationship? On the other hand does it matter who is wearing the pants these days anyway?

Because she talked to him directly about it and planned it out, rather than what most teenagers do... i.e. "it just happened" Also the term "sex partner" is kinda rare from teenagers.

Dudes, Here's what I've heard if you are a really hairy dude. TRIM/clip your chest hair so its not a thick rug on the front that runs together, but instead a light pelt. ... and wax your back if you really have to. Google for "Manscaping".

add food... especially sweets (chocolate), syrups (maple) , icecubes, strawberries ... You sound more mature than 14.

Ah sexual innuendo, or connotation... Some guys think of that as humor ... being funny. Usually he's being coy and has a smile with that kind of talk right? Wouldn't he just be trying to test your openness and perhaps playfulness at that time? *shrug* I would think that kind of thing is as old as time. Often women would zing back with something sarcastic and funny too. I think the previous advice is right, set the tone, set the expectations by your reaction to the first occurrence.

hmm, It is definitely true that comparing the amount of time actually spent making love versus how much attention is put to it in North American culture/media. It seems rather out of proportion. If you think you sleep for 8 hours, make love for 1 hour a day (way above average), you still have 15 hours a day to live life, do some good, work on relationships and improving oneself. The rest of life in some ways is quite a bit more important. From what I hear too, a woman's idea of foreplay can be their guy fixing the sink, putting out the garbage, making dinner and doing the laundry. She wants to feel that everthing is in order in her world before letting herself go. If one of the multitude of things going on is wrong, her entire world is wrong.

doh, sounds like we need more information... First off, why is fingering pleasurable? Because fingering generally means clitoral stimulation as well as a little insertion. Penetration alone is not as pleasurable for most women. (most women) Fingering, if done right, usually includes stimulation of the outside. And a women's main pleasure zone definitely IS outside, just like a man's. A woman's clitoris is a "mini-me" of the man's member with even MORE concentration of nerve endings. (so much so that it normally needs to be covered by a hood of skin.) Guys should never start stimulation with penetration, finger or otherwise. It's about the rest of the mind and body first. About g-spot: I'd say smart guys should work on having their lady's get off by clitoral stimulation before even getting into the g-spot business. G-spot needs to be approached after the woman is already excited for a while (usually by clitoris) because it swells up a little and becomes more available at that point for the "come hither" finger movements. Stimulating the g-spot without all the other stimulation is useless. I'd say the g-spot thing might be for the 2nd or third orgasm. From what I understand it is a "deeper" sensation, but the basic bread and butter is all about the clitoris. G-spot is for finishing the engine, not starting the engine. Hope that helps.