Derek

Are women natural flirts? What about men? Ladies, do you remember when it was that you found out that you knew how to get your way with flirting? How did you use your flirting super powers? Did you get out of any speeding tickets? Did you learn from your girl friends? Did you learn from your Mother? Or did it just come out naturally? Do you have some success stories with examples? Is it a negative thing or a positive thing? (I think flirting , like any super power, can be used for good or for evil Does anyone have ideas as to why men don't seem as good at reading signals and signs? Why is it that men don't seem to be as skilled at flirting as women? Are there examples of men that are better flirts? Actors? Thoughts?

This quote made me smile: Absolutely! People shouldn't deny the reality of sex, but celebrate it and anticipate the best possible sex in a safe committed relationship where there is enough trust to explore all aspects of each other's pleasure completely.

Well, everyone had to decide their own values. So there is no need to put it in terms of "will someone be let off for this?" as if there is a judgement about it. (other than ones conscience) Sure, mistakes can happen but as the saying goes, "tomorrow is a new day", to try for the better road. Now you are making it more complicated when talking about re-marrying and such. Some people think of the concept of serial monogomy in that case. I think most people would agree their ideal dream relationship is to find their soulmates and grow old together for 50 years? Sure life happens, (death/divorce), and the ideal is not always possible, but shouldn't we want and expect the best for ourselves as a start?

Maybe He's showing you some personality traits that you will be able to look for in another guy sometime. I bet you can learn about yourself by this experience, even though it hurts. That one guy just proves that there are guys that exist like that. Look for the next one that comes around. Best advice was already given. Your best bet is to live your life to the fullest. Get yourself lots of interests, join clubs, experience new things, you'll gain knowledge and confidence. You'll probably find a guy that may have similar interests soon after. Don't worry about having to have a boyfriend all the time. Have a guy on your arm doesn't make you a woman, you have to do that yourself.

Girlfriend, you say you have a problem, but you are totally normal. It is a majority of women that don't get orgasm from vaginal sex. i.e. it is the freakish minority that can get their rocks off vaginally and even they probably need some skilled partners as well. So relax, As the other posters said, get yourself revved up first with other foreplay, yourself and other things. If he is a gentlemen he should take care of starting your engine before his, since his engine is a Dragster while yours is a smooth Indy car.

This is a good question that people need to decide, and decide this BEFORE both of you are hot and heavy in the dark. Personally I was brought up with the idea of saving oneself until in a committed relationship, and the truly committed relationship is marriage. Though certain relationships make that a very difficult thing because sex is a natural progression of intimacy. Then again there is alot of things that one can do to show intimacy that don't require sex at all. i.e. talk. It is more a question of your own values. Some people are satisfied with the sex of a one night stand. I have read many people complain how they have to keep "training" their one night stands to do the things they like and they have to keep talking throughout the experience instructing this and that. That doesn't sound as appealing as two people that grow sexually together learning each other's body responses so well that they don't have to say much of anything and can keep experimenting with the next level by communicating honestly and openly. But here is something to think about: Most people agree that having an affair is wrong. If you have sex before marriage, aren't you are cheating on your future marriage partner, whoever and wherever they might be at this time? P.S. Comedian Dennis Miller said regarding the Islamic martydom with 72 virgins in heaven: "I agree with you, the 72 virgins, I think that probably sounds better than it is. Seven or eight virgins, this is probably a good idea. You get around ten virgins in, I'm thinking you're gonna want a pro. Now, I like the befuddled thing up front as much as the next guy, but somewhere during the evening, I want a finger jammed up my a*s!"

I think there is no such thing as casual sex. (just sex vs making love) Sex should never be taken casually. Though I know some people just Make Like the Discovery Channel [insert silly one hit wonder song here.] I don't believe it is fulfilling in any sense, even just the mere physical release. Typically that kind of sex may be "hot" but it usually isn't very good. Every time people have "casual" sex they leave a little part of themselves with the other person and they become more and more hardened to real intimacy. I heard an analogy about sex that there is "just sex", and then there is "wall-socket sex". Where the two persons have both eyes open, looking into each others souls, knowing each other completely. Knowing their needs and desires in and out of bed. Often this isn't found until in older age and in safe, committed relationships. Why waste your time, emotions and even risk your life on a second best experience?

Are you asking if Love can develop? if you can learn to love a person? like an arranged marriage? I would say that yes it can. Almost all people have SOMEthing about them that makes them attractive somehow, even if it just is picking up their socks or how they laugh or something. So people can adapt to each other and grow to love one another even though it may not start in a romantic way. Is love innate? In the sense of a "built-in" emotion or do you mean in the sense of there is only 1 soulmate in the world for us, i.e. "The One" that we are innately attracted to. I think the previous poster answered that love can be an attachment emotion that all of us (unless psychotic) are capable of, but some have never learned to express it or have been scarred such that we are scared to trust again. So those people can definitely "learn how to love" in some ways it is simply learning to be "loving person." It seems that if we change ourselves to be more complete persons, we can then find true love.

I think the answer is time. Crushes / lusts will pass. But just like any temptation (cheesecake, donuts, cookies), don't expose yourself it over and over. Don't interact with B anymore unless you have to. It's just a craving like wanting chocolate cookies. (pun intended ) P.S. Sometimes I wonder there is a point where some honesty is too much. This is such a case. But the other question is what might be added to the original relationship for spice? 1 year itch? 3 year itch? 7 year itch?

Hmm, is it really about technique? The guy is being (unconsciously?) selfish and the relationship needs enough trust for them to communicate, so she doesn't have to fake anything. Basically, guys can get off in 3 minutes with or without a woman. So guys need to be more self disciplined and in control of themselves. He needs to get it in his head that you need to be revved up for a lot longer than that and that can be done without any intercourse at all. (and quite fun for everyone too, like exploring, kissing/hands/oral/ lubricants etc.) And even if he goes off early, he has GOT to satisfy his lady or he is not a gentleman. A mistake guys often make is making love like they do in porn. Very wrong. What "looks" good is often not what feels good for the woman. Jackhammering from 8 inches out is not always the best course. Different positions may change things like perhaps Spoon. Suggest to him to try figure 8 patterns with his hips like latin dancing and reduce the jackhammering even though everything in his animal body is telling him to do that. (He won't be able to stop that at some point) P.S. I always wonder if people don't have enough trust to communicate intimate things, why they are having sex in the first place?

hrm, Everyone has a certain "musk". Once you get used to it it's fine. People even find it arousing to smell the pheremones in that sweaty musk. Also, be careful about what you say about smells. A guy complaining about a girl's smell is like a girl complaining about her guy's member size. Think how you would feel... be sensitive. Showers and such are a good idea to try.

hmm, Long overcoat with belt. Sunglasses. Pantyhose, heels. ... Underwear optional.

Hmm, Trying to figure out lines beforehand will probably backfire. Alot of the skill in complimenting may be in the timing. There is a time and place for certain compliments and also it matters if you are a guy or a girl too. A bad time to compliment a lady on looks is right after she's done a big project or presentation. Then is when you should compliment her on her work, her mind or her ideas not what she looked like doing it. Complimenting on looks needs to be done very carefully in today's world it seems. Sexual harassment is only a few words or intonation away. Complimenting on specific things that you know she did herself is usually the best compliments. Personalizing them. "Hi, you look very sharp today, you have a great fashion sense." Complimenting on the whole outfit is usually a safe bet. Saying "that's a great sweater, skirt or blouse" is probably bad coming from a guy. ask for feedback, "I like the way you ______ , do have any tips for a beginner like me?" interest in the same thing, "I love that _______, where did you get it?, whats the recipe etc." As for guys, change the way you compliment, "I really respect the way you handled that." "Good job." Think more about the way you would compliment someone in a sports game. "Great shot!"

Hmm, I think you might need to get by the idea that girls are somehow on a pedestal. They are not aliens, they have feelings and thoughts and interests the same as guys. Sure it may be a bit foreign, but they are as human as guys are. Get to know what interests the ladies that are around you. Give an opinion about it, make it your own opinion that you have thought about. Have some interests of your own to share back (but don't talk sports and cars all day, gotta have some give and take) Talk about something universal, relationships, friends. Talk about being shy even. Why not? I bet they have been in the same boat sometimes too. Then you can just laugh about it and get by it. Spend the energy to pay attention, REALLY pay attention, to those around you, so that you notice and give feedback on the little things, then when they notice you've noticed, they will be impressed. Try this tip, every girl you meet, try to read and memorize the color of their eyes, this forces you to look in their eyes a bit more than normal. Memorizing their name is usually smart too. Another exercise for shyness is to force yourself to look in the eyes of everyone you pass on the sidewalk/streets. (you don't know them nor will you see them again so who cares) I bet the majority won't be able to hold eye contact with you, you'll start to realize that the majority of people are perhaps more shy than you might think. If someone does keep eye contact, a small smile or nod is all that is needed. And a few may actually smile back. Concentrate on the girl's interests and worry less about yourself. Your self can come later on.

People are often found attractive when they have interests of their own that they are pursuing with purpose. Being attractive is about being a whole person. Have an opinion about stuff. Your own opinion. Have a direction you are going. It doesn't have to be perfect, but have something you are passionate about. (i.e. making mix CDs or sports or cars or whatever) Decide that you don't care about a girlfriend for a few months and what they *might* think, you just be yourself with your own opinions without a care in the world. Smile slyly like you know what you are doing. ( faking confidence makes one feel more confident ) When girls see that you seem to know where you are going and what you are doing and they will want some of that action too. Also, the a good way to be attractive is to spend the energy to pay attention, REALLY pay attention, to those around you, so that you notice and give feedback on the little things, then when they notice you've noticed, they will be impressed. When I say little things, it's like the color of eyes (a good exercise is to always try to read the eye color of everyone, forces you to look in their eyes a while) , buckle on the shoes, belt, her laugh, the color of her umbrella, type of car she might have, interests, stuff/books/music she likes/dislikes and her NAME of course. Then feed that stuff back to her in creative ways. ("I saw that your umbrella the other day was green, I thought you'd like this green scarf.") But don't be a stalker. Yes, it takes work to remember, just repeat it over and over in your head until it sticks. As others said, concentrate on the other people and worry less about yourself.

hm 1. For butt sex, use a condom(lubricated), always, even with fingers. (Because butts are full of germs and bacteria) 2. Alot of lubrication. I mean LOTS. (Jelly's, creams etc. water-based ) 3. Slow and gentle. (Gently bend-tly.) Stop any time there is pain, there should be no "pain" if done correctly. Alot of nerves in the butt, can be a whole different (good) feeling I understand. Might wanna try fingers/toys/butt plugs first.

Interesting, Ignorance is bliss... I think lying is just the human condition and male/female makes no difference. We are deceitful to cover our flawed nature. It would seem to me that perhaps men may be more likely to actively lie straight to your face, while women lie more subtly, behind the back, omitting some things, adjusting some perception. But then I could be wrong, I'm not a very good liar.

Hmm age old question, what women want, I don't know either but I'd like to say: To all the nice girls out there, for the record, you can "taint" me anytime. - a "good guy" who wants to find a co-conspirator to make mischief with. P.S. idunno, your post was so cynical about the world saying everyone was players and haters, but sadly, it probably is a very common opinion. P.P.S. What do women want? Intimacy and security. They are thus loved completely despite being known completely, warts and all. Men want that too.

dang it, If that guy wasn't being honest (saying he was single and all when he had alot more going on), then you deserve better than that low life anyway. At least you've learned some personality traits that you could look for (and watch out for) in the next guy anyway. You've learned about yourself that way.

It is an interesting question that I don't have an answer to either. The "nice guy" vs bad boy. There is a few things to think about though: - Often the ladies date the "bad boy" and marry the "nice guy" after they've been burned by the "bad boy" too many times. So you may need to wait for a women that matures through that phase relatively intact and realizes what is right under her nose. - Women love projects. They especially love to make men as their projects to makeover. Especially "bad boys". But of course usually people don't fundamentally change unless they want to, so the "bad boy" project is soon a failure. - Both sexes love confidence. "Bad boys" have lots of fake confidence. Try being a confident "nice guy" with many interests and opinions of your own. Experience life fully and confidence will come by experience. I disagree that you have to fall to the level of jerks to attract women. I would content that the kind of women that you would attract by being a jerk would not be compatible for you in the end anyway. When the "bad boy" has got the pretty girl's attention, have you ever considered talking to her shy friend that's being ignored too? You never know what you'll find.

long distance relationship eh? hmm, well, it can be a hard road to do that but you asked for advice so: As previous posters said, simply *pay attention*. When she says she is interested in ferrets (or something) in passing in a conversation, you have to notice and file that in the back of your mind! Then later you give her some gift or point to some song or website about ferrets and she is going to notice that YOU noticed! (The technical term would be you are making a "feedback loop" of interest in each other) People are attracted to people that are interested in them, especially ladies. (Guys can be stupid about subtle clues like that, but ladies usually don't miss them.)

Sounds to me like the problem may be love and commitment, not sex. The sex issues are symptoms. If a person loves another, would they not sacrifice all they had to the other person, submitting to each others needs before their own needs? Wouldn't that mean a couple would sacrifice their pride and risk a little shame to go to the clinics, take the workshops, take the counselling and books to work through the problems for the good of the relationship and not for themselves? ??

Ash, Its true, there are different "levels" and "kinds" of orgasms, so he shouldn't be stressing over somedays it's off the hook, and other days it's just a nice release. If you or he saw a particular movie, it could change the results alot too. (i.e. "Titanic", "Bridget Jones Diary", "LordotRings" or "Fight Club?" I think it's a guy thing, guys are really concerned that they are great lovers. While a girl has 1000 other things that she thinks is important in the relationship (talking and sharing etc.) that is almost as important as the sex part. He's got to get a grip (so to speak ) and have perspective about it. If his woman is satisfied (truly), then he should be. Once the folks can relax about the performance, then often great things can happen from there. (just like sports)

hm, My understanding is the majority of nerves are in the bottom third of the vaginal tract, and the clitoris has even more than that, G-spot is in the bottom third too. So the cervix isn't that important, imho. There is alot of other things to work on than bothering with trying to reach that. Perhaps the ladies find when that happens they like the alternate feelings they get from that, maybe a "fullness" feeling. (I wouldn't know) And as others have said, there are positions to try (i.e. from behind with the lady on top, legs over the shoulders possibly) or toys that could do it as well if it is a big deal. But if I can find an analogy for the guys, it's probably like your jewels getting knocked around: a little bit is ok, even pleasurable, but too hard or too much hurts.

There has been alot of physical suggestions... But I'd like to add something else, Guys like it when their egos are stroked, when they feel respected, when they are allowed to feel like "a man" once in a while. And when the encouragement comes from a woman it is all the more powerful. Nagging him into the ground is likely to be an unsuccessful venture. People are attracted to those that show their attraction and interest to them. (stroking ego again) Sadly that's why faking orgasms seems to be so popular a past time.