crinklecat

I guess I could say that I run away, then maybe come back to dealing with it? I am definitely not aggressive in that kind of means, I can deal with stress dead on when I see it coming, but when I dont and it blindsides me, man oh man do I have problems. when they say the five stages of grief, I am there in all 5 of em. I guess you could call that kind of stress traumatic stress. Yeah I am recovering from some trauma. and I know that goes away with time.

I agree with you sister lynch. That is a very good analogy. In this past breakup I was just being myself, and I dont feel that I was being overly clingy at all. I was interested in the guy and wanted to do things with him, which is natural if you like someone. I guess that -this is the tough part- some people have communication issues and to be successful in a relationship, they need to have that ability to say, hey I need some space or this is kind of a bit too much for me right now. I think the guy that dumped me,doesnt have those communication skills. I think that It became obvious by his choice of forum form dumping me, which was via email. We had a flare up in the past and the next day I asked him if he wanted to talk about it and he didnt. I should have seen the "red flag" I am actually doinf quite well today, I am not as torn up as I was about being Dear Johnned, but am still mildly hurt. It's just taking the body a bit longer to come around and re gain its senstivity to stress, like loud noises, stomach aches and the such.

I could give you some of my excess weight... lol anyway, what are you doing for food intake? There is that creatine thing or those big bottles of powders of things you can get at the health food store, but I'd really look into the health beneifts of them. Also make sure you eat a healthy diet. Geining weight and getting bigger will take some time. It's not like some kind of slim fast diet thing where you will but over time you will see results For me, I was trying to lose weight, and even though I didnt really lose much weight, my bmi got lower that meant that I lost fat but gained muscle. good luck

Here's some interesting thought. If he is getting married to the girl who is in upper management, he will most likely need to quit because of the role of the girlfriend in the company. He doesnt sound like a very nice person when you think about it. I know its hard, because as we speak I am going through the same thing, but you deserve better. Would you want to be with someone like that? I don't know but with my experiences with dating, that doesnt sound very trust worthy. I know it's hard to let someone go. Im so there right now with somewhat similar circumstances. I was dating someone who we got along well and knew a lot about each other and then bam he dumped me. I am grieving over the friendship the most. I hate that emotional roller coaster. If you want to pm we we can talk about it if you like It sounds like the hurt of the friendship not working out to your liking is mighty similar. And yes, it is a broken heart. If you want to vent and talk about it pm me. Wishing you strength! Crinklecat

I guess so, he was never a good communicator and I would assume he probably needed a lot of space. He just never told me that. I guess he will learn as his next relationship unfolds. I really dont think that he will ever come back. I just dont see it as his type. He just keeps on moving on. Judging from the way he broke up with me (via email) he won't come back begging. He's just too weak to do that. I really dont want to talk to hm anyway. I came to him being only as I could myself. sometimes I question why, and wonder what he's doing . I get a tear in my eye and get sad. Could he be sitting at his computer right now at home? Oh how I will miss conversing with him. He was a refreshing spark in my non mentally stimulated life. That statement just made me cry. I'm ok for the most part, the computer has really kept me going. I just get the moments of a roller coaster. I hate them. I am thankful that he made me realize that I do have a soft side that needs nurturing. He wasnt the best at that. Very guarded and unemotional. All this and I cant believe I only dated him for 2 months. What does that say?? I know it means something, but I cant figure out what. Here's a little whispy that I wrote I think that anyone going through a breakup dumping whatever can undeerstand what I am saying Do you think about me? are you wondering what I am doing, how I am? I wonder how you feel. Do you even care or have you just dumped me for the thrill and anticipation talking to someone new? I know I cant call you, and I will not, because There is nothing to be said. You sealed the deal with the email and really didnt give me any options but to just deal with the situation and move on. I think that is what hurts the most. You couldnt even tell me in person. You really got me to let my guard down and then zinged me. I know that I will survive, but am scared on how this will affect my future relationships. I know I am needy, I've been through a lot not with you but with many, and I know who I am. I know what my need are and now am aware painfully so what they are. You have touched my life in a way that Hasnt been touched in a long time. You opened me up and made me reealize that I do have the need to trust someone again, and to feel comfort and security in a relationship. You were there for a reason, and sadly I wish it could be more, I dont think that it will ever be. But I thank you for being that reason. and now I shall exit and go back to the corner.

okay I've been haggling over this breakup thing for the last 4 days. I believe that my clingyness probably has some to do with it. now how do you go about becoming less clingy? I come from a family of co dependency (my mom basically serves and does everything for my dad) It has worked for them, but the example that they have set for their kids doesnt live in the modern day to day world. Maybe that is why I am having a hard time dating. It is something that I can focus on. I have admitted it and dont seem to know how to remedy myself of it. I am not clingy with my friends, but when I am dating someone it does gat that way a bit, although not as bad as it was before.

thanks kuhl and gilg... do you go on living life as normal as you can? do you still meet people (not in a relationship sense but just to talk and be friends?) having more friends in your life is a good thing, but I'm not even sure about that. take a break? of course it will take me some time to get over this guy, and the stress of not having a job doesnt seem to help either. what about other potentials? I need to be honest with them and say that hey, I just want to be friends with you right now, that's it. if they dont understand then give them the boot, right? there are a couple of other guys that are interested in knowing me better, but I dont really feel like its the best timing right now, you know? I'm smart in that sense, I want to give each person their fair chance. it's ok to be friends with them if I clarify that it is only that, right? or should I not talk to them at all?

Ok, if it is something that comes with the dating turf, I dont understand why I feel winded with this one. Is because I opened myself up? or that it was off guard? out of what I think would be nowhere?

This is for all of those who have been dumped before. I'm curious whether or not how you go into a relationship affects the level of hurt you feel if it doesnt work out. I go into relationships (or dating) not expecting anything but a friendship. Thus is the current situation regarding the person who most recently dumped me. We never had the talk to define our relationship and I thought I was just dating him. we got along great. I'm hurt and sad. much more than I thought I could be. We dated only 2 months. I'm trying to use this experience to better myself and hopefully develop a thicker skin. Am I going into dating the wrong way?I want to get to know people as who they are not what their potential bf/ husband qualities. I dont think of the relationship but it the attraction happens it happens. Are there better ways to go about this dating type thing? Should I go into the dating looking to find someone I feel has those qualities? and not get to really know them as friends until I see that they have those quailties? I'm just wondering why I'm having a hard time about this dump Should I even think that it's me when he dumped me for someone else???

I think it's crucial to determne those things. I never felt comfortable talking about what the relationship status with this guy I was dating. He dumped me on saturday. I cant consider him my bf, I considered him just a guy I was dating. But you know what? in the real scheme of things It all hurts the same. (I had to ad my little flavor)

They have those non latex condoms, the trojan supra. I've never used them but they are just as effective as regular latex, but the feeling transmits heat.

I know what you mean. I was the hurt triangle portion in that relationship. I only dated him for a couple of months but I still grieve. I guess that show how much people mean to me huh? I guess that can be viewed as a good trait. I dont have any desire to speak to him nor to find out why I just want to learn from this experience, it's just the roller coaster I hate any ideas to help me to cope? I would like feedback on that. I cried a lot today, but then I was ok today also.

I ate some food, but I hate this roller coaster. I want to learn from this experience....

Hi, I've been posting a lot lately. I quit my job and feel sick about it. That was on tuesday. I still feel sick about it. I dont have any money and dont really know where I am going in my life. Stressor #1 Stressor number one is a pretty big stressor for me. I've got bills to pay and I dont really know what to do. I already take depression meds for anxiety, so it's fairly obvious that I dont handle stress well. Then saturday morning, I get an email from I guy I was dating I dont how to do anything but be honest. I have met someone else online (where I met him) and would like to pursue a relationship with her. Rather than maintain a relationship and start a new one, I would like to focus on the new realtionship. I really valued our experiences and enjoyed the time that we spent together, and hope this experience will help us find the ones that we are looking for in our lives Thats pretty much verbatim what he said. Via email. and I liked this guy. I havent eaten in almost 2 days, and am having panic attacks in which I have to calm myself out of. I'm hurt, and sad but our realtionship was really healthy. I feel lost and confused. I got along great with this guy. we (at least I thought) we clicked well on a friendship level. Did I fall for this guy too soon? we were dating for about 2 months or so. What am I doing wrong?? Am I clingy? Do I want too much? He never really told me where I stood, so I assumed that we were dating. I'm confused and sick. Typing this hurts but I know that there will be someone to clarify this. I'm confused if he thought I wwas clingy cause he is in the navy and would go oput on the ship for a week at a time. I would just ring hm to do stuff on the weekends..... Please help. I dont know what to do. I'm desperate.

I quit my job on tuesday due to an incidentthat occurred with the owner of the company and myself. I am happy that I got out of an abusive situation. I had worked at the job for 10 days. (if you look in the career posts I have one there explaining the situation) Now I am suffering. I feel horrible, in shock, like I am going through grief. I feel like I am on the great non joyous roller coaster, and am Extremely anxious because I dont have any savings to back me up. I left on the spot because I felt threatened and that was the only way out. I really need some support I dont really know what to do to get everything under some semblance of control. I am scared, I am angry, I am sad I am confused. any advice or anything would be helpful. thanks

Well it's a new day and I still feel yucky.. I have no appetite, am worried and stressed out. Going into this situation has stretched me financially and I'm trying hard not to worry about the finances. I've even applied for a few jobs although I think that I am going to need to get the stress of this out of my system before I can do anything. As of right now,I feel guilty and lousy in a way that it is my fault that I got myself into this situation, and now I cant relax. I kind of feel that I didnt try enough. {groan} It's been a long long time since I felt this way (possibly from my divorce) any cheap suggestions to help me relax?? I am thinking that this may have triggered my depression issues again Thats why I feel this way.. I think I'll be ok though... thx crinkle!

Well, today, I had another meeting with my boss. he told me that I still wasnt up to the happiness standard, (even though again no one came up to me in the office) He also brought up the fact that I couldnt talk about any health problem that I had even though one of the other girls asked me why I go to bed immediately after I come home. then on top of that like he requested everything that I told him that we had in the previous conversation he turned around and used against me. He has consistently since I started been trying to convince me that i couldnt cut it at this job. He then told me that I had "trust issues" and had another girl come in and say that he was a good person. He also told me that he essentially had to break me to be what he wants in his office (In not so many words) cause he is the owner. He thought that the conversation that he had the other day was good. Does it seem so from my previous story? You kind of wonder what trust issues that I have. Would you trust someone that just basically destroyed your self esteem, told you that you werent going to get any positive feedback because everything that you learned in the 14 days that you were at the job werent good enough? he flat out told me that I didnt deserve any positive feedback because the job that I was doing wasnt even good enough. I asked for specific feedback. Keep in mind that he also told me that one of the people who was supposed to be training me didnt think that I was learning anything fast enough. She brought up this example. One of the other girls in the office brought me some reference check papers for me to do. I have never done it so I asked how to do it. She didnt really know either, and then she told me that she would go and check with the other girl as to what needed to be done. She was gone for about 5 minutes then she said that she would go and ask the girl that gave it to me when the line was shorter in the front. So I went on working on something else. She then went out to check with the girl 20 min later and found out what It was that I was supposed to do. It took me all of 5 minuted to learn it and then I proceeded to do it. She came back to the boss and said that it took too long for me to complete the task when I should have learned to do it in 10 minutes. She says that I am taking too long to learn things and that since it is the holidays she doesnt have the time to take to teach me. He then told me that i couldnt multi task, which is often what I was doing all the time. He did all of this to bash my self esteem. By that point I was crying so bad that I couldnt even stop hiccuping. I was in shock. No one has given me feedback on my performance but him and it has always been bad. I have gone up to everyone in the office and let them know that I am open to any feedback and I really would like to get to know them. I really tried to fit in. I felt numb when he was just saying everything. And he then continued to belittle me telling me that i am not listening to him and I am tuning him out which I at that point was. When he brought the other girl in she didnt even say that I was giving horrible performance, she just said that I am coming from a different environment and I was taking a little longer to adjust which is right. So at this point, I am in the office just thinking of everything that he has said to me. And I ask myself this one question. Is this the kind of work environment that I want to work in? I have gone through a lot of counselling and can see that this is already a bad situation. Telling me that I get no feedback because I am not doing a good enough job and cant really give me specific feedback? Telling me that I cant request feedback be given to me by the person who is training me it has to go through him? sounds like a micromanaging control freak if you ask me. I asked him if he would like to fire me. He said no he wouldnt fire me. So as calmly as I could I told him that I dont think that I can live up to the standards that they expected of me (which they never told me what they were) and I resign. He then had the nerve to tell me that I didnt have to quit that i could still work there. Or the girls could pull up antoher assignment for me to go to. I told him that I wasnt interested. After that I got my box of stuff and left. I cried all the way home. I am stunned and I feel sick to my stomach. I dont know why I feel so horrible I just felt so futile in there. They never gave me clear standards of what to do, and kept raising the bar. Before I left I told him how I felt. I said that I feel like a child who tries their best to please a parent who will never be happy. That is truly how I felt and still feel. Other than that I feel completely wiped out and sick. I feel so low right now. Is this a toxic boss, or am I just a bad employee? I tried my best. and still am in shock and confused. Please help!

I had a meeting with my boss today. I have been working at my job for about 14 days. He just wanted to touch base with me and how I am feeling about working at this job. we talked a little. I have basically been learning ojt training in an office that could use some improvement in organization It is stressful but I think that I am handling it well. my boss kind of hinted that one fo the employees came to him about a situation in which they saw me talking with my "trainer" about something and they thought that that my attitude was negative or that I had a negative vibe. He brought this up to me because his office is a very close office of "girls" and he doesnt want them to feel like there is stress going on. he told me that the person was concerned that i wasnt smiling enough and wasnt happy. I just got out of a really bad job environment. this new job at least I thought was a godsend to me. Granted that I am stressed because everything is foreign to me, I often admit that I am not aware of my facial expressions and they don't really reflect what I am feeling on the inside. I actually enjoy working there most of the time. I like the girls and even though I dont really know them I thought that my behavior was appropriate. I was completely taken aback by the fact that someone went up to him and said it. I am consistently open to feedback. I dont like to step on anyones toes at all, and would like to fit in as well. I am somewhat intimidated by the fact that I am the " new girl" and being a reserved person I'm not one to fully open up for a bit. It's intimidating that I'm now working in an office where everyone is close except me. I really dont know what to do. I am hurt to the point of wanting to cry. I am trying to do the best that I can, but am not too thrilled about people judging me when I have been at the job for about 2 weeks. My boss kind of hinted and I at least got the impression that he would like me to change. Reserved as I am I am also succint. I am honest with people and straightforward and wish that people would do the same. In a way, I'm very confused now. I'm hurt because the person who had the issue didnt really tell me about it. I had to hear t from my boss. Also when I tell him about my quirks, he tells me that a trait of my personality wont work in the office. I'm very confused. Why did he hire me in the first place. Is he telling me that I have to change my personality what about the people who work there already? I understand that there are some adjustments that need to be made, and it's really too early to make assumptions about anyone and who they are. I dont do that but it seems like some in my office already have. Isint change a 2 way street compromise is about working in the middle? I definitely know who I am and dont really feel that this is all me. I dont know what to do. I want to tell my boss that I was hurt but I dont know what to do. This is eating me up inside. Please help.

I dont know, but personally I think that that was some kind of excuse. at least it seemed to me that way. call me suspicious but I've been burned too many times to think otherwise. It just confuses me b ecause I've never did a "booty call" with this guy... why would I start now? im embarrassed. and hurt that he would thbink that. do you thinkg that giving him "space" would help? I dont have any pland st call him and if he did i really wouldnt know what to say.

Currently I take a lot of pills also for treatment of my unipolar depression. Right now I am up around 7. I dont like it much, but I have felt horrible too may times while I have been off of it to stop taking it. Have you discussed with your doctor about your dislike of taking all these pills? And the fact that they dont seem to be working? good luck. ~c~

are you stressed or anythng? That can affect as well.

I wouldnt even bother with both of them... I have never tolerated any people treating others badly. My question to think about would be... would you consider just people who do this your friend? Would you consider people in your life that di this your friends? Would you want them to be your friends?. I got divorced from a guy who upped and did the same thing that you described. I have bacome a lot tougher about what I will tolerate, and this would not ber one of those things. Nevertheless we arent friends, or even aquatinances anymore. I have no respect for him... I know what I say is pretty dtraight, but looking out over your self is important! Good luck! ~k~

I am fairly reserved when it comes to meeting people of the opposite sex and I would definitely not say that I have slept with a lot of men. being intimate is even more difficult than just getting to know someone! I forgot to add... just watch out when she becomes comfortable around you!

I think that it is different for every poerson. A great deal of how long it takes depends on how much emotional baggage one carries around. For me as a divorced person, I can say that it has been taking me a long time to fall in love with everyone. I am currently dating a new guy right now, but I dont feel in love even though we have been dating for a little bit (but not too long). In my first relationship with myh ex husband, I fell in love almost immediately. And mahlina is righgt about the emotional thing with women. womena re feelers and part of them opening themselfves up emotionally is physical intimacy. that would be a start. Just keep in mind that everyones experience is different. Cheers~

I am dating this great guy. We have a great time together I had an incident today that I would like to share and get opinions on. Keep in mind that we have had sex in the past, so our relationship is both sexual and emotional. I went over today, and hung out with him and mentioned that i wouldnt mind having sex. we just hng around for a bit, and then he told me that he didnt really want to have sex with me because he thought that I was coming over for a booty call. or at least to him that is what it seemed like. This is after I just hung out with him for about 4 hours and just talked. I have never had jus a booty call iwth this guy. I am confused and upset. We have been dating for a couple of months and well, We havent had sex so often. I kind of felt that he wasnt in the mood and he was just manipulating is as to not be the bad guy because he didnt want sex. am I right? Well never the less, I was a little huirt that he would think of it that way, I welled up tears in my eyes ( and I tried not to show him) and told him that i would be ok and just go home. He had mentioned that he wanted to go and ride his bike. I told him that it was ok (which it reallyt wasnt) that he should go out for a ride and I would go home. I got all my stuff together and told him bye, and didn't really look back at him He asked me if I was ok (which i lied and said that I was) and he said that i was running away from him and I was upset. I told him that I'll be ok and just walked off. I am upset and hurt. I am embarrassed. what the heck? Can someone explain this to me? I feel like he manipulated me., I feel embarrassed and hurt... Should I? I am not sure how to handle this. I am thinking that I dont want to speak to him for a while, like to take a break, bu I dont want to play this game or be played. help! Should I sxend him an email telling him tjhat I wam sorry he interprested my actions the way that he did? That would be enabling right? I dont have to apologize for anything since I kind of feel that he is the one that insulted me. Right?