crinklecat

Hi, I got suspended from work the other day. My company has a policy that whenever you are out sick, you get an occurrance. You can get x amount in a 1yr rolling period. if you go over that amount then you could get fired. I went over that amount. I have been sick with a lot of different legitimate illness in the past year, much of it caused by the stress that this job entails (customer service for a online travel agnecy) I've sprained my ankle and was put in a cast which made it too difficult for me tp drive my car, and I have had walking pneumonia. I still got penalized for being ill. To them, whether or not you have a dr's note it is counted agains you. I'm finding out on thursday if my job will be reinstated. I've decided not to take this kind of stuff from my company. I was actually happy to get suspended, as I can't stand to work there, but do so for the money. Regardless I have already lined up work with a Temp agency. I feel (I think) That I would be happy if they fired me. Anm I crazy? Please respond!

I'm at my wits end with how to relate (deal) with my mother. We don't have the greatest relationship. From the very beginning, I dont think that my mom and I had very much in common. Her personality ios completely different than mine. She is personable, outgoing, codependent and traditional all at the same time. I am on the other hand the antithesis of her, analytical, loud, moody, more alternative as a person. Growing up with my mom was very difficult. She was not the hip mother. She wouldn come to some of my events that I had because she didnt drive, and wasnt one of those moms that a kid would be proud to show off. I always remember wanting the clothes that all the other girls had and my mother wouldnt get them for me. I think I wore dowdy dresses and muumuus to school for all of elementary, not by choice but because that was all I had. And I was a tomboy. I think that my dad were more on the same mental level than my mom. Just think it was 1985 and my mom was wearing bellbottoms still. Growing up she catered everything to my father. Things that she wouldnt let slide with us she would still let slide with him. We'd get scolded for stupid things This continues today, even more so. There are certin foods that she buys for my father that we have to ask if we can eat it. She never seems to cut the kids a break. As a teenager I wanted a "mom" to hang out and go to the mall with, do girl things together with, and share those important bonding things with. Everything I learned about makeup and sex I learned from school or a makeup book. My mom never did the shopping thing with me. I remember that one time in 6th grade, I got so frustrated with not getting cool clothes to wear to school I finally exploded and just started crying. I told my dad how I felt that the other girls didnt like me cause I dressed junk. Her and my dad went out and got me a jeans set the next week. I never had those mother daughter talks- or learned anything about dealing with boys or men from her. She has always been emotionally stiff with me. I feel like she is loves me but is not loving toward me. But wait there's more! I got married and moved away and spent a lot of time doing those things in which my mom didnt want or couldnt do with my mom With my mother in law. We grew very close, and even though she has passed I still fondly remember her spending quality time with me. In fact she had a lot of qualities in which my mom didnt have which I craved so much. Now, as an adult, I have moved back into my parents home due to a divorce. I have to live once again with my mother. I dont have enough money to get a place of my own, yet, this woman is driving me to the edge of my sanity. I am so tired of trying to have a good mother-daughter relationship. I have become angry and just dont want to deal with her. She still does the same things, still to not see things as fair, continually scolding (Now, Im 30 years old now) me for the littleist of things (like not taking my cup to the sink) yet she still continues to enable and accept my dads faults. I actively try to pursue a relationship with this woman, I ask her if there are any errands that she would like me to take her around to do, or I ask her if she would like to do those mother-daughter bonding activites like go shopping and she ALWAYS declines. Then to rub salt into the wound she goes shopping with her sister (at the mall) 2 days later. She nags, she harps. I feel as if she wants things done according to her schedule, which I am not able to do a lot of the time. I have to ask if it's ok for me to eat ceratin foods. She makes sure that there are meals that are ready for my father and I, but I dont really want that. I want a Mom who seems to like to have me around and as a daughter. This doesnt seem the case as her actions show. I've finally gotten down to the pointin which I dont interact with her much. if she gets on my case I just put her in her place. I am so angry. My dad mentioned tonight how things would work so much better if I interacted with her differently. I have tried to interact with her so many different ways, including the way he suggested. I told him that he doesnt understand that even if I interact with her the way he suggests, it still won't work? I've tried it already. He doesnt see it. What do I do to keep myself from going insane and possibly punching out walls??? I told him that I have tried it all and nothing works. I got more mad and productively decided to type this in hopes of abating my anger. I got upset because I feel that she doesnt like me. anyone help???

Thanks for the advice, you really helped me figure out the whole guy thing. I am just so insecure around men and supposdly how they work and that kind of things that I should have learned a long time ago. I don't really know what to do. I would like to do the flirty touch, but there is something holding me back, whether it be fear of rejection or maybe I am not ready. I dont know. (the flirty touch sounds like some sort of wrestling move) I kind of feel uncomfortable (nervous) cause I dont want him to pull away or not respond, if you know what I mean. I guess that would be a disappointment. I've made myself look like the fool one too many times and I'm not too sure how I feel about this one. I dont feel anything bad, but I dont feel comfortable enough yet. does this make sense? I dunno.....

I don't know if he is really shy or not. He is like me, reserved at first I guess and then opens up more. I been seeing him open up more and more since I have been doing all the fun things with him. I guess I am not sure how to handle it if it is a slow going thing. Howq can you tell when A guy starts liking you more? I am a female and to be honest I am not so good at the flirting kind of thing, but we consistently talk on the phone, email and plan to do more things I guess I could just be impatient. I dont know. The not knowing thing bugs me. But if I knew that we were just friends I don't think it would affect much. Do you think this has the opportunity to develop into more? I was never clear about how guys felt about female friends. If it was possible to have a platonic female friend without the "thought" crossing your mind.

I've been going out with this guy for about 3 weeks now. I really enjoy his company, we have a great time together, and mamzingly I dont get itrritated when he's around (as I have with people whom I didnt click with). I'd like to move the relationship along a bit (like maybe holding hands at least). I am attracted to this fella. I'm not sure what he's looking for. We've gone out on about 4 casual dates, and he hasn't even touched me, held my hand hugged me or anything. He's great, he's interested and we talk and have a great time together. Our dates often last the whole day, but I'm not sure if he is just very slow moving or he is not interested in me in that way. We joke around and can have great conversations and I feel very comfortable around him and i assume that he does seeing that he has called to go out again. It doesnt really bother me, It's just strange cause I've never been in this kind of situation before. I rreally dont want to be the one who brings up the question, am I doomed? any opinion?

I wouldnt worry like the post previous to me mentioned. Even to this day when I am sick, I dont really like to eat. Just watch to see if it goes on for a while. if you live in the states you can also try some pedialite (sic) in her bottle also. That is supposed to refresh nutrients when children are ill. Hope she feels better soon! Crinkle

Hi I just read your post. What it sounds like to me is that this fella that is your friend is confused about if he wants to take this relationship to the next level. It could be that he is analyzing the situation at one moment and feeling what is in his heart the next. Has he ever been in a relationship before? My thought would be in reading your post is that he does value your friendship dearly. By taking it to the next step can be really scary. It's especially scary especially when it is a good friend that you are falling for. I think that he is scared partly because if the relationship doesnt work out he doesnt want to lose you as a friend (believe me it happens), but wants to get to know you in a more intimate level. I think that he has to sort out his mind and needs to decide whether he wants to take that step to either pursue the relationshiup or just cool down and try to remain friends. I Was like him once. I wasnt sure but I decided to take the leap of faith. for me it was an experience where I learned great joy (I married him) and great sadness (he left me) nevertheless, it ended up with us not being friends anymore. This is a decision that he really needs to make on his own. I would just do your own thing, even though its hard. Just remember that you can't put your life on hold waiting for someone elses decision. If he decides to give it a try he will come back to you. Good luck!

I had a first date with someone I met on the internet. We had a great time, we spent the whole day together. He wants to do something again next weekend. I have questions because it's been years since I had a second date. This guy (for giggles we'll name him ray) Ray is new to the area where I live. He's been here for about 3 months. He told me that he joined the dating site because he didnt know anyone in the area and wanted to meet people. He didnt really mention about getting into a relationship or anything. Our date was pretty platonic, we went hiking and talked about ourselves and things-the way that I like it. I am attracted to him, and would definitely like to get to know him better. I guess here is where my inexperience comes into play. I shot him an email this morning just to tell him that I had a great time and that we should do that again.. He sent me an email back saying that he did have a good time too. He wants me to give him a call later on in the week so that I could leave him a message at his house. He is in the navy and will be going to go out on a short mission. he also told me in the email that if he did have email capability on his ship that we could email back and forth while he is out. This guy is on my same mental level. I dont want to lose what I think could be a great catch. We seem to be very mentally compatible, we can talk for hours. I don't want to chase him away. I have the tendency to chase guys off because I come off as too assertive. I am a strong woman, and wouldnt hesitate to call a guy to go out. Sometimes I come accross as too eager, maybe even needy at times. Ijust like talking with people that I am compatible with. How can I keep myself in "check" so as to give this potential relationship or friendship a fair shot? I'm not even really sure how he wants it to go. Any advice would be helpful. also~ I have a question about those email dating things. On my profile I put down that I am trying to quit smoking (which I am) and he doesnt really want a smoker (he put no way) should I be concerned? We have yet to discuss that personal yet. thanks an older (but still novice) dater.

I am trying to figure out the male way of communicating... What does it mean when a man describes a woman as "cute" or "pretty" (in attractiveness and relationship terms)? Ot seems like the male definition is different than the female. I have a lot of guy friends and they will often talk about chicks as "cute" and then never go out with them. but they will go out with a pretty girl... also, I have been called cute (a lot) and havent gotten many dates... What am I missing that the pretty girls dont have? What separates cute from pretty? and thirdly, just to put my feministic opinion in, Most of my female friends that say a guy is cute will go out with them. Women and men, please reply with your intepretation!!! 8)

I'm just tired of being the type a personality that I am. is is possible for one to change from a type a to a tyope b? I seriously think that this will cause me health problems later in life!

Have you ever felt that you can't relax? A lot of people describe me as high strung. I am analytical and have been a "type a" personality. I feel like I can't relax. Like I need to consistently be doing something. I can't just do nothing, I've got to always be doing something.My mind is constantly thinking about what needs to be done next, or some other thought. And that's frustrating, especially when your goal is to relax. and to just think about nothing. I know that what I typed kind of doesnt make sense but that's how I feel. I am confused about this. I want to relax, I want to not be a type A. How the heck would I work on that? Your ideas are greatly appreciated.

Ileft a message saying that I was free on x date and If he wanted to do something to give me a call. I told thim that I had a good time on our date. that was a couple of days ago. what happens if he is not home the second time and he has caller id?

I am the assertive type. But for some reason, maybe they don't get my calls or have the desire to call back. the last guy I dated I really liked, He was more my style. I called him and invited him to the beach next weekend. he hasn't returned my call yet. you think i should call him again sometime mid week? I am really afraid of being the calling too much kind of girl, and I don't want to seem desperate. aargh... oh and btw. I do want a serious relationship... it's just that I think that being friends first is so ever important....

you think that mynot being a flirty kind of gal (I'm one of those tomboy types "do it all and wear a dress") that is a turnoff? what would you think ?

I'll give you the bottom line of this as I see it. Sorry if it's blunt, but it seems to be the bottom line you aren't perfect, nor is she. Have you thought that she may think that there are things that she doesnt know if she likes about you? Offering to work out at the gym can be insulting. Just think of the quote "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. basically a relationship needs a little give on both parts. There may be some things that you need to look at and decide whether or noy you would be willing to tolerate (quirks as I call 'em) besides I have seemed to find that it's not really the outside that matters cause all of that can change, it's the inside that matters. I think that you need to do some self introspection and decide if this is something that you are willing to tolerate. good luck

well, I'm about to be 30, and to be honest I am not the bar type. I've been married already, so I am fairly settled so I dont think bars are much of an option. I mean this dating thing really stresses me out. I am a fairly assertive gal and I don't play games. I would definitely not say that I am shy... I don't hesitate to call a guy after a date to invite him to do something more as friends but I just don't understand.

have you lost your appetite, not been able to sleep, felt liike you were living in a haze of like someone put grey shades over your eyes? do you not enjoy doing things that you like to do. Do you feel like you need to relax but cant? These could be signs of depression. I agree that you should seek a counselor or a doctor to see if you could talk wiht someone about what troubles you. I got diagnosed after my divorce. some people say that writing helps, but I always felt that talking for me worked better. I also got on medication which helped a great deal. also. I would suggest that you try to find things of your own, thatings that are special to you only not necessarily your bf. That way you become less dependent on him and possibly less fights... good luck

Hi there I've been watching over the forum lately and in an effort to not bash myself in and make myself more depressed than I already am, i thought I would seek out the advice of others. I recentlly signed up for a matching service like the ones that say that they match your personality with other papers and send out introduction letters to other individuals. I have received several matches and among the people who have actually called back, I have gone out with 7-8 guys. Mind you I have received about 10-13 referrals. I feel that the dates go really well, we have fun, have great conversation, but for some reason the guys never call for a second date. I'm not overly flirty, and I prefer being friends first before getting into serious dating. I often call within a few days to invite them to do something friendly, but I never get a call back.. It's not an enjoyable experience, as I thought dating was supposed to be. It's agonizing. I wish I could say I have thick skin, but in reality, I dont. I'm not even really dating to find a relationship, just dating to find friends to do things with that could POSSIBLY lead to a relationship. That is the situation that I am most comfortable in. but still, no one wants to call me back. I've never dated much in my life, and based on my experiences that i have gone through, I'd really rather never to do it again. It's just so disheartning. I know that this is not something that applies to women only, but men also. If you have been guilty of this I would like to get some perspective. If you suffer from this, why do you do it? and how do you deal with it? Dating was never this hard when I was in my early 20's. now it seems like it's a whole nother sstory. ](*,)

I think a kiss can. It can be either a flirty kiss or it can symbolize something more. Think of it as "extended" body language. Maybe your feelings are more than you just realize. Who knows? I've never had a fireworks kiss yet, and I've been married and divorced. Good luck!

I wish I knew what relaxation was... have always been the high strung type...that's kind of what triggered the realization that I may need to see the psych once again... I have not been able to relax for the last few months.....

I suffer from depression. Have been on paxil for some time now, as the aftermath of a very brutal divorce. Had to basically start my life over. Went to counselling for 2+ years, lost the job I had for 10 years, moved away from home but relapsed and had to move back. Since then I got a new job which I loved at one time but now I dont like it anymore. I feel like I was used by my company in several aspects, and am currently trying to find another job with possible career potential as the one that I have is also very dead end. I believe in taking "little steps" as my counselor had advised me to not overwhelm myself and keep everything in check. Lately (for the past 3 months or so) my level of frustration with all the things that I am trying to attain to rebuild my life has gradually increased. I tried to start dating, but get so incised with how people act in the dating scene gets me stressed. I thought that maybe going out with some nice guys would make me feel comfortable, but I get pissed off because it seems that the dates that I am matched up with (through a matching service) have nothing in common with me or are not interested in another date, even as friends. I work in a customer service job, which I am required at times to deal with very upleasant people. It used to not bother me, but now I'm just tired. I am tired of having people yell at me. I just don't want to do this job anymore. It's boring. I want to enjoy what I do and I have realized that this is not it. I have been actively looking for another job with possible career potential, but have had little luck. I'm getting frustrated with this too. I feel that the depression is coming back, Like I am at the tip of blowing up.. It really frustrates me that I have been busting my butt to get back to where I was post divorce, and I am struggling so much. Sometimes I feel like I have the touch of black death. Everything I do doesnt work out or pan out or completely falls apart. For once in my life I would just like to get a break. I can honestly say that there have been glimmers of happiness like the days pre-marriage/divorce, but that person is so long gone. I dont even know if she exists anymore. I use all the tools that I have learned in my counseling and I can honestly say, that they arent working this time.. I'm frustrated angry, and sick and tired of being patient. I've been patient for a long time, too long. I feel that I have done so much work for so little. *sigh* Sorry for my go-off manifesto, but the fingers kept typing... All I want to do is relax and be ok.... any suggestions for dealing with this?

yeah I know I should. I've got to keep remindimg mysefl that this is for fun, not for an interview for a potential husband! LOL As you probably already can tell, I am a type A personality.

the last time I did what you could consider dating was a long time ago. I dont think that I even went on what i could consider actually a date. Most of my time with men was spent just hanging out as a group, kinda like the college type thing.... I ended up meeting my ex because we hung out in the same group so i couldnt say we actially dated as a couple per se, only after we were classified as bf/gf I really dont know what ot expect of dating. Am I setting myself up for a lot of potential heartache if i have a goal out of my dating? Am I go8in g about this in the wrong way?

I dunno, I hate dating. my friends thnk he got what he wanted so he's not interested in the chase, Gosh, why doesnt someone chase me? Crinkle=Serial man chaser

I dunno maybe i should go with the flow. you guys are guys. I mean if he hasnt called in a week doesnt seem like he's too interested, right?