hoppy26

heres my advice.....ive been going through the same situation. my girlfriend of 3 years left me. i wanted answers...reasons. all i got was a bunch of "i dont knows". she would say things in an attempt to make me feel better. in the end it lead me on to the road of confusion, hurt, and alot of un-trust. now.....heres the problem. i expected nothing but for this girl to respect my feelings and be honest with me. she gave me every line she could without saying the truth...."i just dont want to be with you anymore". it was obvious she didnt buy her actions.....but she insisted to tell me that she still loved me....never stopped loving me...so on and so on. your ex may do the same thing to you aswell in an attempt to protect your feelings. dont buy it!!!!! he left for a reason.....as harsh as it is. he simply doesnt want to be with you in that form of relationship. so you might ask.....how do we be friends? if he can be 100% honest with you then that is every reason to remain friends. becuase my ex choose the other route....i have no choice but to not want her as a friend. friends dont lie...and disrespect you. so with that ill say becarefull. maybe you need to create your own closure.

well......my downward spiral into depression has gotten worse. to the point i feel i need therapy. ive been told i can go to my regular doctor to get prozac prescribed. what are your guys thoughts on prozac? did it help you control your depression and anxiety? how long have you been taking it?any side effects? problems stopping with it? my thoughts have gotten out of control....my life is getting out of control. i can honestly say i cannot do this alone. my ex is the reason for all this mess. her manipulating, decieveing lies have gotten me here. any advice? anybody else feel they couldnt do it alone?

had a really bad weekend mentally. i let me mind get the better half of me. it was all triggered by seeing the ex yesterday. her mother and step-father called and asked me to take some stuff to the dump for them. they are great people and feel that my ex has made a bad mistake. its hard enough to even go to this house and see these people.....but my ex doesnt live with them so i figured all would be ok. after doing my second dump run i was coming back to there house for the last. as i got closer i noticed the ex's car in the driveway.my heart started to pound like crazy and i got the butterflies like never before. this isnt the first time i have seen her since she broke up with me....but alot has gone on in the time since she broke up with me. we dated for 3 years and i knew her before that. she left me in a not so nice way. basically left me hanging without any closure. told me things i wanted to hear. i have not felt she has been honest with me about why she really left.....or needed her "break". she insists she loves me...never stopped loving me....wants to be with, just not right now. in the same conversation she said" for your own good you need to move on". i agreed to myself that this was what i needed to do. she obviously doesnt love me as much as she says and also doesnt really want to be with me later. she took the simple way out. back to the story.........i was picking up some stuff and saw her in the windo looking at me. i gave a quick look and a waive and went about my business....she waived back. acouple minutes later she came out. she kinda just stood there and watched me work.......almost like she was expecting me to want to have a huge conversation with her. we had small talk, i continued to do what i was doing. when i get ino these situtaions with her i just dont know how to act. i want to yell at her. i want to tell her i still love her and want her back. i want to tell her she's made the biggest mistake of her life. i want to tell her that we cannot be friends because she cant even be honest with me. i want to tell her every emotion she made me feel. after acouple minutes i started to panic.....so i went to find her parents. said goodbye and left. i have been miserable all weekend. this girl insists she doesnt want to loose the best friend i also was........she says she cant deal with that. i on the other hand cant even deal with seeing this girl. i am 26...she 23. i have slipped into deep deprssion from her walking out on me. i really though she was the one. she is very depressed aswell with problems in her life but she is hiding her problems right now with a life of drinking and partying with her friends that have recently graduated college and came home for good. i to this day havent really excepted what she did to me, how she did it, and why she keeps filling my head with hope, and then chopping it all down. at this point i dont know what to do. ive already told her i love her, want to be with her.....etc. when she first told me she needed a break, my first reaction was " i dont do breaks....you break the ties you break all ties". i was kiding myself when i thought i could handle this. i guess it was an attempt for her to not need her "break". in any event.......i sit here still devistated after four months. tomoroow will be the 4 month anniversay of our breakup. talking with her gets me no where. like i said....she says all this stuff that just confuses me and i dont think shes being honest in an attempt to still have me as a friend. i need a therapist to talk to about this. i feel like a loser that cant move on when i talk with my mother/father/sister and friends. i just cant afford one. i feel i need to let my feelings out or my road into depression will only get worse. damn....i hate this. i need to add im not really sure what she was doing there. she knew i was going to be there...i guess from her mother. id like to think she went to see me.....but thats my head playing tricks on me.

ok............i have to ask after your last comment. where did you find this girl? she smells.....and she lets out big smelly wet farts while having sex. ummmmmmmmmmm......im starting to understand your fear. i to would be scared if me ex was this way.

thankyou for the kind words colls!!!!!

ok here i am. single. i just turned 26.....ive been in serious relationships aslong as i have been dating. my 1st relationship was when i was 16. ive been in 5 since. the lastone ended 4 months ago after almost 3 years. heres my problem. ive never really had to approach a girl. all the girls ive been with were the ones to come on pretty hard. all are attractive girls. i consider myself attractive.....but not at all cocky or arrogent. ive never been in the dating seen and im not sure where to start. i live in a small town. i have alot of friends......they all drink like they just turned 21. they go to bars 4 or 5 nights a week to get waisted. although they arte friends i find myself not fitting in with the crowd to well. i dont really drink and hate bars. they are boring. not really a place id like to meet a girl, but it seems like the only place ill meet a girl. i get advice like do hobbies. how do you meet a girl fishing in the middle of a lake? or camping in the woods? i feel im doomed to be single until another girl comes on to me again, which i fear wont happen becuase im not out getting drunk at the bars. any advice? im lonely.....i guess because im stuck in this small town feeling like im the only one that wants to get up early in the morning not hungover.

i suppose it will depend on each and every individual. you dont have interest in it and niether did she. some girls tend to feel uneasy about letting guys go down. some guys just think its gross for whatever reasons. i find it to be AWESOME!!!! i enjoy giving oral to a women almost as much as i would want to have intercourse. i havent found a girlfriend yet that wouldnt allow me to. everyone of them has complimented on my talents. from one guy to the other..........try it, learn it, love it. i cant say much more. your missing out and so wasnt she. my face has gone numb form giving oral for so long. i love giving it just as much as getting it. to be honest....if a girl wants to go down on me, she has to understand im going to return the favor. 8 years......and never tried? not even lick? i know the orgasm for a girl from intercourse and oral are totally differant. my ex said her orgasms from oral were way more intense then intercourse. just my $0.02. learn the vagina....learn it well. its not just something you stick your member in. --- addition from later post (swingfox) --- one more note: theres more to oral on a girl then "believing your french kissing". there are things you can do to make her experience alot better. i suppose "french kissing" will get you started......

i can understand your feelings very much. im going through a similar situation. my ex left me hanging hard. 3 years and all i got was "i need a break and i dont know why". she neglegted to contact me for the better part of 3 months. all that time i was a complete mess. a head filled with awfull thoughts and emotions. yet......alot of that could have been avoided hadnt she been so selfish. she hurt me in ways i cant describe. i felt cheated, lied to, manipulated, and decieved. all by a girl that for 3 years lead me to believe it was forever. when someone does this to you they trully dont understand the pain. i cant look at my ex the same way ever again because of what she did and how she handled it. i just couldnt believe this was coming from this girl. she wants to do the friends thing. im telling you if you were hurt by this girl..........dont do it. if in the the back of your mind you still love her(i expect you do) it will only cause you more pain. how can you just hangout and be friends after years of being so close. i think its almost impossable. girls tend to think its easy being just friends. i dont understand it at all. part of me still loves my ex. the way i once knew her. today she is a totally differant person..someone i feel i dont even know. remember.......even friendships should be built on trust. if shes lying to you.....theres no room for friendship to begin with. dude....believe me i know what your feeling. atliest you have this new girl and hopefully she wont play the same games. goodluck

why not do the right thing? if your not happy in your marriage get a divorce!!!! whats with people??? if you want to sleep with other men and be with other men just get out!!!! dont run around the man you made a promise to the day you said "i do".

do i need to tell her that we cant be friends. i dont feel its possable. she really doesnt seem to give a crap about any of my feelings. and to top it all off she cant even be honest with me. WOW all from the same girl that promised me the world. anyway, i dont feel she has even been trying to be a friend. does she deserve to be told that i dont think its going to happen.....or should i just not call,email, contact her at all? just curious.

thankyou all for the answers, they all make sense. i cant be a good friend to her......and she has proved she just cant be a good friend. even to the person she said she loved and wanted to marry. she has a problem being completely honest with me and i have a huge problem with that. this has been real tough on me and ive allowed it to control parts of my life. i need to work on letting go. its just tough. im working on it!!!! thanks

ok...i havent been on site in awhile. heres a little update. girlfriend of almost three years said she needed a break. i really didnt get any answers as to why. just alot of i dont knows. we didnt talk for almost 1-1/2 months its been almost four months since she broke it off. i was devastated. i thought this was the one...so didnt everyone else. she contacted me over email. wanted to clear up some rumors going around town she was cheating on me and seeing some other guy. we eventually got together for acoupls hours to talk. she was ready to open up and explain things somewhat. i still love this girl with all my heart. i never wanted this to end nor did i think it would. i have alot of feelings inside about the whole situation but talking to her seems to get me no where. she says things like "i never stopped loving you" or "i want to be with you...but i cant right now". in the next sentence she's telling me "you should move on for your own good". im really confused and hurt. she does have many problems in her life.....work...living situtaion....school...and an alcohol problem that seems to be controlling her life. i want so bad to have her in my life but more as "just friends". i know it will take her to want that aswell but i cant change that. my question is how do i just put all the feelings of lust, love....etc. away and just be her friend? it seems almost impossable. all i find myself wanting to do when we talk is talk about us and why she did what she did. she doesnt seem to want to talk about it. when someone feels really hurt is it better to just walk away for good. i want to help her but at the same time i cant put my feelings aside. i asked her what she wanted from me at this point in her life. she said she needs me in her life.....as she feels im one of the few "real" people she knows. do i run? she seems to make me very confused which in turn leads me to hurt. i dont understand how people can just one day decide "i need a break". she left me here sitting alone, confused, etc. and now that we are talking again all the feelings seem very fresh. whats everybodys input? is it better to just go separate ways? is anyone in a similar situation? do you think she is testing me and my ability to be "just friends"? please help....i hate that im so torn.

i dont know if this will help but ill try........im in a very simular situation except im not the one who broke it off. my ex is very confused and lost in her life. she cant even really explain her actions, decisions, etc. she told me she broke it off because she knew i deserved more then she could give. she has issues that only SHE can fix and work out. no matter how much i tell her i love her, want to help her it just wont change a thing. she is choosing to take this destructive path she is on and only she will know when it needs to end. i cant even put into words the way this makes me feel. being pushed away from somebody you love with all your heart and she loves you aswell is something i hope i never have to go through again. she ended it all with "for your own sake you should move on....i dont want you to but its for your own good". i feel helpless and lost..........but i know only she can change. maybe my story will put into prospective your situation. your lost, confused....etc. imagine what your ex must feel. you need to work out your life to be fair with her.

this is so hard for me. i cant sit back as her friend and watch her self-destruct herself. nor can i walk away as i love her with all my heart. i know she can only help herself. the feelings i have are aweful. we were bestfriends aswell. i want to be that but i just cant put my feelings aside and like i said sit back and watch.

i know exactly how you feel. my ex-girlfriend is depressed, drinking more then ever and confused. she basically told me the same thing "for your sake move on". she left me because she felt i deserved better. i expressed my love for he. i expressed my concern, willingness to help...etc. i dont know what to do either. i feel lost as you do. confused, hurt, pushed away and every other miserable feeling. hang in there you are not alone.

ok.......since my last post. i just got back from meeting my ex-girlfriend. she broke it off about 4 months ago. we hadnt talked in almost 1-1/2 due to some not so nice rumors going around that she was cheating on me and seeing some guy. to make the long story short she contacted me acouple weeks ago to let me know absolutle none of it was true. they were friends...hung out....etc. anyway after acouple emails we decide we need to get together and talk about it all. i never knew at first why she broke it off......for awhile i did think it was because of the other guy. i did know that soon after our break she started seeing a therapist. today i got some answers about what happened and has been going on. basically she got diagnosed with some kind of anxiety attack disorder and he also told her she had a drinking problem.......this all makes me so upset. this girl was the sun in my sky. she was always so happy but at the end i noticed a change. she told me she goes out everynight and gets drunk, goes to work hungover and does that all week. she said she needs to get out of her house so thats what she does. she told me that she broke it off because she knew i deserved better then what she was bringing to the relationship. i just dont understand. i told her that i just want her to be that happy person she once was but she seems to only want to continue on this destructive path shes taking. i need to express my love for this girl. im 26 years old been through enough relationships to know what love is. i expressed my concern for her. she told me she has and never will stop loving me. and that she wanted to be with me just not at this time(i agree that wouldnt be good aswell) but she ended it all with "for your sake i think you should move on". she said she didnt want me to but "for my sake". i didnt take this to well and really couldnt talk much more after this. the girl i want to help, love, marry, etc is telling me to move on. why if she wanted to be with me would she risk me moving on? im extremely upset about this. i want to help this girl i love so bad but feel she is pushing me away. what does this all mean? what should i do? i feel helpess and i just dont see moving on as an option. i want this to work out.i dont understand she has so much potential and is so much more then what she is at this time. please help.....is there any help for her. what can i do? just be her friend? my feelings are just gowing wild need some guidance.

tough one.....when my ex left me i used getting belongings back as an excuse to see her. i didnt want my stuff, i didnt want to give hers back. i just wanted to see her and try and talk things out. needless to say...........her "break" was another guy so i am glad now that i did what i did. i would hate to have to see her now to get my stuff. just some thought.

im a 26 year old guy......never been in the dating seen. since 16 ive been in 5 long term relationships. all with very attractive girls. ive never had a problem meeting people until now. im attractive(no im not cocky just confident). all my past girlfriends pretty much approached me in one way or another. i dont really do the whole party bar seen thing, so i dont have that going for me. how do you meet people to date? im really not that outgoing when it comes to asking girls out. where should i start? my hobbies might not be the best way to meet girls.....fishing/camping/boating. do girls like that stuff? my ex girlfriends only seemed to like it because i did. anyway....do i just wait and see if i get approached again? im still working on getting over the last girl that totally broke my heart. im not ready for serious stuff....just want to meet some knew people and see whats out there. thanks

to be honest.........i think what you did stinks. your guilt isnt ten times what she probably feels. i was walked out on and i can tell you that is what hurt me the most. not that she didnt want to be with me, the fact she didnt respect me enough to tell me why. if your half the man you should be, youll call her and tell her why you left. and to be honest one more time she's better off without you. how could you be so spineless to someone you were with for 2-1/2 years? your 37 years old and your actions are those of someone in there teens.

ok.........this isnt something i wanted to ask. but here it goes. about 3-4 weeks after my ex said she needed a "break" we had sex. we started off with a shower.......washed eachother and so on. after the shower we had sex. she was up on the sink.....i standing. while we were going at it she dripped(a couple drops) on the floor. i said "are you cumming"? she was what i thought at the time really excited. she has done this before but this time it was alot. i thought nothing of it....until the news broke out that she was seeing some guy and may have been cheating on me at the time we were together. i dont know whats true and whats not. she told me she wasnt.....people tell me she's hiding it.....she tells mutual friends shes not. I DONT KNOW!!! we havent talked in just over a month. i started having really bad thoughts about that day we had sex. i think maybe that "drip" wasnt hers. im really grossed out over this. i cant believe if it was that she had the nerve to have sex with me. GIRLS........IS THIS NORMAL? IM I JUST OVER REACTING? OR SHOULD I TAKE MY THOUGHTS AS THE TRUTH? PLEASE HELP WITH THIS ONE?I CANNOT CALL AND ASK HER AS I FEEL SHE IS JUST GOING TO LIE TO ME.

well....i can reassure you that if he is cheating and it does end your marriage....(believe me i hope this is not the case) then he will have to live with that for the rest of his life. i was 13 when my father "left"(cheated) and i am 26 now. i still to this day havent totally forgotten him for his actions. he didnt just wreck a mairrage, he wrecked getting to watch us all grow up. he has to live with that everyday. i wouldnt want that to carry around with me for sure. im sorry you are unsure. try to figure this out....maybe see if you can identify the "stuff". are you talking "man stuff?

i know its silly isnt it. i had the same problem. i would contact her to try and get some answers. all i ended up getting was alot of things that hurt me. you are doing the right thing!!! disconnect yourself from him and you will be alright. i think we feel the need to contact our ex's because its routine. part of letting go is breaking the routine. instead of calling your ex.....call your best friend. it works believe it or not. goodluck. pm me if you wish.

ok...........this didnt help. she emailed me. she wanted to see how i was? how thw business was doing? said she hadnt heard from me in awhle, wanted me to give her a call, and then ended it with i miss you. all from the girl that walked out/cheated on me to be with some other guy after 3 years. what the? last time i called her over a month ago she told me she was to busy(she just pulled into the bar". why would i call her to get that again? and she wonders why she hasnt heard from me in awhile!!!! is she crazy? would i be crazy to respond? need advice. thanks

partner.........im in a similar situtaion..(no kids involved..but cheating and lying). this girl cheated on you and lied to you. do not expect her to feel bad for you. this girl isnt worth your time/effort/tears. if she was she wouldnt be cheating. once a cheat always a cheat. this girl is trash. dont let her decieve/manipulate you!!!!!!

thanks all for responding. i understand time will help. i suppose my biggest problem i having to deal with is no-closure. i just never imagined in a million years this girl could be this type of person. i know i have to move on and except it.thanks