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LittleLion24

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  1. LittleLion24
    I don't think you should feel like a jerk. You're doing what's best for YOU! If you feel the need to email him back, then do that but I think you're doing fine so why bother. Keep in mind sometimes people (your ex) need to experience this type of break up behavior because it helps them mature (at least that is what we hope it will do). You didn't say in your post who broke up with who but it doesn't matter. Keep being strong.
  2. LittleLion24
    You need to think about what's best for your boys. As frustrated and angry you are about the child support adjustment you need to get over it because it's petty. You're allowed to be angry at the JUDGE not your EX for forgiving his arrears ($2000) and yes, maybe that is not fair but every state has different laws pertaining to child support. thereforeeee, I'm not going to elaborate anymore on the child support issue because it's pointless and I'm not an expert in VA Family Court law. However, I will give my opinion about joint custody. As much as you don't want to hear this the fact is your EX has rights just as you do. For you to say that the reason he's filing for joint custody is he "wants to pay no support" is petty on your part. Your EX has just as much right to those boys as you do. So why are you wasting pointless energy on facts that cannot be changed? Instead, you should be using you energy to figure out what's BEST for your boys. Yes, it's going to be difficult if you and your EX have joint custody but you need to start thinking and planning now how you're going to make this transition for them go as smoothly as possible. You and your EX will have to put your anger and pettiness aside so you two can figure out a plan to make this work out so everyone is not stressed. This may be hard but I think you should step up and be the "hero" that your family needs. What this means is putting aside all of your hurt, anger etc. and start finding solutions so your boys can grow up in a family (although broken) isn't broken for the rest of their lives. I'm a single mom myself and I grew up in a broken home because my parents would not put aside their pettiness. My parents went through a nasty divorce and custody battle when I was 10. It took 14 yrs until they finally realized the damaged that they did. Don't make this mistake with your boys. Step up and be the "hero" of your family, and do whatever is necessary to give those boys a loving, stable environment to grow up in.
  3. LittleLion24
    Yes SuperDave71. We (Ladies) are turned off by desperation! We find strong and independent men very attractive. Stop worrying about what to do when you get to Vegas etc. I don't think you should text her because if she wants to know she'll text you. Let her make that move, not you. And stop worrying about the washing machine too. I'm proud of you for recognizing that you don't like who you've become in the relationship either. Sometimes "breaks" are good just for this reason. Take this time to do some soul searching., and I think you have started doing this. PLEASE,PLEASE,PLEASE take Mavis,mine, and SuperDave advice and MOVE TO THE COUCH TONIGHT. That lonely feeling is only going to be ten times worse when she does move out and you spend your first night alone in your bed. So, do yourself a huge favor and do it now so that first night isn't as lonely as it will be if you don't make this move.
  4. LittleLion24
    Good luck. Let us know what happens.
  5. LittleLion24
    That's not true. There's nothing wrong with needing advice and I'm sure you will give excellent advice based on your past experiences. Use this forum to help yourself heal and help others too. We're all here because we like to listen and respond when applicable.
  6. LittleLion24
    I agree with Nathalie1970. "You'll Think of Me" by Keith Urban is a great healing song. But try and find the acoustic or Live Version. (I know link removed has it and you can download it for $.88) Those versions have an extra verse at the end that is so awesome.
  7. LittleLion24
    No problem. Anytime you need help, let me know. Good luck!
  8. LittleLion24
    I'd save yourself the hassle and just put it in the mail. You sound like you want to give it back to her yourself maybe because you want to see her again? If this is true, then definitely take my advice and drop it in the mail. Seeing her won't make her realize "Oh, I have come to my senses. Let's be together." As romantic of a notion that is the fact is it isn't realistic. Don't put yourself through anymore heartache. You've been through enough already.
  9. LittleLion24
    It's up hazey_amber. Single Mom: Dating Tips check it out. Let me know if I left anything out!
  10. LittleLion24
    Single Moms: Tips on Dating If you’re a single mom and you’re currently dating, wanting to date, and/or are in a seriously relationship, here are a few tips on how to interact with your guy/date: 1) Never, ever accept instant messaging and/or text messaging as the primary form of communication. After all, this is how your kid(s) communicate with their friends! Genuine, mature, and AVAILABLE guys will use the phone. Email is okay but he needs to use the phone too. 2) Don’t bash your ex for the sake of bashing. This includes the first, second, third etc. date. The only time you can bash your ex is when your guy/date asks about him or wants to know about him. Otherwise it'll make you look like just another bitter woman. 3) Be cautious of Emotionally Unavailable Men. They will probably bring out all of your insecurities and cause you even more stress that you don’t need. (They are the ones that send you mixed signals, come and go, and disappear without any notice) 4) If you want a relationship and/or a serious relationship step-up and let it be known. Don’t sit back and wait on him to determine when and if things will get serious. If you don’t have time for a manicure, then you don’t have time to wait around for him either. 5) Don’t let your child(ren) get attached if you don’t think the two of you will last. Only you can determine when it is the best time to introduce your child(ren) and how much time they spend with him. 6) When the two of you are out for dinner SLOW DOWN and eat your dinner at a normal pace. Savor every bite of your dinner and enjoy your time away from your child(ren). 7) Let him drive you around for a change. 8) If he wants to fix something in your home let him. You know if you don’t let him it will never get fixed. 9) If you’re out with him and the child(ren) and he wants to push the stroller, feed the baby, put coats on, wipe faces/hand, etc., let him because this shows he could be trying it out to see if he has what it takes to be in you and your child(ren’s) life. Besides, it’s nice every once in awhile to have a break. 10) Pay attention to the little things that he does. For example, if when you return from a night out by yourselves and the first thing he does is check on the child(ren), you know he's sincere and has a huge heart. Excellent qualities. 11) ALWAYS appreciate every single thing he does for you no matter how small, medium or large. Tell him “thank you” and how much he has helped you out etc. 12) Make sure you keep a balance between what he does for you and what you do for him too because you don’t want him to think you’re taking advantage of him. (This is where we get bad reputations as single moms because too many take advantage of good guys which makes other good guys reluctant to date single moms). 13) Don't freak out if your house is not perfect and crystal clean when he comes over. He shouldn't judge you because a sometimes messy, disorganized house goes along with having a child(ren). And don't clean up while he's there either. He might think you have OCD! NOTE: These tips come from my own personal experience. I've been a single mommy since the day my daughter was born and it's not easy to date and have a relationship when you have kids. I hope my tips are helpful. Let me know if I left anything out!
  11. LittleLion24
    Let your friend give the purse back to her so you don't have to contact her and break NC. Those "don't know" type are better off by themselves until they figure out what it is they want. You never know maybe someday she'll come around but you can't wait around for her. If she does come around, and you're single and still care about her then awesome. But if she never does come around at least you have moved on. There are a million other women out there that know what they want and you'll find her.
  12. LittleLion24
    Well at least you're making some progress. Just take small steps and eventually it will get easier. There's a great song by Faith Hill (I realize that guys may not be into Faith Hill's music) called "Stronger" on her "Cry" Album that may uplift you. Give it a try.
  13. LittleLion24
    AllTornUp--Mavis and I are on the same page about this. You need to be strong and like Mavis suggested "take control of the situation." You were "hoping" that she would roll over and want to hold you and she didn't so now you're even more hurt. When you start putting wishful expectations on people you're only making the pain worse. This is another reason why you MUST be strong. I've been in a similiar situation and it is not easy but you need to be strong. Your strength will help easy the pain. Like Mavis said too, you want her to be proud of you and not feel bad or pity you in your emotional state. I bet she has never witnessed this side of you, and like I said before it will be a plus to show her. She will probably find you more attractive through own strength. Give it some time and see what happens. And tonight you know what you need to do. I'm here if you find another moment of weakness.
  14. LittleLion24
    You're absolutely right afonselaca! Planning is a MUST!!! And we do love to plan!
  15. LittleLion24
    Keep being strong and don't cave in. It's not rude to not respond. You're doing what is best for YOU and not her. Keep this in mind and you'll be fine.
  16. LittleLion24
    She's probably emailing you because 1) she's no longer with that other guy and 2) she now realizes what she had! Now you have to decide what you want to do. Answer her email and run the risk of opening old wounds? Or, keep ignoring her emails, and keep healing and moving on? If she cheated on you in the past, it's likely she'll do it again. A good predictor of future behavior is past behavior unless something substantial has changed within her. This is a call only you can make.
  17. LittleLion24
    If you're over her, I agree with AwdreeHpburn, don't worry about it and ignore it. No reason to open old wounds.
  18. LittleLion24
    I think it's obvious from your post what you need to do: You need to completely break things off. You said so yourself that you can't be her friend and you'll get mad if she calls and talks about her ex! Honestly, she sounds like a flake since she is back and forth about her feelings for her ex. Nobody needs to put up with someone that is that unsure of how they feel. It only makes things confusing. I would suggest the NC thing at least for awhile. If you do want her as a friend I don't think that's going to be possible until after you've had some time and space from her to get perspective.
  19. LittleLion24
    You're killing me here AllTornUp! Of course it's going to be hard but you know this is what you have to do. I'm not going to tell you which is better: leave her in the master bedroom or put her downstairs. That should be your decision. Come on, you're strong. You can make that decision on your own. Stop over analyzing your every move and just do it! I know you're strong.
  20. LittleLion24
    AllTornUp--Congratulations you have just come to an "AHH HA" moment! I'm so proud of you! Your "AHH HA" moment is recognizing "If I let her have this "crutch", it'll just make it easier for her to leave and harder for me to be left. So maybe it really would be better to suggest separate beds." That's exactly why I suggested separate beds. There's really no way to tell whether she is trying to make it easier for her to leave because she might not realize what she's doing either. But you have realized what this "crutch" could be doing and that is the important thing. So, now do you see why you need to be strong?
  21. LittleLion24
    I agree with Mavis! You need to show her you are strong and independent.
  22. LittleLion24
    Here's some comfort: A relationship that starts on a lie (your ex and his new g/f) will end on a lie. thereforeeee, you need not warn her because it will eventually come to an end. If it was a game to him or not, who cares. Just think, now his new g/f has to put up with his games instead of you! Lucky her! This should make you feel so much better. Go ahead, smile!
  23. LittleLion24
    AllTornUp---I agree with you when you say it will show her that you're strong but, more importantly, it will also show her that you're serious about your relationship which is the MOST important message you want to send. I also want you to think about your motivation for taking my suggestion. If it is to "get her to start missing you" then you're only going to be in pain more. What if she doesn't miss you? Then what? You'll be hurt and disappointed so don't make that the reason why you need separate beds. You need separate beds because yes, you need to be strong and show her you're serious about your relationship. I guarantee she is probably not expecting you to suggest different rooms and she's probably not expecting you to be strong and stand up for the future of your relationship. You never know this type of strength may be attractive to her and you don't even know it. That is why if you care this much about her and your relationship you'll do what it right.
  24. LittleLion24
    I think you're doing the right thing right now by just getting through the next two weeks. However, I think you should really consider either you or her moving out of the bedroom and sleeping in different beds in different rooms. You're only going to make it worse on yourself after she's gone if you keep enjoying her little kisses and such at night. I know it will be hard and you probably won't want to sleep in different rooms but you need to make this move. I would also suggest doing the NC thing now and after she moves out. She's the one that needs "space" and to work on herself. thereforeeee, you making contact is not helping her. I know this will also be hard but you need to start now so that in two weeks it doesn't become even harder. Take the time during the next two weeks and even after she's gone to reflect on you. Reevaluate what you want out of life? What do you want in a relationship? What don't you want in a relationship? Be specific. Try writing down your thoughts. Then see how your relationship with her fits what you want and don't want. This might give you some insight into yourself and your relationship for good and bad. In situations like these it's really important to respect your partner's wishes and to reevaluate you too. It will give you perspective on what to do next and/or how to move on. I always say if it's meant to be it will find a way to work itself out. But you have to be patient.
  25. LittleLion24
    What in the world would you want to say to her if you could? It sounds like you did yourself a favor by having this guy as you ex since he doesn't want kids and you have TWO! Stop feeling hurt because you don't really want to be with someone that doesn't want the same thing as you, and not wanting kids should be a deal breaker since your already have two!
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