badBoy101

Thank you for your responses. Crazyaboutdogs, you are very close to the mark in what you say, it's clear she was "reaching out" and those are exactly the words I would use also. To me there is a world of difference between young people broadcasting their lives and so on on somewhere like myspace and someone in her early forties (as she is) leaving a subtle (or not so subtle) message on a quiet, little known and very private member-only forum. I won't be responding to her though because really there is no reason to. Time has passed, we are different people now and it would be difficult, indeed inappropriate, to attempt to re-establish any connection today. Nonetheless, it was interesting to see her make a re-appearance after so long, I wish her well for the future.

well eva we'll agree to see this differently, cheers for chiming in though

The phrases were ones we reserved for each other so i do know it is her I am in no "grief" whatsoever, I'm just curious as to why she feels the need to come back now and test the waters instead of contacting me directly.

I have been broken up with my ex a very long time, almost 3 years in fact and we last has any email contact 18 months ago. Last year I noticed several message on a blog we used to go together. The messages were not directly to me but contained poems and phrases only we would both know. I think "something" is up here and my friends say she is trying to test the waters for a possible re-establishment of contact. Anyone got any thoughts on on what she is up to here?

listen carefully.....don't sacrifice your career, your potential, your success, happiness and fulfillment for anyone, regardless of who they are, and i mean that it's not about you giving a woman what she wants, any more than it is about a woman giving you what you want; being in a relationship is all about working together and not losing yourself, your personality, your hopes, dreams and ambitions on the altar of someone else's wishes

Thank you ladies, you've kind of confirmed what I thought. If the person wants to say something to me then they should contact me directly, it's a pity they felt they weren't able to do that. Anyway, thanks for taking time to respond.

I sometimes post messages on an internet forum, one in fact that my ex used to go to as well. We have been broken up over 2 1/2 years now and I am over her and healed. However, I have noticed in recent months a couple of messages would appear here and there on the forum, not to me personally but in response to messages left by others. In these messages are phrases that only we used to use and also little snippets of poetry we used to share in emails to one another. It is too much of a co-incidence to be anyone else (at least in my eyes) and I am certain it is my ex who is leaving these messages. We haven't spoken in several years and our last email exchange was nearly 16 months ago. It was me who went NC after the break and as I say, I haven't broken in it all this time. My question is this. On the basis that this may well be my ex what are they up to and why? Friends have suggested that this may well be a case of indirectly testing the water to see if a channel of communication can be opened up between us. So far I have not responded. Anyone out there have any thoughts?

did it ever occur to you that actually this guy might just be exhausted by the strains of modern working life and wants nothing more than to rest when he gets home you are so concerned with yourself and your self-centered sex drive that you don't want to understand his point of view stop being so needy and stop trying to over analyse something in order to try to justify why he doesn't want sex - the answer is obvious but you're just too selfish to realise it

no-one is biting anyone's head off here, just good old fashioned honesty and i'm sorry some people are uncomfortable with that i'm afraid marriage is a serious and lifelong committment and looking for distractions to "spice things up a bit" is not a good enough a solution to what is a major issue for this guy so, i stand by every word i said, yes you have responsibilities in the shape of your unborn son but equally you have a responsibility to live your life honestly in the long term and if you choose to be married then it must be for more profound reasons than not hurting someone else's feelings choose your time and bring this issue out into the open

If you continue to feel like this after some period of time you should seriously ask yourself whether marriage to this lady is for you. Many here will try to make a case for staying married citing responsibilities and so forth and some will (astonishingly) ask why you didn't realise this sooner. The reality is that you don't and never have felt anything for this lady other than warm friendship, and a love that seems to be on a platonic rather than a romantic level. This is not enough to sustain a marriage and in your heart you know this. As I said, if you continue to feel this way then ending the marriage is a possibility that needs serious consideration, regardless of whether or not you have a child together. You have one life to live and if you're going to live a lie, make yourself miserable and, eventually your wife too, by being in a situation that is not right for you then the decent, honourable and courageous thing to do is be upfront about it and act decisively. One way or other this is a problem that must be resolved between you both and not pondered on too long on a public internet messageboard.

it is all very well talking about forgiveness and for some people it may be the right thing to do; both to give it and to receive it in many cases though forgiveness granted freely without any remorse or contrition on the part of the person who did wrong is simply a licence to keep on doing what they were doing without any comeback on them whatsoever forgiveness sounds good but in the modern world and in the wrong hands, it is nothing more than a suckers charter and bad people the world over are only too happy to be given a get out of jail card every time they do wrong

what on earth do you mean she is forbidden to speak to you? she is 21 for christ sakes, an adult and can do anything she wants..... how old do you have to be in the usa before you can make your own decisions?

I feel bad for both of you, but particularly him mainly because it's clear he is being used for your own security because you cannot bear to be alone this is not a criticism and please don't take it as such but really I do think you need to be alone so that you can learn to stand on your own two feet rather than rely on someone else to provide that which you should be providing for yourself i'm sure you'll find the courage to release him to allow him to find someone who loves hom and meanwhile you will be free to develop your own life skills BEFORE embarking on another relationship

It's just a word, there are far worse things happening in the world - time for you to grow up and get over yourself

well, to be honest, she had put on some weight and her hair was lanky.....frankly she had gone downhill in the looks dept but it makes no difference to me we have been in touch on an on/off basis for several months before hand though the emails were always very polite and small talkish...... just odd how she has kept in touch all this time...... no, I would never, ever send her pics that might hurt her.......I still love her and always will