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LittleLion24

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  1. LittleLion24
    Would you want your boyfriend going out to dinner with his Ex to celebrate his birthday? If the answer is NO--then there's your answer. End of discussion.
  2. LittleLion24
    The three A's: Abuse Addiction Adultery
  3. LittleLion24
    amystar Yes, it's not a good situation to be in and I'm here for you. This is difficult because I know you want to be there for him so badly and you're probably thinking that if you focus on yourself instead of him that, in a way, you're not being there for him? However, you need to think of this in a different way. By you stepping back and giving him what he needs, you are being there for him because it shows you respect his feelings and needs. I think a lot of people think that "being there" for someone means catering to their every need but I don't think that's what it's all about. "Being there" to me, means repsecting the other person's requests, needs, feelings etc. I wouldn't suggest anymore that he "should" date other people. Actually, my advice, I would definitely not use the word "SHOULD" because you don't know what he needs, only he knows what he needs. You can only "be there" for him and listen and respect his wishes. I'm sure you wouldn't like someone telling you what you "should" or "shouldn't" do, and I'm sure he doesn't want to hear that either. If I were you, I would definitely give him his space and tell him that you respect him and his feelings (of not knowing what he wants anymore etc.). I would also let him know that it is okay that he feels this way because he's only human and everyone, once in awhile, goes through periods like this. I would also let him know what you're going to do: That you're going to step back and focus on you and school etc. This is important because you want to make sure he understands what you're doing so that it doesn't appear as if you're frustrated and angry with him. Things usually go a lot smoother for everyone if everybody is upfront with their feelings. It eliminates any possible misintreperations. If he knows that you respect him and his feelings and that you're okay with giving him space then he will be able to focus on him without feeling as if he's hurting you in the process. I'm sure he doesn't want to do that. Also, if you're open with him and let him know that you're going to focus on you while he's focusing on him then that will signal to him that you're serious about how he feels. I think you need to be the strong one here. You need to be the one to step up so that this relationship can have a future. This may take some time until he figures things out, and you shouldn't "wait around" and that's why I suggest taking this time to focus on YOU. In a couple of months, re-evaluate everything and then make a decision at that time where to go from there. Don't start worry about that now because that is the unknown. You never know things could lead in a direction you never thought of. Being upset about the way things are going is counterproductive. Instead, be proactive. His actions are probably telling you the opposite of what he says because his heart and head are in conflict. Give him some time and space so he can, on his own, find a resolution to these two conflicting parts of him.
  4. LittleLion24
    Wait a minute: Did you say you've fallen in love with another woman? And you're wondering why your ex doesn't want contact and is telling you it's all or nothing? I'm thoroughly confused............anyone else?
  5. LittleLion24
    I can relate to your situation greatly. Although the guy that I have been "seeing" and I are not an item (b/f g/f) relationship, he's been acting the same way for quite some time. He's been through a lot of stuff over the years (his ex-wife leaving him, and then a Psycho Ex-g/f) and so I've been really cautious to not get in over my head and rush into anything because I don't want to ruin a good thing. I deeply care about this guy and I have given him his space, have been extremely patient, and haven't put any pressure on him because I know that guys deal with hurt very differently than women. But the honest truth is, he is very confused about him and what he wants. And this is okay. I don't want to post my entire story on here but my guy needs time to figure out him and what he wants WITHOUT me. It's not realistic for me to think that I can help him figure out him and what he wants. So I've pulled completely back from him because all of his uncertainity was causing every one of my insecurities to come out (hypersensitivity, etc.) and that's not right. I don't know what the future holds for him and I because I don't have a crystal ball. But I know this much to be true: If it's meant to be, it'll find a way to work itself out. I absolutely, positively want a genuine, real relationship with him, but I know that is not possible until he figures out what he wants before we proceed any farther. Otherwise, it'll end in diaster and somebody will end up getting really hurt. It sucks because I'm in that "friends zone" but, don't be mistaken, I don't make plans to hang out and that kind of stuff. Every now and then we'll talk online or run into each other but I won't let it go any further until I know for sure he's secure and confident with himself. Otherwise, I'd be allowing him to string me along and nobody deserves to be strung along. In the meantime, I've been trying to go along with my life as usual because I don't want to wait around either. I would like to date other guys but right now I'm just not ready to do that (I have a child so that's a major factor). Anyway, do what's right for YOU. If you have to step back, then do that. It's no fun being on the receiving end of mixed messages. If he truly cares about you and deep down wants to be with you...he'll come back around. Just give him time, space, and don't put any pressure on him. Most importantly don't wait around...go on living the way you were before you met him.
  6. LittleLion24
    Just know that past behavior is a good predictor of future behavior unless something major has changed with him, and it doesn't like this is the case. You're missing him because you're still grieving over the relationship, and what it USED to be. This is okay but coming to terms that it is no more will help you move on. Whatever you do, do NOT break the NC as much as you may want to. He doesn't deserve to know how you feel and that you miss him etc. He's not worthy of you or any of your emotions/feelings for him. Listen to Kelly Clarkson's "Since You Been Gone." It may give you comfort because now you can get what you want.
  7. LittleLion24
    SuperDave---you and me are on the same page. I hope AllTornUp keeps taking our advice.
  8. LittleLion24
    ALLTORNUP--You can't guess at what she may be feeling because you aren't a mind reader so WHY WASTE YOUR TIME AND ENERGY! She is probably listening to depressing music because she's trying to get a reaction out of you, and I agree with SuperDave, who cares! Let her wallow in her OWN self-pity. She made a declaration to you that she needed "time" and "space" so that is just what you're giving her. You need to keep remaining distant from her and STOP,STOP,STOP reading into everything; searching for every single glimmer of hope. The hope will come when you gain confidence in yourself, and we both know it's there. The hope is knowing you will be OKAY and that you matter, and so what if this woman doesn't get it. Go find someone that DOES get it! Having confidence in yourself will make "letting go" that much easier. That's because this break-up has absolutely NOTHING to do with YOU and EVERYTHING to do with HER. When you get home tonight, I want you to look in the mirror and repeat these words: "This has absolutely nothing to do with me and everything to do with her." Looking at yourself in the mirror is surprisingly an excellent way of gaining self-confidence. Give it a try. Let me know how it felt.
  9. LittleLion24
    I completely agree. I can't stand people that nurse their cellphones between texting and answering the phone whenever it rings/vibrates/plays some stupid ring tone etc. I think this day and age cheating is way too easy, especially with texting. I like how people think other people don't notice. If you've ever dated or been in a relationship you know what I'm talking about. I'm afraid all this texting is going to make people stop communicating with each other. Just imagine. Divorces someday will probably all be done and settled through text messaging! I can see this happening since many people break up via texting. In my opinion, that's lame and shows a lot about one's character. Don't waste your time with her. She's obviously occupied with someone else and his needs. You don't have time for her games. Find yourself a woman that isn't so needy. There are plenty of them out there.
  10. LittleLion24
    I agree with SuperDave...don't block her. I think it will cause a lot of tension and problems at home. Instead, if she IM's you, you can CHOOSE to either answer and chat or tell her you're busy with work or something and can't talk now. Tell her you'll catch up later. Start putting her at a distance so she knows that if she wants time to figure out who she is...then that's what she should focus on. The thing you have to be careful about is NOT letting her have her cake and eat it too. If she wants time and space, then that is what you should give her, and this is what you're doing. You need to keep making yourself distant so she knows she doesn't get it both ways. This may seem cruel but it's not.
  11. LittleLion24
    Let her call you back. You've made it clear to her that you want to get back together and she knows this. So whatever you do, don't drill that home to her anymore because then you might come off as desperate and that may null and void any feelings/thoughts she has about reconciling. Patience is very, very, very, important. 1) It shows to the other person that you are SERIOUS about what you said 2) It shows that you are standing by what you said too because this is how you feel. Of course you're confused but remain patient.
  12. LittleLion24
    That's good to hear that she's trustworthy. If she does leave money, then she leaves money. It's not a dilemma because it shows you that she respects you and everything you've done for her. You accept the money and say Thank you, nothing more. And whatever you do, do not try to give it back to her. That will only tick her off. I hope you're starting to reflect on what you've learned from this "moving in" experience. A mistake is only a mistake until you've learned the lesson. Once you've learned the lesson it's no longer a mistake. I would suggest that maybe what you have learned is that you're not the kind of person that can have someone you care about live with you unless a serious commitment like an engagment has been established. And there's nothing wrong with this. It's just who you are.
  13. LittleLion24
    Okay...RELAX, CALM DOWN, and wipe your tears away. We're here for you. 1) Your hopes for getting her back are failing because you can't get her back right now. That isn't what she wants. Please, please, please, get that romantic notion out of your head that she'll come to her senses and say "hey, I made a mistake. I want you back." It's not realistic at this time. 2) The reason why she probably mentioned that it's easier on HER to break up like this is because you're giving her every reason as to why she needs to leave. You being an emotional wreck, apologizing for everything, and pouring your heart out, trying to get everything out so she "knows" is making it easier for her to leave because she knows that once she gets to her new apartment she won't have to deal with this kind of stuff. Honestly, I don't think she wants to hear any of the things you've told her. Remember, she's confused and doesn't know who she is anymore, and you telling her everything you "think" she wants to hear is confirming the reasons why she needs to leave. 3) She's telling you to go out and have fun because that's what you should do. She doesn't want to know about it either because she's trying to find herself. 4) I think she still has strong feeling for you but she is just not sure how she feels about those feelings. That is why she's moving out and wants to find herself so that if there is a possibility of getting back together LATER ON, it will because she's confident about her feelings for you. 5) I really do feel for you and you're in a difficult place right now. But please, please, please remember that there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING you can do or say that will make her change her mind. The best thing you need to do is leave her alone, stop telling her how you feel (She already knows), and try NC if that's possible even though you're still sharing the same living space.
  14. LittleLion24
    I'm going to go out on a limb here and ask: Are you sure you really want her to move out while your in Vegas? I'm not sure that is such a good idea since she is telling you that she's leaving stuff behind. What if she takes something that is yours? I think you need to have a talk with her about her move. If you have joint items or items that are hers, you need to make sure you both are aware of what's going with her and what's staying behind. However, if I were you I would tell her she MUST take everything that is hers whether you need it or not. If she says she doesn't want it, like the couch, tell her you don't want her stuff either, and if she doesn't take it, it'll be on the curb. This may sounds mean but it isn't. You should have to deal with all her "stuff" that she left behind. I can't believe she's been living there rent-free? To me that isn't right but that's just me. Anyway, her leaving stuff behind isn't her way of feeling bad about not paying rent. She just doesn't want to deal with and move the stuff she doesn't want. And honestly it doesn't sound like she feels bad about leaving either. It sounds like she's ready to move out. Maybe you should have her move out earlier then planned if that's possible. I think it'll be better for the both of you.
  15. LittleLion24
    Unfortunately those are pretty good signs. But don't feel bad about yourself because she decided to make some changes with her. Remember, there was nothing you could do to stop her from making these changes, and there is nothing you can do now either. Keep being strong and keep sleeping downstairs. It's been another day. How do you feel? Does it seem like it's getting easier each day?
  16. LittleLion24
    EXs that use you as a safety net are doing it because they love the attention you give them. It's purely a selfish move on their part at your expense. You should not accept this behavior because your EX will walk all over you and get you all mixed up. People that do this are very insecure so the way they feel better about them is to seek validation and praise from you to boost their egos.
  17. LittleLion24
    I don't think she's trying to get back together since she brings up that it's over. I think she's just sad that she no longer has your attention. I'm sure she liked the attention you gave her and now she misses that so she keeps bugging you. You're doing the right thing for YOU by turning her down and you should keep that up. You're young and there are plenty of other girls out there that won't play mind games with you. These mind games are immature. Keep being strong and keep moving on because you deserve some that isn't so immature as her.
  18. LittleLion24
    CONGRATULATIONS!!!! I'm so proud that you finally had the courage to sleep downstairs! Both of you probably slept better because there wasn't that stress and tension between the two of you. Maybe she didn't miss you last night but eventually she will. Didn't I tell you that she would be surprised when you told her you were going to sleep downstairs? Keep doing what you're doing. Keep being strong. Don't you feel like a new person?
  19. LittleLion24
    If it's worth it depends on what you're looking for; what type of relationship do you want? If you want to use a dating site to meet people and start out having a causal relationship then it might be worth it. But if your looking for something more, something more serious it can be worth it but that won't happen overnight. I've used one of the really popular dating sites, which I recommend, (email me if you want to know which one) but you have to be smart about online dating. If you go into it thinking you're going to meet the "one" I think you're setting yourself up for disappointment and lots of frustration. But if you go into it with a positive attitude saying you'll just have fun meeting and go out with people then you might find it more enjoyable and less frustrating. What to include in your profile if you decide to try it out: 1) Be specific about what you're looking for (ie. relationship, friendship) 2) Be specific about who you're looking for (don't say I want someone that is fun, define fun) 3) Be specific about who you are (don't say I'm fun and romantic, define it!) 4) Be specific about what your hobbies and interests (i.e. "I could spend hours a Barnes and Nobles.") 5) BE SPECIFIC, BE SPECIFIC, BE SPECIFIC!!! It will help weed out the bad. Women using online dating sites usually get a ton of emails from prospective guys so they read a lot of profiles and usually they are all the same (not specific and it gets boring after awhile) Keep this in mind. Give it a try and see how you like it. I wouldn't commit to a 6 month membership but start out small like 3 months. Any other questions let me know! Happy hunting!
  20. LittleLion24
    Take AllTornUp's advice (He's going through the same thing but he has made so much progress over the past week or so. I'm so proud!) There is nothing you can do to get her back. Trust me, any attempt to get her back will only ruin any possibility of a reconciliation in the future. Every time you beg, pled, break NC, etc. you're making yourself look desperate and out of control emotionally and none of those things are attractive, especially to women. Take this time to reflect on you and do some deep soul searching. Keep reading posts on this forum because they really do help and don't be shy to ask other questions. What you need right now is support and everyone on this forum is here for you. In the meantime, I think it's a good idea to put away anything and everything that reminds you of her. Take down all the pictures, put away all the presents she bought you etc. I wouldn't go to the extreme of throwing them away but just put them somewhere where you can't see them, at least for awhile. You'd be surprised at how well this works. Keep yourself busy. Maybe catch up on all those "things" you've been meaning to do around the house, Go for a walk, go grocery shopping etc. Or if your like a guy I know, remodel a room in your house! That'll keep you busy. Whatever you do try not to think of her with another. If that is the reason you broke up this may be harder to do. However, need to TRY really hard to not let your mind go there. Doing NC will help this tremendously. Give it some time. This too shall pass.
  21. LittleLion24
    That's too bad that you had to run into your EX but don't feel bad. Those sequence of events were out of your control. It's not like you planned to bump into her. I wouldn't read too much into it. But I will say that if she mentioned that the guy she was with was a friend from work then that is probably true. But then I can't say for sure because I don't know her.
  22. LittleLion24
    No that's not evil. You're doing what's right for YOU! I don't think there's anything wrong with feeling good. That "feeling good" feeling is your heart and brain telling each other that you're moving on and healing! Congratulations! I'm proud that your keeping and staying strong.
  23. LittleLion24
    I agree with SuperDave...don't make a big deal out of it. And the less information you give them the better. Maybe approach it like "Me and (her) think it's better if we live in different places for awhile," or something simple like that. And if they ask why, well you'll have to come up with a reason since I don't know the history between them and her. And do let us know how it all goes.
  24. LittleLion24
    Have you heard Keith Urban's "Stupid Boy?" It's a good song too. It might give you some comfort because you said above "My ex should of been like this, but he wasn't" but at least now you can get what you want. You'll find it someday and so will I. You just got to have faith. In the meantime, listen to "Stupid Boy" it'll make you feel better!
  25. LittleLion24
    I think the word "romance" means something different to everyone. What I think is romantic is NOT a candlelit dinner, wine and roses because that isn't original. For something to be romantic to me it has to be original and unique, and this was always different with each relationship.
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