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elithepi

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Everything posted by elithepi

  1. elithepi
    Two ways to give up hope: 1. Run to her and tell her everything you feel about her. Get on your hands and knees and beg her to come back. Cry. Let it all out to her. Then she says, "NO." Hope is gone. You've said what you had inside and have spilled your guts infront of her. 2: Do nothing, carry on. Save your pride and know that you cannot control this. All you can do is control yourself. Do you want to do No.1? I don't think so. So do no.2. Know that you have no control over her and know that if she wants to be with you like you "still feel like you should end up together." Then....you will be together. But I wouldn't count on it. But that doesn't matter. What matters is you and YOUR future. No one else. You will be in love with another. I've been in love a couple of times and the more you love, the more you learn (and hurt). You are learning, the tough way and yes it hurts and sucks and it drives you nuts sometimes. I'm still learning as well. The fact that you are here sharing your dilemma with us, strangers, looking for honest answers show that you are a very caring person who does not deserve a person who probably isn't thinking of you right now.
  2. elithepi
    Uncool. Her behaviour , to me, is despicable. No offense. Very uncool and unappealing. You workout and run and have a decent job. You deserve better. Don't allow her to mess with your mind. Carry on and find a better girl. I hope I'm not sounding cold. It's just that I've seen and experienced the same kind of situation and I don't want you to fret this. Focus on the job. She is just a distraction that is getting in the way. See her for who she is. A girl that dumps a fiance' of 5 years after meeting someone else that is "NEW". Then she meets someone else that is "NEW" and it goes on. She's young and doing her thing. Since she's broken it with fiance' she feels empowered, probably for the first time in her life and you can't count on her right now. Wisen up, brother. I know she's all that, but not really. Think about fiance' and what he's going through. What if that was you with her for 5 years. Uncool.
  3. elithepi
    Good question...it's what happened to me and that is what's bugging me now. Guilt? Guilt of what? Honesty? Another mate? Honesty again? Out of blue break up sucks. My mate is 33 years old and this was this first time I've EVER experienced "out of blue break up" and it's really screwed with me. Hang tough Benson
  4. elithepi
    Know how you feel. Relax and forget this girl. Open your eyes and look. She left her fiance' of 5 years to be with you. She left you to be with someone else. First of all, I would be very suspect of her readily cutting it off with her fiance'. Think about what he's going through. Now you're going through it with LESS emotional investment than he. You are lucky! You got out in time. Secondly, there is a pattern. She's free now and she's going to do what she wants now that she's broken it with her fiance. I know you are bummed and hurting but this is about her. You can't stop her and she's getting off on flaunting it in front of you. Best thing to do is see her for who she is. You work with her and this is torturing you. You are better than that. People like that have yet to develop any class. Sorry. Hell, I got drunk and screamed at a table of girls on new years...what do I know about class. But the way you have described this person, I would just see them for who they are and carry on. Don't let it bug you. I know, "But it does." You can do it, you are better than that.
  5. elithepi
    I've been cringing at the thought. I suppose I'm going to be doing some serious NC now. I don't even want to know what I said on my cell.... ouch!
  6. elithepi
    OK, OK.... I'm not proud. Nor do I condone this behaviour.....but I thought that if I can make any of you smile or put some perspective on your own situation then it's worth my own personal humiliation. The saying, if life hands you a lemon, make lemonade. Got a message from a friend via email. "you were drunk where did you go? we were gone for 10 minutes and you split happy f****** new year my favorite part was when you shouted out really loud " ok it's 12 o'clock who's going to kiss me?" to a table of girls. then you kind of screamed and you weirded them out it was a rib buster" Me don't remember that nor the.....the....the phone calls I discovered I made on my cell to the ex. Phone calls, plural. OK, so there you have it...don't drink and dial or scream at girls. just don't get drunk during this grievous period....oops, sorry guys. Happy New Year!
  7. elithepi
    It's cool to call. But have something to say. Maybe you could make the plan for the next date. That, in my opinion, would be pretty cool.
  8. elithepi
    OK, how can I put this. I was married for 5 years and have had a couple long term relationships. Also I've....ahem..several one night stands. What I've learned is that if you want to be sexually experienced it can only come from a long term partner. With a long term partner you build trust and are able to experiment. With one night stands....sex suckd mostly...it's just a lay. Do not think that you will gain sexual experience by being a "manwhore". Find someone you trust love and go from there. Your ex is as much to blame as you for any sexual inadequacies. Whenever you do find a new partner that you love and trust, trust the fact that you can make suggestions or try different things in bed without freaking them out....just don't get too freaky! Imagine....you are a quarterback and you are working on a trick play...would you rather practice this play with the same team over and over or after each play, bring in a whole different team to practice. Consistent practice with the same partner makes perfect.
  9. elithepi
    Benson, I feel like I'm reading my posts....New years eve is, was, a special night for me....it's when I first kissed my ex 2 years ago...damn. Hang in there and keep posting with us. Don't call her. I'm having the same urges. I set a goal for myself. It's obvious that I need to better know myself since I so identified with the relationship rather than myself. I'm setting a quick goal of travel. Going to see the country while I have a chance. Rediscover myself. Maybe you could set a goal of doing something you've never done. The money you would have spent with her, spend on achieving your goal. Your very own special goal to share with only yourself. I know the paranoia you speak of. If we are to ever love again, we MUST be able to trust OURSELVES enough to accept them walking out the door at the drop of the hat. Good luck brother.
  10. elithepi
    I know how you feel...the weekend and new years....new years would have been 2 years since first kiss...I was dumped 4 weeks ago today...it sucks. Hang in there and don't call or email...make him wonder about you. Make him fight the urge to call YOU. Like you said... " i went back to my idea of emailing him but I realized, i don't really have anything to say to him." Stay strong and you will be happy you did.
  11. elithepi
    I'm really disappointed in myself.
  12. elithepi
    Hence the title of this thread. Been there. Done that. Now it's happening again. I didn't learn from the first go around. Although the dynamics of the relationship are far different, I am repeating the same mistakes. I do feel that I must find my livelyhood again. I MUST do what I love. The job. I have become much more considerate of people and I do not want to hide from my emotions. It's just that my emotions have controlled me whenever I have experienced a relationship let down, as of late. Regret seems to have been piling up. And I hate it. I want to go home. Take off this uniform and leave the show. I'll be alright....I'm just really mad and sad and feeling desperate. I am looking forward to 2007. Getting back up and knocking off the dust. I just wasn't expecting to fall down again.
  13. elithepi
    Yeah, I thought about seeing a shrink. I cried hard when my dad died and felt that I went through the grieving. Ever since then I've held back...not all the time. Hell, maybe it's some abandonment issues I have developed since his death that I have never faced. It just seems that the panic of a realtionship break up is so much more intense than I have ever experienced before. I've actually regressed in that emotion. Separation is a problem. Maybe that is why I put up with the abuse from girl no.1 Hell, I use to be a "player" lol. Now I'm all emotional and sensitive. Karma.
  14. elithepi
    I sabotage myself a lot. This is just another example of it. I was born 100 years too late. Just give me some land and let me be. Grow my garden. Yeah, escape is what I want. Going to see a doc. today. We'll see. Thanks for you input, Hope. I dig the cat. I'm ashamed to say that after saying all this, I'm 1 year older than you. I feel like some teenager, though. I was actually married once for 5 years had a son. That relationship took it's natural course and ended. I still get along with the ex-wife. I just have never been the same since my dad died suddenly of a heart attack. We were very close. Then I got divorced just after that. All that happened 8 years ago. Oh well, enough self pity and looking back, I keep telling myself. Even had a dream about the old man last night. I was mad at him because he wouldn't listen to me about my current situation. He was busy. Just having a hard time today...
  15. elithepi
    I know I must think positive, but just to get it out, I feel like a freaking looser right now. Prioritize is right. I'm just in a real rut. I'm broke...overdrawn. Bills are backed up. Missed work and hours pay. They want me to get a Dr.'s clearance before I return. They've noticed I've been depressed and they are sticking their nose in my business. That is pissing me off. I can work, I just needed sometime around this wonderful holiday period for myself. I just want to move back home....regroup. But gosh, golly gee wiz, I'm too old for this crap.
  16. elithepi
    I am tired of the instability. And I do regret doing what I'm "suppose" to do instead of following my heart and settling for a job close to where my heart was. And this recent break up really got to me. Just out of the blue, turned off like a switch. I feel left hanging. And I blew it by not backing off when the gauntlet was dropped. My job is all pisssed at me and I really don't see myself staying here. I just see repeating patterns. Girl,move,break up, no job. I do think though, that if I really enjoyed this current job, I'd be ok. I have just been really bored with it and have started looking elsewhere, then this sudden break up that I never saw coming happened and I'm at a loss. I guess it's really true, you can't count on anyone but yourself. It just makes you question yourself when you put all your trust in someone and they cut and run. Unfortunatley I've been obsessive, running things over in my mind. I know I must stop. The isolation is almost killing me. One thing that hurts is that I'm having a hard time letting loose my emotions. I feel very bad but whenever tears begin to swell something inside of me holds everything back. I'm just really tired of the pain and I wish I was like the ex, able to just turn it off. One thing, While we were together, I inquired about her other boyfriends and how she broke it with them. I didn't like what I heard because she more or less just said bye to them out of the blue and never looked back. I remember how her old ex's would call her while I was around and she'd see caller ID and not answer. I guess I should have never expected to be treated any different. That was the only thing that I didn't like, looking in retrospect. Oh well, I feel like a fool. I feel abandoned. it sucks
  17. elithepi
    Ok people, here's the story. Roughly 3 years ago I had a job of 9 years and then I met this girl. She wanted to move to the "tropics". I'm so in love, I start looking for a job as far south as I can find in the same field as my career. I land a job in Naples, FL. Same gig as the one I had for 9 years. The night before we move, she pulls one of her classic drunks, cops are called, she's arrested cause I have yet another black eye. I move down to the new job by myself. I'm calling her, we talk and just when I was getting along without her, she decides to move on down and I stupidly agree. Disaster strikes a couple weeks later. I just up and move back home because if I didn't I was going to hurt myself if I stayed in the abusive relationship I was in. Fast forward 3 years later. I'm recently laid off due to a departmental layoff. I meet a great girl. We never argue. We laugh and are very affectionate. I'm so happy. I'm not getting beat up, we can hang and agree on so many levels and I'm genuinely happy for the first time in a long time. I land a job 300 miles away. She helps me move. She's proud of me and actually encouraged me to take the job. I knew I needed the job but also I was impressing her as well. I start my job, things slowly begin to get boring because I realize the job is not what they said it was. I grow more and more discontent with the job. Meanwhile, I'm visiting my girl a couple times a month. Things are great, we laugh play games have sex, she hates to see me leave. Then out of the blue....the long distance relationship is to pressuring for her. My being away and driving so far to visit put a "big deal" label on the relationship. I'm devestated, lost, don't even care about my job at all. I've missed a few days and even had a freaking panic attack because I feel so isolated in a strange town at a job I hate without my girl. I was actually looking to get back closer to her and now I'm so confused as what to do. I'm still freaked she dumped me. OUT OF THE BLUE. I'm just observing that although the first girl mentioned in this post was abusive as hell and the next girl was sweet and affectionate, there is the similarity. I know, first of all I should have never left the first job 3 years ago. That was stupid. Then I justified everything that happened then as a reason. If I never did that, I never would have met girl no.2. She was great. Then she's not so great and dumps me and I feel like I'm thrown all the way back to where I was when I left the abusive relationship, lost with lots of pain and regret. So there it is. I know, live for myself. Do things that will make ME happy. Then let a relationship enhance my life, don't let the relationship BE my life. I just feel so stripped of identity since I left my first job. And it all still seems to be lingering from the mistakes I made 3 years ago....I'm so bummed out. I really feel like I'm running out of time.
  18. elithepi
    oh yeah....read this, too.
  19. elithepi
    Hey wish I posted this a couple nights ago and it may give you a bit if insight. And yes, i would say go NC right now...give her some space and time to make her start wondering about you.."he hasn't called, I wonder how he's doing. Gee he still hasn't called." Anyway here's my post..... "Now, lets say, NC, yes would have helped me at the very start. But I am an emotional , I tend to get.....sentimental. So Being that...NC, I have yet to do because I have already screwed things up so I was already expecting to never hear from her again. IT SUCKED! I had guilt, regret...hell I was dumped and then I ,for the first time ever directed at her, say something in anger instead of handling it wisely. Retrospect: When dumped, even if it's for some weird reason, step back and say,"cool". And then step back. Go home. Come to this web site. Drink one beer and slow down! NC is better done from the start to enhance the chances of "getting back together". I was initially pulled into "be a friend", "Uh....sure"...I was shocked, denial, panic. I played it cool at first. Then things set in, all along while I was still communicating with her. Confussion began to take control! Then anger. "Why is there this sudden void!?" "I'm still talking to her but it's contrived and uncomfortable!" "BLOWUP!!" It gets to you. A sudden break up and yet, you are really friends but you can't be friends right now. Time will tell in my situation. I"m still in love and yes, have hope but I have hope for a lot of other things. If you're really in love, you never loose hope. So screw it! If my hope with her is never fulfilled, it's ok. I just hope she's not the ONLY hope."
  20. elithepi
    I worked as a television news photographer. I had to go up to people, strangers on the street and ask them their opinion about certain issues. Often having to explain the basis of the question. That experience, looking back, has helped me a WHOLE lot in dealing with talking to people. Before I was very shy. I usually start with a bunch of questions and I find myself acting like I'm interviewing someone. They will notice and I'll explain that "I use to shoot news for a living." In a loud environment, the girl wil hear "I shoot nudes for a living". That's when I get weird looks and I have to further explain...which usually ends up in a good laugh. If you end up feeling awkward, tell the truth, tell them you've been working on your converstion skills, then ask how them you are doing. I think that if you are 100% honest in a self-depricating humorous way, people will enjoy your conversation. That's just my take.
  21. elithepi
    Know current events. It's a talking point. Politics-lets you know where they stand. Science-You can come accross as smart and brainy, my ex was impressed when I knew when the shuttle was launching and I made her watch it with me on tv. Health-You can discover what they eat and if they exercise and go from there. Play a game, cards, boggle, yahtzee...it eases the tention and provides for some laughter. Talk about benine things at first, feel the girl's mind out. Personally, IMO, I think this girl is a bit too much. Getting bent out of shape and holding on to it all the way to the house and it being at her house, you were her guest and she should have been initiating conversation if things got awkward. I wouldn't put up with the pouting. You barely know this girl and it seems that she may like drama. Why is she getting divorced?
  22. elithepi
    go canoeing camping Find an art gallery I tried an improv group once when there was a class for beginners and we did a show at the comedy club....that was real fun....builds confidence. Get a tattoo...lol I like to get out and hang by a certain creek that I know about. I go by myself and work on a tan. Sky diving would be a blast. If you get a chance...try helping a friend work on their car. Last summer I changed the brakes on a friends car and that was fun. I learned stuff. And it gets your hands dirty! I don't know what's fun...I'm weird..
  23. elithepi
    It's what they say is against the rules....But I do feel better. Now, lets say, NC, yes would have helped me at the very start. But I am an emotional , I tend to get.....sentimental. So Being that...NC, I have yet to do because I have already screwed things up so I was already expecting to never hear from her again. IT SUCKED! I had guilt, regret...hell I was dumped and then I ,for the first time ever directed at her, say something in anger instead of handling it wisely. Retrospect: When dumped, even if it's for some weird reason, step back and say,"cool". And then step back. Go home. Come to this web site. Drink one beer and slow down! NC is better done from the start to enhance the chances of "getting back together". I was initially pulled into "be a friend", "Uh....sure"...I was shocked, denial, panic. I played it cool at first. Then things set in, all along while I was still communicating with her. Confussion began to take control! Then anger. "Why is there this sudden void!?" "I'm still talking to her but it's contrived and uncomfortable!" "BLOWUP!!" It gets to you. A sudden break up and yet, you are really friends but you can't be friends right now. Time will tell in my situation. I"m still in love and yes, have hope but I have hope for a lot of other things. If you're really in love, you never loose hope. So screw it! If my hope with her is never fulfilled, it's ok. I just hope she's not the ONLY hope. Love to all you people! Merry Freaking Christmas!
  24. elithepi
    well, well, well.... So I get a call from the ex. Yes, I answered. Of course I did, I suck at NC! It's Christmas. Oh well, it made me feel better since I blew up on the phone and thought I'd never know of her again. It was refreshing. I really still dig her and not ever hearing from her again really bothers me. So, we talked and I expressed regret for being on the phone. She laughed about the break up sex I suggested earlier today on her message machine. I don't expect it at all but she mentioned it. It's hard to let go of a relationship when it was first based on friendship. I totally never expected to have sex with this girl. Although we cuddled for a while during the "courtship" period. I made a friend, maybe....I don't know. She doesn't put up with the crap I said on the phone at all but she did call to say hey and it was genuine. It's Christmas damnit!
  25. elithepi
    Lanterna, It's cool. Just a text. I wish my ex-girl had a comp. or cell so I could communicate less directly and not feel so pent up fighting the urge to call and leave a message. I pissed her off with my blowup the other day, she does not answer anymore. I can hear her say, "Come on dude, move on!" when she sees my number on caller ID. I must not contact. Merry Christmas by the way. I'm going to take yoga classes next year. Get in touch with self and probably meet a better caliber girl there than at a bar....not that all girls at the bar are bad....but there is no alcohol in a yoga class to impair your judgement. But most importantly, I must find self and stamp out the fire that makes me angry and blow up when I can't contol things.... 2007, a year of discovery!
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