kmob181

Thank you all for your advice and kind words. They have been very helpful. I was dreading going to work today and it really wasn't that bad. She did try to catch my eye a few times. I looked once. Stupid, I know but no big deal. I finally have an ipod and that is excellent for not being distracted by what's around you. I actually ate lunch in the cafeteria. [Yes very high school and no it wasn't sloppy joe day.] We sat at separate tables and instead of being affected by what she was saying I concentrated on having fun with my friends. I was productive and not stressed. I erased her phone number and e-mail. I think the truth is this. There will be ups and downs. I will not deny that I was in love with her and part of me probably still is. I think she is a beautiful, witty, intelligent, funny, scared, immature, emotionally dishonest little girl with weak and emotionally dishonest friends. I hope she is a work in progress. I hope to meet her in a few years and find out she's everything I think she can be. But I'm not going to bank on it and I'm not going to put my life on hold waiting for her. I know it will still hurt and I know there will be bad days. She's made it clear I'm basically dead to her so I'm not going to say hi. She's just not that important. I find that sometimes strangers can be the most honest because they have nothing invested. I do, however have many, many good friends who were tired of me talking about this. I am glad you were all able to step in. Also, I did say goodbye. Someone suggested running through all of the good memories you can think of and saying goodbye to them. I missed a few but got enough. It was good advice. Finally, for general information her fiance started dating someone shortly after she left him. Last I heard they were on a marriage track.

You think I shouldn't talk to her? She was the second girl I loved but the first I was "in love" with. Even after all the hurt I still feel like we should end up together. And that is the most destructive force of all. How do I get rid of hope? Even destructive hope? Also, not saying hi is pretty...immature? Like her. Don't know if I can do that.

But of all the destructive tendencies I have right now, the worst is probably hope. In her I see myself at 21. And despite the jealously, the depp hurt and everything I still have a flicker of hope that we will end up together. How do I quash that? Also, are you saying that her behavior now is purely about her or not? If she's moved on, why can't she talk to me? If she loves me, why move on so quickly? Her behavior is bewildering.

I am a 26 year old guy. I have been with a fair number of girls but am bored by most of them. I recognize this is a problem. I have also endeavored to make sure that in any relationship I become involved in that I don't fall for the other girl as hard as she falls for me. I recognized that this was also a problem. So here is the story. It is long but if any of you can offer any help I would really appreciate it. In November 2005 a new girl started in my office. We both work in foreign policy. She was stunning. I knew I was in trouble immediately. We started talking and running together. I liked her more the more I saw her. After a few weeks, I found out she was actually engaged. I was disappointed but thought at least we could be friends. A couple of months go by. We talk everyday. Sometimes she talks about her relationship, well tells me its going badly...except near the end when she says they fixed everything. We work out together often. Finally, we hang out outside of work for the first time. She comes with two of her friends, and I show up with two of mine. In an hour we are making out. She jumps on me during the cab ride home but makes me promise that we can't have sex. She spends the night anyway and lies to her boyfriend/fiance of 5 years. She tells me she's had a huge crush on me for awhile. We sleep together two days later. Her boyfriend finds out. She breaks up with him and moves out. We keep things loose for a little but then I ask her to try a relationship with me [stupid, this girl was with her boyfriend for 5 years and he was the only guy she was with.] It works for a month. Then she tells me she can't be in a relationship. I am unhappy but tell her I understand. One day later she confronts me and tells me she made a terrible mistake and that she wants to be my girlfriend. I ask her if she's sure. She is. She gives me a letter detailing all the reasons we should be together and telling me she thinks she's already falling in love with me. We have occasional fights but are happy. The fights are mostly about her wanting a greater emotional commitment and me not reciprocating. That being said, I do not get along with most of her friends. They are of the type that compensate for their own insecurities by being pretentious. They are basically 18 year olds playing mid-twenties. We start applying to grad school. It is a very difficult process on both of us but whereas she was able to do a lot of grad school work over the summer I was bogged down at my job. As we head into the fall, we pretty much stop going out. We study and when she wants to go out I cannot. I stop doing the things that made me different from her boyfriend; mainly working out together, taking her to dance, partying, etc. I moved home for a few months because I thought I was going abroad. She convinces me not to go. I was happy but I think it was becoming too stale for her and asking her to spend nights at my parents house was too much. Nonetheless, the way she looked at me told me she really loved me. The tough part was temporary I told her. I told her in late September I am not afraid of being the one who likes her more. In mid-November I finally tell her I love her. She tells me she loves me too and "has for months." Four days later she starts acting weird. Not responding to texts, distant. I leave for a conference in Boston the weekend before Thanksgiving and she texts to ask when I'm taking the GRE, then calls to tell me its not a good idea for me to come to her parents place for Thanksgiving anymore. I ask her what's going on. She says she'll talk to me about it after I take the GRE [in about a week]. I tell her this is nonsense and force her into a conversation. She wants to be single. She thinks its important for her growth and she can't give to a relationship at this point in her life. The whole conversation takes 15 minutes. She call back 5 minutes later. Leaves a message saying she's sorry. I don't talk to her for two days. She approaches me at work on Tuesday and asks how my meetings went. I don't look at her but respond. A day later I ask her what she wants. She says its up to me. I tell her our physical relationship and friendship are over. Three days later I regret it and start texting and writing her. Everytime I write her she pushes the physical and emotional distance between us. Now she tells me she did love me but wants to date and meet new people because she has never had the opportunity to do that before. She tells me I can talk to her if I need anything else. I write her a long letter about love and honesty. She stops talking to me. I find out she's already dating other guys [and probably sleeping with them] a little over a month after I told her I love her. Her desk is literally 15 feet away from mine. I ask her if we can have a normal office relationship. She says she cant be friends "with someone she had a great intimacy with" and needs to detach meaning ignoring me. Everyone at the office knows that she dumped me and everyone knows she's dating around because she feels the need to publicize it. She is moving to become best friends with all the guys there [even though at least 2 of them just want to sleep with her] and makes me feel uncomfortable by talking loudly about her personal life [not often but enough] and completely ignoring me except for a "hi" in the hallway while being obvious about talking to everyone else. I am losing it. I stopped writing her because she downgrades our relationship everytime I do. It was now "a mistake" that was her fault because she was insecure. Yet she won't talk to me. I don't eat or sleep. I can't focus on work and dread going to the office. I am bombarded by thoughts of her and other guys, her coldness and my own emptiness. I can't remember what else made me happy. It has been six weeks and my friends are tired of hearing about it. My work and relationship with my parents and friends are suffering. I never even got to say goodbye. I have to see her everyday for the next 6 months and I have no idea what to do. And the sick part is that depite her emotional dishonesty, her cowardice, her poor choice in friends, and her rapidly moving onto other conquests [granted I was only the second guy she was with so this is somewhat understandable], and recognizing that although she cared about me I was probably a rebound, I still love her and I still want her back. At the least I want to say goodbye. She said I was the first person she truly loved [her fiance was more of her best friend]. I believed her. We were together 7 months. Not a lot of time but enough where I thought she would be the last girls I was with. I don't want revenge, I don't want other girls, I just want her. Or at least one more night to say goodbye. Please help. Apologies for the length of this.