elithepi

I got dumped a few weeks back, quite suddenly and surprisingly. It was a LDR and today I am going to be very close to her house...Being christmas and all and since she broke up with me over the phone, I need some support to fight the temptation of an unannounced show up or even being real creepy and leaving a note on her door..... The temptation is so strong....must fight! Merry Christamas people. I really want to drop by her house. Arghhhh! Yeah, I know, what will it accomplish? It's just that I never knew the last time I saw her, the last time I saw her kitty cats, that it would be the LAST time. I really think it sucks to break up with someone other than face to face. Very inconsiderate and rude. I'm such a sentimental fool, I'd like to just stand there in the quiet street in front of her house and contemplate and see it one last time. Reflect at the old nice house where I fell in love. I'm getting too old for this....

Doing what I did is a sure fire way to make yourself feel worse. I'm really hating myself now..Burned a bridge. I'm just another one of "those people". Importantly, though, gotta learn from it...and I'm too damn old to be screwing up like that...

So bad, everyone's speechless. Oh well, we make our own beds....

My head hurts. I didn't think. A couple days ago I got nasty on the phone with the ex as I was trying to be "friends" for the past 3 weeks. Feel terribly guilty now. Apologized on her message machine. NCing it now. Should have from day one, would of had a chance if I did from day 1. But now I crapped all over any good memories she still had. It's Friday and She's going to be going out with her friends in town for the Holidays. Woo hoo. I ruined any chance guys, by not going NC from day one. I didn't let her wonder about me. I was whining and pining. Then frustration kicked in and I snapped and pooped on any redeeming quality I may have had. PLEASE LISTEN....do not initiate contact! Go NC. I could have had a chance...a chance to at least feel better about myself. I feel like scum....made myself feel worse. Should have accepted and moved on. Now I'm some pariah. The sting is so bad. My head hurts. I'm really ripping myself apart here.

I'm glad to see a smile here....that "sorry" don't count...that's like saying sorry while punching someone at the same time....."POW!, sorry....POW!...sorry" Well stop doing it then!

Online... I believe this thread may address some of what you ask... I tried to fix but you will see, some regrets were made.

I can understand your point of view James...Kind of a yin/yang...love/hate. My anger, which I finally found, did extinguish the pain I had. I truly feel released. And I did turn it on her and let her know. But letting her know it in a fit of passion allows my emotions to control me as they did when I was feeling the pain of the break up. We all must find peace within ourselves before we can truly love and let go. And finding that peace is kind of like discovering the logic/emotion...yin/yang. It's ok to be emotional, but be logical as well, it's ok to hate but we cannot let it control us. jeeze...I'm getting preachy...

Well...I did so. And its done. Releasing my anger towards somebody should not be a source of peace. I'll never know if she got the message but that is her choosing to listen if she wants. It is no longer of my concern. My life continues and I make my choices for myself. I am at peace with not contacting her because I am not ready to be friends. I am hurt and she did hurt me. That is ok. I've been hurt before.

I feel so much better seeing what the relationship really was and james says it best. A James Z "Now that I mention “convenience” she was supposed to come over to my house to see me last night, but she was “too tired” so she broke up with me over the phone. She used the “too tired” excuses for anything she wanted to get out of, and I barely got to see her the last few weeks. I was catering to her convenience, and when ever she wanted to see me, that’s when she would, I had no say in the matter." A relationship is a two way street. I feel sooooo much better getting this out of me.

Dude...Sounds just like me,too. Enjoy it for what it was and let go. A relationship is a two way street. Does sound suspicious, but don't go there. This was my little epiphany that may help...

Well...I was being all wimpy and called her, again, and she answered. Then it hit me. She is being cold and distant. I never hurt her in any way, we were great partners in crime. Then I let my anger out and told her basically what I said on this post. I did not call names but did say ***k off. (somewhat ashamed) Childish I know but that is what I needed to get out. The confusion of 100% intimacy to sudden crappy friendship caused pent up anger. And I just had to let it out. That is why I regret not going NC day one. But now, my wisdom has grown and thank you to all who share your time to help others here.

Yeah, we were close. We shared everything with each other emotionally. I trusted her. But since she broke up with me out of the blue over the phone instead of face to face, I realize that it was all just a relationship of her convenience. It wasn't convenient to break up face to face. And it's not convenient to talk about it. Friends....yeah....sure. Friends do not do things like that. At first I was skeptical about the whole NC thing. "She wants to be friends. I want to be friends. I can't go without talking to her." BS! If someone dumps you, that is very uncool and they are NOT your friend! From seeing the redundant anguish here and from reading how everyone pushes NC. NC is right. "It's just not the right time. I need space." They say. Well give it to them! Yeah you'll hurt, but just remember that hurt came from them. THEY HURT YOU! If your best friend (not SO), buddy, pal hurt you, wouldn't you just cut them off and wait for them to call you and apologize. And then MAYBE you may forgive them. If your buddy, pal, best friend hurt you, you wouldn't be calling them, writing letters saying, "Buddy, pal, friend I wish you were here, please!" Hell no! You would go about your own business and have a good time and forget about them. If a SO breaks up with you and want to be "friends", tell them, "friends don't hurt each other the way you just hurt me, no thank you, good bye." Stone cold. NC people! I didn't and regret it. I let someone drag me along for the past 3 weeks, wondering what my poor 'ol holidays are going to be like, being her "friend". But a friendship that was only convenient to her. Friends hang out and have fun! Not staying away, causing pain for the other. This is my rant. Remember NC. Wait for the apology from the one that hurt you. Then you may actually have a friend.

At least I... ...woke up this morning. ...had some green tea and a smoke. ...know I'm not alone here.

I would stay NC. I had a girl give me blackeyes before...I stayed and I eventually began to hurt myself. She twisted my mind and I stayed. It was one of the most hardest things to get back up and rediscover myself afterwards. Dude, you are 23 she is 29, she should know better. Use this time to build self confidence and be more mature than she. She doesn't hate you, she wants a reaction...school yard antics. Don't play it, go to the teachers lounge and find a real woman.

call it setting myself up. But I was in a funk and called her yesterday. My "tone" brought her down. Got off the phone and felt miserable. I thought to myself, "we were never like this, it's me bringing it down with my pining and remorse." Then I thought about how much I DO dig her as my friend. We started out like that. I took a chance last night to hopefully leave a message with some upbeat banter and she actually answered the phone. It felt good. No "us" talk. Friend talk. She still digs me but will not if I continue to be down. Of course I'm down but that is my problem. A small door opened in my head to get back to myself. Who I am. I do have hope, kind of like the old 70's song, "Gotta get right back where we started from." I know this goes against the favorite rule of NC. But a mutaul friendship with her is much more important to me that a selfish wanting and clinging from me. I gotta be strong and remember, whatever will be will be, the future's not our's to see...blah,blah,blah

I hear ya, I'm still very fresh off of a sudden let down but I know I gotta be cool and myself and let go. I'm feeling it tonight! No more squeezing the bar of wet soap too tight (super dave). That'll mean I'll have to bend over and pick it up...and ya know what the say about that.....OUCH! Let that New year get here....we are the wiser!

At least I... ...know that pining and whining to the girl is not doing me any good. ...have enjoyed reading posts on this thread. ...have come to the conclusion that if I screw up NC, I'd better be funny and have SOMETHING to say. ...can pass gas under the covers....loudly.

at least I... ....started a thread that kind of hard to contribute to. ....am loosing weight!

Hey people, Yep, we are feeling pretty rough these days. I know I am. Christmas, New Years.....yeah. Sooooo.....I thought it would be a healthy thing to look at the good side of our break up. We need a pick-me-up thread here. EVERYONE should participate! Lighten the load! Lets see what we can come up with. At least I....... ....don't have to buy a present for her. ....don't have to wonder if she's going to break up with me....she did already! ....have this forum to write thoughts in.

i worked hard last night. It was a moonlighting job for big clams. It's what I love to do and have missed it for awhile. My situation is that I moved away from family and friends to take a job that turned out being completely different than what I was led to believe. Distance, job dissatisfaction caused me to me clingy and leaning on her more which pushed her away. My 4 hour trips to see her on weekends seemed like a big deal to her and pushed her away...added to the pressure. She said things changed when I moved. More pressure she felt. I'm making efforts to get back closer to her neck of the woods so we can see each other without "pressure" and "big deal" of lonf trips. I know I can't count on it working back out but I'll also be back with my friends. It's hard being far away and dumped and not liking my job and having absolutely no one to hang with. As I've said before in other threads....i've been threading it up...sorry...before I moved here I was mr. cool and laid back. I can see now how I've become clingy and needing her more which has damaged the situation. I failed yesterday. I called and left a message to tell her to watch the game I was working on tv if she was bored. I did make it all the way to 7pm....woo hoo ha ha..sarcasm. wanted to call after it was all over with but didn't. We use to get along great without having to speak everyday...but after reflecting, I have been calling her a few times a day since I moved. I'm in a coolness rut. I've tried walking, watching tv, can't concentrate to get into reading. one positive thing...I've lost weight but I've been smoking more cigs. I was almost quit when she cut it off. Immediately bought a pack. I'm trying to put my mind back to the time when I wasn't calling all the time. The uncertainty has me bogged down and wondering too much. Alone in a strange town and empty feeling add so much to isolation feeling. I know, go out, meet people...whatever. There is nothing to do here. My old place, town, I knew people and could walk right on down to where they were. I'm really lost right now. I've been married before but that ended ok cause we both agreed it had gotten to the point to call it quits. Next relationship was abusive...the girl gave me 4 blackeyes in one year. Quit a good job just to get away from her. she drove me crazy. It was bad. This one was just fine on my end, never, well just one or to ddisagreements that got straight within 15 minutes. We were super good friends. Did yard work together. I cooked, we played lots of games, wrestle around, last year we went driving around looking at christmas lights. Damn we had a lot of fun. Now it's like this sudden death. And I know how that really feels. I believed in it and now my belief system is in question. I'm pretty depressed and kinda panicky. I'm afraid of making anymore decisions. See, now it's that time of morning, she's getting up, making coffee, going to sit outside and water her plants and have a smoke. i want to call....I know don't do it. I really feel like I'm in a tail spin. Are there any hotties here who like dark beer and good food and likes board games and the out doors and can enjoy a good college football game or a hike down to the creek? hee hee, sorry about that. Ugh...

That's the hard part. Thank you for your understanding. I'll be back tonight and keep ya'll....heh heh...southern boy...keep you all posted on this day of NC...I'll remember and think of lots of posts I've seen. yours, blenders, superdave.... But for now, It's my time....off to work Peace and love to all

o.k. Today is my day. No one elses. I am off to work my kick * * * job. I love my work. TV work I do not share this day with anyone else. Not her. I will call my son and share it with him. Not her. It's my day. I will not call. It's my day. mine alone. I own today. I kick * * *. It's time to be selfish FOR myself. Cup of green tea. some nuts and berries, cheese and crackers and Bugler smokes. This is the rest of my life. Today it begins. I love myself and I own today. This is MY day to discover.

I feel that I will do NC for the wrong reason. Not to heal but to get her back. I know it's for healing but in the back of the mind it's for her to miss me. It's time for her to be up now. I've called every morning and yes, she's asnwered. I want to call this morning. I want to say good morning. But, but waht if I don't today. Will she call. Will she not. Then there is today. then tonight. Then tomorrow morning. I want to call. Luckily I have a kick * * * job to do today, but it's one that I last did while I was with her and it impressed her. So Mind can be kept off her but then again I want to call and remind her. Impress her. I continue to find reasons to call.

I've got to stop calling. I've been the only one to initiate contact for the past two weeks. She still talks nicely and supportive. I have a hope for new years which I know is false. I'm scared. very much so. We didn't break up hard. She just set me down. I loved her more. I miss her skin, touch, hair, laugh, company, everything. I'm tired. We learned to share so much truth. But I just can't handle this truth. Sex is secondary. I just want her. To hold and love. I miss my best friend. Superdave said it best, from 100% intimacy to 10% friends.......!? From sharing a bed and laughing one day to never hanging out again!? I miss my friend. I want to cry but I just can't. I have too much hope.....way too much.... I never knew she was feeling pressured until the day the earth stopped. Seems like yesterday. I have had days off at new years to spend with her. Still do but I'm scared to ask to see her. The rejection. NC will start for today...I hope..one day at a time. I just get excited and want to share it with her. Tell her about the stupid bird hopping outside my window. The frog with the big bug in his mouth. The heavy soupy fog we've had. I'm far from her, 250 miles. I'm falling in a hole. I'm going to want to call her today cause she is my friend. What do I do if she is my only friend? My closest. Our relationship was first based on that. Sex is secondary.

Hot damn! I just read this whole thread and I'm encouraged as hell to be strong as well. This thread is exactly what I'm going through, minus the little girl,. Congrats on the call back! But yes, I'd wait a day or two before returning the call. Blender, you're good. Very good. I guess, though, it really all is just a game...but so is chess, which is respectable.