elithepi

This may help...

It's for everyone. Save it, print it, know it.

As we all know we struggle with the NC. My mantra has been "peace" when ever my mind drifts towards the life that once was. So remember this when you have the urge to give in. "The more man interfered with the natural balance produced and governed by the universal laws, the further away harmony retreated into the distance. The more forcing, the more trouble. Whether heavy or light, wet or dry, fast or slow, everything had its own nature already within it, which could not be violated without causing difficulties. When abstract and arbitrary rules were imposed from the outside, struggle was inevitable. Only then did life become sour." The Tao of Pooh. Find your own way and allow them theirs.

Hey people. Stuck in a town that I just moved to and know nobody, I'm broke so it's kinda hard to go out to the local watering hole where I have some acquaintences. I felt I've put a wedge between my ex and myself by talking about it too much. We've been able to talk about things but then I talk about "us" and she doesn't like that. It became a long distance relationship when I moved. I've missed work. I get all ansy with nobody to call, broke, the sun sets way too early. I feel very isolated and trapped. I'm tired of crying and know that when she broke the news of being confused and didn't want to hurt me, if I had just laid low given her space and not called everyday like I did, things may be different. But I've further pushed her and made her continually unsure. I hate this feeling of isolation. Arghhh. Not to be rude, but relying on this site just adds to depression. We're all a bunch of saps. Sorry. I've been sleeping all day. It's grey outside. Thinking of the past. Holiday plans shot.

OK. This morning I had a talk with her. I carefully asked some questions that I needed to know. Kept my composure. I told her I know I'm a good person I know my heart is in the right place. She said she knew that but maybe it was her heart that was not in the right place. She had a seed of doubt that just pulled her back. She said it wouldn't be fair to talk about the future (change of heart ) because we don't know it. I thanked her for the honesty. I even mentioned this web sight and how the person doing the dumping but still wanting to be friends was just a cushion for themselves. I did not accuse her of that, I was expressing confusion. She disagreed about the theory. Finally I told her that I thought it would be wise that I shouldn't speak with her anymore because it would not only hurt me but also hurt her. I told her that she had the dearest part of my heart and if she ever had a change of heart, feel free to call. Then I said goodbye. I felt some closure, Then heavy guilt, like I was the person doing the dumping cause I know she really wants us to remain friends as do I. Didn't expect the guilt feeling. But I did leave the ball in her court. Whatever it's worth. Establishing NC seems mean and vengeful.

Geeze, I'm a bit of a mess. I've taken the day off from work and told to take another day as well. They say get a doctors excuse. I have to concentrate hard at work for what I do but now I'm REALLY distracted. Should I fell like a smuck for taking time for myself. I've yet to let loose emotionally. Can't get thoughts off of the other person. I feel I need to have one last talk before NC. Afraid of NC cause the thought of never is frightening. Now I'm starting to get mad. I want to scream, cry, fight, drink, sleep, erase my mind. I'm better than this and I always knew I have to live for myself not for someone else. I've screwed up bad on NC. I did it for one day and felt good and strong. Then have made way too much contact since. Now I feel like a stupid puppy.

Should I send back the stack of letters and other items given to me by her. Pictures, etc. My sorry self gathered it all up and want to send them back. Would that be vindictive? It's beginning to happen....acceptance. It's going to be a fun next few weeks....... I'm afraid I'll regret getting rid of the things, but I would like to "send a message". Now I'm beginning to wait on a few days of NC before I send back "gifts". It should be against the law to break up around the holidays! I freaking woke up in the middle of the night.and boom! Memories and thoughts are there to greet instantly. wide awake now and have just gathered things up. I'm sad.

Well guys, I discovered this site this morning and I've really gotten a lot out of it. Insights on No Contact will probably keep me from making an * * * of myself and preserve some dignity. It was a nice relationship. I was actually loved and didn't get any black eyes this time. I think everyone here would dig the chick that dumped me. Genuinely charming and caring. At least she was honest and kind when the deed had to be done although shocking and decisive. New years is 2 years we first kissed. I'd been looking forward to my time off to see her this holiday. Now it's bed time and I must fight the urge to call and say goodnight. It's been a week and I've called too much. Morning will be rough. Waking up and all the reality slams back in. Why do we all get ourselves into this? Something that feels so good can hurt so bad. We tell ourselves, "I won't let myself get hurt again." Then we open up, yet again, to someone else and in the back of our minds we silently hope we won't get hurt, already undermining ourselves with insecurity. Time only tells. May we all learn from all of our mistakes and look forward to meeting our mate. We sure as hell haven't found 'em yet! It's just tiring, getting older with same ol' let down. The one encouraging thing about this breakup, the mistakes that hurt me in the past I did not repeat this time. But I must avoid the "after the fact" mistakes though. I get hurt easy. Time to pull up the big boy pants. Oh yeah, the morning time........sigh..but I'll remember I'm not alone. Peace and sweet lovely dreams to all of you with love lost.

So I "courted" this girl for 10 months. We slept together but no sex. Eventually we had sex and things were even better cause we got to be friends before the sex. We got to know each other. We became VERY close before the deed, so to say. Yeah 10 months, almost unheard of these days. It's just the way it happened and the whole process was great. Seemed true. I moved away about 4 months ago 250 miles away. I mention how other people said long distant relationships are tough but we both agreed we were doing fine, screw what other people say. I visited a couple times a month. Those visits "added pressure to the relationship" Was a cool laid back relationship before I moved, we saw lots of each other. Now it's too serious!? My distance has added pressure to the seriousness or commitment of the relationship. Maybe I overcompensated because of the distance. She did mention that when I moved, things started to change. I started laying it on heavy. Hell, I saw her more and practically lived with her before I moved. I wish I never moved now, I use to be Mr. Cool, distance made me clingy. Hard to NC I don't know anyone around here. I want to share my new vegetarian dishes with her. See her animals. Last time I saw her, I was leaving and she said, "I hate this part the most." (me leaving). We embraced, kissed and couldn't wait until next time. Then she dumped me over the phone. OUT OF THE BLUE.....Smack! I have yet to do the BIG cry cause I'm scare to let go. I feel stupid and childish. I've been in other relationships that I regreted but this one will always be in my heart. She's a good person and made me a better person. Morning time is the hardest. Tears, dread. We use to call each other in the morning and have coffee and smokes together. Day time, ugh.... Night time just moves me closer to the dreaded morning time. Movies this past weekend: High Fidelity Sideways Eternal sunshine of a Spotless Mind I can't do NC. I like writing letters, I'm old fashioned. And too damn sentimental. I'm far away and isolated. At least I can't go banging on her door all night.

Ok,ok...I've been checking out the posts and NC seems to be the way to go. Although I'm confused as hell as to why she decided to end cause I didn't do anything to hurt her. "It's just bad timing" Wish I'd known that a year or so ago. So the NC deal...of course I want to give her time to miss me and not be annoying to her. She will probably call in a few days or even tonight. Yeah I spoke to her today...it was nice, but I still want to pick her brain and "fix" it. That will not work. NC seems to be the wise move. What do I do if she calls soon. She made the decision to cut it off. She did say it would be wise to stay in contact to get through this. Do I not answer. Do I answer after a couple calls to let her know, "hey, I'm making you miss me, wanna come back?" I'm too much of a soft heart to pull the NC without feeling guilty about it. She's strong/stubborn and probably will NC me as well. Catch 22 if you know what I'm saying. She's a wonderful girl that my only problem is she's afraid of commitment. Most confusing quote: "I just see us continuing to date for a few years and then getting married. I don't want that." Wouldn't that be a good thing. Why would someone get married if they didn't want to. Why kill any chance at something being good. I'm content the way things were 2 weeks ago.

One way I wooed my ex was by letters in the mail. She has no computer or cell phone. It was nice and old fashioned and I continued to write her letters. What do you guys think about contact through letters and forgetting all this instant gratification BS with emails and cell phones. I do agree that texting is easier for the sender but then the thought of the ex rolling their eyes when they get it is a bummer. Mail is nice, when was the last time you got a letter from a friend?

We can still talk.....I'm guilty, I just spoke with her and said good morning, yeah, she anwered. I'd like to keep it up, the communication. Not pressure or talk about the pain with her. But as we continue communication, which is nice, when should I initiate "trying it again" because I think she is confused and afraid of commitment. Kinda strange that the guy here is complaining about a girl not wanting to commit. I do feel better after speaking this morning with her. Maybe I should just play it cool for a while and then ask her if she would like to see each other? Damn this is tough.

Hell, it was funny the first few days....I did call her and acted like I was cool with it. We talked as friends about work and other things. Then like 5 days later it sunk in and that's when I lost it. I guess denial kept me cool for the first few phone calls now it like a deep dark pit. This has really distracted me from work. I constantly wonder what she's doing and to top it off News Years marks 2 years we met, I then "courted" her for several months before anything sexual happened so I thought I was doing it all well. Getting to know someone....it was really nice. It's deffinitely a friendship I want to hold on to.

Hello people, I've been in a new town at a new job because I had to take the job. I'm four hours away from the girl I love and I frequently visited her. Everything had been going wonderfully, no fights, just laughter. She's the type of girl who doesn't like pressure so I played it cool. A couple weekes ago I wanted to visit her again on the nearing weekend. That's when she said that it wasn't right. She felt that I liked her more than she liked me and it wasn't fair to continue. Almost 2 years of having a great time. We became best of friends unlike any other relationship I'd known. I'm 32 years old and this hurts so freaking bad. Everyday is meaningless. I feel so isolated. I have no friends in this place. I call her just to talk then I start crying and she wants to get off the phone. She was my support system and now it's gone. She loves me but not in love with me. ARGHHH! Will this ever end? I thought THIS was the one. Absolutely no fights ever. We played games, cooked, very affectionate. Any words of wisdom?