silentalways

and i wish i had been because the person i met was wicked and wonderful but it was obvious i still had some work to do on my personal issues so it was decided to stop dating. i really thought i was ready at the time and so did she but we both had to step back - what's the rush anyways. its better to have dated someone briefly where we both saw that 'things' needed to be settled early on instead of playing games. i truly resepct her for helping me recognize this fact and for all the ways she showed support and understanding - she is a friend and a great musician. we enjoy a short and great time together and i am sure we will see each other down the road as we both love and write music. i am much better now then back then but still a work in progress.

i am going thru the same thing so i completely understand how you both must feel right now. i know that not being with someone you love is horrible but in your case you are truly lucky that this person still loves you and that is something special. you can make someone be 'in love' with you, and think about how they feel knowing u are in love and that they love u but cannot be with you. that is just as hard. so be gentle and kind and treat each other nice. best wishes.

there is nothing that says bothe person must have the same level of feeling for each other to be together or make a marriage work. love is a funny old bird and we often use it as a measuring stick. you can like and love someone - one is not better than the other. i have treated some people i like better than those i love - so what does that tell u. i think putting terms and conditions such as this in order to weigh the pros and cons really gets you no where. in life there are no guarntees, someone might love u then fall out of love, someone might like you and then fall in love. just beyerself, don't over analysis and trying enjoying the moment you are in and the person you are sharing that moment with - keep it simple.

no happy no contact ending for this dude i am afraid. people say the best way to 'win' someone back is to do no contact and when they get things back together you will be more appealing to that person - well, if someone is only there for the good times and doesn't support you during the rough times - what does that say about them and how why would the person who becomes 'good' again want to get back together? just my thoughts really. i understand nc works for many people, but, in my case, it just made it clear it was over [which i believe was the intended outcome - and that's ok].

To solve a problem one must first understand and 'see' what the real problem, grasshopper. First of all I would like to thank all of those who have taken the time to comment and provide great encouragement and advice to me over the last few months. Your words have really helped and guided me through some pretty rough patches. The last couple of weeks I decided that I would be a little assertive and 'tell' my ex through postings here [i believe she comes here occasionally] how I understand how much I hurt her and apologize and that I take responsibility for what happened but also to state that I truly wanted us to try again. And over these few weeks I have been extremely hard on myself and decided that I can't do that anymore and needed to start getting my normal life back but I was 'blocking' myself because I felt so much remorse over hurting someone I love and grappling with what I believe is an unfair examination of events and view of my character. So up until last night I was struggling with what I felt was my biggest problem – how do I get another chance with her and rebuild trust and love after hurting her deeply? Then it dawned on me – this is not the real problem because the cold hard reality of the situation is that is not going to happen – so between puking and journal writing and conselling the real problem was discovered by understanding what it is I truly need to do – that being, 'find a way to let her go and move on'. See, to solve a problem you need to find out what you must first do and then move away from 'inner emotional thoughts' to exterior fact and trace the evidence [past and present actions] from the outcome [in the now] back to the causes and you will arrive at what the real problem is – and then the solution can be found and worked on. This all takes some honest observation, objective accounting of what is know and not known as fact, break that all down and connect the dots, and the desired destination [real problem and what is needed to do] will be totally clear. And that is what I did. I started with what I know to be true regarding what happened and what we both have done in relation to 'after' the breakup. And there is not point boring everyone with the 'history' of things but I think a quick snapshot of the 'after story' will help those who like me are/were struggling. If after X amount of time, there is still no contact between two people, and the nc was started by the one leaving, and the other has made every attempt to apologize, explain, show remorse and understanding and the continued response is no contact or worse – then it is up to you to stop looking at what happened, stop believing things will get better and you will get back with this person and start looking at what 'their' actions are actually telling you and recognize how those actions are effecting you. If the other person has shown zero effort or refuses to have any communication at all then – you must accept it is over and start removing the things you are doing to blame, haunt, and punish yourself. Because in the end, what does it matter what 'corrections and apologizes' are made when the other person does care and has clearly moved on. In cases like this it doesn't matter if things are being presented in a one-sided way or that certain facts are being left out, or even if they will ever like you again because they have already dumped you and moved on. And that is when it dawned on me that I had been doing things to 'show her' and then for myself second [and I realized that was why I wasn't ready to start dating yet] – I had to do the things that are only for myself to heal. And I have 4 of the big 5 things completed now [home now listed – for those who know me they can check the mls listing / registered with programs regarding my issues – already started / start living healthy again and action all the lessons learned, return to a normal existence where work, sleep, exercise, social life and dating / cherish the time shared and move on from the past and not contact the other person – all done] So I think I have finally gotten my life back. So, thank you all for putting up with my ups and downs and best wishes to all.

in a nutshell, i simply wish the woman i love would try again and communicate that by phone or if not help us find a way to move past this hurt. thanks everyone. i must try and sleep now nite [sorry about this long self-serving post but it really is just about loving her and wanting a second chance at something special] I am the second born, and the first son, of 4 children my parents had. Well, factually, I am the third born and second son because my parents had a son before me but he died during birth so I guess i am the 'we'll try again' child of the family. I was born premature and was always sick as a child. I had the kind of fevers where you would see monsters and that was no looked kindly upon by my father. At an early age I discovered I was a burden so to protect myself I found ways to protect myself from hurt. This usually involved shrugging off my hurt as if it meant nothing and in doing so started at an early age unconscoiyusly thinking people did the same thing. So when I said or did something to hurt someone I never gave it the right measure of import. Thru grade school I was so skinny that in grade 4 my teacher used me as a skeletal example and had me take off my shirt in front of my class and let her poke around my rib cage. In order to survive I became the class clown and developed ways of expressing my hurt silently and personally thru art and music. High school was a blur of existence that really meant nothing nor prepared me for life as an adult. But what I lacked in ability I made up for with generousity and determination. I married too young and during a time where I had learned that the way to cope from ones weaknesses was through drinking. So from my teens to my twenties my coping mechanism was to run from trouble through self abuse and lies and after a period of self punishment I would overachieve and be capable of things I always wanted to accomplish and slowly I became the man I believe I could be. In the process I learned how to finally open my heart and trust completely in people – to the point where I never doubted or felt people in general held malice towards another. That changed when I discovered my then wife had lived a 'separate life' and it was then that my ability to 'trust' was lost. Because of this, I had to end my marriage and co-parent – something I never wanted to do. Some time later, destiny decided that I would meet someone so amazing that it would impact my life in ways I couldn't imagine at the time. We actually met online and we found out about each other first through words, then by voice and then we met in person – by then I already knew how fortunate I was. Over the next few years, I experienced what it is like for the first time to be in love with someone, to make love with someone, to actually envision growing old with someone and wanting to do and give my all to someone without question – unconditional. I believe our love was so strong that when we told each other we were soulmates – we meant the words – they were not lies. In the beginning, this woman saw her situation and mine as being unequal and that she felt at a disadvantage because of her past. I never once felt we were anything other than equals and we shared everything. To this day I know I saw love in her eyes for me, I saw appreciation and caring, I know she believed in me and that as she grew as a person and a woman and needed to lean on me less, I was proud of what she was accomplishing, how great of a mother she was, her hidden strengthens and I woke up every day thinking of her. I remember one time I knew she was completely happy and relax and it was one morning where she started singing in the shower and walked out of the bathroom without concern for covering up. She was safe, comfortable and assure of herself, me, and us. Then she hit a crossroad, between wanting a job that matched her qualifications and abilities and the need to make her family proud, and she had already become confident and would not let her ex determine her mood or fate. So she was balancing a love, her past, her career, her school, her daughter, and living in a home that was not her own. At this time I started suffering from a depression but did not realize it at the time because depression is gradual. She had already gone thru one so I imagined she saw the signs, and she did and tried to help. I had to take time off work and for 4 out of 8 months I had no income but was carrying the household debt as she and daughter had moved in even though we both knew that was a risk. I started to see myself as failing her, and everyone and turned to past learned behaviours to cope only this time I used cocaine and became addict. In the process I became for 8 months out of 44 I started to see myself as failing her, and everyone and turned to past learned behaviours to cope only this time I used cocaine and became addict. In the process I became for 8 months out of 44 years an emotionally abusive person that neglected everyone and wasted hours online in chat rooms talking about meaningless sex issues with strangers while I whacked myself out substance wise and emotionally. In the process I felt that she had given up and hated me and when she left – I was still gonzo and in an empty house as I had given away my stuff so we could use hers and make my home feel like hers. before she left I had no idea what my behviour was actually like. I didn't realize I was being unfaithful, because I was sick and actually punishing myself by doing the things I was doing. I know it got too much for her and that she believed I would never get better and that the things I had done had forever corrupted our relationship. When I finally recovered it was too late. I was, now forever in her eyes, heart and mind, that creep that hurt her deeply. I don't think anyone realizes how hard it is to have fallen so deeply in love with someone and then totally collapse from stress to the point where you become unrecognizable to even yourself and betray everything you stand for and hurt the woman you love so much that they refuse to ever speak to you againu and see only 'the bad time' and then actually 'wake up' from that nightmare, realize and watch this love vanish before your eyes and have to come to grips with the fact that your behaviour, unintentional and caused by extroduary factors, has destroyed what you waited all your life for . then have to fiond a way to accept that this woman will never come back nor see or think of you in the ways she once did. And to find a way to somehow let go of that person in your heart because they have already done so with you. So, because of 7 months out of 4 years, because of a time where I stumbled, I am faced with the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life – find a way to let go of something that I know is never coming back and deal with the fact that I in no way intended all this to happen. I am a good man, great father and loving partner. I had never been happier in my life. And because I know she sees me as she does and thinks of me now in the exact opposite ways she once did, I will carry that scar in my heart forever – I truly believe that. I have tried every which way to tell her I understand her hurt, to apologize, to show strength and love but nothing has or will make a difference. People tell me, just move on, get a hobby, forget her, date again – but how do those things solve matters of the heart? How does going to a gym make me refocus and capable of healing from something like that? These are bandaids and do nothing for a broken heart let alone somehow make amends to her and to show respect to her. I know that I will never faulter again like I did and I wish she would want to try again and believe in us but the reality is – she will not. I know her too well. I am forever marked and stained by 30 seconds out of a lifetime and as much as I know she is hurting – it is both of us that have lost something great. I have reached out because I see promise but she doesn't and now I have to find a way to let go of this love – because that is what it is – not an obsession, not an illusion, not a fantasy – but a true and pure love we both shared and one that I alone ruined. And over the last few months I have gone from delusional because of despair to asking confidently for her hand by showing her all the things I have done and ways I have changed – with only silence as a reply. So, after saying all this, can anyone tell me – how does one move on after something like this?

i just am not sure if it is that or what i had done - if she wanted to go to a therapist together or work on anything that was an issue i would but if it is because she wants to discover herself - and do so without me - then there is truly nothing i can do. this is the hardest time of my life. [see, and please excuse, my long self-serving post - it is really about her and i - sigh] I am the second born, and the first son, of 4 children my parents had. Well, factually, I am the third born and second son because my parents had a son before me but he died during birth so I guess i am the 'we'll try again' child of the family. I was born premature and was always sick as a child. I had the kind of fevers where you would see monsters and that was no looked kindly upon by my father. At an early age I discovered I was a burden so to protect myself I found ways to protect myself from hurt. This usually involved shrugging off my hurt as if it meant nothing and in doing so started at an early age unconscoiyusly thinking people did the same thing. So when I said or did something to hurt someone I never gave it the right measure of import. Thru grade school I was so skinny that in grade 4 my teacher used me as a skeletal example and had me take off my shirt in front of my class and let her poke around my rib cage. In order to survive I became the class clown and developed ways of expressing my hurt silently and personally thru art and music. High school was a blur of existence that really meant nothing nor prepared me for life as an adult. But what I lacked in ability I made up for with generousity and determination. I married too young and during a time where I had learned that the way to cope from ones weaknesses was through drinking. So from my teens to my twenties my coping mechanism was to run from trouble through self abuse and lies and after a period of self punishment I would overachieve and be capable of things I always wanted to accomplish and slowly I became the man I believe I could be. In the process I learned how to finally open my heart and trust completely in people – to the point where I never doubted or felt people in general held malice towards another. That changed when I discovered my then wife had lived a 'separate life' and it was then that my ability to 'trust' was lost. Because of this, I had to end my marriage and co-parent – something I never wanted to do. Some time later, destiny decided that I would meet someone so amazing that it would impact my life in ways I couldn't imagine at the time. We actually met online and we found out about each other first through words, then by voice and then we met in person – by then I already knew how fortunate I was. Over the next few years, I experienced what it is like for the first time to be in love with someone, to make love with someone, to actually envision growing old with someone and wanting to do and give my all to someone without question – unconditional. I believe our love was so strong that when we told each other we were soulmates – we meant the words – they were not lies. In the beginning, this woman saw her situation and mine as being unequal and that she felt at a disadvantage because of her past. I never once felt we were anything other than equals and we shared everything. To this day I know I saw love in her eyes for me, I saw appreciation and caring, I know she believed in me and that as she grew as a person and a woman and needed to lean on me less, I was proud of what she was accomplishing, how great of a mother she was, her hidden strengthens and I woke up every day thinking of her. I remember one time I knew she was completely happy and relax and it was one morning where she started singing in the shower and walked out of the bathroom without concern for covering up. She was safe, comfortable and assure of herself, me, and us. Then she hit a crossroad, between wanting a job that matched her qualifications and abilities and the need to make her family proud, and she had already become confident and would not let her ex determine her mood or fate. So she was balancing a love, her past, her career, her school, her daughter, and living in a home that was not her own. At this time I started suffering from a depression but did not realize it at the time because depression is gradual. She had already gone thru one so I imagined she saw the signs, and she did and tried to help. I had to take time off work and for 4 out of 8 months I had no income but was carrying the household debt as she and daughter had moved in even though we both knew that was a risk. I started to see myself as failing her, and everyone and turned to past learned behaviours to cope only this time I used cocaine and became addict. In the process I became for 8 months out of 44 I started to see myself as failing her, and everyone and turned to past learned behaviours to cope only this time I used cocaine and became addict. In the process I became for 8 months out of 44 years an emotionally abusive person that neglected everyone and wasted hours online in chat rooms talking about meaningless sex issues with strangers while I whacked myself out substance wise and emotionally. In the process I felt that she had given up and hated me and when she left – I was still gonzo and in an empty house as I had given away my stuff so we could use hers and make my home feel like hers. before she left I had no idea what my behviour was actually like. I didn't realize I was being unfaithful, because I was sick and actually punishing myself by doing the things I was doing. I know it got too much for her and that she believed I would never get better and that the things I had done had forever corrupted our relationship. When I finally recovered it was too late. I was, now forever in her eyes, heart and mind, that creep that hurt her deeply. I don't think anyone realizes how hard it is to have fallen so deeply in love with someone and then totally collapse from stress to the point where you become unrecognizable to even yourself and betray everything you stand for and hurt the woman you love so much that they refuse to ever speak to you againu and see only 'the bad time' and then actually 'wake up' from that nightmare, realize and watch this love vanish before your eyes and have to come to grips with the fact that your behaviour, unintentional and caused by extroduary factors, has destroyed what you waited all your life for . then have to fiond a way to accept that this woman will never come back nor see or think of you in the ways she once did. And to find a way to somehow let go of that person in your heart because they have already done so with you. So, because of 7 months out of 4 years, because of a time where I stumbled, I am faced with the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life – find a way to let go of something that I know is never coming back and deal with the fact that I in no way intended all this to happen. I am a good man, great father and loving partner. I had never been happier in my life. And because I know she sees me as she does and thinks of me now in the exact opposite ways she once did, I will carry that scar in my heart forever – I truly believe that. I have tried every which way to tell her I understand her hurt, to apologize, to show strength and love but nothing has or will make a difference. People tell me, just move on, get a hobby, forget her, date again – but how do those things solve matters of the heart? How does going to a gym make me refocus and capable of healing from something like that? These are bandaids and do nothing for a broken heart let alone somehow make amends to her and to show respect to her. I know that I will never faulter again like I did and I wish she would want to try again and believe in us but the reality is – she will not. I know her too well. I am forever marked and stained by 30 seconds out of a lifetime and as much as I know she is hurting – it is both of us that have lost something great. I have reached out because I see promise but she doesn't and now I have to find a way to let go of this love – because that is what it is – not an obsession, not an illusion, not a fantasy – but a true and pure love we both shared and one that I alone ruined. And over the last few months I have gone from delusional because of despair to asking confidently for her hand by showing her all the things I have done and ways I have changed – with only silence as a reply. So, after saying all this, can anyone tell me – how does one move on after something like this?

I am the second born, and the first son, of 4 children my parents had. Well, factually, I am the third born and second son because my parents had a son before me but he died during birth so I guess i am the 'we'll try again' child of the family. I was born premature and was always sick as a child. I had the kind of fevers where you would see monsters and that was no looked kindly upon by my father. At an early age I discovered I was a burden so to protect myself I found ways to protect myself from hurt. This usually involved shrugging off my hurt as if it meant nothing and in doing so started at an early age unconscoiyusly thinking people did the same thing. So when I said or did something to hurt someone I never gave it the right measure of import. Thru grade school I was so skinny that in grade 4 my teacher used me as a skeletal example and had me take off my shirt in front of my class and let her poke around my rib cage. In order to survive I became the class clown and developed ways of expressing my hurt silently and personally thru art and music. High school was a blur of existence that really meant nothing nor prepared me for life as an adult. But what I lacked in ability I made up for with generousity and determination. I married too young and during a time where I had learned that the way to cope from ones weaknesses was through drinking. So from my teens to my twenties my coping mechanism was to run from trouble through self abuse and lies and after a period of self punishment I would overachieve and be capable of things I always wanted to accomplish and slowly I became the man I believe I could be. In the process I learned how to finally open my heart and trust completely in people – to the point where I never doubted or felt people in general held malice towards another. That changed when I discovered my then wife had lived a 'separate life' and it was then that my ability to 'trust' was lost. Because of this, I had to end my marriage and co-parent – something I never wanted to do. Some time later, destiny decided that I would meet someone so amazing that it would impact my life in ways I couldn't imagine at the time. We actually met online and we found out about each other first through words, then by voice and then we met in person – by then I already knew how fortunate I was. Over the next few years, I experienced what it is like for the first time to be in love with someone, to make love with someone, to actually envision growing old with someone and wanting to do and give my all to someone without question – unconditional. I believe our love was so strong that when we told each other we were soulmates – we meant the words – they were not lies. In the beginning, this woman saw her situation and mine as being unequal and that she felt at a disadvantage because of her past. I never once felt we were anything other than equals and we shared everything. To this day I know I saw love in her eyes for me, I saw appreciation and caring, I know she believed in me and that as she grew as a person and a woman and needed to lean on me less, I was proud of what she was accomplishing, how great of a mother she was, her hidden strengthens and I woke up every day thinking of her. I remember one time I knew she was completely happy and relax and it was one morning where she started singing in the shower and walked out of the bathroom without concern for covering up. She was safe, comfortable and assure of herself, me, and us. Then she hit a crossroad, between wanting a job that matched her qualifications and abilities and the need to make her family proud, and she had already become confident and would not let her ex determine her mood or fate. So she was balancing a love, her past, her career, her school, her daughter, and living in a home that was not her own. At this time I started suffering from a depression but did not realize it at the time because depression is gradual. She had already gone thru one so I imagined she saw the signs, and she did and tried to help. I had to take time off work and for 4 out of 8 months I had no income but was carrying the household debt as she and daughter had moved in even though we both knew that was a risk. I started to see myself as failing her, and everyone and turned to past learned behaviours to cope only this time I used cocaine and became addict. In the process I became for 8 months out of 44 I started to see myself as failing her, and everyone and turned to past learned behaviours to cope only this time I used cocaine and became addict. In the process I became for 8 months out of 44 years an emotionally abusive person that neglected everyone and wasted hours online in chat rooms talking about meaningless sex issues with strangers while I whacked myself out substance wise and emotionally. In the process I felt that she had given up and hated me and when she left – I was still gonzo and in an empty house as I had given away my stuff so we could use hers and make my home feel like hers. before she left I had no idea what my behviour was actually like. I didn't realize I was being unfaithful, because I was sick and actually punishing myself by doing the things I was doing. I know it got too much for her and that she believed I would never get better and that the things I had done had forever corrupted our relationship. When I finally recovered it was too late. I was, now forever in her eyes, heart and mind, that creep that hurt her deeply. I don't think anyone realizes how hard it is to have fallen so deeply in love with someone and then totally collapse from stress to the point where you become unrecognizable to even yourself and betray everything you stand for and hurt the woman you love so much that they refuse to ever speak to you againu and see only 'the bad time' and then actually 'wake up' from that nightmare, realize and watch this love vanish before your eyes and have to come to grips with the fact that your behaviour, unintentional and caused by extroduary factors, has destroyed what you waited all your life for . then have to fiond a way to accept that this woman will never come back nor see or think of you in the ways she once did. And to find a way to somehow let go of that person in your heart because they have already done so with you. So, because of 7 months out of 4 years, because of a time where I stumbled, I am faced with the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life – find a way to let go of something that I know is never coming back and deal with the fact that I in no way intended all this to happen. I am a good man, great father and loving partner. I had never been happier in my life. And because I know she sees me as she does and thinks of me now in the exact opposite ways she once did, I will carry that scar in my heart forever – I truly believe that. I have tried every which way to tell her I understand her hurt, to apologize, to show strength and love but nothing has or will make a difference. People tell me, just move on, get a hobby, forget her, date again – but how do those things solve matters of the heart? How does going to a gym make me refocus and capable of healing from something like that? These are bandaids and do nothing for a broken heart let alone somehow make amends to her and to show respect to her. I know that I will never faulter again like I did and I wish she would want to try again and believe in us but the reality is – she will not. I know her too well. I am forever marked and stained by 30 seconds out of a lifetime and as much as I know she is hurting – it is both of us that have lost something great. I have reached out because I see promise but she doesn't and now I have to find a way to let go of this love – because that is what it is – not an obsession, not an illusion, not a fantasy – but a true and pure love we both shared and one that I alone ruined. And over the last few months I have gone from delusional because of despair to asking confidently for her hand by showing her all the things I have done and ways I have changed – with only silence as a reply. So, after saying all this, can anyone tell me – how does one move on after something like this?

my last request is simply this - and i ask this of the woman i love from the bottom of my heart - if today, right now, you never see us together again - please just leave me a message on my answering machine tonite - simply saying that fact - and i will stop hoping and move on. i promise.

Dear "Silentalways", Perhaps it is "asking too much" by her standards... I truly do understand this is the case. I do. you can expect her to resond to YOUR standards regarding this... I am not asking her to respond to my standards, this is about her hurt and lost trust - and telling her, what we had once is there - better - this things will never happen again - its about asking her to take that leap of faith she did at the beginning. i ask because this is important. she is special. i am a good man and we can move mountains together. she has been hurt, a violated trust, and for now you can work on forgiving yourself for whatever behaviors you made a choice on that may have lead to the demise of this relationship, and let go for today... my behaviours were a small part of our shared time. she knows why they occurred and it is not fair to continue to hold my depression and addiction as the image of who i am. try not to get "addicted" to the anger or resentment of her making the SELFrespecting choice to not be in contact with you after her heart was broken.. i am not angry at all. i do not resent her. my heart was broken too. this was not planned. i am making the same self-respecting choice she did. i never intended to mess up. she knows that. there is no anger, just frustration. i want to marry her, live like we should have, see our daughters go to university, buy a home together....normal life. is that wrong? we are both hurt and i am asking her to have us heal and try again - together. she knows i will not fail. she may need some time to heal, and if your love for her is authentic, then for now it is more important to be UNDERSTANDING OF HER, i am! i want to care for her. that is not wrong. instead of trying to be understood...that is love... authentic love is "understanding her heartache and need to protect her values, standards of her own life". i will never hurt her again. i want her to believe me. I'm so sorry you are hurting so much.. we both are. if she reads this, please close yer eyes, listen to 'right from the start' - and take that step you dread - let down yer guard. i am going home now and during the drive i will wish upon every star that she will call me and leave a message. i know i am pushing the envelope but we have a great opportunity here. i hope she feels the same. good night

believing in getting back with someone and doing everything u can to communicate that fact knowing that is probably not going to happening and being called delusional because the other person cannot break silence and simply communicate that fact in ways that don't punish or hurt. when i was with this woman she saw all the positives and if she no longer believes in them - and i do - then i will share them with another that has a voice. i have stood up for my love of her and have been knocked down many times. that is something special but obviously not enuff. i have simply asked for one sign of respect - one call to let me know. that is not asking too much.

no contact is disrespectful. communication shows respect. i am not afraid of being seen as weak for standing up for something and someone i love and believe in. that is no tossing crumbs - it is courage in the face of adversity. when everything is going against you and you can tell someone that you believe in them and want to be a part of their life and do so with conviction and confidence - that is meaningful. being weak is waiting and hoping they might consider you as a partner - i want to see strength and the ability to decide. i want this woman to be my life partner, if she doesn't want me - she is free to choose so. i have admitted my faults, promised change, shown what i will and am doing and if that means nothing and she has zero faith or feelings then at least i know once and for all. i have been in quicksand for too long and i do not wish to 'stand still' - but move forward. she knows all this, how much i love her - and that when i am determined i can do anything. she is a beauty, smart, wise, caring, insightful woman and i respect whatever decision she makes but the time for no communication must end. she knows evertything about my issues and i will not stumble - and that is a promise.

and i asked if she could simple call me back, leave a message about how she is doing, and i was polite. i was aware that doing that could possibly cause problems for me, but, i am at point in my life where i need some direction from her. i know that if by friday, there is no reply, i will never get one and i have made a vow to myself to stop spinning my wheels and move forward. of course, i want to do so with her but realistically - i have a better chance at winning the lottery. wish me luck folks. big love.

whatever that would be - i could do. but to be a couple, u must work together, make discoveries and memories together and communicate what 'discovery' is desired. in my case, it has been almost a year and i don't want 'us' to lose anymore time. is that unreasonable? is it wrong to say enuff! and take a stand? i know how hard this has been on me and i can only imagine for her - i guess i don't want to be in limbo anymore and if she truly sees nothing in me at all regarding a future - i can move forward by standing still. i would love a future with her and to make plans but i am aware that after so little contact that i am just possibly deluding myself. i would love to hear some advice on this.

that was really nice to hear. i would like to explain something that really has no valid explaination - because i just should have been stronger but i wasn't. i made several mistakes: 1. should have moved in together in our own house 2. should have realized that i still had issues from my past that needed work 3. that just because you were in a 'family' environment previously, blended families are different 4. that bad learned behaviours like escaping from stress need to be corrected not utilized as a means of survival 5. that treating someone poorly and with disrespect will over-ride love 6. that lying and shame is a road to nowhere 7. that depression and addiction will rob you of everything 8. that never take anything or anyone for granted what i have corrected: 1. i am learning honesty 2. i admit i did hurtful things 3. i have listed my home and will move shortly 4. no computer and internet at home 5. learning everyday what a healthy relationship is all about 7. taking responsibilty for my wrongs 8. telling her i love her and want to try again if she does to 9. never do the things i did that corrupted my soul and her trust in me i hope this somehow makes sense and a difference to her

i know i am asking for alot from her - a huge leap of faith on her part really when everything is considered. sometimes, in life, we should rebel against letting a part of someones past be the sole image of how we view another - it is difficult to move away from a snapshot of memory and watch the whole movie instead. if one can do that then mistakes, while still damaging, can be taken with less hurt and a future is not as risky as one thinks. i am in the process of making so many great changes and if she can join me - that would be bliss. but i am realistic and aware that having a positive expectation is fools gold. all i can do i rely on the same stroke of luck that brought us together in the first place.

i wrote that last night and i hope the woman it is intended for reads it

Last night a stranger told me Things I didn't want to hear But her words washed over me With gentleness and care It felt like her voice to me And its ok if that's what I need Because A stranger told me how my eyes Were closed for far too long And that all I'm doing is nothing more Than wishing things had never changed That's so selfish of me This wanting Like making what I did was somehow fine Its just another way of lying And letting sadness control your life See when you betray someone you love And destroy their trust and dreams When you treat someone so bad What good are promises I keep looking back Thinking she is near That's denial and searching and thinking Why did this happen to me Last night a stranger told me I can close my eyes and wish she was here Not to fix something broken Just so I can feel someone that was real I didn't believe I didn't hold dear I didn't believe That she would never be here With me But I love this woman madly Never been more sure of anything And I know that I hurt her in ways I still can not believe But I don't see ruins pure and simple I see the arc of frail love I have no fear of rejection again My will and purpose to never stumble again Is from my flesh and made of steel Not born of despair We both know what love is And how people change and grow Love pulls you back Lets you let down your guard Lets you back in I miss everything about her In ways I cannot speak These words from my heart Are humbled by my wrongs Her silence is like a lighthouse I don't know where it leads I ask her to trust and be brave And hear these words turning in the wind Last night a stranger told me Things I didn't want to hear But her words washed over me With gentleness and care It felt like her voice to me And thats ok

to someone speacial it is not easy to explain emotions and feelings such as love at he best of times because love doesn't follow the rules of common sense and it is not a walk in the park for the faint of heart. it is an adventure of indesrribable splendour - an entrance to another world, sparkled in sunlight that can leave you empowered or incompentent, unable of clar observation and sound judgement or is a sure as your footprint in time. it is intense and becomes part of your consciousness and has the ability to suspend your sense of perception but can elevate you forever. it is organic and is independent of space and time and era and never extinguished. it is a twilight state where communication is not dervived from rationalistic assumptions about right and wrong and has its own autority over us. it is born out of a world of chance, faith, destiny and is strong in a conviction that is valid and absolute. i am faced with the fact that i have such an improbable love for someone and my undertaking is ridiculously insane in that i understand that these are my feelings and that there are limits and only so much tolerance alloted to us all. i understand i have hurt and betrayed an extrodinary woman and there is a greater chance of being looked upon as foolish is far more likely than getting back together but i want this woman back in my life and as irrational as it sounds i want her to know that the past will never happen again. if she has completely lost any feelings towards me, and believes that 'we' are beyond repair, that she will never trust and love me again then i will accept the fact that i alone am responsible of our ending. i want to marry this woman and will do what it takes to prove my worth. i know she has on occasion visited this forum an if she reads this i ask only this - leave me a voice message on my phone answering machine if she wants to try again and if there is no message by the weekend i will completely understand. i ask because i am about to move and if we have a future, this move plays a role. no matter what i will love you forever and please accept my apologizes for stumbling the first time. dream, trust and promsies.

my ex is stubborn - one of her great qualities at times. but when she makes up her mind, she does so on her own and sticks with it. she have proven it time and time again and i don't think she is easily influenced by her friends because she is a smart woman and never does anything without thinking it all the way thru - so when she told me ITS DONE - it is. just takes me longer to get with the program but I think i have it now. I goofed, she said enuff - end of story. I can dream but its not reality. so, lesson learned - better late than never.

i have called my ex 'the love of my life' because she was. that doesn't mean i will not find another, it just means up to now she was it! and while that may be true for me - that doesn't mean she felt the same way. as for earning back trust, i don't think it is as hard as people think it is - its the overthinking and lettintg things slide instead of jumping back in with both feet that is the killer. hey, i'll done the waiting and analysis for 8 months now and it has gotten me no closer to getting someone back - because SHE DOESN't want that - duh! So, time to pick myself up off the matt and start being my old self again [only better] and see if LOVE finds me again. nite all. stay kewl.

i will do EXACTLY what u just said. thank you so much for taking the time to provide me with your advice and thoughts. i want you to know that i read your post a few times, slowly, let your words have meaning and impact me and i truly appreciate your honesty and being open with me - i really felt the 'your rationale' part deeply. it hit home. over the last few days i have really understood how important it is to treat people you love with respect and kindness and for the first time in my life i truly get that 'everything done has a consequence'. i have always been someone that believed that no matter what anything is repairable but that is naive. somethings are not. i have paid a massive price [her love] for being unbelievably careless and thoughtless. last winter i tricked myself into believing that i would accept the consequences of my behaviours and that is what enabled me to continue because i didn't believe things would ever end - but guess what? they did. and the reality of that has been hard to shallow but accepting reality has made, this middle aged man, finally grow up. thank you again and i promise i will put into practice what you have told me. your words are true. big love.

i am in the same boat and here is a little advice from someone who has been down that road and still is. in the past, i made a list of everything i needed to do and tried to do them all at the same time and in cold turkey-style - never works. so, take your time but don't slack and remember success comes to those who are determined and patient. here are a few things i have completed: 1. gave away computer and cancelled internet service [i used a friends comp now so there is a 'time limit.' i don't go to any of the 'sites' that got me whacked in the first place. 2. got registered in the 'programs' i needed to to ensure i had 'support' in place. 3. listed my home and started searching for a new place to live. 4. admitted that things that are happening now are a direct result of my actions and that i only have control of making things better. 5. enlisted trusted friends to support me during down times and admitted that i had been suffering delusional episodes because of substance abuse and am now fully aware of why, when, how, etc. and am tackling this instead of denying. 6. motivate myself and get healthy again. i registered this evening at a gym for a full two years and promised to stop eating at mcgurgles. 7. admit and seek professional help regarding past relastionship issues and finally returned to work after months of lost focussed. 8. realized i was depressed and started medication the list goes onnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

i would not be upset if my partner checked my emails, etc. if she thought there was something wrong. i would not be upset in the least. hopefully, it would lead to bothe people discussing what is going on because sometimes people, even those deeply in love, 'lose their moral compass' and need a way back from the abyss. in the past i have lied and denied things that i clearly left 'in the open' [because a relastionship is about trust] but i have thankfully discovered the reasons i did those things and am proud to say that i not only 'see' the triggers and that after months of honest reflection i feel i am no longer haunted by those past demons.

i will take these words and remind myself of them everyday. i am on the 'upside' now of the rollarcoaster i was on for a while and even though there are days where it feels like i have made no progress - i tell myself i will feel differently tomorrow - and i always do. i think the biggest thing i have been able to do is 'see' all the things that have caused me so much trouble over the years [looooooooooong list - lol] and instead of feeling like i have to complete them all at the same time and in record speed, i can now pace myself and do what i can, when i can. and one of the biggest things i am doing right now and actually wickedly excited about is moving to a new home. i have lived in the same place for 15 years and my house is now listed and i go to 'see' other homes this weekend. this change will make a huge difference for me. i am glad to read so many great thought posts on here.