nubspeace

no plans tonight. Been keeping busy, my heart isn't in it though, but i keep trudging on....I was up most of the night upset and at work now...tonight i will be trying to relax and fall asleep early (if i can). Tomorrow night ex is coming over to finish putting sheet rock up in my entryway that he had started and then that will be it...no more seeing or talking to each other again. I'm dreading it !!!

I'm sorry....at this point i still want him back...i'm sure that will pass, but not today....this is how i feel today. God this hurts !!!!!

Well my ex said he didn't feel we were connecting on a level of wanting to spend the rest of his life with me. We had so much fun and had so much in common....i thought this was going to be it. Now i find out 3wks. after our breakup that he has reconnected with his childhood sweetheart and thinks he loves her and gonna be long term. I'm devistated !!!! I miss him so much, but there is no way i can compete with that. No chance at all. I'm crying as we speak.............

Well my ex said he didn't feel we were connecting on a level of wanting to spend the rest of his life with me. We had so much fun and had so much in common....i thought this was going to be it. Now i find out 3wks. after our breakup that he has reconnected with his childhood sweetheart and thinks he loves her and gonna be long term. I'm devistated !!!! I miss him so much, but there is no way i can compete with that. No chance at all. I'm crying as we speak.............

Anyone out there who has a success story using the no contact method...please i really need to hear them for confidence in what i'm doing... please elaborate.

i was supposed to call him tonight when i got home about finishing the entryway, but i think i'm going to do NC and let him wonder and call me about it....what do ya's think....

i would say building a friendship. See where things lead i guess. trying to figure out if he is just afraid of commitment or what. he has been over the years in three bad relationships with psycho's, cheaters, addicts...and the two relationships he has had with nice, sweet, normal people he has got out of. He said he doesn't know why he does this but he knows his pattern. The last one he regretted it and called and apologized but it was too late. See below for previous post before this one for the backround: 2 wks. ago my boyfriend of 4mos. broke up w/me. For 3-4 wks. he was holding in info that he had got from his daughters mother; daughter (5yrs old), mother re-married w/3yr. old, just friends with my boyfriend, she is a very nice girl, have met her and get along good. She told my boyfriend that their daughter told her that he and I were getting married, and had said it a few times. Well, in the past 3-4 wks. i could tell he was pulling away and being distant and would not tell me what was on his mind. My reaction (mistakenly) was to be more clingy feeling he was slipping away. Now due to him not sharing what he knew with me, he had 3-4 wks. to analyze and look at everything i did and say through different eyes. He finally confronted me with it on the 'breakup night' and I told him it was deffinatly not true that i would NEVER go to the child behind his back and talk about that and that also we had not even said i love you to each other yet. We did come to the conclusion because he said his daughter adores me that she was just saying what she wants or thinks would naturally happen. But since he had this info for 3-4 wks. He started bringing up how i had been acting recently and i tried to explain it was cause i knew something was going on but he wouldn't say. Anyway.. relationship over. Now we have some mutual friends and when invited recently to my b-day party he didn't want to go so i didn't get the wrong idea. But since then i've had to deal with him cause he was in the middle of fixing my truck and getting my things and he has been all smiles and overly friendly and wanting to get me something for my b-day or take me out to lunch. (me confused). Seems very talkative and happy to see me when he see's me and i'm now thinking he was afraid things were going to fast and ran the other way. He did say the breakup night that he had feelings for me and cared alot and would do anything for me but didn't think he had the feelings he should have by now. (it's only been 4mos). Now again this was him lookin at me through different eyes with the info he had. I've since acted very aloof and extremely happy and like it didn't bother me when i see him. Wed. night 11/22 he is coming over to put up sheet rock i needed done for my b-day gift. Seem very into coming over. Should i mention that i'm glad we are friends at all? should i just act like friends and not say anything? should i call him again after tomorrow...how will he know i'm still interested if we don't talk?

Ok...Ex came over to work on my entryway sheetrock. All went well...we talked/ laughed. He asked me if i had changed my hair color (i had tinted it and put in highlights) and i said yes and he said it looked really good and that the "curly cues" i put in it looked nice. Then he continued to work, i went and picked us up some chinease food and beer and we ate and talked. I fed him some of mine...he had not had it before, and then he went back to work and i was doing my thing in the other room. We chatted while working. Then he figured out i needed more things to complete the job so he quit for the night and said he would pick up what i needed and would come back another day. From there we went in the family room and watched ghost hunters on the scifi channel and had a couple beers. I was on the edge of my seat during one part and he grabbed me around the waste and screamed to scare me. I jumped a mile and did scream and said "oh my god, you scared the crap out of me". and we both laughed. Then when he finished his beer he said he was getting going and we would get it taken care of. (the entryway). No hug goodbye or anything but all went well. Doesn't seem like the way i would act if i didn't want to "give someone the wrong idea" (his words previously) OPINIONS PLEASE !!!

2 wks. ago my boyfriend of 4mos. broke up w/me. For 3-4 wks. he was holding in info that he had got from his daughters mother; daughter (5yrs old), mother re-married w/3yr. old, just friends with my boyfriend, she is a very nice girl, have met her and get along good. She told my boyfriend that their daughter told her that he and I were getting married, and had said it a few times. Well, in the past 3-4 wks. i could tell he was pulling away and being distant and would not tell me what was on his mind. My reaction (mistakenly) was to be more clingy feeling he was slipping away. Now due to him not sharing what he knew with me, he had 3-4 wks. to analyze and look at everything i did and say through different eyes. He finally confronted me with it on the 'breakup night' and I told him it was deffinatly not true that i would NEVER go to the child behind his back and talk about that and that also we had not even said i love you to each other yet. We did come to the conclusion because he said his daughter adores me that she was just saying what she wants or thinks would naturally happen. But since he had this info for 3-4 wks. He started bringing up how i had been acting recently and i tried to explain it was cause i knew something was going on but he wouldn't say. Anyway.. relationship over. Now we have some mutual friends and when invited recently to my b-day party he didn't want to go so i didn't get the wrong idea. But since then i've had to deal with him cause he was in the middle of fixing my truck and getting my things and he has been all smiles and overly friendly and wanting to get me something for my b-day or take me out to lunch. (me confused). Seems very talkative and happy to see me when he see's me and i'm now thinking he was afraid things were going to fast and ran the other way. He did say the breakup night that he had feelings for me and cared alot and would do anything for me but didn't think he had the feelings he should have by now. (it's only been 4mos). Now again this was him lookin at me through different eyes with the info he had. I've since acted very aloof and extremely happy and like it didn't bother me when i see him. Wed. night 11/22 he is coming over to put up sheet rock i needed done for my b-day gift. Seem very into coming over. Should i mention that i'm glad we are friends at all? should i just act like friends and not say anything? should i call him again after tomorrow...how will he know i'm still interested if we don't talk?

Please advise… My boyfriends daughter of 5yrs old had been mentioning to her mother about he and I getting married and he finally after 3-4 weeks of holding this in told me about it and wanted to know if I had been talking to her about it. (he and I have only been together 4 mos.) I told him no way that I would never talk to the daughter like that behind his back and we had not even said I love you to each other yet and that not at all is what I've been thinking. This is the truth. We came to the conclusion because he said his daughter adores me that it is probably what she wants and thinks it's what should happen next like what happened with her mom and husband. Then he said he was thinking I was also making all these plans for the future and planning on moving into his home. Now…when he and I had only been together about a month we were up at his dads camp and I was thinking at the time of selling my home and getting a home on the lake and he made the comment of "yeah, then you could move in with me". I was freaked a little since we had only been together a short time and said "yeah right". Worried I sounded rude I just kind of dropped the subject and hoped he didn't take offense. (which he did not seem to at all…things progressed fine). Than when it was getting closer to me making the decision of selling my home or not, he made the comment of "well, where will you live?". And I said in just a off the cuff remark nothing serious "I'll just move in with you". And he did not answer. Subject dropped and I've been just moving along with things. So when he made this comment after the daughter thing….I said, "no, this wasn't my intent but you did make the comment first". which at this point he said he did not remember saying and I reminded him of where we were and what was said. He still didn't remember but said ok accepting what I said as the truth. Then he said "he felt after what I had been through with my previous relationship (drug addict x-husband and me not being able to have kids of my own). That he thought maybe I was clinging on to him cause he had kids and he was responsible and was trying to push things along too quick. I said that was defiantly not the case and I was hanging on a little to tightly cause I felt hime pulling away the past 3-4 weeks. (which was happening cause he was thinking all these were going on and looking at me in a different light for the past 3-4 weeks….damage done). He said he has feelings for me and we have a good time but then the feelings don't stick…then we have a good time and he thinks this is great and then the feelings don't stick and that by now he feels he should be having more feelings than what he is having. (again….only together 4mos. And looking at me in a different light for 3-4 weeks due to him not talking about it with me sooner.) Up until the few weeks ago we had a great relationship and time together….alot of fun, same interests etc….Well after hearing this I said "well if this is it than there is nothing more to say and I'll just get my stuff from your house and he said I'm just trying to be honest and then I said ok then keep the stuff or throw it out it was only deodorant and a toothbrush and some perfume and he got huffy and said that's why I don't like having these conversations and I said well you can be honest that doesn't mean I have to like what your saying. And then he says "and that is it ?". well at this point I said "well, it is what it is. I can't force you to be with me". And he says "well, it wasn't my intention to come here tonight and say this and never see you again". And I said, well I can't force you and it is what it is". He said "well don't you think I should have more substantial feelings by now?" "shouldn't you know something like that when you first meet someone or if you've been friends for a long time and then realize that's the one?" I said…."well, I've been in those situations before and still here I am single and I've been in situations where it took a while for feelings to grow and I think if your holding on for it to happen just one way, you may end up alone. There are so many different variables on how people get together and end up together that you just can't predict these things." He said he was just trying to be honest because (due to the above issues) he felt I was at a place in the relationship he was not and he didn't want to hurt me or waste my time. Well at this point he had to leave and go meet his kids and I said take this stuff your daughter left and give it to her. And he said "no, you can come over tomorrow and give it to her yourself and do whatever you want". I said I didn't think that was a good idea for her and I too see each other anymore to carry this on and make it harder. He said he didn't want to hurt me and was feeling pretty bad. When he left he didn't take the stuff and said he would talk to me tomorrow. (I'm thinking…for what?), but didn't say anything. The next day I didn't call him and he didn't call me. The next day I called and asked him if we could get together and talk and he said "sure, when would you like to do this". So we came up with a time. (should be tonight). In the meantime I had to borrow his truck to go get some wood for my wood stove and when I returned it he was showing me some tree's he had been cutting down and asked me if I would help him move a couple doors he was painting (which I did). And when we were walking back from the woods he saw a turkey feather on the ground and picked it up and stuck It in my hair and said "there, you look like a little Indian". We laughed and kept walking. When we got back to the house I said well I'll talk to ya and he said ok and that was that. We will probably talk tonight. I've gotten many opinions on this and a lot of people are saying they think he was just trying to clear up where we were at and that I acted to hastely in ending things. And I really don't know where things stand or if I did act hastely or if he was trying to end it.

you really think so? Wow. I thought i was being dumped and was not letting this go. I'm not sure how to start this conv. I'm leaving work in 1-1/2 hrs. and stopping there on my way home. Don't know at all how to start.

Please advise… My boyfriends daughter of 5yrs old had been mentioning to her mother about he and I getting married and he finally after 3-4 weeks of holding this in told me about it and wanted to know if I had been talking to her about it. (he and I have only been together 4 mos.) I told him no way that I would never talk to the daughter like that behind his back and we had not even said I love you to each other yet and that not at all is what I’ve been thinking. This is the truth. We came to the conclusion because he said his daughter adores me that it is probably what she wants and thinks it’s what should happen next like what happened with her mom and husband. Then he said he was thinking I was also making all these plans for the future and planning on moving into his home. Now…when he and I had only been together about a month we were up at his dads camp and I was thinking at the time of selling my home and getting a home on the lake and he made the comment of “yeah, then you could move in with me”. I was freaked a little since we had only been together a short time and said “yeah right”. Worried I sounded rude I just kind of dropped the subject and hoped he didn’t take offense. (which he did not seem to at all…things progressed fine). Than when it was getting closer to me making the decision of selling my home or not, he made the comment of “well, where will you live?”. And I said in just a off the cuff remark nothing serious “I’ll just move in with you”. And he did not answer. Subject dropped and I’ve been just moving along with things. So when he made this comment after the daughter thing….I said, “no, this wasn’t my intent but you did make the comment first”. which at this point he said he did not remember saying and I reminded him of where we were and what was said. He still didn’t remember but said ok accepting what I said as the truth. Then he said “he felt after what I had been through with my previous relationship (drug addict x-husband and me not being able to have kids of my own). That he thought maybe I was clinging on to him cause he had kids and he was responsible and was trying to push things along too quick. I said that was defiantly not the case and I was hanging on a little to tightly cause I felt hime pulling away the past 3-4 weeks. (which was happening cause he was thinking all these were going on and looking at me in a different light for the past 3-4 weeks….damage done). He said he has feelings for me and we have a good time but then the feelings don’t stick…then we have a good time and he thinks this is great and then the feelings don’t stick and that by now he feels he should be having more feelings than what he is having. (again….only together 4mos. And looking at me in a different light for 3-4 weeks due to him not talking about it with me sooner.) Up until the few weeks ago we had a great relationship and time together….alot of fun, same interests etc….Well after hearing this I said “well if this is it than there is nothing more to say and I’ll just get my stuff from your house and he said I’m just trying to be honest and then I said ok then keep the stuff or throw it out it was only deodorant and a toothbrush and some perfume and he got huffy and said that’s why I don’t like having these conversations and I said well you can be honest that doesn’t mean I have to like what your saying. And then he says “and that is it ?”. well at this point I said “well, it is what it is. I can’t force you to be with me”. And he says “well, it wasn’t my intention to come here tonight and say this and never see you again”. And I said, well I can’t force you and it is what it is”. He said “well don’t you think I should have more substantial feelings by now?” “shouldn’t you know something like that when you first meet someone or if you’ve been friends for a long time and then realize that’s the one?” I said….”well, I’ve been in those situations before and still here I am single and I’ve been in situations where it took a while for feelings to grow and I think if your holding on for it to happen just one way, you may end up alone. There are so many different variables on how people get together and end up together that you just can’t predict these things.” He said he was just trying to be honest because (due to the above issues) he felt I was at a place in the relationship he was not and he didn’t want to hurt me or waste my time. Well at this point he had to leave and go meet his kids and I said take this stuff your daughter left and give it to her. And he said “no, you can come over tomorrow and give it to her yourself and do whatever you want”. I said I didn’t think that was a good idea for her and I too see each other anymore to carry this on and make it harder. He said he didn’t want to hurt me and was feeling pretty bad. When he left he didn’t take the stuff and said he would talk to me tomorrow. (I’m thinking…for what?), but didn’t say anything. The next day I didn’t call him and he didn’t call me. The next day I called and asked him if we could get together and talk and he said “sure, when would you like to do this”. So we came up with a time. (should be tonight). In the meantime I had to borrow his truck to go get some wood for my wood stove and when I returned it he was showing me some tree’s he had been cutting down and asked me if I would help him move a couple doors he was painting (which I did). And when we were walking back from the woods he saw a turkey feather on the ground and picked it up and stuck It in my hair and said “there, you look like a little Indian”. We laughed and kept walking. When we got back to the house I said well I’ll talk to ya and he said ok and that was that. We will probably talk tonight. I’ve gotten many opinions on this and a lot of people are saying they think he was just trying to clear up where we were at and that I acted to hastely in ending things. I now do not know how to handle this conversation tonight. And I really don’t know where things stand or if I did act hastely or if he was trying to end it.