charley

I moved out at age 22. It was scary. Even more so because I moved from a small town to a large city. That was scary too. The noise in a large city, especially at night! And it never gets dark. I couldn't sleep good for the first week. I learned to stick in earplugs and drink a beer before bed. It all worked out though.

There are also councelors for elderly needs who would councel you, your mother, and your father regarding available sources of assistance and how to better deal with this. Contact your state ombudsman for the elderly in your area. You can get the ombudsman's phone number from any nursing home or care facility anywhere in the USA because the law requires that to be posted. They'd also know at the front desk. You might be able to get the Ombudsman's number from your local phone book. Either in white pages, or in government pages for your state. The Ombudman will know the ropes better than anyone and his or her counceling is free. They can and will help. Same with CAP. You could also contact AARP and they might offer some assistance. Even though you don't realize it, part of your shame is because you've been acting shamefully with your attitude and actions. If you start being an adult and helping, you'll be able to take some pride from that and feel better. I helped my grandmother years ago and I'm glad I did because I feel pride in that ever since. If I had not helped her, I'd feel shame the rest of my life over it. Solutions are available. You can help, if you put your mind to helping instead of complaining.

There are local resources, such as CAP in most areas, and others that would help your mom and dad by sending a caregiver and house cleaner to their home. That would be a major help to your mother and father. Instead of thinking of yourself and how his illness affects you, which is disgustingly selfish, why not be a good person and look for ways to help. Start with the phone book and look for assistance for the elderly. The assistance provided through CAP, and some others, is free, or low cost, according to what your parents can afford. If your parents have money, there are also private companies that provide that help. Stop thinking of yourself, and start thinking and caring about your family and looking for ways to help. When you help them (your mom and dad), that will also help you.

Ya. I agree with DN. It's time for the original poster to let by gones from many years ago go. Have some compassion for him. You have no right to expect to receive compassion from others in life, if you don't give it.

Interestingly, one of those two women friends I mentioned suddenly got the hots for me and started hitting on me after the first time she saw me a bit drunk. Normally, I'm the same friendly, huggable, comical guy drunk as sober. The difference being that I'm just a bit more friendly and more comical. But I have the same nice, harmless vibe as always. However, I was in a bad mood for some reason I don't remember that night and I was a bit drunk. She called me up to whine about her bad boy BF and get support from me. Normally, I'm very supporting, but for some reason I was in a mood and tipsy. So I told her I didn't want to hear anything more about her man problems. I was rude about it. The next time I saw her, she was hitting on me. I'm like, what? She even tried to get me to squeeze her butt and feel her legs. She said she'd been working out and wanted to show me how much firmer she was. She was also wearing makeup. She'd never before bothered with makeup to go out with me as a friend. This was a first. She also kept trying to get me drunk. This went on all week. She had liked it when I was slightly surley with her before. Interesting. However, I have no intention of acting like that normally. I also don't want to drink more than once a week at most. After a week she realized that my one time bad boy attitude and behavior was not likely to return. Good. I prefer to be a nice guy. So she gave up hitting on me and we went back to just being friends.

By the way, in the OP, the poster said some guy threatened to kill him. That is a crime. Threatening to kill someone is a crime. I'm pretty sure it's a felony. In my example above, the X-BF threatened to kill her current BF and her male friends. She reported him to police for that. Nine heavily armed cops went and arrested him that same night. He was then questioned for hours, maybe all night. He was convicted of felony stalking of her, and menacing the other guys. If he even goes near her again, or so much as gives me a dirty look, he'd be in serious trouble since he's on 5 year probation. They kept him in the clink for a few months first, then let him out on probation. I think just threatening to assault someone is a crime nowadays, at least in my state. I remember reading in the paper where one guy had verbally threatened another guy on the telephone that he was going to beat him with a baseball bat. The recipient of the thread reported it to the police. The guy who made the threat was arrested and the judge sentenced him to 1 week in jail plus X number of weeks or months probation. If someone threatens to assault you, and especially if they threaten to kill you, do report it to the police. There are many advantages of doing so. One is that the police and court might put a stop to it before it goes farther. Second is that if it does go farther and you get hurt, they have more evidence against the attacker. Third, is that if it goes farther and you hurt or kill the attacker in self defense, then there is already a prior evidence record in your favor that shows the guy was after you.

There's a couple of different issues here. One is that giving a woman excessive attention can irritate or alienate some women. Other women would love it. It depends on the woman. I'm personally a hand holding, hugging, back rubbing sweet talker. Some women love that. Others hate it and think I'm clingy and annoying. All depends on the woman. The other issue is the idea that some women really do prefer bad guys over nice guys. In my experience, that is sometimes the case. It's not the bad they like, it's the macho. Sometimes good guys are macho too. I know a few. However, it's usually the bad guys who act macho (whether they really are or not). My brother-in-law is an exception. He's a good guy and very macho. One time a drug dealer made inappropriate passes at my sister. My brother-in-law literally had the guy by his shirt collar and was shaking him like a rag doll in the parking lot. Macho good guys do exist, though they are rare. Now I'm thinking of two of my plantonic women friends. They both love me to death as their friend because I'm nice to them and sweet to them, but they have zero interest in dating me. They only feel sexual attraction to macho guys, which usually means bad guys. One of them REALLY bad guys. Her X husband is a drug dealer. Her current fiancee is also a drug dealer. My dad and sister think that if I had any sense at all, I'd avoid these two women and not be friends with them because their X's and current BF's are homicidally dangerous. Yet I continue to be friends with them because they need me, and because I really don't feel much fear over it. One of these women's X threatened to kill her current BF and her guy friends. He was arrested for it and convicted of menacing and stalking. When the police questioned him for hours on end, it came out that he did want to kill certain guys, but not me. He likes me because he views me as harmless and not competition for him. He's right in that I'm not competition for him because she only likes a nice guy for a friend, not a BF. The other reason I'm not much afraid is that I know I have ways to defend myself and if worst case happened, the police would take my word (I'm squeaky clean) over a drug dealers. So if I ever had to damage one of those bad drug dealer guys in self defense, the cops aren't stupid. They know he's a bad drug dealer with a long record and I'm a squeaky clean, honest, businessman with a totally clean record. So I've got an advantage. I'm not going to let bad guys like that intimidate me, though I do take them very seriously. On the other hand, there are many women who do prefer a nice man who treats her right. With those women I have an advantage, not only to be her friend, but also to date her. Women in general don't prefer bad guys, only some women do. Many women prefer nice guys. Based on the OP's description of himself, he needs a woman who prefer nice guys and enjoys receiving a lot of attention. There are women like that. Go find one.

My sentiments exactly. I want to lay my eyeballs on a woman and allow my ears and brain to study her a bit before I decide if I even want to approach her. I can do that locally. Online, you can't believe anything you hear. Locally, I can form some opinions based on real life observations. That's all before I'm even going to say "Hi" or talk to her at all. Also, I want her to see me and let her make up her mind if my looks are good enough BEFORE I get attached to her emotionally. If she doesn't like my looks, I'm fine with that BEFORE I know her or care. If I don't like her looks, well then, I don't have to approach at all. Online, it's easy to get all emotionally attached to each other first, and then later find that I'm not physically attracted to her, or she's not physically attracted to me. Then one of us is going to feel really hurt. It might be me that gets hurt. Might be her, and I'd feel bad. So locally, all issues related to looks and physical attraction are already out of the way BEFORE anyone gets emotionally attached. I will succeed or not, locally. Online is not for me, ever again, except for friends. Online friends can be great.

Love your username by the way. It indicates a shy guy with an awesome attitude of self improvement. I wish I'd thought of your username first. Wanna trade? I'll be Shy2Cool and you can be Charley. Your username is your motto. Cool. Here is your logo

It depends on the woman. They're all individuals you know. They each have their likes and dislikes for male personality and looks. Some women think I'm adorable. Others think I'm OK. Some don't notice me. Some loath me. I need an icon of sticking my tongue out here. Is there one? Clearly it depends on the woman. You can't please 'em all, but you don't need to. All you need is to please one you have something mutual with.

P.S. - if you try the Ultimate Iron, only use one pill a day with food for a couple weeks. Drink extra water so your body can process it. I'd also suggest a multivitamin taken with meal, but not same meal as iron pill. Then after a couple weeks, cut down to one Ultimate Iron pill every other day. You don't want to much iron. That is even more dangerous than to little. The instructions on the Ultimate Iron bottle say to take several pills a day. Don't!!! That is way to much as I experienced. Now taking iron is dangerous if you don't need it, or take to much. thereforeeee, you must go to the doctor and be evaluated for anemia and consult doctor. If doctor thinks you are anemic, or borderline anemic, then start taking iron with the direction and consent of your doctor. I can tell you that Ultimate Iron from health food store is vastly more effective than the iron pills you get by prescription from a pharmacy. I think that's because the Ultimate Iron pills include all the vitamins needed for body to process the iron. Also, remember that the body absorbs and processes iron and vitamins best when taken with a meal and the body needs extra hydration for several hours after to process the stuff. If you don't drink extra water, iron will make you dehydrated. Same with many other vitamins. That's why I take my vitamins half at breakfast, and half at lunch, and drink water after and between meals. I don't take vitamins with dinner because I don't want to dehydrate while sleeping. Also, some vitamins, and iron and C specifically, can upset or hurt your stomach, if you take on empty stomach. Only take with food.

A blood test should reveal if you are anemic. I read somewhere that one in three Americans is anemic to some extent. That's because the American diet does not include blood sausage, blood pudding, blood bread, or any of those blood related dishes that are traditional in some European countries. Also, few people eat liver, spinache, or egg yolks anymore. Also, people eat less red meat then in the past. Granted, egg yolks, liver, and red meats are high in colesteral, but they also help your blood count. Blood and spinach are excellent dietary sources of iron. I don't think animal blood is high in colesteral. However, I don't want to eat blood foods and I imagine most Americans don't want to either. I prefer raw, uncooked spinache for my iron, and if needed, I also take something from health food store called "Ultimate Iron" which has not only iron and liver in it, but also folic acid, B12, and Vit C which all help body process iron. Anemia is a side effect of untreated rheumatoid arthritis, ankylosing spondylitis, and some other arthritic diseases. So I get a monthly blood test to monitor my blood. My red cell, hemoglobin, and hemocryt are the things that indicate anemia, or lack of it. I'm no longer anemic. When I was very anemic, I was a total mess and I do remember having headaches too. If someone prone to migranes had anemia, it could be really devasting. The folic acid might help due directly to it helping with anemia and iron. Not sure why it's said to help headaches. I only know it works for headaches to some extent, and for anemia even more. Folic acid eliminated my light sensitivity that used to bring on my anemia related headaches. My headaches weren't migranes, but they still hurt. Get a blood test. If you are anemic, even slightly so, take Ultimate Iron (includes both iron and folic acid and other things), eat spinach (raw or cooked) a few times a week (uncooked spinach makes good lettace replacement for salads and sandwhiches). No matter what, take some folic acid each day with breakfast or lunch, drink lots of water, and try the melatonin at night before bed. Severe anemia is also associated with profuse sweating spells and racing heart beat. Sometimes dizziness and forgetfulness. Have any of those?

Folic acid (a B vitamin) is also said to help with headaches. I've tried that one and it works for regular headaches. I don't get migranes though. I only get regular headaches. I'd suggest a bit of folic acid with breakfast or lunch. Then the Melatonin just before bed. I remember my dad used to use folic acid before discovering the Melatonin. He said the folic acid helps, but not enough. My sister said same. This was a few years back. However, after they started using the melatonin, it worked so good that they abandoned the folic acid. I think that was a mistake. The folic acid helps some, the melatonin helps a lot. At least for them. So why not do both? Both are inexpensive. Folic acid is also good for you in general. Melatonin helps you sleep at night. So both have good side benefits besides headache treatment. Also, drink lots of water and stay hydrated, like Dako had mentioned earlier. All these things are supposed to help. The combination might be dandy. Good luck.

You might be in luck. My dad and sister used to get terrible migranes, until my dad learned of a supposed treatment that is inexpensive, and for many people is a total cure. It has worked very well for my dad for 2 years and is a cure for him. It also helps him sleep at night. So that would also solve your other problems to huh. I posted the treatment in another thread here. It won't solve your current problem with caffeine overdose. That's one I don't know about. However, in the future, my dad's migrane treatment might make the caffeine no longer necessary. Go check it out. It might be your future solution.

Good points. Also, he might be 14 years old or have lied about everything. He said he's 6'2", but he's 5'2". He said he does xyz for a job, but he actually does something much less, or is not employed. The list of possiblilties is endless. Now if you meet him, he can't maintain his fantasy world with you anymore because reality will intrude and you'll see the truth. These might be possiblities for Internet junkies who don't live in the real world. So they're afraid to meet you because they aren't what they told you, or even close.

Here's another possibility. They might be shy and fine with typing, but afraid with talking. I used to be like that. Not anymore, but I was. So I can understand. The first time I talked on phone to a woman I met online who wanted me to call her and she suggested we exchange numbers, I did call her as she suggested, but I was so nervous that I could barely breath. Seriously. I felt like I was having a panic attack. I'm not shy like that anymore though, but I remember what it's like. I spent 5 months practicing approaching local women face to face and saying "hi" and starting conversations. I got good at it and reasonably comfortable. So after that local practice, talking to a woman on the phone wouldn't scare me anymore. However, there are many shy men who can type up a storm online, but might be really super nervous about a telephone conversation with a lady. I guess one question to consider is this: If the phone number exchange is his idea, then he's not shy. However, if the phone number exchange is your idea, then maybe he is shy and the phone call idea scares him.

Right or wrongly, the more difficult the woman is to get with, the safer I feel she is. I think about my safety too. Not just from violence, but also VD. I'm not the only guy who thinks that way. I had a roomate years ago who was a ladies man. He told me he wouldn't sleep with a woman he thought to easy because he was afraid he'd catch something from her. If he was afraid to touch her, then he was also afraid to date her. This guy dated and slept with a lot of women, but he like them as virginal (inexperienced, or relatively inexperienced) as possible for safety reasons. I personally like virginal women because I'm attracted to that, not for safety reasons, but the safety issue is a secondary consideration to the positive. I don't require this, but I do appreciate it. Bottom line, if she's to easy, or appears so, I have to wonder how many guys she's been with. Now I am worried. If she's difficult to get with, I assume she's safer. Not only VD safer, but safer in everyway. Fair or reasonable or not, those things go through my mind. I know some other men think of those things to. Heck, I learned it from other men who were older than me and giving me advice when I was in my early 20s. So I didn't invent this line of male thought. It's been around a long time and it has some validity.

Excellent advice. Be safer. They can also find where you live from knowing your name and age, even if they don't know what state. However, with excellent hacker skills, they can determine your location just by pinging your computer, plus other things I don't understand. We are all at risk somewhat when we go to a forum. The thing that protects us is that most people don't have sufficent hacker skills to find us, unless we start giving out names or numbers. That is seriously scary that you give that out so easy. I'm worried for your safety. Cell phone or not, I'd wait longer before giving number out.

I hate valentines day above all other holidays. Actually, it's the only one I hate, but I really hate it. It's the one day my can do attitude fails me and I feel like everything around me is mocking me. I wonder if shy people in general hate this day? I wonder if lonely people in general hate this day? How about horny people? I'm all 3 so I really get depressed about 2 days before and after. Then I'm OK again. I had a neighbor who got even more upset every Valentines day because his son was shot and killed on Valentines day 30 years ago by his son's wife. Long story and I don't know the details. I only know it was a good day for us to get royally hammered together every year. He died a couple years ago (he was older than Moses). Now I'm going to be alone this Valentines Day, like every other before and after I met him. At least he was a buddy who hated it with me. Now who's going to be with me on Valentines Day? No one, probably.

Around here I see the Asian American girls date mostly white guys. I see the Asian American men often date white girls, or import an Asian girl from out of town. Where I live anything goes. However, it's not easy to get an Asian girl I'm attracted to because the competition is fierce. They are very in demand. Blondes, especially natural blondes, are the other in demand babes here, though they aren't quite my preference, but still, they're nice too. Brunettes look good to me, especially if they're a bit darker complected. In this community there are whites, Asian, and Mexicans. That's it. However, I'm happy with that selection, at least two out of 3. The white girls here are literally "white" like milk. So am I. I might look like that, but that doesn't mean I'm attracted to it. There's a few darker white girls who look great to me, like Italian for example, or Greek. However, most white folks here are of Scandinavian decent and are darned white. Whiter than I like. Look at my pic and you get some idea.

Confident, not cocky. Cocky is going to far for many women's tastes. Confident is more reasonable. Cocky is overdoing it.

Good news. Shyness can be reduced substantially. I've done it and I posted about it more than once. I started a thread about it a couple months ago. It's a step by step process and it works. It's free to. Just takes some time and effort. Another bit of good news is that some women like shy guys. Some ever prefer them, though I admit those ladies are a minority of women. Ideally, reduce your shyness.

True and good point. I agree with you Scout.

True and excellent point. You are right. I once had a GF who's friend was a notorious gold digger and proud of it. She didn't go for wealthy guys cause they're harder to find. She just went for any guy with a decent job and she got all she could, then moved on to the next sucker. She'd just got a guy to buy her a new sports car. This same GD once tried to talk me into buying my GF a mink coat. Seriously. I told her that if I wanted to waste $500, I'd buy myself a fancy, gas operated shotgun that I don't need, but would enjoy. That shut her up. That was 15 years ago when $500 was like a $1,000 today. My GF was nice and not a gold digger at all. I don't hold her responsible for her older friend's behavior.