charley

Puff Dragon was a thin guy. Currently a thin guy with some muscles. So let's say he's wiry now. I think PDragon has a skewed idea of what chubby is. I think it's really tall shapely white girls that he likes, but he mistakenly called them chubby. He likes them tall and built like a brick house. Scarlett Johannsen for example. Well, who can blame him for that? Perhaps PDragon should name a few celebrity women he finds attractive so we can get a visual example of what he likes. I'm thinking he likes shapely women, like Baywatch babes or something. How about Carmen Electra? Would you say she's shapely or chubby? How about Scarlett Johanssen? How about Selma Hyak? This would also explain why he finds them difficult to get. Women who look like that are difficult for any guy to get, but not impossible. Anything is possible. One thing you're fighting against PDragon is this. How many women want to date a guy who weighs less than her? I used to be skinny and it was typically women lighter than me who showed any interest in me, which meant thin women and short shapely women. Tall shapely women were my weight or heavier. A major turn off to them, I think. Then I put on weight from weight training and it expanded my possibilities since it added 25 lbs of muscle to me. However, I still had only 3% body fat at that time and was 145 and 6' tall. So I was thin and muscular, but still light. I really think women have a negative feeling about dating a guy who weighs the same, or especially less than she does. Now I'm 180, slightly fat and they like me better. Partly because I can talk to them better now, but also partly because I outweigh them now. Shallow as that sounds, it's true. I've even had a shapely women who knew me before and now tell me that she likes me better heavier (slightly fat). Actually, two beautiful and shapely women friends have both told me that. So it's not just my imagination. They like me better heavier. Slightly fat on a guy can be attractive to women. Certainly more than a thin guy. I think it makes a woman feel self conscious to be seen with a guy who clearly weighs less than she does. I think some women would also fee self conscious about being taller than the guy. If you like shapely women, then aim for the shorter ones. They look good and might feel more visually appropriate with you and more comfortable. If you also like thin women, as you seem to with the Korean women, then still aim for ones who are your height or shorter. A lot of women have a thing about wanting a guy taller than her, or at least the same height. Asian women I've known were no exception. If anything, it mattered more to them. I think if you aimed for women who are your height, or shorter, or at least not the super tall ones, I think you'd have a lot better luck. Also women your weight or less. What I'm saying is to adjust your tastes to the likely tastes of most women. You current tastes are making you swim upstream against all odds. Get the odds working in your favor. Also, keep lifting weights because the more weight you put on, the more woman choices you'll have, IMO.

Sure foreign exchange students are easy to talk to. I think they're probably outgoing people or they wouldn't be an exchange student. However, easy to talk to does not necessarily mean easy to date. For one thing, a foreign girl is going to be hit on like the only grasshopper in a lake full of starving trout. Americans do like foreigners at lot and tend to be attracted to them, IMO. So the competiton is likely fierce and she might already be getting annoyed with that. Talking to her should be easy. Getting a date might be difficult. None the less, it's possible, especially if you ask her out before the other guys do. i.e. - before she's overwhelmed with the attention, tired of it, or already taken. Hop to it buddy.

Right off the plane? The expression is "fresh off the boat". It's not just white people who say that either. I have an Americanized Cambodian male friend who sent for his female penpal in Cambodia to come over to USA and marry him. He made a joke about her being fresh off the boat. I had to laugh. We had to laugh. All jokes aside, he's a really nice guy and if she's as nice as he thinks she is, they should be a nice couple.

Eccentricity? How about a guy at a party who has only one eyebrow? Is that eccentric?

That's only about 10 or 15 lbs chubby at most. If she has some workout babe muscles and some boobs, then that might just be a shapely weight. I think you've got a skewed idea of chubby since you've been a toothpick, until your recent weight training. How you're wiry (a toothpick with muscles). I'm thinking maybe what you really like is shapely white girls and you mistakenly called them chubby white girls? Is it possible I might be right? How about meeting a gal at the weight room? She will break you.

I agree with Scout. If I was loaded, I'd act like I wasn't. Why advertise it? There's nothing dishonest about keeping that info private. I know many wealthy people who drive older cars and their modest residences don't show money. Then there's also the wealthy ones who have expensive cars and/or residences. Now I always figure they want to show it off since they are. So if they choose to show it off, it's pretty hypocritical and ridiculous of them to then complain about a woman knowing he has money. If you don't want people to know, then stop showing it off. Simple. ============= The female equivalent is women who have good figures and dress to show it off, and then complain that men notice, or complain that they can't trust men's motives. Equally hypocritical and ridiculous. ============= If you show off your assets, people will notice, or might notice, or you'll wonder if they notice. Then you'll never know for sure why they like you. They might be totally honorable, but you'll still wonder. This is a good argument for being modest and not showing off, or not showing anything until after you know the person really likes you for you. ============= However, as someone earlier pointed out, some people use these concerns as crutches, or excuses, not to trust others, not to get close to others. So I think some people like having these type concerns and intentionally put themselves in situations where they can question the other person's motives.

You look 21? Cool. You'd look like you belong with an 18 year old and no 3rd party spectators in public would even give age a thought. They'd never suspect, it's none of their business anyway, and you aren't doing anything wrong. People who have to deal with age-gap predjudice are the ones who visually appear to be substantially different ages. That doesn't apply to your situation, or mine. As for my age and looks, I didn't mean the woman I was with wouldn't know. I'd tell her my age at whatever point she asks. I meant that it's none of 3rd party spectators business and they wouldn't know anyway. Spectators wouldn't know or guess my true age and it's none of their business anyway. You're age 30. It's long past time to cut the apron strings for your own sanity. It doesn't matter what your mom thinks of your GF, if you like her. It's time to take charge of your own life. No more living with your mom, if that's what you are doing.

His title is an attention grabber isn't it?

FYI - if housing costs are skyrocketing, then maybe you do have equity since that's based on current value of home minus the balance owing on loan(s). You'd have to find out the current value of your home, in which case, keeping it might still make sense. Current value is the price that home would sell for today. If housing prices are skyrocketing, then maybe you have substantial equity and just don't realize it. So maybe you have had some luck right there, but you can't benefit from it if you lose the home. =========== Cars: can the USA be that much different than Scotland? I don't think so. Insurance on a newer car is 2 to 3 times as much as for an older car in USA. That's because for an older car, insurance is for liability, medical, and underinsured motorist. For a newer car it's for those things plus car repair up to nearly the value of the car. Insurance on older cars is thereforeeee vastly less money on an older car. My older car is very reliable and my extra maintenance costs are far less than the extra insurance and car payment of a newer far. So with all due respect, you'll never convince me that a newer car is a good investment. It's just not so. However, I still wish you all the best possible luck and hope you'll make some of your own luck.

Hey, I never said you were inept man. I don't think badly of you. I just wanted to shock you into action by presenting the facts and solutions, and the time pressure demanding immediate action. For starters, your driving a 2004 car. I have money issues all the time due to ongoing medical expenses, yet my finances are under control. One reason is that I drive a 1996 car. My dad is wealthy and he drives a 1994 car. You have been living beyond your means plain and simple and it's time to stop. I see some good in what all you've said. You're focusing on the bad, and overlooking the good. For one example, the time you earned an extra L100 and then had an expense where you later lost it. If you hadn't earned that extra L100, then you'd still have had that expense and then you'd have been -L100 in the hole. Look how lucky you were to have made the extra hundred before that debt came along. Your car wreck: man are you lucky. You didn't even get a broken bone or serious injury out of it. I got a broken neck. I thought I was lucky because I wasn't dead or paralyzed. Look how much luckier you are than me. You are lucky. Also, you aren't incuring huge medical bills and ongoing health issues. You still have your health. Your luck is very good compared to some of us. It's your attitude that is weak, but that is fixable like most things. So buck up. As for your attorney and debt councelor bills, that is why my father believes and taught me that self help is best for debts and credit repair because the last thing a debtor needs is more bills from an attorney, debt manager, or credit repair expert. You can see the truth of that now, can't you? However, no use crying over spilt milk. OK. I can plainly see your situation is a little different than I earlier thought because you have no home equity. So your solution is different than I earlier thought since you have no equity in your home. I would have said to sell your car immediately, but it's cracked up now. So maybe you can't sell it, or maybe it's no longer worth enough money. Will your insurance repair it? If the insurance will restore it, then you'll still have to sell it. You realize that the root of your financial problems was buying a new or newer car don't you? That plus living 15 miles from work. Since you have no equity in your home, sell it if you can, if not then inform the banks, lenders, that you cannot afford to keep it and let them have it back. You have no equity to lose anyway. You move into a smaller apartment close to where you work. Living close to where you work is the single biggest time and money saver known to mankind. It also makes carwrecks less likely. I live 8minutes from work. I used to live about 2 minutes from work at one time, like neighbors with the place and my car insurance gave me a good discount because of it. However, if you live close, you don't even need a car at all. If you did have a car, it should be an older model. I assume you won't want to follow the above advice and make those hard decsions. However, your home is in negative amortization due to not making payments. So the bank will soon decide for you and you'll have to end up moving closer to work whether you want to or not. It'd be less painful to do it willingly before the bank takes your home. As for all the other little details of your finances: There's no point discussing them until these larger issues are solved either by you willingly, or the bank forcing the reality on you. I do wish you best of luck. However, we make our own luck for the most part. So I wish you'd start making some luck by your attitude and actions. I'm not trying to put you down, or be disrespectful. I care about you. That's why I spent my time on you.

I think your home can still be saved, and with it your financial well being. However, that hope hinges on you making some hard decisions to do what's needed, and making a plan and putting it into action SOON. If you want to avoid drowning, then start swimming NOW. I'll help you if you'll help yourself.

By the way, that looking young thing is going to become really cool in your 30s when you then look in your 20s. Trust me on that. I've been experiencing that for years now. Love it. It's payback for being a baby face in my 20s. You guys in your 20s who look young are going to be well compensated in your 30s. Something to look forward to. In the meanwhile, grow some facial hair and lift weights.

I had the same underage look all through my 20s, minus the feminine part. I looked about 16 to 18 because of my baby face. However, I had some muscles and did at least look masculine in a gymnast build type way, even if my face made me look like jail bait. If you grow a mustache, or beard, or both, you'll look at least 5 years older and no longer fem. Luckily for you, facial hair for young guys is in fashion right now. Also, take up weight training. There's nothing like some muscles to make you look like a guy. Your problems are solveable with about 6 months of weight training. In a year, you'll be a stud. The change in your appearance and the character building process that naturally occurs from changing your body through hard work (or any accomplishment from hard work) will increase your confidence, which will help the shyness somewhat right there. There are also shyness reduction techniques that I have successfully used that really do work. I posted about that a long time ago in a thread called, "Not so shy anymore".

You're a cute guy with a nice smile. I even know a beautiful young woman who's prone to liking Asian guys. She'd probably go for you. However, she lives to far from you and I want her for myself anway. Sorry dude. However, ain't nothin wrong with you, except a lack of confidence if you really meant that stuff above. I think you're cool. Sorry to be chasing the girl who'd probably prefer you, but that's life. Ha ha.

I'm not a woman, but if I was, I'd want to see your eyes.

Disappearing acts are the height of highly rude. Besides, there's always the off chance that he has a legitimate explanation. I mean a true one. You'd never know if you just cut communications without warning.

We don't know that. He might look younger than he is. She might look older than she is. I'm 38, but can pass for 28 (or maybe younger) if I keep my baseball hat on and be with a woman 23 to 30 and no one would even know we were different ages. You can't always tell by looks. If they don't look a lot different, then who would even know? Even if people did know, 30 is pretty young still. He's got enough limits on his freedom already. Let's not add unnecessary age restrictions to the list. Besides, her younger age might make her more compatible with him if he hasn't dated much. Closer similarities of dating experience and all.

OK. No harm, no foul. I'm not meeting women business students though. If I were, might be different. As for explaining that I'm not the owner, I don't bother to explain to business contacts. They don't need to know because it's not relevant to them. I only explain that if a young woman gets the wrong idea and starts thinking I'm uber rich, then I explain that I don't own the company anymore and that I'm not rich. Otherwise I don't explain since there's no reason to. As I said, most women are very respectable and don't have a gold digging impluse in them. It's only very rarely that I run into one. Like maybe twice a year at most, possibly only once a year. Just often enough to see it occasionally. Most women really are totally respectable in their character and sense of honor about not using a guy for money. I really mean that. I guess it's sometimes frustrating to me because if I say nothing, they think I'm unemployed or something, but if I tell the story, then they might get the wrong idea, either the idea I'm rich, or the idea that I'm bragging. So look at my choices: say nothing when they ask what I do and look like a deadbeat, or tell my story and risk either them thinking I'm rich and getting ideas, or thinking I'm a braggard. It's a minefield for me no matter whether I keep silent or tell my story. I also work for my dad's real estate development company doing highly skilled things that no one else in the county, aside from R.E. developers, or programmers, know how to do. Yet why would I bother telling a woman I work for my dad? That doesn't sound very good at all. Anyhow, I'm fine with you Scout. Your last post made me feel better. Thanks. Truce.

Perhaps I was to rough on you. The views you expressed are not your views. They are the views of your mother coming out your mouth. You don't even know what your views are because you've never had the chance to figure them out. So I don't hold anything against you. I'd like to see things work out for you. OK? The fact is that if you allow your mom to choose your GF or wife, she'll choose a clone of herself and you'll find yourself married to your mother for the rest of your life. A frightening thought? As others have said, you need to get away from your parents as soon and as far as you can. If you have college ahead of you, then go somewhere far enough from home that your parents cannot visit often. Like a many hour drive away or farther. If you are not going to go to college, then get a job far away. You need time away to develope your own sense of self. Good luck.

I don't know why women in their 20s are less aware of certain things. Go ask them. Pick 5 women at random who are from 20 to 24, then another 5 who are from 25 to 29 and ask them to name the top 10 business people in their local area. How many could name 3? I have a good and high opinion of women, in general. Please don't berate me for noticing that certain age groups are less aware of certain things. It's a fact. I don't know why. Go interview 10 women in their 20s in your area like I described above and you'll see for yourself. How do they know I'm the founder? Because my business card still says that I'm the owner. We deal with customers online mostly, only occasionally local real estate agents, developers, brokers, lenders, and CPAs, and often their receptionists. However, mostly online with those same types of people all over the country. So I have little local contact with local customers since most of our customers are online. So I have few opportunities to hand out business cards. thereforeeee, my supply of busines cards is years old and will last another year at least. The cards were printed years ago when I still owned the company and it says "owner" above my name. So that makes them think I still own the company, so I explain that I used to own it because I was the founder, but I later sold it. I suppose your next question is why would I be handing my business card to a young woman? It's the handiest way to give someone my phone number and email for personal reasons or for business reasons. Like when I'm making an appointment at some office some place, or yes, the beauty parlor. I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I get a manicure once in a while. Also, when I was getting the manicure, they can't ever just let me sit there quietly, as I've tried to do sometimes. Nope. They want to know what I do, what I've done, etc. They sometimes already recognize my name because of my father, but maybe not. When they want to know what I do for a living, I then have two choices, I could refuse to answer and look like I do nothing, or hand them my software business card and explain. If I don't tell them about the software company, then it looks like I've not done much with my life. If I do tell them about it, then I'm apt to show my card, which then might give them ideas the other way. If I told about the software company without showing my card, I doubt they'd believe me. Really, I'd be just as happy to sit there and say nothing, but they have questions and are trying to be nice. I want to be nice in return. So information comes out and they might jump to conclusions before they have the whole story. Same thing can happen at the dentists office, or other situations. It's not like I want to go around bragging, but when they ask me what I do or have done, I don't want to sit there and say nothing and look like a loser. I'm not a millionare and I'm not a deadbeat loser either. However, some women jump to conclusions either way. If I give no info then they assume the worst. So I end up having to explain, but sometimes they start getting dollars in their eyes before I'm finished explaining. It's not my fault. I have a good opinion of 98% of women, and the other 2% are comical and harmless. I wish you'd extend me the same consideration and have a decent opinion of me.

I can't imagine asking someone that, even if I were rich, which I'm not. However, I have had local women get all excited a couple times when they found out I was the founder of a certain software company. Then they got all let down when I told them I'm not wealthy and I'd sold the company to pay off my medical debts and now I'm just the manager for the current owner and make a decent enough living to get by after paying my ongoing medical bills each month. i.e. - I'm making a living. That's it. These type women are very transparent and their disappointment is plain to see. The vast majority of women are so much better than that. I do have future plans to continue building myself financially and those are underway and ongoing. I want to become well off by my own hand. However, I never mention that to local women because they don't need to know. My dad has a lot of money and some day my sister and I will have that, but here again, I don't mention that to local women because it's none of their business. Many of them do know who my dad is, but most women don't think that way. My lack of dates proves that. Gold diggers are a small minority of the female population. Like maybe only 1% or 2% in my opinion. Most women are much better than that. The very few gold digger types I've met are transparent about it. So there's no need to ask any questions. If a guy really wanted to test a woman, the best way would be to tell her he's soon going to be bankrupt and don't spend much money on her, or none. Then see if she still likes him. Asking her intentions is just dumb, insulting, and tacky. However, I don't think it's necessary to test women. I think most of them are good and honorable and this shows in their personality and character.

If you'd never asked him for money or expensive gifts, then he had to business asking you that. It was rude of him to ask.

Any comments I posted were in regard to Baby Carrot's hypothetical scenario. Not in regard to Baby Carrot herself. I like Baby Carrot and I find her posts always fun and entertaining. Thank you for that. I appreciate you and I respect you.

To me, an absense of signs that she is interested suggests she's not interested. So to detect a lack of interest, it's not so much signs, as a lack of signs. Unless she really loaths you or something. Then negative signs can become evident. Normally, an uninterested woman just give no signs that she knows you exist at all, IMO. However, you can change that. It's up to you to catch her interest. A nice friendly smile, eye contact, showing interest in her, or her well being, and humor all all ways to catch her interest that have nothing to do with your looks. I think those are more important than looks. However, looks can help too, but it's your personality that makes you or breaks you. You need to interact with her. I only care about my looks to the extent that I can be reasonably assured they aren't holding me back as a negative. The positves are from my personality. Some like me, some don't. That's life. But you must try and put forth some effort and personality to even to get the "some". I just heard of a survey where women were interviewed and the vast majority said a man's conversation abilities are the most important thing. One question was if given a choice between a man who's a good conversationalist vs good in bed, which guy would they choose? 85% of the women interviewed chose good conversation over good sex. I just heard about survey on the radio a few days ago. A man's conversation skills are more important than how he looks, or is in bed. Part of good conversation skills is humor, among other things.