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charley

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Everything posted by charley

  1. charley
    The teacher thing is a problem until after you are 18 and will never again be in that teacher's classes again. After that, it's not a problem. My sister was a college instructor. She married one of her students. They started dating AFTER he was no longer in her class. They've been married 3 years now. She no longer teaches, but that's nothing related to him. She no longer teaches cause she got a higher paying job elsewhere. She's still on good terms with the college. P.S. - he was over 18 when they started dating. Actually, he was 25 or 26.
  2. charley
    Once you're 18, then it's not a problem to like older men. Don't beat yourself up over it. Why shouldn't you like what you like? I read somewhere that 20% of young women polled prefer men within 5 years of her age, 40% don't care about age, and 20% prefer older men who are 5 to 10 years older, or more. For a famous example, Scarlett Johannsen is 22 years old right now. Back when she was 20 or 21 she publicly stated that she prefers men age 30+. You are entitled to like what you like and that's fine. Once you're age 18, then it's going to be fine with most everyone. If anyone doesn't like it after you're 18, then heck with them. Don't seek external validation (approval) from others. Seek internal validation (approval) from yourself.
  3. charley
    During the next year, keep doing friends and family activities with him. The more the better. Then a year from now, you can both be happy! OK then. Problem solved!
  4. charley
    I'll bet that one year in college and you'll be 19 and ready. He'll probably wait for you because I'm guessing he's already been waiting for you for years now. That's why he's not already taken, I think. In the meanwhile, you can just be friends and become closer friends. Do things - activities - as friends for now.
  5. charley
    True. You have a vaild point there. They never complain about anything. Also, you won't hear me complaining much, if ever, about women not liking me 'cause I'm to nice. Women do like me, well many do. However, me following up on their like is another matter, and that lack of follow-up is where my deficiencies exist, though I've been improving. So ya, you're correct. Your observations are accurate for those guys who complain about being rejected for being to nice. OK. You're right.
  6. charley
    Maybe you'll be ready when you're 20 or 21 then. You could just date out of sight for a while, or just continue as friends until you're older. However, he might find someone else and be taken by the time you're self confidence has matured. That's a chance you take by waiting. Would he wait for you? Do you have the confidence to ask him to wait? Have you ever discussed these things with him?
  7. charley
    Right on. No stranger will even know if there's an age-gap or not, and they wouldn't care anyway.
  8. charley
    I don't think complete strangers would even notice. Really, I don't think so. If they did, they wouldn't care. More importantly, you need to seek internal validation, not external validation. Strangers don't matter. You and he matter, your family matters, your friends matter some, and everyone else is a stranger - so heck with them.
  9. charley
    Ahahahahahah ! That 11 comment was funny!
  10. charley
    So you are 18 and he's 25? The obstacle is in your mind then. That's not even much of an age-gap, though it probably seems like it at your age. I think usually it's young people who are most uptight about age-gap. I remember when I was 18 and my 28 year old cousin married an 18 year old woman. I thought he was such a pathetic perv, but then I was an 18 year old guy. What did I know? None of the older relatives thought a thing about it. They've been happily married for 20 years now. The people most likely to object are your friends because I think younger people tend to be more uptight about these things, on average. However, when you're 20 and he's 27, no one would give it a thought. Even your friends wouldn't think anything of it. When you're 22 and he's 29 it'd be so normal as to go unnoticed by everyone. The average age difference for married couples in the USA is 5 years, but up to 10 years is also very common. Up to 15 years is less common, but happens reasonably often. So why worry about 7 years? Are you going to let your teenage friends and peer pressure rule your life? I'll bet that most people older than yourself would not find it odd for an 18 year old to date a 25 year old. Your parents might be OK with it too. After all, didn't you say you'd met though family? I'll bet your parents like him. They might even be relieved to have you dating a guy they like. I doubt they'd object. Are you close to your mom? Talk to your mom about it, or just do what you want. Don't be taking advice from your age group peers though. They don't have enough life experience to be qualified to tell you what you should do.
  11. charley
    He was shy only with you cause you're the one who rocks his world. That extreme attaction to you caused him extreme shyness. Now he's had enough time to really miss you a lot, and to regret not making a move before. He still has a major thing for you and he misses you. So he's trying to reconnect with you. As a formerly very shy guy, now only slightly shy guy, I've done those same things many times. If you like this guy, then you're going to have to help him. Otherwise, his shyness will continue to keep you apart.
  12. charley
    Fun mutual shopping trips. My 36 year old GF did go shopping with me to help me choose clothes. A good time for all. Later we went bikini shopping for her and she was asking my opinions. A really fun shopping trip, that one. That bikini shopping trip was two thumbs and a willie up.
  13. charley
  14. charley
    If a guy is overly passive to the world, that is like a problem for him. If he's passive with his woman, that may or may not be a problem. It depends on the woman, and also other things like - can she still respect him? If he's got some assertiveness to others, then mabye she respects him for that no matter how mushy he is with her. Those are my opinions are observations. I'm not disagreeing with the OP, except to say that there might be some exceptions, or extenuationg circumstances. However, as a general rule, the OP is correct and I agree in most cases.
  15. charley
    My brother-in-law is a more extreme example of what I was talking about than what I am. If he's in a bar without my sister present, he's capable, both physically and mentally, of beating up any bully in the bar. He's Mexican and he used to go to white biker bars with his friends on purpose. They knew full well the bikers would try to bully them, or make them leave. Then the barfight fight would be on. Barfighting was his hobby as a single man. Skilled construction work (truss building) is his profession. My brother in law fears no man and has never lost a fight in his life. He's not a bully, but he sure likes beating bullies up. However, my sister won't allow him to go into a bar anymore, unless it's an upscale one where trouble is not likely and she's with him. Since dating her and later marrying her (married for 3 years now) he no longer goes into rough bars at all. He also avoids fights now because he knows my sister would not approve. He has not been in a single fight since they started dating. That's 5 years now of no fighting just because he wants to please her and he wants her approval. My point is this: This guy has more stones than most men, yet he's a total creampuff pushover to my sister. My sister is clearly wearing most of the pants in the family and he's fine with that. In his dealings with her, he's a rather passive, "absorbed in his woman" guy. Yet he's not a wussy by any means. I knew another guy who was a friend of mine in college. He was also very much absorbed in his GF and she was the boss as anyone could see. However, he had a personal policy that any guy who called him p-whipped got an automatic punch in the nose on the spot. Now those two guys above are more extreme examples than I am, but my point is the same. Just because a guy is passive with his woman, does not necessarily mean he's passive to the world. That's two different things. I think the OP is valid with regard to a man being overly passive to the world. However, with regard to him being overly passive to his woman, that really depends on the woman. Some women don't like that, some don't mind, and some women like a guy like that, as long as he has some assertiveness to the world. I think the OP might be correct as a general rule, but there are exceptions.
  16. charley
    Getting past the need for external validations: That's why I never post in age-gap anymore asking any questions. I'm just going to do whatever I do and I don't need others validation, permission, or approval. If a 23 to 26 year old woman and I like each other (ages of likley candidates I know), then that's our business. I don't need to gather approval from anyone locally or online. If any 3rd party doesn't like it, to bad. All that matters is myself and herself. See, that's an example of me learning not to seek external validation anymore. I now have internal validation from myself, which is the root of self confidence, IMO. That makes me less passive and more assertive. Isn't that ^ one example of what the OP is talking about? As far as the guy absorbing himself in the woman, I agree that some women don't like that. However, some women do like it. Some love it. So I don't think that's a universal thing. I think it depends on the woman. I think that if the guy is assertive with others, she might respect him and be fine with him being mushier with her. I hope so because I'm assertive with others and mushy with her. That's me and I really don't think I need to change that, as long as I'm assertive to others, I think she'll respect me, even if I am a sappy, mushy, love sick puppy with her. Well maybe. It all depends on the woman. I agree that being assertive with 3rd parties is necessary, but I don't agree that being assertive with the woman is necessary. I think being assertive with her depends on her and her likes. I'm not a total push over to a woman, but 2/3 I am. I know women who like me fine that way, as long as I have some back bone with 3rd party outsiders, which I do.
  17. charley
    By the way Kevin, you remind me of a younger me. I think I understand you pretty well these days. You have an uncanny number of similarities to myself at your age. We still have some things in common actually. Like when you started equating women's behavior to algebra equations. That made me laugh because it's something I do sometimes. If I ever laugh at you, it's meant in a harmless way and I'm probably really laughing at myself that I see in you. Hey, far in the past, I even had the trenchcoat in common with you. Eww. I'm getting the hebegeebies thinking of myself at ages 23 to 25 wearing the trenchcoat. Luckily it was only one of 3 of my favorite jackets I wore. The other two were cool and I still wear the leather one right now. I think I only used to wear the trenchcoat about 1/3 of the time. One day I realized it was hurting me socially and I threw it in a dumpster. Seriously, I did. I quit the trenchcoat cold turkey. However, you do as you think best for yourself. I'll understand that.
  18. charley
    Well, it has been a good place for me to meet female bartenders. I'll admit that. Made friends with a couple male bartenders too. Then they start making my mixed drinks extra strong just to be nice. What they don't realize is that I'm a light weight drinker and making my drink 1.5 times as strong as usual just about puts me under the bar. Two of those and I'm so loopy...
  19. charley
    Asking a woman who shows zero interest is a lot different than asking a friendly woman who is approachable. This scenerio he has is scary for any guy, let along a shy one. However, it can be done. If you get her though, you may find that having isn't as much fun as wanting. i.e. - the date might suck. However, no harm in trying, unless you get fired over it and join the ranks of the unemployed.
  20. charley
    You know what would be worse? If things got uncomfortable and she stopped shopping there because of it. That'd really p off your boss, if he/she knew about it.
  21. charley
    So now you're using algebra to figure out women? Ha ha. I do agree with your equations though. I guess math can be successfully applied to most anything.
  22. charley
    Somewhere way earlier in this thread, I'd said not to buy dressy casual or dressy clothes from Walmart. You know, polos, slacks, etc. However, it's a fine place to buy socks, underwear, jeans, and colored T-shirts, or white T-shirts, if they fit. That's wear I buy my socks and underwear.
  23. charley
    I'm shocked that your dreams don't involve the hostesses.
  24. charley
    Honestly, a bar is a bad place to meet women. They all have their defenses on high and so do I. However, if one is going to try anyway, then CarnelianButterfly's advice is excellent. Interestingly, I don't think I've ever tried in a bar. In a bar, my defensives are on high with strangers, except the bartender. Interestingly, I was asked out by one bartender years ago who gave me her number, and another bartender last October who invited me to come back on her night off when she was going to be there socially. I wasn't trying in either case. I was just friendly and polite. In one case I was drinking coffee, in the other I'd had a drink, but was NOT drunk. I've never got anywhere with any bar patrons, but I've never tried and I probably wasn't even friendly with them. When I go to a bar, I'm only friendly with the bartender and any friends I brought with me. I just don't trust strangers in a bar, including women.
  25. charley
    Licking? I didn't want to be crude. I'm a demure dog. What's IMAO mean? Did you mean LMAO?
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