charley

I'll tell you P.Dragon how you can get a date with her. Well, your best shot anyway. I did this once when I was having an uncharacteristically bold and not shy mood. I went up to this good looking woman who'd never noticed I existed, and I said, "Hi. I'm Charley." She said her name. I said, "I think you're really beautiful and I'd like to have a chance to get to know you and see if you're as nice as you are are nice looking. May I have your phone number so I can call you for a date?". She gave me her number. I called her a few days later. We had one miserable date. It was one of the suckiest dates of my life because she wasn't interested in me and we had nothing in common except that we both liked her looks. This was one of the worst dates I mentioned in my worst dates thread. She spent the entire date talking about how she'd like to get back with her X, and how she wished she was doing cocaine with him right then. Getting a date with someone who is not interested in you is possible, as I proved. It can be done by having some skill in the asking and creating some interest because of how you ask her. However, the date itself will likely suck eggs because the only thing you have in common is that you both like her looks. My vote is forget her. However, if you use my example of asking out a woman who's not interested, then maybe you can get a date. However, if you get the date, you may find it a wasted effort. If you really want to try, then ask her like I did. You'll likely get a date, if she's single. Likely a bad date, but you never know. If you've got the stones to try it, then go ahead. Maybe it'd work out, who knows? However, the odds are you could get a date, but it'd be a lousy date. You'll never know, unless you try.

That's one of the things I said. Maybe she's shy. However, how can two shy people possibly date each other? They can't even talk to each other. Then again, maybe she's just not interested. Either way, it sounds like a non starter to me.

Ya. I had my two days a week I didn't shave: Fri and Sat. Some women do like some stubble, others like clean shave. So this way, I showed some variety. However, my hair was still good, or covered by hat. In no circumstances do I want cruddy hair. I don't think I'd go to crazy hair and trashy clothes though, but I did wear jeans and a sweatshirt those days, or jeans and a colored T-shirt. That's not trashy, but it's not classy either. I said it way earlier in this thread: showing some variety keeps you entertained with yourself, and it shows women your various looks. Maybe one of those looks will appeal to her. Maybe the variety will appeal to her.

Let's try this. Leave it home 5 days a week. On those 5 days wear various other type coats and other looks that people have recommended (the car coat aka parka length being my favorite). Then compare how women relate to you with vs. without trench coat. I think you'll see a difference. Of course this experiment would work best with women who are not accustomed to seeing you in a trench coat. Those women already have that mental picture of you. This experiment would be ideally conducted when out away from school around new women who don't know you. Then you can see for yourself. I do that type experiment with my different coats and looks and I thereforeeee have a good idea how my various looks appeal to (or don't) different women, and I can often even get some idea what a particular woman likes, or doesn't like.

I'm fixated on trying to help you, which means trying to convince you. That's why.

I'll bet you $20 that he answers that your trench coat is intimidating, or scaring them off. Want to take that bet?

So it's OK if he looks gay and girly in a Burberry one? Take note of that Kevin. Sounds like she's saying that trench coats are not cute on you, unless it's a girly looking one. I'm calling that an addtional vote for "no fricken way" on the trench coat OF ANY COLOR!!!

Yes, but we covered that a long time back in this thread. Many people covered it. Then we all fixated on your coat because most of us objected, but you weren't willing to change, at least not at that time. So as a result, we all fixated on trying to convince you, and one or two people tried to console you about coat. Earlier in thread there were many other suggestions besides those about coat. Still think coat is number one though. Then worry about the details.

Very very true. What makes human sexuality different than other mammals? Humans are plagued with self doubts, and many of us are lacking in instincts to understand the mating dances and rituals. Animals understand each other better. Two cats, or two dogs: they know without the doubts. Two humans: often our intellect and self doubts starts screwing with us and messing with us, and we over analyze, or don't notice at all, and we turn in circles from fear, frustration, or lonliness. We over-complicate everything. That's why simple expressions exist like "Just do it" and "Nothing to it, but to do it." i.e. - stop thinking and start acting.

Don't feel bad. I don't usually understand when women use body language to flirt. All I know is they're turning me on, but I don't know why. I sure didn't know it's an invitation. The only invitation I ever understood was an obvious one like eye contact, especially if augmented by her smiling at me. Even then I'd have doubts. I'm dense with women too, but at least I partially understand the more obvious things like eye contact and a smile. However, I'm still never sure, unless she also wants to talk to me. Even then I still have doubts, unless she's handing me her number, in which case I'm then getting scared and nervous and what to do on the date. I'm a neurotic bundle of self-doubt and nerves just like most people, and especially shy people.

If you're as dense as me and Kevin, then maybe they have approached you in their subtle little ways, but you didn't understand. The solution to that is for you to approach them.

What's a banjo string?

I'd agree with that statement. However, I've seen others who started with a horny based relationship that later turned into love and marriage. It happens. I've also seen the reverse where a loving relationship later also includes the horny part as well. There's no figuring people. Sometimes things work out despite all indications they won't. Othertimes things DON'T work out despite all indications they will. Life is a gamble. If you wait for a sure thing, then life might pass you by. We have to take chances and throw the dice sometimes.

Regarding OP. It's certainly the starting point. Next add a "can do" positive attitude to liking yourself, and you're off to a great start because you have the foundation laid. There's other details to be considered, but I think these two are the basics to succeed at ANYTHING.

I'm going to have to agree with CPC there Kevin. Shyness is not a disease, not a defect, not a failing, unless it prevents you from trying. For example: At my most shy, not only would I not try to approach women, but I even recoiled from them when they approached me. That was a problem. When my shyness became reduced with age and practice, then I started becoming functional. So if a woman approched me at that time, then I could reciprocate. That's much better than before. When my shyness reduced some more with more practice, then I could and can approach a woman. That's a very good thing. Also, if a woman approached me now, I could reciprocate. So at this point, I still feel some shyness and trepidation, but just not enough to stop me, except apparently when the woman I'm attracted to is an available and potentially interested friend. Then I still can freeze up. Actually, I don't freeze up, I back off and withdraw while trying to be as casual about it as possible. I'm working on learning to not withdraw everytime she starts to respond. I don't think that shyness is a problem if it's within reasonable limits and under reasonable control. It's only a problem if it's stopping you from getting what you want. When shyness is within reasonable limits and under reasonable control, then it might even be an asset because it can prevent you from being to aggressive, or obnoxious, or cocky, or making a jerk of yourself in public, or with a woman. Hey, in my experimentations and practicing reducing my shyness, I've occasionally and temperarily erred on the side of being a little to cocky (especially after a drink), and then the women start tearing me down and putting me in my place. If women (most women) perceive that a guy is to confident, or cocky, they either ignore him, or start tearing him down to lower his confidence. Seriously. By contrast, if they perceive he's a nice guy who is a bit shy, humble, and demure, then they usually start trying to help build his confidence up. Most women like a guy who is a happy medium. If he's on either side of that line, they start working to alter his level of confidence to be medium. I've seen it. I've experienced it. You've heard women say many times that they don't like a guy who's to cocky. A shy guy is not cocky. If a guy is slightly shy and demure, but still romantically functional, then I think most women would think he's just about ideal. Retaining a little shyness and humility, but still having enough boldness to try (once shyness under control) is the ideal mix, IMO. I'm aiming for that mix. A reasonable level of shyness can be an advantage. An excessive amount of shyness is indeed a problem, but a fixable problem. No shyness at all can lead to cocky behavior that most women hate. A nice balance is best, IMO.

I don't like most colognes or perfumes because they tend to give me an asthma attack. If I can smell a woman's perfume, or man's cologne from more than a foot away, then I'm going to stay a few feet away. If I can smell it from a few feet away, then I'm going to avoid them completely. ============== I do like some perfumes in moderation (on a woman) because they don't cause me asthma and because they smell nice. I am especially fond of rose scented women who use that stuff in moderation. ============== Back to men: There's something called pechuli (spelling?) that some men wear. I hate that stuff. It sets off my asthma. It stinks. Every guy I ever personally knew who wore it used way to much and visually appeared to never bathe or attend to hygiene. So I associate pechuli with unwashed men, and causing me asthma. Double yuck.

You cracked me up ^. Ya. I like Old Spice 'cause it reminds me of my grandpa and I loved him very much. I remember sitting on his lap when I was little and smelling a combination of Old Spice and Copenhagen chewing tobacco. Actually a rather nice combination of manly grandpa smells. However, I don't necessarily want to smell like a grandpa myself. I really doubt very many young guys wear Old Spice, though it does smell nice. I also can scarcely believe one or more women listed Brut. That smells so "dad" to me. My dad had Brut after shave, and Aqua Velva too. I just like the smell of lemon lime shaving cream personally. So I'm an interesting collage of smells: Irish Spring soap, Irish Spring scented deodorant by Mennan, lemon-lime shaving cream, and flowery girly scented hair from my girly shampoo. My hats have the same girly flowery smell due to being washed in the same shampoo. So I guess I smell 2/3 man 1/3 woman, but all clean, and subtle. The only comment I've ever received about my scent is when I get a hug from my platonic women friends (some like to hug, some don't), or my sister. They said I smelled good. They didn't elaborate. I actually kind of think they like the mix of 2/3 manly clean with 1/3 woman clean. When the scents are mixed together, it's not really possible to say that I smell like a man or woman. I just smell clean.

You poor, sick, sad, little puppy. Always wanting the unattainable, or difficult? Why not look for a woman who's at least polite? Friendly would be better yet. One of the things that attracts me to a woman is her friendly personality. That sounds very lacking in this one. Unless she's shy. In which case you've got a major problem because aren't you shy with women? I don't see how two shy people can possibly date each other. Someone has to be outgoing enough to get things started. OK. Next time, walk up and in a friendly way say "hi" to her and study her reaction. If she's not friendly in return, then forget her. If she is friendly, then go from there.

I'm not giving up my baseball hats no matter if E women don't like them or not, but the local women like them fine. However, if the local women were unlikely to ever give me a chance because of the hats, then I'd give them up. In my local area, baseball hats are the norm for guys who are from 1 year old all the way to seniors. My generation especially wears them in this area.

You know why those guys ^ didn't wear trench coats much, if ever? Because their dads and grandpas were the ones wearing them.

That looks like a fem version of what I'm talking about. Basically the same thing. The male versions are black, brown, or tan.

Ya, I like the smell of Old Spice too. Reminds me of my grandpa. However, since I equate that smell with grandpa, it seems so old school... Young women today still like that? I guess grandma must have liked it fine. Maybe some things are classics. My deodorant says it's Irish Spring cent, but it smells similar to Old Spice. Similar but not quite the same.

Could you at least return the eye contact if I made it first? If so, that works for me. You are a really nice lady. I'd hate to think that if we met by chance in real life that I'd ignore you, but in reality, I would ignore most any woman who won't either initiate eye contact, or return eye contact that I initiated. If she won't meet my gaze, I think she's either uncomfortable, or doesn't want me, or both. So I try to be considerate and ignore her. I thought that was the considerate thing to do. A woman's body language might turn me on like everything, and some do, but I always thought that was her natural sex appeal. It never even occurred to me that she might be intentionally sending me signals. I've been very illiterate about body language as far as understanding it. I only know that sometimes women's body language does turn me on, but I never knew why. I never knew they sent messages that way on purpose. I always just thought: hey, she's hot, and apparently I'm overly horney for noticing. But it never occurred to me that she was sending an invitation. My body was picking up her body language invitations loud and clear, but my mind didn't understand. My mind has always understood eye contact.