flower99

That's too sweet, definietly do that (: Awww...that's wonderful that' he's willing to do whever he can to make it Good luck & enjoy you're evening

Yes some would think it's an excuse. But I would only think that if I tried planing ahead & they still wouldn't make time. (which this man has not yet done) But if they are calling day of to hang out & get offended that your busy. Than in my eyes, that's just ignorant.(maybe age does have to do with it) But really, people do have things going on, people do have plans & activities & responsiblities...and to think that it's just an excuse it rather ignorant. He should try a new appraoch, such as asking when you ARE free.

No I dont' think you're being selfish. I think your wise to keep busy & not to plan your life around men until you know they are worth it. I think as long as you've made it clear to these menthat you have a busy schedule, they should be wise enough to plan ahead if they want to see you.... Book a date with you, rather than call day of & expect you to drop your plans. It's quite simple - plan ahead. I think it's smart of you to keep busy with your own life, the right man will understand & know how to handle this & work around it.

Totally agree, congratulations, wish you the best!!

Very much Agree!

That would worry me. She made him realize his ex was not for him....he idealizes her. He realized what a good looking lovely girl she was, BUT she had a boyfriend. To me, that means he likes her, finds her attractive & would have like it happened. (boyfriend was the ONLY reason it didn't)

beautifully written, but sad. Value yourself & your body. If you treat yourself badly & abuse your body, than it sets the example for those around you. Treat yourself like your are someone valueable & special...because you are.

i would possibly think he has a crush

Sorry, I don't think I worded that right.....I basically meant her control over your mind in the area of school. How it effects your studies, how you focused on her to get your schooling done. Now without her, it seems meaningless & you are unable to focus. Schooling is about you. Furthering your life, expanding your mind, opening doors into your future. Anniversary: the way I see it is it's not your 8 year anniversary..so why send an email? what would you even say? Personally when it comes your anniversery..I would NOT send anything or aknowledge it. Because it is no longer relevent to either of you. It's the past. You can't let go when you keep finding reasons to hold on. You will be in her thoughts & her in yours. That's enough....Anymore & you would be taking steps backwards. It's time to move forward & trust that everything happeneds for a reason, and good will comes of it. I wish you happiness. You are a kind caring man, you deserve to be valued & cherished.

Personally i'd blow her off (but that's just cause i hate confrontations) but if you can, defineitly just end it. it seems pointless to me. You've got nothing in common anymore & your only pretending to have a friendship..it's not real.So let her know & wish her happiness Good luck, I think it's a wise decision.

I've come to realize that it had to be this way. for me to learn what I did & to be able to say goodbye. it's been 2 years since my relationship ended bably...I still feel some pain but more so anger towards him...But it's fading more with the time. I haven't forgiven him for a lot of things....I think I need to do that.

It seems like you've built a dependency on her. You're entire life revolved around her. She had far too much control in areas of your life that shouldn't be about her...You've got to start doing things for you. Decied that you're future is worth it. Study for you! You want a good future & to achieve your goals..work towards that! You have the strength within you, i know you do & you know you do.(so does your family, or they would encourage you droping out) Believe in yourself & do whats good for you & your future. Success is the greatest revenge. ( I know you aren't out to seek revenge..but it's a great achievement) It gets your mind on what is important right now & that's you, your health & your future.

What if's are hard to handle, hard to think about....but in reality, don't matter (unless you've got a time machine) The facts are what they are. Had you done things differently, it may be possible things might be different, or may have ended up the same, but in a different way. We will never know. Things happeneded the way they did. And Trust that everything happens for a reason. Use this as a learning experience. And stop asking what if's, start Accept what is. and Know in your heart that good comes of every experience, every relationship. And good will come of this.

I agree with Honey Pumpkin. Here's the thing. She can't bear to lose her best friend. THAN DON'T CHEAT & LIE. If she truly wanted to keep her best friend, she would have acted like it & did things proper by being honest. Her wanting to keep you as a friend now, is only to ease her conscience. To make her feel better. It has VERY little to do with you. She hasn't even called since you justifiably got angry at her...she doesn't treat you like a friend. You can forgive her without being friends with her. Maintain that self respect. Plus another reason not is...You want her back, so by seeing her & being friends with her you are feeding the false hope. You need to heal & move on. Do what's best for you..not her. Take care of yourself & your feeling now. Continue No contact.

Nature Freedom Love My son Our Health A roof over my head Food on our table Vehicle (even though it's old & rusty, it does it's job) Stable Job A finacee who has patience & love for me at all times Good parents Kind boss Supportive Friends God who loves us unconditionally Our kitty

Similar story My ex finacee (father of my child) and I went through the same thing. We were together for a year & a half. Broke up, but remaind friend with on & off intimency for 3 years after. Me giving a million chances, hopeing we could work this out, hopeing he would realize I was the one he wanted to be with. But something held him back & that hurt me. I wanted someone who was sure of me. When i finally did move on.....he freaked. But I was a little mad at him, he had 4.5 years to figure out what he had...he didn't care to. I think it's just the fear of losing me that set it off, not that his eyes were finally opened. Just now when it was real to him he could lose me he was willing to work on it. But it was too little too late. I deserved someone who knows that I'm the one, who won't risk losing me, who will cherish me........ You had a long time to figure things out...like you said she gave you a million chances. How much longer did you expect her to wait? Honestly Austin guy, I think your wife may very well be a great person. But the fact is, you haven't seen that for 5 years. So I think that says that you didn't value your relationship enough to reconcile it. Maybe she wasn't the one...and you are both right to move on. And the desire to fix things, is only comeing from your fear of change & losing her to someone else. Not because you want to marry her (or you would have acted much sooner). When you let go of your past, you can move on to your future. It is scarey at times....but good always come of it. And maybe you will remain friend....my ex & I have managed too. Even though I am engaged to someone else now...there is still a special spot for him in my heart.. Don't feel guilty...It sucks you that you didn't see it...But The way i see it is everything happens for a reason....you two got divorced for a reason, you didn't want to make it work for a reason. And now when you're ready to, she is no longer ready too...For a reason. Maybe the reason is...It's not meant to be. I'm sorry for your pain. But trust that if it was meant to work, you two would have been on the same page at some point in the last 5 years. There is some more out there for you, a women who you will love & cherish for all she is, without a doubt in your mind. Wish your ex happiness, and move into your future.

Oh wow, I love it..... it's beautiful....Gives hope

Thank you both so much, you've been a wonderful help.... So sorry I'mthatgirl that your home got destroyed....geeze, it's hard to say no sometimes, even when we can see the damage that will come if we don't. I wish you a world of luck sticking to your guns...I'll going to practice to. (; Southerngirl. Sorry your friend turned out to be a fake...Wow that was an incredibly generous gift you gave her son....I can't believe she asked for more food after that. it was definietly a time to draw the line. your wise (:

That is exactly what i said to her before her moving in with him. You don't know this man from a hole in the ground & your moving your son to sleep only a door down from him...he can easily do whatever he pleases, what if he's a petifle, abusive, a rapist,a thief...well good thing he was the lesser of the evils. Thank you for sharing this...I'm sorry it happened that way..how long till you shut down the atm??? That's exactly how i feel too, it's nice to be understood....I feel mean for feeling the way I do..because I really do care for her & her son & want to help..but I don't feel like i'm helping any more..just supporting & enabling her. I think it is. So when do I shut it down?? how do I go about doing so?? What kind of excusses did you give or did you just say no?

You're totally right, I am enabling her!!! Thank you for pointing that out. I've got to say no. And thanks for letting & listening to me vent (:

Well I've only been friends with her for 2.5 years...and it's been none stop drama & problems..The resentment is I think...Is cause I watch her do this to herself. And can see what's going to happen from a mile away...and I tell her, she dismisses it & than Shocker it happens. ex. She dated a man 5 months than married him??? taught your child to call him daddy, after only 3 months..than 3 month after the marriage he wants a divorce...I saw divorce coming miles away...I was a little shocked it was so fast though. ex. She was having unprotected sex with strangers fo the internet...now she's pregnant ex. She moved out of a nice stable apartment to save 75$ a month. And moved her & her son in with a 40year old man that she knew only 2 weeks. I warned her. Within 3 weeks the man stole from her & put her on the street. The list could go on for days...I warn her everytime...she dismisses.. Like none of these things that happen in her life are surprises, Everyone of them were predictable.And that is why I feel so much resentment. She does it knowing what could happen & guess what it happens! And I feel bad for her & help clean up the mess evertime. I am getting tired. We weren't even friends when I first started helping her. That is basically the foundation of the friendship...me helping her out of her messes. and I'm sure she would help me if she could if I had a problem....but the thing is I would never turn to her for help...

Well Randy, I have to say I have the a lot of respect for you & for your desire to end this before it becomes something more, before you do damage to your marriage,wife & child. that is admirable. I don't think you can end this with the women without hurting her. But it has to be done. And if she is half as smart as you say she will understand. You're married, she knows better. I would email her & tell her something like. Because of the feelings I have developed for you. I need to distance myself from you. I love my wife & unborn child with all my heart & can not do anything that would risk losing or hurting them. please respect my wishes and do not try to contact me...I wish you a life time of happiness....ect. I realize you are doubting your love for your wife because of the feelings you've developed. But I truly believe you do love your wife. It is natural to be attracted to others & even occasionally to develope feelings...especailly when given the time to allow them to grow.. But you're doing what is wise and putting and end to this before it crosses the line. And keep your distance, you know what you have is something Great with your wife. Don't allow yourself to be distracted & tempted by another women. You're a good man Randy...but do realize that this women is not as 'kind hearted' as you think, she is putting her feelings before your loving wife & unborn child.

Honestly I think words & actions are the only things that can reassure someone of that. If he doesn't believe your words & doesn't trust your actions. that is something he will have to deal with. This could all stem from some insecurities within him. Neither you nor him can control a random guy hitting on you. He's got to trust you. And you can't make him do that, nor do you want to change the women you are to accomidate his insecurities. Reassure him of your love & remain faithful. Don't lead men on, be honest with them that you are taken & your man should respect that & trust you. Hope you have fun & a great visit, wish you happiness.

After the baby's born I can back off...awwww...damn..why do I always have to do the right thing? he he he (: just jokes... -October 2005 I told myself after her wedding i can back off - 3 months later she got divorced/separated (she only knew her husband 5 months). -I said after she has recoverd I can back off -2 months later she got pregnant (unsure of father) so can't back off now. -of course I'll be there during the pregnancy.... -now it's 9 months later time for baby to come...And here I am, saying after the babies born I can back off....but truth is, after the baby's born She'll need MORE HELP. I'm beginning to see it's an endless cycle.......how much longer do I take care of her? I don't even think of her as a friend, more like a 'project' like someone I met & felt like she needed help, it's been 2 years and hasn't stopped needing help. Now I'm blowing off my own family cause she doesn't feel like talking to her family. I thought she would try to patch it with her mom, i'm kind starting to resent that she didn't. Now I can't be there for my family. Sorry I'm just needing to vent...I'm really upset with myself....I hate that I put myself in this sitation over & over again. I've got to learn to say No thanx for letting me vent. But I guess I've got to do the right thing & stick to my word, next time I just won't give my word. Thank you everyone for reading & helping...I really do appreciate it.