Jjasonn28

Well, its hard to say, given the fact that I dont know him and his likes/dislikes. I can say however, not to disclude a 'home made card' Being creative and putting your efforts into something like that in my view is more personal and important than any store bought possession. As a matter of fact, one of my ex's made me a HUGE card out of construction paper, (bound with silk string even). The card was a tribute to us. It had pictures in sequence of things we did together starting from our first camping trip, (the weekend we hooked up) and ending with photos of us together at a christmas party. I STILL have that card, and I will never get rid of it, even though she is a former former ex. Thats how special it was to me.

Well, thats the thing.. She isn't completely happy. Hence our situation. She wants to be, but is unsure if it will or can be the same or better than before. She has reservations. And I understand. Im trying not to expect anything. Take it a day at a time... and I dont just want to 'sound' interested, I want to be involved because I am interested..

Her reason for breaking up for me is that she doesn't feel the same she did before she moved to go to school. We both sensed a void, but being passive people, avoided it and unfortunately grew apart because of it. We do love eachother, I know this. I dont think its too late to rebuild, but she is a little more doubtful. This is why Im thankful that she is willing to put an effort to 'try to get to know eachother' all over again. Im positive that I want to spend the rest of my life with her. No one has ever made me happier, even in the sadness of being without her, and growing apart from her, I am certain that we CAN be completely happy together again. When we were together, we just 'fit'.

Well, I dont mean to be rude, but it sounds like you you are sleeping in the bed you made.. Did you really call her fat and hairy? I mean come on, if you truly loved her, or even liked her.. you never would have said this. Ok, you hurt, but look at it from her point of view. She doesn't want a booty call, and you obviously didn't treat her with the respect required of a significant relationship. In my opinion, you are in withdrawl. You miss the stuff that made you feel good superficially. Attention, sex.. whatever. I would do yourself and her a favor, and move on.

I mean if -with limited contact on your part- she continues to contact you via phone or text.. but she isn't getting anywhere in regards to her feelings for you two, then perhaps you should step it up to NC. If she needs time to figure things out, and limited contact isn't helping, then go NC.

Well, I would think that in this situation, NC is not necessarily your only option. But do give her space. Dont initiate contact, but if she contacts you, maybe get back to her the next day. If you find that she is constantly contacting you, but not getting anywhere.. then go for NC. She may need time to organize her thoughts about you two, and that will be harder for her by having you around. Whether she is conscious of this or not...

Hi guys. Heres the deal. She broke up with me two weeks ago. Not an abbrasive relationship, (I dont think we EVER raised our voices at eachother.) Emotional and Phsyical Distance took its tool on both of us. Apparently long distance relationships are known for this?!! I did NC for a week, and that didnt work, because she called and emailed daily. And quite honestly, when I did answer her MSN messages, I was overwhelmed with excitement. I do love her. Without doubt. So at dinner last night, we talked. About everything. I know we arent officially back together, nor are we making ourselves available to other people. She wants to keep the lines of communication open, and continue to see eachother. She also wants to make an effort to try to not only be a part of eachothers lives, but include one another more. I mean, not just talking for the sake of talking, but involving one another in the happenings of our lives. She wants to celebrate her birthday with me... She wants to come see me play hockey... I suggested that we read the same book, and discuss... and she likes the idea. She realizes she has some issues, and I realize the same for myself. She proposes seeking proffesional council individually, and then together. I also proposed the idea of opening up, and attending church with her. This is a huge step for me. HUGE. But I am willing, because I WANT to be involved. I want to be more open. If its important to her, the least I can do is approach it with an open mind. Like I said earlier, we are not officially back together, and after giving it much thought, I really wouldn't want to jump back into things without caution. But I can see this as a positive step right? I mean, we have agreed to put in an effort. Its all I can ask. So what is the best way to approach the coming weeks. I will most likely only see her once a week, and generally we will talk once a day. Any suggestions or ideas for activities that would help bring us closer together? How would you approach the meetings, and conversations? I know I am not going to be too needy for affection, but is flirting a bad idea? I want to do this right.

Hello. Ok, I am back from my visit to the ex gf's house. If you arent familiar, you can read the thread, 'Is tonight the night?' Its a long post, I apologize. But I dont want to leave out too many details. I could use a few good opinions... Well, things didn't go the way I prepared myself for them to go. I was expecting the worse. Expecting her to have a box of my stuff packed at the door, and to hear her say that she wished she never met me... Nope. None of that. When she answered the door, the first thing she did was give me a hug. Not a prolonged embrace, but not a 'friendly' hug either. I could tell she was nervous, as was I. So I go in, and she had prepared a nice Lasagna dinner, and had a bottle of wine. (She is a chef amongst other things.) So, we sat down at the dinner table, and enjoyed a fairly quiet dinner together. (Her roommate was still home at this time.) After dinner, and after her roommate left, there was about a minute of awkward silence. She say, 'sooooo'. And I just smiled, and responded, "so?" She asked if I wanted to watch a movie. I agreed, (still super confused as to why she wanted me there exactly) and we sat down on the couch to watch 'Elf'. After about 5 minutes, she scooted over to me, and put her arm around me. Now, by this time I had enough. I was done with not knowing. So asked, "what am I doing here?". She looked at me, and her eyes filled with tears, and she said she didn't know. She said that she had hoped we would get together, and come to some sort of final conclusion of our relationship, but when she saw me, everything came back.. Now I am proud of myself. We began to talk, and not ONCE did I let my emotions overwhelm me. She apologized for saying that she never loved me. She admitted that she is confused. She is not happy, but she is not ready to walk away from me. In her other relationships, when she walked, she RAN. She also admitted that she has a problem with accepting love, and intimacy. She is shielded and reserved. I confess my faults, (too passive, afraid to speak my mind in fear of pushing people away.... etc..) We continue our talk, and I told her that if its time and space she wants, just say the word. And I will make it easier for her, and I will walk away. (I was fully expecting to hear her say that this is a good idea.) But to my surprise, she said no. She wants to keep the lines of communication open. Ever since we had our first talk almost two weeks ago, our honesty has proven to be beneficial. She wants to keep getting together, and talking about us, and the future, to mutually come to some sort of an agreement. She doesnt want to walk away from eachother in haste. She also thinks that we should both see councellors. Her for her fear of commitment to intimacy, accepting love, and as for I, to perhaps gain a perspective as to why I just wont say whats on my mind. Also, she is open to seeing relationship specialists together. Not as a way to 'fix whats wrong' but for us to gain tools to 'build stronger bridges' Her words were that she isn't ready to say no, we are over, or yes, we are back together. She wants to try to get to know eachother again, and continue our communication. This is unreal. She NEVER ceases to amaze me. In all my past relationships, when she says something like, I think I want to be alone... that usually has meant ITS OVER, and I have been left scratching my head, alone, and empty. But for Jen, (current ex) to approach me like this, admit her problems, point out mine, and want to continue talking, INSTEAD of just turning it off, and leaving me high and dry.... I have even more respect for her. So how do I approach these coming weeks/months. She proposed seeing me next sunday night. I want to become more involved in her life, and have her become more involved in mine. Not just be a part of eachothers lives, but to be involved. She suggested reading the same book, and talking about it. (She is currently an english/communications major). I want to show her that there is absolutely NO reason to stop believing in us. I want to make her happy for the rest of my life. How would you approach this?? JP

Hey guys. So here it is. Friday. Doomsday? Perhaps. We will see. I am going to the ex gf's house tonight for a dinner. I asked her why it is she wants to see me after telling me she doesn't love me, and never did, and her answer was this. That she misses me, and wants to talk about things, which she would rather do face to face because it means more. I know she doesn't want to get back together. And Im not even gonna bring it up. I cant stop questioning her motive, and am preparing myself for the worst.. First she said the 'spark' wasn't there, then 'I love you but im not IN love with you', then 'I dont love you', then 'Im not sure I ever did love you.' So whats next. Am I going down so I can hear her tell me she hates me and regrets ever meeting me?? Its so confusing because of her actions in the past week. She has been very nice, excited, and even flirty. So I am getting myself ready to go. Wish me luck. Walking into the unkown is terrifying. I will post the results when I am back...

Her past relationships have pretty much been with the same 'type' of guy. She is a VERY attractive girl. And the guys she was with only saw her for that, and wanted her for that. They were controlling, and very jealous, which in a couple cases lead to horrible arguments, and even a little abuse. I get so angry when I think of anybody treating her this way. When I first met her, its true, I too was very attracted to her. But it was after we hooked up on a weekend cottage retreat, I fell for her hard. All we did was talk. And within an hour, it felt like we had been best friends forever. But, yes, we have had tough times. One in particular that she just cant let go of. She was hurt, and needed me, and I wasn't there for her. She KNOWS I didn't intend on hurting her. I never ever would. But she still holds that anger/resentment... She has shielded herself from me, turned a cheek.. Its hurting me, and I know its not doing anything to improve her self esteem, and trust/commitment issues....

I have already stopped desperate pleadings. I probably wouldn't have if it wasnt for these forums. You guys DO make sense, which is why I find myself here every evening. (And sometimes in the morning). I completely understand how and why its not a good thing. I no longer have the urge to do this. It seems more and more I am able to think things through logically. But it still doesn't make me feel better, or miss her less.

That is a good question. We did have a talk on this a long while back. She broke down and said that she wants to stop running from things. And here we are now. She is running. Should I watch her? She is making a mistake. Not because she is running from me, but because she is running. I feel obligated, and compelled to step in and say something, even though it WILL come accross as a desperate attempt at getting her back...

We were together for 3 1/2 years. Shes been living in another city for 1 1/2. We grew apart emotionally/intimately because of this distance and a lack of productive communication. We both felt it, and both agree on this reason. I KNOW she still loves me. I can feel it and see it. I think she is running away. She is shielding herself from hurt. She has always done this. With her parents, previous relationships, her sister...

Hello all. Ok, so she wants to be alone. (Which I dont believe, I think she IS lonely.. but whatever.) I will and have respected that. I started nc about a week ago. Okay, so ive broken down a couple times and answered her MSN messages. Her actions and words completely confuse me... Being flirty and stuff. She even asked if we could keep our web cams on while she studied, just so we could keep eachother company??!? Yup, I was scratching my head. Today now, something new. She sent me an email, (which in itself is pretty rare) and asked if I would travel to see her tomorrow night. She said she will take the night off work and make a dinner.... WTF????!! Since she has been living in another city, NOT ONCE has she offered to take time off of work or away from studying to spend time with me. I know she needs to work, and has to focus on school, so I respected that, (even though it killed me sometimes.) Now, that she says she doesn't love me, and thinks she never did, and wants to be alone, WHY NOW, WOULD SHE DO THIS?? What should I expect? I said I would go see her, cause lets face it, I miss her soo much. I didn't tell her that though. Ive been VERY good at supressing the need to reach out. Now I have all these scenarious running through my head as to why she is asking me to come down. Most of them are negative. Even though shes been happy and flirty recently. I suppose Im preparing myself for the worst. But what do you make of it??

um, invite your girlfriend to help??! lol. Sorry thats just me being a guy. I REALLY apologize

invite him over, (or if you live together be ready when he comes home) and surprise him by lighting a few candles. Not too many, 3 or 4, and be wearing NOTHING but his favourite sports jersey. YUMMMY In all my past relationships, this happened to me once.. and I have NEVER forgotten, and honestly fantasize STILL about it!!

Well, in my experience, the second I knew I was in love, I wanted to share it with EVERYBODY! I dont think there is a rule as to who SHOULD say it first. If you feel it, let it be known!

I am curious as to wether or not, its possible that too much support can ultimately be a bad thing? For example, when my gf er ex.... decided she wanted to move away to go back to school, even though I KNEW it was a bad idea for our relationship, I encouraged her, supported her, and didn't express my concerns. When she wouldn't see me two weekends in a row because she was busy with mid terms, I supported her, and when she had the next weekend free, and decided to go to Quebec for a getaway, I supported her. It always made me feel sad, but at the same time like a GOOD partner by supporting her.. Is there a point where you HAVE to say no, even though it may seem like you arent supporting them? JP

Well, I love her completely. She is my best friend. I know that I have no responsibility to her, but in that love I have for her, is the compassions to hurt when she hurts. Really, I only want for her to be happy. Even if it IS without me in life. As much as that hurts. She is not mental or anything. She had really BAD experiences with guys before me. Okay, I havent always been there for her, but we NEVER had any abrasion in the relationship. I like to think that I treated her like she was my princess. We grew apart due to physical and emotional distance... Seeing her like that is tearing the leftover pieces of my heart apart.

I think he is embarrassed, and probably feels terrible about himself right now. Guys and sexuality is a COMPLICATED thing. We have egos. And they need to be fed daily. If you care for him, and you know he cares for you, I would call him, and leave him a message. Tell him you miss him, and really want to work on things, together. You arent being dumped, not intentionally anyway. He wants for you two to enjoy eachother sexually... Its just a massive blow to his ego... um excuse the inuendo. JP

Hey everyone.. Just like the title says, Im broken, feel abandoned, and just when I think I cant possibly feel any worse.. she hits me with another bomb. I initiated nc about 5 days ago. It was tough, she called me multiple times, and sent me emails. I caved when she caught up with me on MSN. I didn't want to sign out and ignore her, so we spoke. Anyhow, after that conversation, which i tried my best to subdue my emotions, (all the while she was flirty) I continued with no contact. Then last night, she called again. I didn't pick up -at first- but I listened to what she had to say. She was crying. Asking for me to pick up. I thought something was terribly wrong, so I did. She called to tell me that she doesn't think she ever loved me. Yup. Those were her words. She was a wreck. Balling and questioning everything in the past 3 years. So needless to say, I can testify to the fact that a heart CAN be broken, then shattered and stomped on. Dont get me wrong, she didn't call to rub it in. She is seriously having troubles with her emotions atm. She is not spiteful. She is lost. I listened, quietly, and although I wanted to cry harder than I ever have, I kept my composure. I comforted her. Thing is, I dont believe her. I know what love is, and I felt it from her. In fact, I still feel it from her. So here are my questions... Is this normal? She told me that she wants to be alone. Is it simply confusion? I would think that if she is sure that she doesn't love me, and wants to be alone, she would have broken contact herself? I realize she has some issues she needs to deal with. As much as I hurt to be without her, it hurts more to see her suffering, even though SHE ended it.. I am so confused. JP

Dogg, you are feeling the exact same things I am. I question the very same things you do. Holidays especially are tough. In my situation, her birthday is in 2 weeks, and I too am agonizing over wether I should at least send a happy birthday card. Reading your posts is helping me to better understand my situation. Its easy for me to give you advice on what I see as best for you, but hard for me to grasp that same advice as its related to myself. I guess first you must understand that NC is a tool for you. It is the first step to start YOUR healing process. You will only end up hurting yourself more, if you approach NC expecting it to fix things. There is no timeline associated with it. Take it one day at a time, and try (as hard as it may be) to put her out of your mind. You need to concentrate on yourself. As for the holidays. I dont know what to say. Some would say dont bother, even on her birthday. I have a hard time swallowing that myself, as birthdays are the ONLY holiday I ever celebrated with the gf. or ex.. But that is in a couple weeks, and in your case a month or so away. If you stick to NC, in a month, the answer may be more clear for you. I know you dont want to hurt her, and it feels like you may be pushing her away by not sending her your wishes, but remember, she wanted the space. She knows how you feel. She DOES remember the good times, and she wont forget it. She doesn't need a reminder of why you got together in the first place. She still loves you, and the time and space will make her think about these good things more. Thats the point. With you in her life, pushing this on her, wont give her the chance to understand it as much as if you are not in her life. And as for her mothers email to you, dont try to overanalyze it. It seems that she is being supportive and honest with you. Give her time, and space. She needs to work things out for herself, before things can get better. Thats about it. Remember, there are others going through very similar situations as you. Reading how others are coping, has helped me tremendously. A week ago, I couldnt eat, sleep or find motivation to do anything but torture myself. Today, I am still heartbroken, but am dealing with things much better. Stay strong!! jp

Hello. I am curious to hear from all you LDR's, how it is you approach the intimacy issue? Loss of intimacy, emotional and physical, has played a major role in my current situation. What I mean is, when we did get together on occasion, I more and more sensed an awkwardness, or uneasyness between us when approached intimacy. We got along great, best friends for sure. And after spending just a little time with eachother, we were more open to contact and 'exploring'. Its that innitial uneasyness. Before we bacame LD, there was never any uneasyness.. Are there secrets to mainting a strong sense of intimacy.. over the distance? Thanks! JP

I know exactly how you feel. The more time I spend reading these posts the more sense relationships seem to make to me. I am going through a fairly similar situation. She has walls built up, resentments and anger that she cant get past. In the beginning, whey you two first met, there was nothing to hide. Nothing shielding your shared desire to give and receive of eachother. But, in every relationship, hardships and 'bumps in the road' are going to happen. It says something about your character, that you are willing to work through these tribulations and become better together because of it. Unfortunately, she has to feel the same way, or you will just continue to keep torturing yourself. I understand your fear of NC and the distance. You feel like the more time you dont spend fighting for her, the quicker any feelings she has for you will dissolve. That is such an aweful feeling, trust me man, I know where you are. But I will just give you the advice that 99% of people here at enotalone have given me. Give her space. You are doing a GOOD thing by sticking to NC. No matter how wrong it feels, and how much it hurts, its the only way. Time and space may be what she needs to deal with her issues. There is no guarentee with NC. But one thing is for sure, the sooner you understand that you need to do things for YOU, the better it will be for both of you. Regardless of how it turns out. I sincerely hope that you two can find that love together again. Nothing on earth hurts more than a broken heart. Keep your head up. And stay strong. JP

I realize I may have made it sound like she is playing games. I dont believe she is doing so. Just to clarify. I know she still loves me. And believe her intent is pure when she says she just wants to see me. Shes not trying to hurt me, but its hurting me. You are right. Somehow, I have to find the strength to tell her no. Its so hard. I want nothing more than for her to be in my arms, so Ive gotta say goodbye. It really makes me feel sick.