Jjasonn28

Well, regardless of wether the break will actually help, if thats what she wants, thats what has to happen. Try to look at it like this. Either she will recognize that she loves you, and wants to be with you, or she will realize that she doesn't. Either way, its better than continuing with questions. If she comes back feeling those things that got you through your tour, great! If she wants to move on, then its best for both of you. You say you can tell she still feels the same way about you. If this is infact the truth, then a break will be what she needs to see it for herself. But dont wait months and months. If she does feel that way for you, it should be obvious fairly quickly. Give her time, but make some time for yourself too.

You should absolutely go up to her and 'awkwardly' ask her. Lol, its funny hearing myself say that, cause its something I would NEVER do myself. Or would have in the past anyway... What do you have to lose? If anything, you will gain a chance to get to know her better, or you will gain the knowledge that she isn't interested. Either way, its better then not knowing isn't it? If you have the courage to say something, just do it. Even if you or the situation is awkward, she might just appreciate and recognize the effort good luck. jp

Hello everyone. For those of you who are unaware of my current dilemma, here is the background.. link removed link removed So I started the no contact on friday. And by saturday evening, I received 3 phone calls and an email. Sunday, almost nothing, until just recently. She logged in to MSN, and sent me a message. I didn't want to ignore her, and I was signed in, so I answered. I tried to keep the conversation as light as possible. I explained to her that the night before, I went to a club with a bunch of my friends, (and had a suprisingly great time by the way) and that all day sunday, I was just out and about. Considering how much I want to fight for our love, i think I did a pretty good job. Until she started flirting. Ugh. We both have webcams, (living long distance it was the best way to keep in touch) and she immediately innitiated a video conference. I was okay with that because lets be honest, I miss her like crazy. I got a haircut yesterday, and must admit that I am looking pretty damn good She noticed right away, and started saying things to me as though we werent on the verge of collapse. Flirty and sexual. She knows EXACTLY how I feel. That I am broken. And she is absolutely sure that she wants to be alone right now. So why would she be doing this? She also said that when I get home from work on Tuesday, she will be here waiting for me. Of course I WANT to see her, but I dont think Its best for me. I asked her why she wanted to see me, and what the purpose of the visit is. She just said she wants to see me. Three days ago she said she loves me but is not in love with me, and wants to be alone. What am I supposed to think? I absolutely believe that she isn't trying to hurt me intentionally, and that she DOES want to be alone. But if this is true, why then, act like this??? What should I do?? Any ideas, or observations??

I think in todays world, Chivalry has somewhat been lost. (On the younger generations anyhow). I personally am a stubborn man. I always want to pay. I dont know why, but the only time she paid for a dinner, it was because she was more stubborn than I that night. We never split bills. Its one way or another. But dont take the fact that he didn't offer a sign of disrespect. Especially if he is of a young generation. In todays world, it doesn't matter who pays the bill, as long as it gets paid. jp

Well, ive never actually formerly dated until after Ive become involved. But this is how I would look at it. If you are going on a second date, there is chemistry. Then, if you are going on a third, and are feeling those things I mentioned above, you are on the verge of a relationship. This is of course, if these Dates are more than just meeting for coffee.. (unless that coffee turns into breakfast!) There is no precise number. It depends on how the two people 'dating' react to eachother. If there were a formula, wouldn't that take away all the excitement? jp

In my experience, the answer is easy. You will just know. You will find yourself consumed with the other person, and they consumed with you. Your heart will flutter when you think of them, and nothing else matters. jp

I dont think they will last if she sees through him like you should have. If they do or if they dont, you CAN do better. There is no such thing as the perfect mate. As much as I love the girl who is now breaking my heart, shes not perfect. No one is. And those that believe that their partner is 'perfect' is setting themselves up for a letdown. What makes a perfect 'partnership' is the mutual assertiveness towards productive communication, trust, and the realization that no one is perfect. Relationships require understanding and nourishing. Its a two way street. So try not to concern yourself if they will last. Try to understand that you will find an endearing love that is made of all of the things I mentioned. This guy isn't worth your time. jp

so many posts today hitting home!! Flighty is absolutely right. He doesn't deserve you. And the instant he said 'she is like you but had a normal family' you should have seen right through him. You sound like a good girl with a big heart. We all have flaws, but to attack someone like that, is cowardly. Move on. There will be others who will love you REGARDLESS of your upbringing/past. Stay strong. JP[/i]

In my opinion, if you are even questioning whether or not to believe this gossip, there is a problem. It implies that you have doubts about him/her or the relationship itself. Before you concern yourself with what someone 'tells' you, I would suggest taking a look at the relationship and its foundations. I have only ever loved twice. Both were based on trust and friendship. If both of these are true and strong, then gossip should under no circumstances, no matter where it comes from make you feel uneasy, or give you doubts.

Hello Have you been hurt in love in the past? It sounds like maybe you are trying to find faults, to protect yourself from getting hurt. If you truly do believe in him, and love him, then you need to recognize it, and let go of any insecurities you may be hanging on to. Just a thought.

This makes some sense to me. Especially the false belief in Love. Its hard to accept that though. 3 1/2 years you think one would come to recognize endearing love. But she did mention not 'melting' when we kiss anymore. Well, i didnt always melt when we kissed eaither, but I definitely felt the warm content of what I believe is endearing love.. I dunno. I realize I am holding on to hope. Like I said, I truly do believe in our love. Without at least a little hope, Im afraid I'll never believe in love again.. JP

Hello everyone. In case you arent familiar with my situation, you can read my previous post, link removed I have another question that hopefully I can gain some insight into. It has been eating at me for the last couple weeks, and Id like to hear opinions. When someone tells you they love you, but are not IN love with you.. what exactly does this mean? Is this strictly a female thing? More importantly, is there any hope left? I ask because I cant quite grasp the idea of Not being in love with someone, and still loving them. To me, (a naive male perhaps) its one in the same...

Hi everyone! I cant thank you all enough for your responses to my previous post. For the first time in many many nights, I felt a contentment that has been eluding me. I was actually able to close my eyes, and fall asleep within minutes! Now, I am confident that I must innitiate no contact. As much as it goes against everything my heart is screaming, I know that I must. So here is my dilemma now. She told me that she needs some time alone. And I will absolutely respect that, however she also made plans to see me either this Sunday, or during the week next week. It is nothing I asked of her, she just said that she wants to see me. So, should I wait to see her, and tell her then that I think NC is the only option? Or should I just innitiate abruptly, with no warning. And if I do wait until we are together, what do I say to her? Keep in mind, that I love her absolutely, and still believe in our love for eachother. Our relationship wasn't abbrasive.. we merely drifted apart due to physical and emotional distance. Any suggestions?

Thank you both for your advice. We havent yet broken contact. She still wants to talk about things, and she agrees that our new found utter honesty is a great thing. But there is still that void of the way she feels about me. She infact called me about 20 minutes ago to say goodnight. I know she would never hurt me purposely. But she has hinted some things that make me believe that there is hope. For example, she is encouraging me to keep displaying my feelings. I send her an email daily, in which I tell her exactly what, and why I am feeling. Am I wrong for finding hope in the things she displays, or says to me? Or am I setting myself up for a bigger hurt? Well, regardless. When she says that it is time for her to take a step back. As much as it will hurt, I will honor her wishes. But, there will always be an emptyness in my heart. Without exploring this honesty, and attempting to mutually apply it to our relationship, I will feel that we didn't give it our all.

Hello everyone. This is my first post, and quite honestly the first time Ive ever turned to anyone for help. I am becoming desperate. Please bare with me.. I have been with my gf for 3 1/2 years now. When we first met, we had an Instant bond. It was something that I have never experienced before in my life. We fell in love and shared what seemed like to be the perfect partnership. During this time, we grew closer, and moved in together. That lasted a year and a half, until she decided she wanted to go back to school. So she moved to another city with her sister. This was all fine with me, as I want to support her in every decision she makes. But today, another year and a half after she has moved to persue her education, we are at a crossroads. We have lived long distance, and our communication/intimacy has suffered. We slowely stopped including eachother in our everyday life, even though we talked almost every day. Last week I confronted her, and told her that I was not happy, (and in my mind knew she was not happy.) We had a 5 hour conversation after that, in which we were completely open, and utterly honest with eachother. We both agreed that we love eachother, but there is definitely a void. This honesty had been missing for a long time. Because of this conversation, I found a new hope. I have always loved her, and we have been through ups and downs, like every relationship, but never have we been so brutally honest with eachother. So i should take this as a positive right? So I tell her how I feel, that this can only be a good thing. That we can learn from this, and build on our existing foundation, and become stronger together. I truly believe in our love, and that she is the person I want to share the rest of my life with. She has responded that she doesnt feel the same way she used to. That she loves me, but the spark is gone, and that she wants to take some time apart to organize her thoughts and feelings. When I heard this, I think my heart almost stopped. She is my best friend. I love her with everything I have. Im afraid that if we take time apart, instead of working together, her feelings may dissolve more. I kind of feel abandoned. I feel like I am losing my best friend, my spirit, my hope and my dreams. What can I do? I dont want to push her away...