obscuresin

If he's been treating you badly recently (just around the time he moved away) it could mean he wants you to break up with him. My opinion is that you should just wait it out and consider it over. When he calls you, tell him you want to and why. Right now, it's just a matter of time.

First of all, what do you mean by making out? Don't mean to ask for any details, but is it just kissing or is there more than that, kinda like preliminatory actions....

You're right. But what we did share in those two months was very strong. And she was leading me on to think she had the same feelings. So I was very open with her. And I got a kick in the butt. At that point, everything needed to come out and unfortunately, killed my chances of getting back with her...

you are most likely right, but i couldn't think straight. Yes, we have been together for two months or so. It does seem dead to me.

48 hours NC. So hard!!!!!!!! I try to keep myself divertised but it's so hard!

Just say this : What are you trying to say? And see from there. Good luck, be strong. The point of NC is to make the other get in touch with you I think (or to forget someone depending on the scenario).

There's an update. Today she called me saying she was sorry about last night. We talked for two minutes and she said she would read the PM and call me back. She hasn't called me back. Again, I had hopes like an idiot. I am definitly doing NC until she initiates it and then we'll see. So far it looks like it's a dead end. Thank you all for your advice, I will keep you informed...

Smiling thinking about him/her is a big one to me. Only happened with one girl in my life. I thinky ou're in love with a person when you would do anything for that person. ie (move to a different country with him/her when you've lived 20 years where you are and love it) When the values you had before you met this person are all insignificant, when you do or want to do things for that person that you would've never done before, then you can see you feel love. Feeling comfortable, thinking him/her all the time etc etc is pretty much normal, and you can experience that with people you don't love. But try fighting the world for this person.

I think you are right. I Think i didn't want to see it because of the way she treated me when we were together. It was so different I don't understand why she is like this now. But I have to face reality. The juice isn't worth the squeeze. Thank you all for your time and advice. I think NC will be my best option about now. Going to try to diversify myself in the meanwhile. Thank you.

Come up with good excuses of why you haven't replied. Anything that'll work and you'll need a few. After a while, he just won't bother trying. OR Just tell him. You have other things to do than spend your time chit chatting with him.

How long have you been with him? I gather it's not that long. Time will prove you that you're the only one he can see. The only one he wants to see. Then that feeling will go away and you will both gladly watch porn together without feeling uncomfortable...

I feel concerned too. I'm not very big or very strong (have done kickboxing for a few years, so I think I can defend myself) but I know I feel concerned as well in those situations. Just ignore him. Imagine you are somewhere else. The more comfortable you look, the better it is for you.

Agreed. You can try to do this though : Find something you like and spend hours doing it. I love pool. I could play pool for 6 hours straight everyday. (I do about half that), and I'm pretty good. Of all my friends I would say I'm the best. But I don't care about being number one. Because I do it for the love of the game, not to be number one. What I'm trying to say is that you need to change your mindset and start enjoying life instead of going after the results. It's not about the win, it's about how you play the game.

Ask your partner. Be subtle, ask it as a joke perhaps, but no one here will give you the proper answer. Ask your partner.

Hi, I'm new to these forums. I've been trying to give advice to people, and need a lot myself. Paradoxal, but I think I give better advice to others than I do for me. Anyway, I'm a little drunk so some of it may not make sense. Overall, here's what happened in the past two months. I meet this girl at my work, beautiful as can be, very sweet and friendly, etc etc (the dream girl) She has a boyfriend who she's been with for a year and a half. I ask her out, and we start appreciating each other's company. We start talking on the phone for hours and hours until 4-6 o'clock in the morning almost every night. Then one night (one week after we first hung out), we kiss by the lake. Four days later, she dumps her boyfriend. For me, it basically heaven on earth. I found the perfect girl, who seems to be into me a lot. I have to admit, her ex boyfriend was a jerk off and didn't deserve her. About three weeks later, she realizes that she's late for her period. It freaks me out cause it wouldn't have been mine (or at least, the chances would've been extremly slim) and it kinda freaks her out too, but not as much (she wants kids very badly). A week later, during sex she gets her periods. On the way back to her house from mine, we talk about it, and say stupid things like "I don't want kids until I'm at least 30" or "You would need to get an abortion cause you're not ready" etc etc. She thinks about all those things and thinks she misses her ex boyfriend. So, she calls me two nights later and she breaks up with me over the phone. At that point, I was already in love with her. She tore my heart apart to pieces. For five days I was living hell on earth, especially that she was doing the NC. Which for me, meant she never gave a damn about me. I went to my workplace one day to buy a few things not expecting to see her but I did. I was kinda pissed off at her because of the way she did it, and also because she did not show the least care about me or the way I was handling it. Of course, she was very well aware of my feelings and lead me on to think she had the same. But anyways, I told her I needed to see her after her work for an hour or so to talk things over. Which she agreed. We went to a restaurant and talked about things. I was making her think I was being very strong about it and was kinda probing to see how she felt about the situation. So I avoided the conversation about "us". Later on, we decide to go to a park. On the way there, she just wept in the car like I've never seen a girl weep. She was saying she was sorry and felt really bad. It broke my heart. I was feeling pain seeing her cry like that. I pulled over and when she was finally done, we drove there. She started flirting with me a couple of hours later, and I was staying distant telling her I wouldn't let her kiss me, etc. Later on I did, and we were back together that day. This time it took her a week and a half to dump her ex once more. Things weren't the same after that. I was scared like hell that I would lose her once more. I was being way too open and honest with my feelings, and I was being a little paranoid too. Of course, we became the two most popular people at work and a lot of rumors were going around. Like an idiot I was being sceptical, but still doubtful. Which cause a couple of arguments between us. Finally, she quit because she had to go to college. A week an a half ago. One week after she left for college, she dumped me. That's four days ago. She has been hanging out with a certain Rob almost everynight until 3-4 am getting drunk and partying. She was giving me less and less of her time to talk over the phone, which made me request more and more of it, not giving her room to breathe. So she dumped me saying she wasn't ready for commitment. I did not understand it at first, but then when I heard myself talk to her, I was telling her things like "I love you to death" and just hearing myself say that, scared the crap out of me. So I told her "Ok, take a break, I will work on not being like that. I will work on the trust issue as well." Ever since, if I don't call her, she won't call me. She often blows me off and says "I'll call you back" or the best one tonight was "My reception is dying" and I hear the flip phone close. She was drunk, yes but still. I then tried to call her back to leave a message, saying we needed to talk, but she picked up. After one minute, she puts me hold. Then she says her mom is on the phone and she needs to call me back. I wait, and I start thinking. I get pissed off and call her once more to tell her I will drive down to talk to her next day. The only argument she had to keep me from doing so was " 3 hours is a long drive, I promise I will give you some of my time tomorrow from 3 to 7" And she kept repeating it regardless of me saying that I didn't care about driving and need to get things straight. Again, during this conversation she was drunk. But it pissed me off so I said : Ok, fine, I'm not coming, and I guess you don't give a damn about me, so I won't be calling you back, have a good life. She answered, ok bye. I keep telling myself she was drunk, but I think I'm right and she just doesn't give a damn about me and will do NC with me. The only thing that keeps me going is I know that if I see her again she will want to be with me again. (I think) She has a myspace account so I PMed her the following : What do you think? Worth it or not? I'm deeply in love with her and played all my cards wrong. Is it worth it for me to try to fight for her or should I let go with time, which will be one of the hardest things for me to do.

Question : Is it possible for someone to manipulate you into thinking you have certain feelings for them by becoming the person they think you want them to be? Is that considered as NPD?

Agreed. It will help you see things differently. Try not to think too much about it, it will tear you apart if you do. Get a hobby, diversify yourself. When he does make the next move (and he probably will, otherwise he's not worth it) make sure you stay distant in a way, showing you are being strong. Don't lead him on thinking you don't care about him anymore though.

Luck doesn't have anything to do with it unfortunately. From what you are saying, your mutual "friends" aren't good friends. I say you need a change of scenary. When I have sorrows, I go out a lot and find motivation to make a better person of myself thinking I'm worth better than what I got. Everyone has their way of looking at it. I just got dumped by my girlfriend 4 days. Have to admit, we were only going out for 2 months, but I got really attached to her. It kinda relieved me in a sense, because she was being shady. In another perspective, it's tearing me apart, and I think I'm going to fight to get her back, however I can. Must be my mazoistic side.

Think you shouldn't say anything at all. I would just invite her out. I'd call her and ask her what she's doing during the weekend. When she asks me, I would say something among the lines of "Well I'm taking "her name" out friday night at 8:00 to a nice little restaurant in town. How about it?" Everybody has their different way of doing it. Not knowing her, I can't really tell you what to say or what not to say. Just follow your gut.

Exactly what I said. I don't think you guys understood very well what I was trying to say. In other words, when you do things on your own, you learn values of life, which you don't learn in high school. These values amongst other things, shape your dating life into a more serious and mature way. Riding your bike to school or driving a car there depends on the circumstances. I was showing the usual stereotype of a teenager.

Forgive and forget. That's what I usually do. Forgive them, and forget them. Leave and don't come back. But are you talking about suicide?? You are obviously not considering it. If you consider suicide, you don't care at all what anyone thinks. Really hope things work out for you. Good luck my friend.

Talking about an ex girlfriend in the beginning of a relationship is a big no-no to me. Makes her think you are comparing her to your ex girlfriends. The only way I would talk about that is if asked. And I would most likely say the least I can. Saying your heart got broken is pretty much ok in a sense. That's if it was a while back. If it's recent, definitly agree with minty.

Shorty, I know EXACTLY what you mean. One of my relationships, she was way too open with me, and I didn't like her as much as she was telling she LOVED me. Scared me. I felt trapped. Like I needed to commit to her and the relationship. I realized I did the same with my most recent ex. And I didn't notice it because it felt right. And it is, but not as fast as two months.

Is he Okay? Did something happen at the concert? I personally would've called with a different phone number (one he doesn't have) just to see if his phone is working. (just one ring). And then, just wait. Nothing more. If he takes too long, don't pick up when he calls you. Wait at least 8 hours before you call him back saying you're sorry you missed his call, but you were a bit busy. My 2 cents...

When you're 20+, you are definitly more mature. Considering that you don't still live with your parents and ride your bike to school. I live alone, have a job and my own means of transporation. My relationships are a lot different than the ones I had in high school. Just because being independent gives me a sense of responsibility and also makes me more mature. I don't go to the movie theatre to kiss a girl. It's more like nice restaurants, broadway shows etc etc. Things I couldn't afford or even didn't want to do with a girl when I was in high school. My 2 cents...