HappyKat

Under the circumstances, I agree with Jaycee's "performance." Some guys could use a kick in the butt (or slap in the face?) in return for their behavior. Revenge? Yes, and perhaps it's the only way to get through to some people. Lowering oneself? No, merely taking drastic action to prove a point. At least that's how THIS woman sees it. You go, girl!

Hi. Our situations are similar. Sorry, I can't offer any insight...just want you to know you're not alone. My unsolicited advice: if he won't marry you, then DO NOT move in with him, hold joint bank accounts, buy property together, etc... Really, why on earth do these men expect so much when they're offering so little?????????

Krushed, you asked: Well, I say *not necessarily*... My story-- Met a guy at work, we got along well. We were friends but nothing more. I met and married another man, continued working (off and on over the next 4 years) with this friend, while my marriage crumbled and ended. My friend was there, watching from a distance you might say, only offering encouragement and a shoulder to cry on. When the ex started getting nasty, he offered me a place to stay until I could get back on my feet. There was no hanky-panky; I had my own room, came & went as I pleased. Eventually, our relationship evolved into a very caring and loving one...several years later we bought a house together... Life was very good for us, until he passed away. No doubt in my mind, he was the best partner in the world. Being friends *first* can be a true blessing. I wish you well.

I saw a t-shirt that said: "Better to have loved and lost than to live with the psycho for the rest of your life" Had to laugh, at first.... Cruel, huh?

Bravo, shes2smart, that's EXACTLY the way it is!

I walked away after 3 years. Didn't want to do it, until my bf made clear to me that we had gone as far as we were going to in our relationship. I thought he was 'the one' but he was just stringing me along (I guess for sex & home-cooked meals???) knowing I was hoping for a future together, talking a good game until the time care for *action*...he didn't have the b*lls to end it, just kept pulling back & putting off until I figured it out. Feels like crap to finally see where it's all headed. Feels like crap to hear the BS "I love you" when you know it's a lie. Feels like crap as you walk away with their eyeballs burning into your backside, knowing you were used and played. Feels like bittersweet relief to know they can't use you anymore, but you're totally alone. I loved him completely, gave all that I could--but I might as well have handed him a pile of dogpoop the way he rejected me. (And then says "I love you????" *CENSORED**CENSORED**CENSORED*?) The hardest part about the final confrontation is getting it started. It's all downhill from there.

If she did this while (supposedly) she was your GF, what's she gonna do as a 'regular' friend??? She's got some nerve! What advice would you give one of your friends, if they described this situation as having happened to them? I'd say cut her loose.

I completely agree with MissMandaJo. Sounds like a player to me. Cut your losses & find someone more worthy of your attention.

I am not a medical professional...just a woman who once got pregnant by fooling around in the manner you're describing. I cannot answer your question on a technical level.

Absolutely INCORRECT. Also the withdrawal method has way more than "room for failure": it can be nearly totally ineffective. I strongly urge you to contact your local health department for serious, factual information about sex and birth control. Best of luck to you AND your girlfriend.

Hello--I'm guilty of using the 'nothing' routine too...but much less often as the years pass. I know how frustrating it is when you know darned well that there's a problem, yet can't even get a straight answer as to what's going on! When I say "nothing" it's usually because there's SO much streaming thru my head that it's easier to say That Word than to come spewing forth with Everything, and end up a blathering idiot. My thoughts are still 'cooking' and not ready to be communicated yet. More often (as I get older) I'll say: "I'd rather talk about it later" or "hey, I'm just in a bad mood & there really is nothing seriously wrong" or something short & effective to let my guy know I'm not dismissing his concern. It's great when a guy notices that Something Is Up, and cares enough to be concerned. How about this? If you get the "nothing" but you're sure there's "something" try again later. Maybe rephrase the question..."Is something bothering you? Would you like to talk about it?"

If you're angry, how 'bout "whatever" by Godsmack...or a really oldie (if you can find it) if you've been betrayed: "why d'ya do it" by Marianne Faithfull... If you just want to cry your eyes out for awhile, anything country will probably do

Words talk, actions SCREAM...and (IMO) he's not acting like he has any regard for you all. As long as you don't come between him and his next high, things will be just fine.... Don't walk, RUN!

I'm going to be very blunt, and sorry if this hurts/p's you off: This guy sounds like a total loser. Don't be a doormat for him. Granted, we can't expect to be in 'first place' in someone else's life, but as "girlfriends" we shouldn't be in LAST place! (this is one reason I walked away) You deserve someone who respects your feelings and wants to be with YOU. And drugs are a HUGE no-no.

I see two possibilities here-- She might be cheating...and out with somebody else right now.... OR She might be very po'd that you (perhaps wrongly) accused her of it, and is simply letting you stew in your own juices. A hurtful game either way, but the best you can do is NOT take the bait and act desperate. DO ask her why she didn't call you back, but don't be accusatory about it. Good luck!

I think it's normal to grieve ANY loss, and the more someone meant to you, the harder that loss is to 'get over' Sorry you're hurting--it means you cared deeply--but, chin up, sounds like you're on the right path by accepting the situation and getting 'back out there'

Blue eyes, I'm in a similar boat.... Unfortunately, I have no words of comfort. Just want to wish you strength. Reading this forum is really helping me sort things out, and realize that there IS life after "him"...eventually. Be well, sorry you're feeling so down.

Whoops! I meant to add: people tend to think HUGE when implants are mentioned. That's what makes them 'look fake', in my opinion.

Snowflurry, I can totally relate to how you feel. My breasts barely developed--couldn't find small enough cups my whole life, until sportbras became popular! Yes, it's a real blow when "Bigger is Better" hits you in the face everywhere you look, every day of your life. Bet we could shoot "flatty" jokes back & forth nonstop for a week... The others are right by telling you to come to terms with your body somehow...either accept and learn to love yourself the way you are, or change it. Here's my own experience: I tried for 20+ years to accept my breasts and couldn't stop hating them. Tried the stupid pills, made my breasts feel more tender every 'monthly' but no change in size. A rip-off! I looked into breast augmentation surgery & decided it was for me. Controversial, I know, but if you analyze the facts for yourself instead of digesting the media's sensationalist version--THEN you will be able to make an informed decision that's right for you. Also, people tend to No, my life didn't become perfect with bigger breasts (I am now a B cup) in fact, I just broke up with my b/f of 3 years...but I DO feel better about myself on a day-to-day basis. More like I had a deformity corrected than anything. Best of luck to you.

DN, I nearly wrote a book for you, but deleted it in favor of simply saying: He expected many daily sacrifices of my time and efforts, with the lesser reciprocation. I was expected to sell my home and make the physical move, to give up my "freedom" (homeownership) but he wasn't willing to give up his "freedom" (remaining single) I think he was dishonest by not breaking up with me as soon as he changed his mind back from 'maybe' to 'never' again. Being scared of divorce is BS (in OUR case) because there would be no issues regarding minor children--I cannot have children, his son is grown. We both own homes of roughly the same value--ours is a community property state, which means I take just as much financial risk by getting married. Besides, he admitted it was just an excuse.

Thanks, Dancesinquicksand (Love the nick, btw!) I needed to hear that as I've been doubting and pondering all day. Oh, yeah, this happened just last night, so the wounds are still very fresh and raw. We parted without any name-calling or hateful words, and I went back this afternoon to 'exchange stuff' (had to borrow my brother and his truck, lol) and could only manage to tell him that I'm glad I met him and hope he someday finds someone right. Didn't want to re-bond by hugging or kissing him goodbye, but did hug his son. I will definitely miss them both.

What bothers me the most (at this moment ) is: how could he expect so much of me, when he intended to give so little? Get this--he would say "I love you" every single night, what girl wouldn't give her eye teeth for THAT? Well, I'm learning at my old age about talk vs. action, huh? lol.

How do I get over this man? Best friend, great lover. Thought we had a chance at something permanent, but he said "never"--not even a "maybe" after 3 years together. Guess I've been fooling myself all along about 'us' but he did mention maybe he'd change his mind, sometime in the future...that was a couple of years ago... So, I had hope anyway, and decided to let the relationship play out. (A quick background: He's 51, divorced w/18 yo son, was married for 25 yrs, been single for 6 years now. I'm 43, divorced twice, unmarried for 13 yrs, lived with last b/f for 7 yrs before he died, 5 years ago.) At first, it was OK he said he NEVER wanted to marry again--heck, I truly understand the aftermath of divorce & said the same thing many times! But as we grew closer and talked of the future & being *together* in it, it seemed to me he might be reconsidering. We've met each other's families, even got along with them! We both own homes in the same town, work for the same company (not side-by-side in either case, thank goodness) and have similar views on life, religion, politics... Granted, it hasn't been perfect; it's been a real hassle spending every night together all this time--at one house or the other. This has been at his request--to be exclusive AND together every night. We discussed moving in together (which would mean rent or sell for one of us...ME, because he wasn't going to.) And I got to thinking "this is a LOT to ask of someone--to give up one's home--and I love him enough to want to do this, BUT then again.... Scared of marriage, BS. Scared of divorce, BS. What it boils down to is this: The desire to keep looking without any guilt, and the freedom to walk away if something more exciting comes along. He didn't deny this. So I know I've done the right thing by ending it. Why do *I* feel rejected and unworthy? Sorry so long, and thanks for any insight/encouragement.

I prefer a close-trimmed guy--less chance of a 'stray' getting tugged by accident. Shaving is OK, too, but the grow-out can be uncomfortable (BTDT).