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HappyKat

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  • Birthday 12/31/1961

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  1. HappyKat
    I don't know your relationship's details, but my hunch is that he simply doesn't have the guts to do the breaking-up...sometimes they just force YOU to do it...ambivalence again, indecisive, wishy-washy...they truly DON'T know what they want. Wouldn't you rather be with a stand-up kind of guy--one who is certain that he wants YOU?
  2. HappyKat
    My 2 cents: (Sorry if this sounds harsh....) When a guy says he doesn't know what he wants, it usually means: He doesn't want what he has. Another red flag would be--those mixed signals. He's apparently wavering between wanting you & not wanting you. (Do you really want an "iffy" guy?) Also, if he seems to be avoiding being "in" your life--it's another red flag. Ambivalence is a relationship killer...I got out of a deal like this a few months ago...it didn't get better. The confusion got worse & worse--and when I asked questions, he wouldn't give any clear answers. Don't stick around until your self-esteem is all shot to H..., ok? Sorry this has happened to you, and sorry you're hurting, but all I can advise you to do is: Get out before you get hurt worse.
  3. HappyKat
    Hi there, Steve-- I know it sucks, this post-breakup depression thing--I am about 8 weeks out of a 4 year relationship myself. That said, I can honestly tell you that it DOES get better--it's just difficult to believe it *right now* Please don't dwell on HER--this makes it harder to heal. When I start thinking of my ex, I get busy doing something that requires more concentration...next thing I know...I've stopped thinking about him, and Gotten Something Done. Start with small tasks, for quicker gratification. Right now, it seems your wound is still deep and bloody--this is not a great time to be meeting someone new, anyway--wouldn't you want your *new person* to see the BEST of you? I highly recommend taking this time to find Yourself, rather than someone else. Just who in the world is Steve_B? What matters to Steve_B? What doesn't? Yes, you're young, with many lessons ahead of you. Now is the time to learn about YOU, and build confidence in the one person who will never leave you. Peace and good luck...H'Kat
  4. HappyKat
    Have you proposed to her?
  5. HappyKat
    Female, dumper sad hopeless used resentful ugly tired pathetic lonely discouraged disappointed
  6. HappyKat
    We're here for you, Iceman. Pm if you like.
  7. HappyKat
    Regardless of the circumstances, I think most of us wonder whether we truly did the right thing by dumping...at least for a little while... And we feel the pain of separation, even if it was by our own hand... For myself, there are feelings of longing, of 'what if?' and of love... We are not heartless...
  8. HappyKat
    In my case: because I need to get over him, and cannot learn to "live without him" if he's still part of my life. It is that simple.
  9. HappyKat
    Women are just sooooooooooo beautiful, men on the other hand are well......you know, good for just one thing. I disagree: they're good for *two* things...well, if they have a job, that is...LOL
  10. HappyKat
    link removed Personally, whoops, I think 5 years is long enough for a man to have already made up his mind, and you deserve to know his decision! Possibly, he just has cold feet. Possibly, he's already decided you're not *the one* but hasn't the courage to tell you. It would be fair to give him a short period of time to consider--let him know how much you love him and desire a future together; but also let him know that if he doesn't want the same, then you'll grant him his freedom...because you love him enough to want him to be happy, and you both need to move on if there's no future together. Here's a link you may find helpful: link removed Wishing you the best-- Kat
  11. HappyKat
    It is often assumed that the 'dumper' is seeing (or eyeing) someone outside the relationship. IMO, that's just a way for the 'dumpee' to feel better about him/herself by placing blame on the former partner...rather than accept the notion that: they, themselves, also had some part in the disintegration of the relationship. It takes two to break up, just as it takes two to make things work out. I cannot speak for every dumper, only myself--but please hear this out--as years go by, we learn more about ourselves and our needs...it's an ongoing process...eventually we must look at factors *other than* sex. Without going into a bunch of detail, let me just say that my ex was (I thought) *the one* for me. He didn't feel the same way about me, but lacked the courage to inform me...and when I figured it out, confronted him, we discussed it. The emotional bond that *I* needed, simply wasn't there. The sex was great, btw, and I'll surely miss him for that--but great sex is not a good enough reason to stay with someone who doesn't want the 'whole package', or is it? (???) Life has got to get better...
  12. HappyKat
    I'm so sorry you're in this kind of pain--knowing you've lost the love of your life--at least, that's what it feels like. Coming from the "dumpER" in my case...it hurts on this end, too. I walked away from a 4yr relationship a couple of weeks ago. Why? Because it finally hit me: we couldn't achieve balance even after breaking up & attempting reconciliation (over the past year)...we're both too stubborn to change, and thereforeeee *cannot* meet each other's needs. But it sucks, because we love each other very much, and got along in so many other ways. Staying together was great in the sense of 'here and now' but there could be no future, or at least I couldn't see it under our circumstances. I felt like I had no choice but to walk away, like staying would only put off the inevitable...does that make any sense? We were crumbling, and I've been through that before, and wanted to break before we ended up hating each other. It hurts like He11. He wants to be friends; I just want to heal and can't be "just" friends with him right now. I'm not seeing anyone else, either, so that's not my reason... Sometimes we can't explain because words escape us. Again, sorry you're hurting. Take care.
  13. HappyKat
    AntiLove, first let me say this: I find you quite attractive! (Assuming your avatar is a picture of you) At the same time, I have similar feelings of...well, self-disenchantment...so I presume my compliment to you may not be received as heartily as it was meant. Too bad, really, because I'm not just saying it to 'make you feel better' as you might suppose. (As we do when we feel this way about ourselves--Have I touched that nerve?) Anyway, I also have similar feelings of disgust regarding mass-media's objectification of EVERYthing--women and sex being at the top of the list, of course--it seems anything from state-of-mind to standard-of-living is "For Sale!" I could puke when I consider the possibilities. Knowing there are folks who allow their preferences and opinions to be spoon-fed them by advertising and daily news, also turns my guts. I prefer to believe these folks are truly a tiny minority, but you've got to wonder sometimes, eh? So, sorry to not offer much hope for solution; but please know you're not the only one who finds such unobtainable, idealistic crap contemptible. One last thing--I'm sure your boyfriend has his reasons to be with you, so BELIEVE HIM when he tells you how wonderful you truly are, OK? Hope you feel better soon.
  14. HappyKat
    Agreed, Beyondthesea! HUGE RED FLAG!!!! To the OP: Please consider very carefully what could happen...are you willing to hit bottom WITH him? Remember what he was like (emotionally, financially, general disposition) *at first* and compare that to what he's like *now*--better or worse? I recommend that you DO NOT marry him, or even LIVE WITH him (if you're not already.) It would be a good idea to break up with him until he's been sober for at least a year. I know this is harsh and difficult--and way easier to say than do!
  15. HappyKat
    Excellent point, Momene! How, indeed, can they afford it? The addict can be *very* sly...trinkets end up "misplaced" tools get "lost" equipment/appliances end up "out for repair" (STOLEN/PAWNED/SOLD) A few dollars borrowed here and there, or just *missing* from where we thought we put them...credit card advances, missing statements... The financial penalties DO occur eventually, and often exist long before anyone else becomes aware of them.
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