Jump to content

HappyKat

Members
  • Posts

    52
  • Joined

Everything posted by HappyKat

  1. I don't know your relationship's details, but my hunch is that he simply doesn't have the guts to do the breaking-up...sometimes they just force YOU to do it...ambivalence again, indecisive, wishy-washy...they truly DON'T know what they want. Wouldn't you rather be with a stand-up kind of guy--one who is certain that he wants YOU?
  2. My 2 cents: (Sorry if this sounds harsh....) When a guy says he doesn't know what he wants, it usually means: He doesn't want what he has. Another red flag would be--those mixed signals. He's apparently wavering between wanting you & not wanting you. (Do you really want an "iffy" guy?) Also, if he seems to be avoiding being "in" your life--it's another red flag. Ambivalence is a relationship killer...I got out of a deal like this a few months ago...it didn't get better. The confusion got worse & worse--and when I asked questions, he wouldn't give any clear answers. Don't stick around until your self-esteem is all shot to H..., ok? Sorry this has happened to you, and sorry you're hurting, but all I can advise you to do is: Get out before you get hurt worse.
  3. Hi there, Steve-- I know it sucks, this post-breakup depression thing--I am about 8 weeks out of a 4 year relationship myself. That said, I can honestly tell you that it DOES get better--it's just difficult to believe it *right now* Please don't dwell on HER--this makes it harder to heal. When I start thinking of my ex, I get busy doing something that requires more concentration...next thing I know...I've stopped thinking about him, and Gotten Something Done. Start with small tasks, for quicker gratification. Right now, it seems your wound is still deep and bloody--this is not a great time to be meeting someone new, anyway--wouldn't you want your *new person* to see the BEST of you? I highly recommend taking this time to find Yourself, rather than someone else. Just who in the world is Steve_B? What matters to Steve_B? What doesn't? Yes, you're young, with many lessons ahead of you. Now is the time to learn about YOU, and build confidence in the one person who will never leave you. Peace and good luck...H'Kat
  4. Female, dumper sad hopeless used resentful ugly tired pathetic lonely discouraged disappointed
  5. Regardless of the circumstances, I think most of us wonder whether we truly did the right thing by dumping...at least for a little while... And we feel the pain of separation, even if it was by our own hand... For myself, there are feelings of longing, of 'what if?' and of love... We are not heartless...
  6. In my case: because I need to get over him, and cannot learn to "live without him" if he's still part of my life. It is that simple.
  7. Women are just sooooooooooo beautiful, men on the other hand are well......you know, good for just one thing. I disagree: they're good for *two* things...well, if they have a job, that is...LOL
  8. link removed Personally, whoops, I think 5 years is long enough for a man to have already made up his mind, and you deserve to know his decision! Possibly, he just has cold feet. Possibly, he's already decided you're not *the one* but hasn't the courage to tell you. It would be fair to give him a short period of time to consider--let him know how much you love him and desire a future together; but also let him know that if he doesn't want the same, then you'll grant him his freedom...because you love him enough to want him to be happy, and you both need to move on if there's no future together. Here's a link you may find helpful: link removed Wishing you the best-- Kat
  9. It is often assumed that the 'dumper' is seeing (or eyeing) someone outside the relationship. IMO, that's just a way for the 'dumpee' to feel better about him/herself by placing blame on the former partner...rather than accept the notion that: they, themselves, also had some part in the disintegration of the relationship. It takes two to break up, just as it takes two to make things work out. I cannot speak for every dumper, only myself--but please hear this out--as years go by, we learn more about ourselves and our needs...it's an ongoing process...eventually we must look at factors *other than* sex. Without going into a bunch of detail, let me just say that my ex was (I thought) *the one* for me. He didn't feel the same way about me, but lacked the courage to inform me...and when I figured it out, confronted him, we discussed it. The emotional bond that *I* needed, simply wasn't there. The sex was great, btw, and I'll surely miss him for that--but great sex is not a good enough reason to stay with someone who doesn't want the 'whole package', or is it? (???) Life has got to get better...
  10. I'm so sorry you're in this kind of pain--knowing you've lost the love of your life--at least, that's what it feels like. Coming from the "dumpER" in my case...it hurts on this end, too. I walked away from a 4yr relationship a couple of weeks ago. Why? Because it finally hit me: we couldn't achieve balance even after breaking up & attempting reconciliation (over the past year)...we're both too stubborn to change, and thereforeeee *cannot* meet each other's needs. But it sucks, because we love each other very much, and got along in so many other ways. Staying together was great in the sense of 'here and now' but there could be no future, or at least I couldn't see it under our circumstances. I felt like I had no choice but to walk away, like staying would only put off the inevitable...does that make any sense? We were crumbling, and I've been through that before, and wanted to break before we ended up hating each other. It hurts like He11. He wants to be friends; I just want to heal and can't be "just" friends with him right now. I'm not seeing anyone else, either, so that's not my reason... Sometimes we can't explain because words escape us. Again, sorry you're hurting. Take care.
  11. AntiLove, first let me say this: I find you quite attractive! (Assuming your avatar is a picture of you) At the same time, I have similar feelings of...well, self-disenchantment...so I presume my compliment to you may not be received as heartily as it was meant. Too bad, really, because I'm not just saying it to 'make you feel better' as you might suppose. (As we do when we feel this way about ourselves--Have I touched that nerve?) Anyway, I also have similar feelings of disgust regarding mass-media's objectification of EVERYthing--women and sex being at the top of the list, of course--it seems anything from state-of-mind to standard-of-living is "For Sale!" I could puke when I consider the possibilities. Knowing there are folks who allow their preferences and opinions to be spoon-fed them by advertising and daily news, also turns my guts. I prefer to believe these folks are truly a tiny minority, but you've got to wonder sometimes, eh? So, sorry to not offer much hope for solution; but please know you're not the only one who finds such unobtainable, idealistic crap contemptible. One last thing--I'm sure your boyfriend has his reasons to be with you, so BELIEVE HIM when he tells you how wonderful you truly are, OK? Hope you feel better soon.
  12. Agreed, Beyondthesea! HUGE RED FLAG!!!! To the OP: Please consider very carefully what could happen...are you willing to hit bottom WITH him? Remember what he was like (emotionally, financially, general disposition) *at first* and compare that to what he's like *now*--better or worse? I recommend that you DO NOT marry him, or even LIVE WITH him (if you're not already.) It would be a good idea to break up with him until he's been sober for at least a year. I know this is harsh and difficult--and way easier to say than do!
  13. Excellent point, Momene! How, indeed, can they afford it? The addict can be *very* sly...trinkets end up "misplaced" tools get "lost" equipment/appliances end up "out for repair" (STOLEN/PAWNED/SOLD) A few dollars borrowed here and there, or just *missing* from where we thought we put them...credit card advances, missing statements... The financial penalties DO occur eventually, and often exist long before anyone else becomes aware of them.
  14. Evita, I'm so sorry you're going thru this. It's heart-wrenching to watch a loved one do battle with substance abuse! Months, years pass, it s-l-o-w-l-y gets worse, and all this time you're hoping it'll get better...The arguments and tears beget promise after promise to cut back or quit, but those promises keep getting broken. It's as painful and difficult for your loved one as it is for you. (although it may sometimes seem that they don't give a hoot about you--this isn't true--they are quite simply: addicted.) When the situation gets *bad* enough, the addict will seek help in earnest. Only then is there a chance for recovery. This is called 'hitting bottom' and everything you do to 'cover' for him prevents this from happening. You might be 'enabling' his behavior, by perhaps: calling in sick for him or making some other excuse to hide the fact that he was drinking, picking him up because he's too messed up to drive...etc. Over time, it becomes so automatic you don't realize what is actually going on here. If your bf won't seek help, that is his choice. You can't change him, but you can change the way you deal with him if you're unhappy with the way things are. Al-anon can help you see the situation more clearly, and learn to deal with your part in the relationship. Please at least give it a try--meeting times/places are usually listed in newspapers or community event calendars--the people who attend meetings are people just like you (and me) who love 'somebody with a problem.' You might decide to leave, but forget the ultimatums--IF you leave you must have NO intention of returning--you must ALLOW your loved one to hit bottom. Again, sorry you're faced with such a difficult situation. Hope you're able to work this out.
  15. Well, heavensent, looks like the "nays" have it, LOL. You have to decide for yourself, though. Here's some firsthand information, in case you're interested: Yes, my boobs don't feel like natural ones--because they're NOT. They aren't quite as *squishy* as the real thing, but they aren't like "rocks" either! Saline feels firmer than silicone, btw. I still have full sensation, but it is possible to lose some or all. My b/f (says he's a butt man anyway) has no hangups about them, and loves the fact that I don't wear padding anymore. They look perfectly natural--not like melons glued on my chest. They are NOT huge, misshapen or gross looking--just a nice proportional B cup that nobody would suspect...since they're no bigger than my old padded bras. Some women have been able to successfully breastfeed afterward, some haven't. Knowing that hardly anyone would understand or support my decision, I chose to tell only my boyfriend. (I needed help for a couple of days following surgery, and of course I wouldn't have hidden this from him, even if it were possible.) Nobody knows and nobody would ever guess that I had this done, even when I wear a swimsuit or go braless. (unless they knew me 15 years ago, when I didn't bother with padding, lol) If anyone *has* guessed, they haven't said anything to me or my b/f in the 1.5 years since surgery. But, heavensent, you ARE so very young...and your body will change, especially with having children. (although I didn't grow much, even when milk came in I wasn't even an A cup--the Pill didn't do much, either) Definitely think it through, because it's a serious decision. If you still want them in 10 more years, go for it, but make sure you're doing it for YOU.
  16. Yes, it's a VERY personal choice. Just like lip enhancement, Botox, tummytucks, tattoos, makeup, hair dye...except there are fewer (and less aggressive) negative opinions on these things. Perhaps because these don't usually involve "sexual" bodily areas?
  17. Everybody on this forum knows very well that some people will point, laugh, stare, etc....THAT'S what I was referring to regarding myself going braless. On more than several occasions, I got some kind of recoil and double-take looks: "OMG, that lady has NO BREASTS!" Really embarrassing!
  18. Hi Twilight! As an adult female, I desired the *body* of one--I was completely flat-chested before surgery. I don't mean "small-breasted"...I mean "no-breasted"...and I got SO sick and tired of padded bras, bad jokes, clothes not fitting right, um, I could just go on and on. At the ripe old age of 42 I finally went for the surgery. My life is better because I feel "normal" now--I can comfortably go braless in warm weather and not feel conspicuous/embarrassed--I can wear sexy lingerie and not have empty cups--After swimming, no more embarrassing waterfalls from padded swimsuit cups. It's as if I had a deformity corrected.
  19. Heavensent, I can totally relate. I actually have implants, and can say it's one of the best things I've ever done for myself! Yes, it was expensive. Yes, it involves risk. Yes, I'll probably have to undergo future surgery(ies) for replacement. There are innumerable considerations with regard to making this decision. Ultimately, the decision was mine alone to make, completely personal, utterly nobody else's business to pass judgment upon. If you want facts, I don't recommend reading the popular ladies' magazines or anything else at the grocery store checkstand...I do recommend going to link removed and see where that leads you...feel free to pm me if you like. As a side note: my implants have neither interfered with mammography nor exploded in an airplane.
  20. My heart goes out to you, Lost! I remember how very angry I was when I found out my husband was cheating...I know exactly why Lorena Bobbit did what she did, if ya know what I mean...the pain, heartache--the humiliation of realizing EVERYbody else knew about it too. There IS something you can do to "redeem yourself": hold your head high. Maintain your dignity, even if it's only on the outside...let the world THINK you're cool with everything, even though you're obviously NOT. Why? Because it shows courage and confidence to be able to do this. Because you HAVE the courage and confidence to do this. Realize that those two deserve each other: he knows she's a cheater, he'll always wonder if (when?) she'll cheat on him...she has no personal integrity and must live with herself... You didn't lose anything. Your door is now open for someone better. Punch those pillows until it's out of your system--then smile for the rest of the world, make them wonder what you're up to! God bless you, hope this helps.
  21. I think diamonds are both overrated and overpriced! Sure, it would sweep me away to be given a gorgeous & expensive engagement ring--because that's the 'conditioned response' thanks to many years' exposure to the De Beers commercials. Remember, 2 months' salary is what I'm supposed to be "worth!" Jeepers! Guess I'd better do a credit check on all my future dates... A diamond might last forever, but a relationship can only last a lifetime (at best.) Why not put an equivalent amount into a joint retirement account or down payment on a home? Also, check into sapphires--they come in every color of the rainbow, even colorless, and are less fragile than emeralds, opals, rubies...Or, how about carved gold bands? Very beautiful, no stones to possibly lose. Best of luck on your (maybe?) engagement!
  22. HappyKat

    The Pill

    Both of the above posters are correct--either your local health dept. or Planned Parenthood can assist you with contraception, including the Pill. If you're under 18 and concerned about parental notification, you should call and ask. Where I live, the health dept. will give out free condoms to anyone who wants them, NO questions asked. Good health and good luck to you. Hope this helps.
  23. Sorry, jaycee, I didn't mean that you were lowering yourself--one of the other posts mentioned that--I am in agreement with you... Anyhow, I assumed your relationship was over...that you were ending it "with a bang" so to speak, lol... Take care.
×
×
  • Create New...