brooklyn_machine

hey so i unexpectedly bumped into my ex down by the train station, as we live close by and she lives very close by to it, i knew eventually i would see her down there.. anyways, it was awkward, no hug hello, just inane conversation about what weve been up to, i walked with her a bit, then told her i thought we shouldnt see each other, as we were talking about meeting up for a drink etc via email earlier this week. i told her it and she was like thats ok, totally casual nothing major. soo i left it like that..then up the block, i felt that i needed to talk to her more, so i called her, she didnt pick up and i left a vmail saying lets meet for a drink tonight..after 10 mins earlier saying i didnt think we should see ea other.. its been 3 weeks since i saw her, and lasdt time it was ugly..you can read the back story on ym earlier posts (she was distant and withdrawn, asking for space, then had a guy for a weekend when i was out of town). i know shes over it and seems like it doesnt bother her at all, why would it, when i was in her shoes and had moved on, its a pain dealing with your ex who still wants to linger.. i got jerked around, shes over it, why cant i get over it and just move on..no contact was the way to go, and i goofed it up, but now i know why it is what it is... BLECH!

at the time she had asked for space..and we werent sleeping together, but never had the break up talk, so yea she was too weak willed to admit what she wanted and just strung me along.. its like i have ok feelings about her, until i actually think about what happened...thanks for helping me firm up, NC it is.

so its been like 2 weeks, and i feel over it, totally over it. apathy tinged with anger is sort of where i am at. my ex strung me along for a few mos , then told me at the last moment she was seeing someone else, after denying it etc. it was hard for me to handle, she got in touch and said how bad she felt about it, and didnt want to lose me in her life. so i havent seen her for 2 weeks, and now she wants to get coffee next week..i have mixed opinons. i am trying to be mature and adult, and we were really good friends.. but i am also mad when i think about it, and dont think really that friends treat eachother like that, she let me know what she really thought of me when she slept with this guy when i was out of town... so what should i do? tell her to f off, tell her good luck but i cant be friends, or go get a coffee and make mindless small talk just to be a bigger person?

no i know you guys are right.. i definitely pushed her away at times as i would be insecurish around her, and tend to be introspective and brooding and she wanted light and happy all the time. the other thing shes non confrontational to a fault and refuses to really communicate, we were starting to get through that but then all this happened..;.i guess i couldve sat back and not commented and things may have sorted themselves out between us, but i couldnt live with myself then, i feel like it was inevitable with this guy eventually, she hadnt seen him in 2 yrs and slept with him the first weekend she saw him. blech..to make matters worse, i found out she had the hots for him by reading an email i wasnt supposed to..all so convoluted and twisted..ignorance can be bliss , but better to live in the truth i suppose. thanks for the kind words and insights

hello out there.. so its been a week, and i feel like I am over it, but it was all so confusing. just some background, I am 30, was dating a girl for a yr and a half, she was beautiful and we had some great times..but some bad times too, throughout it all, except for the first few mos i guess, she seemed distant and later kept asking for space, but then would want to hang out etc..mixed messages and no communication were standards. so lately she wanted more and more space, i tried to comply, last thurs she came over and told me that she wanted us to work things out, didnt want to break up, got teary, but also told me she was having dinner with afriend from out of state, this was a weekend i was going out of town. as a side bar, she had stopped sleeping with me for a few weeks leading up to this.. so we can all put 2+2 together, and when i asked her right there if there was mroe to it, she acted shocked and mde me feel paranoid for even implying it (this was a guy i knew she had the hots for). well i come home to find out that i was totally right in my concerns, she spent the weekend with him, not sure to what degree but assume she slept with him or definitely fooled around if nothing else... so it was humiliating, we ended it on ugly angry terms and i stormed out. i sent her a note saying i dont hate you and i am letting you go , just to move on for me, seh got back to me saying how bad she felt about the whole thing and even still wanted me in her life/friendship etc..and needs alone time to digest events. so now i feel mixed anger, an humiliation, but some part of me still loves her and feels like we may cross paths again..but that gets stomped down by my anger..she wanted to have her cake and eat it too..and did..and now im left feeling ok and over it, but still woozy... thats my story, thanks for listening. i know it was bad when we were together, and with this other guy i really cant fathom it, but i guess some part of me still feels like we are right for eachother, i guess thats natural at this phase of things..