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Arrowsmith

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  1. Arrowsmith
    Would he be upset if you had sex with somebody else? Do you see what I'm getting at? I'm trying to understand what he's getting out of the relationship with you. That's where your leverage comes from, so you should be aware of what it is. Would he balk if you suggested that you have an affair? Not because you're angry, mind you, but because you have a sexual need that he doesn't seem to be willing to meet.
  2. Arrowsmith
    He gets jealous, huh? Perfect! What better way to get him out of the house. Here's how it could go... Little Penguin: "Hey, I heard there's a Tibetan pop concert at the local University, wanna go?" Big Penguin: "Um... maybe." LP: "Well, let me know because I have to get tickets soon, and if you can't go I guess I'll ask ." BP: "Ok, I'll tell you soon; I think I'll be able to go." Seriously, he can't complain if you hang out with other guys if you asked him first.
  3. Arrowsmith
    Little Penguin, you *can't* look to him to be a constant source of entertainment. He doesn't appear to be that kind of guy and nothing that you do is likely to change that. If I were you, I'd a) make plans with him (like going to the Arts and Crafts fair) and, more importantly, b) hang out with other people. I don't know whether this is even an issue for you, but (b) will have the nice byproduct of making you more desirable. My girlfriend must feel a lot like you do. I'm totally content hanging out at home, eating dinner together and watching a movie, and she'd rather go out and do stuff. Recently she's taken to finding things that she'd like to do and approaching me with the suggestions. It seems to be working OK (from my perspective at least).
  4. Arrowsmith
    You shouldn't look at this as his withholding sex from you. A more productive (and, I suspect, more accurate) way of looking at this is that he has a lower sex drive than you. This is a problem that you can both contribute to solving. It won't be solved by him deciding to have sex with you more often - but if you think creatively you might find a mututally acceptable solution. Is there some other form of sexual release that you can engage in with him? Is their something you can do to arouse him (masturbate for him, or watch pornography with him)? Sometimes guys just don't want sex -- since I turned 35 I find that I want it less than I did when I was 25. Remember that you are only part of the equation and there are a lot of other factors that could contribute to him not wanting to have sex.
  5. Arrowsmith
    Umm... for what it's worth I've had herpes for ~5 years now and have received unprotected oral sex an a few occasions during that time. As far as I know I've never transmitted the virus to anyone.
  6. Arrowsmith
    Hi Suzie -- how about the "shopping for a car" analogy? If a salesperson pushes a particular car too hard the customer isn't going to want it. They'll assume that there is something wrong with it. It makes sense -- why else would the salesperson want to sell it so badly? A salesperson that treats the same car as "really nice -- but maybe out of your price range" might have a better chance of selling it.
  7. Arrowsmith
    No, don't do that. Just introduce her to me, and I'll hook you up with my co-worker.
  8. Arrowsmith
    Lost, how long will you be working with her for? Maybe you could use this time to get to know her better and wait until you are not longer working together to make any kind of more-than-just-friends move.
  9. Arrowsmith
    Lost, I'm in exactly the same boat. I just came back from a dinner that I organized with a small group of people from work. That was the gambit -- it's not really a date because it's a group of people from work -- and I figured I could get a read on her feelings toward me. The vibe was friendly but not overwhelmingly postive. Maybe you'll have better luck with this stunt than I did...
  10. Arrowsmith
    Different people have different kissing styles.
  11. Arrowsmith
    Lipsavvy, I don't have too much experience with the kind of grief you're talking about, but let's see what I can say. Clearly, he's the one in need to counselling, not you. Have you suggested it to him? Maybe you could direct him to this site. If I were you, I'd sit down and think hard about 1) what I'm getting out of the relationship, 2) what I'm giving up by being in the relationship, 3) what are my future prospects if I stay in the relationship, and 4) what are my future prospects if I don't. Decemeber was recent. Maybe you should wait it out until March and if things are still bad, cut it off.
  12. Arrowsmith
    It's pretty weird behavior, smilelikeyoumeanit - I'm a guy and so naturally I've done a few disrespectful things, but that's not one of them. I can think of three explanations: 1) He is posturing to look cool in front of his friends, 2) He didn't think about what effect his behavior would have on you, 3) He wants you to be OK with his misbehavior so he's just going to do it and see what happens (maybe he's trying to impose a little distance).
  13. Arrowsmith
    I can't tell you how to control your jealousy, but I can tell you that I think it would be a bad idea to make a big deal of this issue: 1) Boyfriends don't like when their girlfriends request behavior changes, especially early in the relationship. 2) Expressing your worry indicates lack of self-confidence, which he could find a turn-off. 3) He's either going to cheat or he's not. Expressing jealousy is unlikely to change that. If I were you, I would not feel that my goal is to make him understand my feelings -- my goal would be to make him like me (while not letting him take advantage of me). It's always the same tradeoff: you can act exactly as you want (without thinking about what he wants) and you'll run the risk of pushing him away. Or you can act the way you think he wants you to act (i.e. not jealous) but then you'll run the risk of "losing yourself in the relationship" or feeling like your needs aren't being met. Perhaps you should try to find some middle ground -- express the important concerns diplomatically while suppressing the unimportant ones (and finding a boyfriend/friends whose behavior doesn't make you feel uncomfortable).
  14. Arrowsmith
    Either pay them or set a more realistic goal.
  15. Arrowsmith
    Wait for him. Remember, the question is not "is he interested?" but rather "what kind of relationship is he interested in (with me)?". If he's 60% into you and you throw yourself at him he might date you for a while and then throw you back (easy come, easy go). I don't think your situation is at all unusual, Roxy. Lots of guys won't say "no, I'm not interested in you". Why should they? They probably don't feel threatened by you, and they probably wouldn't mind to sleep with you. From the guy's perspective, there's no reason to close the door.
  16. Arrowsmith
    Don't underestimate the importance of things like stress, discomfort, apprehension, and sleep-deprivation on sexual function. I have had experiences much like the one you described. My advice is to find a place and a time where you are both very comfortable and have no other committments or distractions. You can try and if it doesn't happen you can watch TV for a while or do something else and then try it again. By the way, if you really want to "show her how much [you] love her" you should probably just buy her something expensive. Not to be cynical, but having sex with a girl doesn't necessarily show how much you love them. Surely you're not just doing this for *her* benefit.
  17. Arrowsmith
    I couldn't have said it better than Registered did. Being yourself (i.e. being sincere) is way more important than 'acting like a girlfriend'. You've only been out twice. Over time a nickname might evolve out of an experience that you have together -- there's no need to rush it. What animal does he most identify with? My friend Jaclyn calls me "Raccoon", which I like.
  18. Arrowsmith
    Several things come to mind: 1) You can't know what she is or was thinking. There are things going on in her life that dictate her mood and actions that you do not have access to. 2) Two weeks is a long time. Next time call after 2 days. 3) This situation doesn't sound irreparable, the way you tell it. Can you step up the friendship slightly without plunging into dating-land? Maybe once you get to know each other better you'll be less shy around each other and there will be less opportunity for missed communications.
  19. Arrowsmith

    argh!!!

    Arrowsmith replied to Kamue's topic in Jealousy

    Argh! Are you kidding? Where were girls like you when I was 18? No seriously, what you're having is a perfectly normal reaction. There's a reason that people don't have casual sex with their friends and this is it! This jealousy isn't something you should be trying to get over; it's your brain telling you something important about who you should and should not be sexually involved with.
  20. Arrowsmith
    Don't feel like a donkey; he's the one who should be feeling that way. Simply not calling you or returning your call is not "his nice way of saying he's not interested" - it's his cruel and hurtful way. It sounds to me like your relationship was sufficiently evolved that he owed you an explicit declaration that he didn't want to hang out anymore. But many people won't do this because they are scared of confrontation and slinking away is the easy way out (for them). Having read your story I feel very confident that there are other forces are work in his life (besides you) that are governing how he treats you. For instance, he may have met somebody else. It may very weell be awkward seeing him at the race this weekend if he doesn't call you in advance. My advice would be to be civil but not overly friendly. There is no reason to ask him why he didn't call. You already know all you need to know: he feels that calling you is a lower priority that whatever he's doing instead. But you're among good friends here who will support you. Be strong, and lean on the group.
  21. Arrowsmith
    Are the vocalizations that women make during sex more intentional or more unintentional? Do women make sex sounds/talk dirty to excite their partner? To excite themselves? Please help me figure out where these sex sounds/sex talk comes from.
  22. Arrowsmith
    First, I like your name: I think Rocket Queen is one of the greatest rock songs of all time. Second, I'm a guys and I'm not a big fan of piercings. I can't imagine it making a big difference either way, makeoutwise. When I see a girl with too many piercings I wonder if her family is messed up or if she never feels like she gets enough attention. On the other hand, a piercing can draw attention to parts of your face that are particularly cute (I have a friend with a cute button nose and her nose piercing brings attention to it).
  23. Arrowsmith
    This may sound unappealing, but the best way to recover after a break up (or to deal with a period of no contact) is to hang out with other people. Especially other people of the opposite sex. Especially other people of the opposite sex that you are interested in. I've been on both sides, and it's amazing what this strategy can do. Alternatively (additionally?) you should try to fill your time with activities you enjoy and spend your time with people that you feel close to and comfortable with.
  24. Arrowsmith
    I'm glad to hear you feel that way, but you should realize that not all of us older guys are as mature as we seem.
  25. Arrowsmith
    Hi Disciple, I'm not sure what kind of feedback you're looking for. It sounds like things are going pretty well! I guess the next step might be to ask her out for something really harmless, like coffee or something. At least that's what I'd do, but I'm way older than you and the dating game might be pretty different at your age.
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