lipsavvy

I've posted before about my depressed boyfriend, he seemed to be getting better but then we had a big fight and he told me he was pretending to be happy because I couldn't handle his depression. All I wanted was for him to be honest with me and upfront. He wouldn't talk to me. So almost being together for a year and a half, we've lived together for a year of that. I know when he's upset, depressed, sad and not all together. I know his signs, yet he pretends to be happy. So I brought it up to him. He got mad and said that he couldn't handle my reactions. Basically I create drama, so he walks on egg shells around me so that I don't freak out. I freak out when he doesn't talk to me. It's like he doesn't get it. He doesn't think I sympathise enough with him, I make it about me. I take his situation, think about something related that I've dealt with in the past, and tell him how I handled it. This to him is making it about me. I'm trying to help by giving him an example. I think my point is, if he doesn't trust me with is emotions enough to be honest with me and talk to me, what am I doing in this relationship? I love him, know he loves me, but he won't talk to me unless its something like current events or deep philosophy. Thing is, he got mad at his last boyfriend for not being honest with him. His ex would just run away or shut up. He wouldn't even talk. Why do I feel like he is doing this to me now? He says he doesn't want to say anything until it makes sense to him, but he still doesn't talk to me. I don't want to be the boyfriend that just hangs and is there for sex. God, I'm insanely frustrated. Now I find out he is getting psychiatric help, which I told him to do months ago. He didn't want to tell me because he didn't want me to know he was being contrary. I would LOVE it if he goes. I even want to go to one myself, but then he tells me not to cuz its not worth it. He's going isn't he? This is a bit jumbled, but I'm confused, what should I do before I totally break it off and lose my most fruitfull relationship(thus far before this point).

Ya know one of the main issues is that he doesn't want counseling nor does he want to talk to anyone about it. So I kind of just let him be, and he talks to me when he wants to. That's all I can do for now, but you all have been a great help.

I agree with Cecelius. I have just had this happen to me, not quite so extreme, but I definitely know how you feel about not having your SO again after such a long time of constantly being together. My SO still lives with me in my one bedroom and I suggested maybe I should move out and get a studio for the time he needed it. He didn't like that idea. I think you just have to wait it out for her to tell you what she needs and you can work on yourself. Then in the end if she says she can no longer be with you, or whether she will want to be with you forever, you'll be prepared on both fronts. At least you're making steps in that direction.

I've been in a tough spot lately and I have decided to get some help or advice from anyone who may know what I am going through. I've been together with my partner for a year now. We started pretty intensely by me spending the night at his place 5 nights a week. Then I moved closer to him and he started staying with me every night. After 9 months, he moved in officially. I don't think I ever felt like we were just dating because we were almost always together. Let's just say I got used to it. We've had a few conflicts like everyone and by the next day it's almost always resolved. However he is a guy that really doesn't express his emotions, other than happy and angry. Even then he won't tell me if he's annoyed with me or angry with me unless I ask. In December his mom died and he went to Michigan for 3 weeks. It was the hardest time for me because I couldn't be there with him to just hug him and let him cry on my shoulder. I have still yet to see him cry. Since he has been back, for about a month, he has been seriously depressed. He doesn't want to leave the house except for work and school, he doesn't see his friends or hang out with me when I ask him to go out, he is hypersensitive when he is around a lot of people and has to force himself to even enter the grocery store. He tells me of feeling lost all the time and just doesn't know what to think. He had a very troubling past with his mother and didn't see or talk to her for 5 years. Here's my problem: he is very unresponsive to me and I feel like I've lost a boyfriend that I've had for a year. I love him to death, don't want to leave him, but I'm having the hardest time. I don't trust him to leave the house because I stay up worried about him, I've started yelling at him to pay attention to me, it's gotten out of hand. I don't want to fix him, just understand him. I think I'm getting lost in his issues and I don't want to. I just don't know what else to do. He is constantly on my mind and I'm worried to death. Anyone have any pointers??? Thanks