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Little Penguin

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  1. i really don't remember if he ever helped me ...maybe I've never asked for help..but anyway..yeah...I am moving away from him...feel much better after typing all these things on here...His nose surgery is to cut off those pre-cancerous cells and it's gonna be 4 hours long...he is required to stay in the hospital for 23 hrs afterwards...I have to book a hotel nearby...see, isn't he supposed to take care my lodging needs? afterall, he is the one who dragged me there....He didn't even think about it....Now I am pissed off again..what a selfish bastard!..
  2. I am at work...can't go anywhere...I am listening to "five for fighting"'s songs....trying to focus on learning new software here...but I feel like I am trying to control my emotions so hard that I actually could feel muscle pain in my forhead...I am trying to tell myself that I am helping people, and I should not expect anything in return..He is just another person that i am helping...no big deal..I shall not care about whateve he thinks...grrrr
  3. to calm me down... I broke up with my ex bf because of his weed problems....two weeks later, he called me saying he will have a nose surgery this week...pre-op check up was this monday and surgery will be on Friday...He said he wanted me to go with him since he didn't really have any close friends here...So, I think I don't really have a choice but to go with him... Monday, I lent him the car (his car is not good for long distance driving) but didn't really go....But Friday, I have to go....all these just triggered all my resentments against him..such as his selfish addictive personality,his lies,broken promise...It's always me who have been helping him out, supporting him...and he blames me for leaving him...some times I really hate him...I really don't want to go...I am so mad at myself for not being able to control my emotions...I have a big job interview tomorrow, but I just can't calm my anger to focus on the preparation...I really need some help here...
  4. Hopefully, he is not that bad...but he did ask me if I wanted to see he and his ex gf's video tape...he is not that decent...But thanks for all the support...yeah, that's right, I haven't signed any consent forms yet...so if he does do bad things, I will sue him, may be I can get a few bucks out of it....That makes me feel much better...
  5. tried it...didn't work...I only got him to promise not to use them anywhere else...he had a law degree..he says he had my consent at the time of recording and those tapes physically belong to him, as a result the video contents are his too...whatever..I still don't think he has the right to distribute them....will never do this again till I get married !!
  6. He hid them somewhere...I already searched every corner that I could...We really thought about marriage when we were in the relationship...He kinda resents me because I left him due to his weed problem...deepdown I don't think he would do anything with it...but it just so damn uncomfortable that someone is watching me naked....I don't think it's legal for him to post them online without my consensus...why is he doing this to me? He agreed to break up! It's not one side...
  7. During the 5 days after I moved out of his house, suprisingly I only felt exhausted instead of being devastated . Had a few down moments but that was it. I thought I really loved him, how come I don't feel that bad after break-up? Anyway, last Saturday I went to his house to pick up the rest of my stuff. We were quiet friendly and he hugged me a few times. Then I mentioned that I wanted our sex tapes to be erased. He refused and told me he wanted to keep them. So we started fighting but he just wouldn't do it. I know he had a sex tape of his other ex gf and one time he even said if I would like to watch it. I was like "are you sick? I like to watch female bodis doesn't mean I like to watch your naked ex gf!!" (don't get me wrong. I am not a lesbian. I just think women are more beautiful then men. they are art) and I asked him he needed to get rid of it at certain point of our relationship. He said no way. Now he has my sex tape and who knows if he would show it to his next gf or not. He told me that's how he remembers his past. It's his memory. and I am making too much a big deal out of it. howeveer, to me it's very disrespectful and I don't think he has the right of doing so. Later on, he told me he still loves me just as he did seven days ago when I left him. He said he sees me as the person he can spend his whole life with. Now things are not going well and we should take a break from each other to see how we feel. He will quit smoking one day because he wants to. If I move to some other places for my new job, as long as it's in FL, he will consider moving with me. My emotions are so messed up...how someone could love you and do those stupid disrespectful things at the same time? I am so confused..
  8. Actually he was clean without any drugs or alcohol or cigarettes for 3 years until he met a girl who smoked....I think I blame pot is based on how I felt when I was high first time, and many articles and personal experience about if you are a heavy smoker, pot can damage brain chemistry, trigger depression....I used to go to this forum: link removed I guess it really depends on the person.....
  9. I don't think I want to have a relationship with a stoner either. One thought that bothers me the most is when he is stoned, I feel like I am dealing with a mental patient (no offence here). Another thing I've noticed here is you all have split with your stoner ex. What are the reasons?
  10. When he is not on pot, he has his mental clarity. He feels something is not right, he has more control of what's going on and take actions to fix problems. Plus he doesn't sleep 18hrs a day. When he is high, he doesn't care too much. Using his words "Don't sweat on little things". He tried to quit but the withdrawal symtoms were so bad that he failed. He had headaches, cravings, insominia, no appetite, burst of anger, vivid dreams...He tried a few times,but eventually gave up. He said he is tired of fighting against MJ. Now he would rather keep sinking deeper and deeper into addition....It's kinda pain to watch...I've already taken the first step--I moved out. Really hope there would be another solution other than break-up. I wonder if there are any motivational books that I can let him read so he can get some inspirations? I think he has addictive + compulsive personality....
  11. Yes, when I met him, he smoked pot regularly (about every 2 hours). He was very impatient. There were 2 times he was out of weed, he got so angry that I felt like he wanted to kill somebody. Later on, he quit because his own business wasn't doing well and he couldn't afford it. He was much better... especially more patient and good tempered . He quit alcohol, cigarettes, crystal-meth successfully and haven't done any of them for almost 10 years. I didn't mind him smoking because I thought he could quit pot easily. But now I don't think so...
  12. My bf is quiet addicted to Mary Jane. I didn't really mind him smoking until I tried once and experienced high. I felt I really didn't care about anything around me, I felt lazy, self-aborbed, mindless...Before met him, I had little idea about MJ. I'd never associated his laziness, bad temper, confusing behaviors with MJ. Now I kinda understand why he would lay in bed whole day and then apologize to me. I asked him to quit...He did try a few times but didn't really make it. Even one time he was misdiagnosed with cancer, he could still not give it up. When he was sober, he was a much more responsible, caring and loving person. I really hate to sleep by his side when he is stoned, I really hate to see his blood-shot eyes, I really hate to smell pot from his breath...He said he would not throw bad temper at me, he said he would not be lazy, he said he would take care of me, just accept the fact he needs pot now and I should be patient that one day he will quit....All I know is he is not trying hard enough on his own business, he wastes a lot of his free time staying at home smoking or sleeping...I also think he doesn't have the coping skills when life gets hard...The major reason why he failed quitting is because his current situation is depressing....in my eyes, he is a really weak person, which makes me kinda less respect him.. Personally I am not against recreational use of pot, but abusing it is really not acceptable. I am so drained with my current situation...](*,)
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