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Arrowsmith

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Everything posted by Arrowsmith

  1. Arrowsmith
    1) I dunno. Depends on her height. I'd say the medical standards for body mass index correlate pretty well with what I think is OK. There are lots of different kinds of pretty. In general healthy is way better than unhealthy (in either direction). 2) Face. Breasts. Waist. 3) If her waist is wider than her hips that's a pretty big turn off. 4) Not sure. See #1 above.
  2. Arrowsmith
    This advice may not be politically correct, but it's the wisest thing I've heard in a while.
  3. Arrowsmith
    I'm not sure what advice to give other than to try to not take this so seriously (I realize that's much easier said than done...) The way I see it, you gave him the note so the ball is in his court. If he doesn't call I'm not sure I would pursue him. I think you did a very brave thing by giving him the note and you should be proud of yourself for that. There are a variety of reasons that he might not call you (you've listed a few), but if he doesn't call then the reason isn't very important - it's his loss whatever the reason is.
  4. Arrowsmith
    I'm an uncircumsized guy, so I can tell you what I like, but I have no idea how general that is. I like it when the foreskin slides over the head. I don't like it when the skin is pulled down too hard. My forskin is attached to the head of my penis by a pretty small bit of tissue that doesn't like to be stretched too much. Oral sex is great. Where the shaft meets the head on the underside is pretty sensitive. Hope this helps. Sheyda's post (above) is dead on.
  5. Arrowsmith
    I've had herpes for 6 years now, so I know roughly what you are going through. I always wait as long as morally possible (i.e. safe) before bringing it up and have had very good success with that approach. I wonder if women are more forgiving of this kind of stuff than men are. Think of it as a filter -- if a guy just wants you for sex perhaps he'll stay away -- the ones who are serious about you are more likely to take the chance. I'm actually dating someone right now who doesn't have it, but sometimes I wish that she did. It would make life easier in some ways.
  6. Arrowsmith
    Maybe I'm being ridiculous, but how would I know if I were "always helping out" unless I kept track of who was doing what how often?
  7. Arrowsmith
    My girlfriend is upset with me. She feels that I pay too much attention to how much I get out of, and put into, the relationship. She might be right. I don't know what to do... I want this relationship to work out, but I also want to be honest with her. Doesn't everyone, on some level, keep track of what they're putting into the relationship and what they're getting out of it? I think she wants reassurance that I would be there for her even if she were to fall apart completely. Of course I would... up to a point. If I were to feel that I was putting a lot into the relationship and getting too little back and there was no hope that it would improve - I would leave. Wouldn't you? I think she feels that, because I'm the man, I'm supposed to have an irrational desire to sacrifice myself for her sake (which seems a bit of a double-standard - I don't think she feels that way for me). Does anyone know how I should handle this? Any sage words of advice?
  8. Arrowsmith
    I have had the same issue. I think the problem is a fundamental difference in the type of motion that females (shifting forward and backward) or males (pumping up and down) find the most stimulating. Just gotta compromise, I guess.
  9. Arrowsmith
    Hard to tell. What's clear is that she wants you to want her. Why? Maybe because she genuinely wants to be with you or maybe because she wants the ego pump of knowing that she turns you on. If her comments are all sexual/playful I'd bet she just wants the attention. If she introduces you to her friends/parents/tries to include you in her life outside of work I'd bet she really wants to be with you.
  10. Arrowsmith
    Is she just taking whatever she can get without any interest in you? If so, cut your losses. Is she getting whatever it is that she wants (attention? support?) without having to give you anything in return? If so, cut back on whatever she's getting.
  11. Arrowsmith
    SusserTod, is there any circumstance under which she would agree to have sex with you? Can you make that happen? Is she happy in the relationship? What are her wants/needs? Can she provide you with anything besides sex that would be an acceptable substitute to you? Seems like there's room for negotiation here; I don't think you have to think of this as all or nothing.
  12. Arrowsmith
    First of all I would try very, very hard not to get mad at her over this. Then I would explain, calming and lovingly why I didn't want to make out any more. That I'm really sorry and it's not that I don't *like* making out it's just too frustrating. Then I'd cut way back on the making out. Chaste kisses (no tongue). Hugs. That's it. It'll make you less frustrated and it will make her realize that this is actually kind of a big deal to you. And if she wants to make out with this incredibly nice, charming, calm, and frustrated guy that she has to make some kind of concession.
  13. Arrowsmith
    How long have you been sexually active? Where exactly on your penis does it hurt? Are you circumsized? When I started having sex it was quite painful for me as well when the skin got pulled back too far. Remember, you can never use too much lubricant.
  14. Arrowsmith
    Actually, it was your situation that made me want to ask this question.
  15. Arrowsmith
    Are there any circumstances under which you think it's OK (or even the right thing to do) to stay with a partner who has cheated? How about a habitually cheating partner?
  16. Arrowsmith
    Nikkers04, the way I see it some people are good at/willing to control their behavior and others aren't. The people who aren't (the people our society calls "addicts") can be very destructive to the people around them. Whether their lack of self control is voluntary or not is a philosophical issue that, while important in some contexts, should not be important to you is deciding whether to be with him or not. Your decision should be based on whether he adds to your life or subtracts from it (and whether he is likely to add to or subtract from your life in the future). Don't get caught up in whether or not he is accountable for his behavior.
  17. Arrowsmith
    To avoid these situations: 1) Don't have sex until the guy agrees to a sexually exclusive relationship. 2) Read his actions: is he making an investment in you (time, $$, emotional energy, etc.)? If not, don't have sex with him.
  18. Arrowsmith
    As a guy I hate to say this, but sometimes a little suffering is exactly what's necessary. I mean, if a girl gives it up too fast the guy will often take her for granted, use her up, and spit her out. If a girl wants to be taken seriously it's in her best interest to hold out for a little while (especially in thelate teens/early 20s). At the very least it's a good filter to weed out the guys who aren't serious. The girls I've been most serious about were the ones I had to "work for" (i.e. the ones that frustrated me a little bit).
  19. Arrowsmith
    You'd be surprised by how long a guy will wait - even when he's intensely frustrated. The only risk is that eventually he'll try to get it from someone else. Kissing and grinding don't mitigate sexual frustration, they increase it! For a guy, making out with a girl becomes frustrating if they don't ejaculate. Are you comfortable with giving him a handjob? That will go a long way towards de-frustrating him.
  20. Arrowsmith
    In my experience it's a bad idea. Someone's feeling get hurt inevitably. Not to be sexist, but I would particularly not endorse it to a girl. Don't do it.
  21. Arrowsmith
    Oh well, as you know it's probably for the best that she broke it off. Sounds like you need a little time to heal. Focus on developing yourself, that's my advice. Hope it's not too painful. Keep us posted.
  22. Arrowsmith
    Well, if you know for sure that you don't want her the decent thing to do is to break it off. Easier said than done, I know.
  23. Arrowsmith
    Why don't you tell her what your situation is (recently out of a relationship) and you need a little space. And if you're worried about the prospects with her because she's already feeling disappointed and you'd rather not be in a relationship than disappoint someone.
  24. Arrowsmith
    Well, this is always a good one: lie on a bed, facing upward, with your head slightly over the edge of the bed. He stands next to the bed, facing you, with his penis near your mouth. Then you just lie there, take his penis into your mouth, and let him set the pace.
  25. Arrowsmith
    Aschleigh, I'm not sure if I could have come up with a better list than you did (not that I'm an expert on commitmentphobia, but I am a 35 year old single guy...) I'm sure that different people have different reasons for not wanting to make a commitment, but I think your reasons (2) and (3) are big ones for me. I haven't yet felt that committing to someone would make me happier than not committing to someone. I worry that if I ever become committed (i.e. get married) I'll be essentially saying "OK, now , I'll buy you a really expensive diamond ring and in exchange you can tell me what to do and get disappointed if I don't do those things. And if I want to break up with you because someone better comes along I won't do it." I'm just not sure what I get out of this arrangement other than the possibility of children (a draw for me), sex and emotional support and companionship (can get from a gf).
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