Arrowsmith
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Everything posted by Arrowsmith
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i think it depends on a lot of factors. like if there's another person involved, etc. In general though I don't think the "no contact" rule usually lasts forever. Sorry to hear that you're feeling alone and confused. We all do from time to time. This is a supportive group you've found and if you tell your story you're bound to get good advice.
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Finch, you're getting good advice here -- get checked out by a doctor. I very much hope that you do not have an STD, but in case you do, I want you to know that unless it's something very unusual it's not the end of the world. I was diagnosed with herpes several years ago and thought a big part of my life was over. To the contrary, it showed me how understanding people can be and how emotional vulnerability can actually bring people closer. Good luck and keep us posted!
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A Question That's Been On My Mind
Arrowsmith replied to LittleBigGurl01's topic in Health: Body, Mind and Spirit
Try to keep how you feel about yourself separated from this guy you like. I know it's hard, but they are two different things. I'm sure that over time you'll find lots of things you like to do and are good at. You'll also fall in and out of love with a few different guys. Please try hard to find your self-confidence within you -- don't let some random guy change how you feel about yourself. -
Could it be that you're just kind of burning out on sex? I mean, when I was a little kid, the idea of Christmas was mind-blowing to me. Now it doesn't excite me like it used to. I've been through it a few times -- I know what it is and what it isn't. Is it something like that? I actually don't want sex nearly as much as I used to. I chalk it up to experience. It doesn't upset me (anymore than not being hungry upsets me).
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I hate to say it, but it sounds like she's looking around for another boyfriend but keeping you around for emotional support in the meantime. That's not great. It's kind of like a guy using an ex-gf for sex while he looks around for a new gf, in a way. In any case, always keep in mind that the way she treats you has at least as much to do with these other guys and what her status is with them than it does with you. She sounds restless and young. I don't think you did anything wrong (certainly being 15 minutes late isn't what triggered this).
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This is a male's perspective and your should definitely get a female's perspective too. I don't think the labels are that important. What is important is what you can expect from him and what he can expect from you. If you really have an agreement to see each other exclusively it sounds like you are "going out" (or whatever) even if you don't label it that way. Just watch out if he wants to keep seeing you and other people at the same time (or if you get the feeling that he doesn't want the label because he's trying to keep his options open).
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From what I hear, sexual side effects like what you're describing are very common in people taking anti-depressants. You should definitely talk to your doctor about this. It's possible that he won't be able to do much since psychiatry/neurology is still pretty primative, but on the other hand a change your medication might really help you out. This is a medical issue.
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When I got herpes, I was depressed for quite a while. There's good news though: lots of people have it, and in my experience people are very understanding about it (I've never had someone turn on me -- or even back off from sex -- when I told them about it). Crazy as it sounds, having to talk about it before sex has actually brought sex partners closer, not pushed them away. People admire honesty. I'm sorry honesty wasn't extended toward you or that other girl. Your life is not ruined, and I'm sure your future contains rewarding relationships. Keep in mind that there is someone (me) on the internet who identifies with you, cares about your situation, and wishes you a speedy recovery.
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Is there a Toastmasters group near you? It's a international public speaking organization that I joined a while ago. In addition to helping my public speaking, I think it helped me to become a better coversationalist. Good luck, and when in doubt, talk about topics you're pretty sure the *other* person is interested in...