Jump to content

Cherylyn

Platinum Member
  • Posts

    6,586
  • Joined

  • Days Won

    18

Everything posted by Cherylyn

  1. Both of you are incompatible. It sounds like he's not a boyfriend for the long term. He doesn't envision a future with you and neither do I. ☹️ I would love to lounge around in my PJ's all day, hair tied up in a bun or ponytail, no make up and look as if death warmed over. 😳 I must say it is very comfortable. However, I don't like what I see in the mirror every single time I pass by it. πŸ₯Ί It's not a pleasant appearance. Of course, looks aren't everything. Of course, cleanliness and showering are important but I'm referring to more than that. I've noticed that I feel better whenever I pay attention to my grooming to look at least presentable, apply some natural-looking make up so I don't look neglected which is psychologically uplifting and it doesn't hurt that I'm treated a bit better by my husband and sons whenever I don't look sloppy and disheveled. I pay attention to my grooming more for myself if anything and it doesn't hurt that I look nice, too. 😊 Good idea about going out once in a while. You should have a change of scenery. As for the dogs, as a former dog owner, I know I gave my late Golden Retriever a very happy, long life. 🐢 πŸ• Having said that, I highly doubt that my husband and I will own another pet or dog for that matter. As cute as they are, they're a huge responsibility and we're enjoying our freedom and time from pet ownership; namely dog ownership in this case. (We've also owned cats, birds, lizards, aquarium fish and rabbits.) Been there done that. πŸ™„ Your boyfriend wants out. Your lifestyle preferences differ. Let him exit the relationship because that's what he wants and don't let the door hit him on his way out.
  2. I have several schools of thought on this. As a friend, regardless of the request, I prefer to pick and choose whatever I prefer to help with. If it's one more favor and I've already helped a friend or agreed to do something, I don't want yet another request to deal with. Try not to take it personally, @NighttimeNightmare. πŸ˜’ We live in a selfish world. Not everyone is willing to drop their life for you, make accommodations or help you despite your being helpful to them. It's unfair but it's the way of the world, unfortunately. πŸ₯Ί I agree, it wasn't out of the way for your friend to help you with the trunk but people are funny. They don't want to commit. They prefer to decline instead of do the work no matter how minor. It is human nature. πŸ™„ Since your friend sounds like a good friend overall, I wouldn't discard her easily. Simply readjust. Don't "help" each other anymore. Let everyone be responsible for their own lives and enjoy socializing with healthy boundaries. I wouldn't create unnecessary drama by asking for clarification tomorrow. Simply help your friend and after that, change the dynamic so no one owes anyone any favors whatsoever. If your friend asks for your help, decline with respectful good manners. As for you, continue being independent by fending for yourself. I have close friends and none of us are an imposition toward one another. We take care of ourselves and households. Your friends should behave reminiscent of my friends and if they don't, it's time for new friends who know how to be considerate. I cut people off easily but I have my criteria. If they've broken all the human decency rules regarding consistent lies, deceit, betrayal, gaslighting, apathy, sneakiness or wicked calculations, then of course, estrangement is the answer. However, if issues are relatively minor, then I simply rewrite the friendship / relationship and carry on.
  3. Don't get married because you'll never know who you'll get yesterday, today and tomorrow. Sometimes he'll be in a good mood. Other times or days, he'll be in a foul mood. You won't be able to keep up with him. Dependent on his mood of the day or time, you are the one who has to constantly alter your behavior according to his whim and do you want that? Should you marry him, you'll be more miserable than you are now. ☹️ Perhaps you need an ex-boyfriend. πŸ™„
  4. I agree. I'm not a mind reader. I ask questions if I want answers. I want to know. After that, I'm satisfied and all is well whether it's good or bad news.
  5. Yes, I have. When I was younger, I was more amiable, smiled more, lighthearted, carefree for the most part and overall more pleasant. Due to some unfortunate circumstances with extended family members such as relatives and several in-laws, I've since become more serious, stern faced, wary and jaded. πŸ˜’ I actually miss the nicer person I was once upon a time. However, I try my best to be pleasant despite my sometimes sad or foul mood. 😏 No sense ruining the vibe for everyone. I try to be more than merely civil. When you learn to be selfless and empathetic, you're more aware of people whom you're interacting with or whom you're with, period. I'm even nice to my local grocer whom I greet if I happen to see him, ask him about his recent vacation and rather cordial. After a brief chat, I actually feel better and he's a nice person to everyone. Other than smiling, be engaging and take interest in others. Step outside yourself. You'll give a positive impression and become more approachable. No one wants to be with a grouch. 😠 😑
  6. He is not worth keeping in your life. I'll chime in with others. Contact an attorney stat.
  7. Go online. Follow your dreams. I remember my senior year and I didn't feel connected to anyone. Sure, I had a few close friends but I wasn't fully invested in high school life in general. It seems everyone was biding their time and waiting to move onto their adult life. Senior year was "meh." πŸ™„
  8. I admit that I gossip about my relatives and in-laws to a few trusted local friends whom I've known for many years. I do this in person and never electronically (no text / email / phone / social media, etc). I only do this because none of them mutually know each other, have never met and they have no intentions of ever crossing paths. All of them are complete strangers to everyone in my life. We do not share same social circles and they don't know each other from Adam. I feel completely safe with them individually. They don't know my other friends and have no interest meeting them whatsoever. They do not know my relatives and in-laws and never co-mingle with them. I confide in my local friends in person. They have my back and I theirs. I'm very blessed. I trust them with my life. They've proven and earned my trust and loyalty for many years. ☺️
  9. I agree with @rainbowsandroses You don't have to divulge while you don't have to lie either. In hindsight, you could've said, "I have an appointment of personal nature" and left it at that. Generally, people will take a hint and they won't pry if they have common decency. If you decide to tell him the truth in the future, be prepared. He could very well look upon your lying with disdain or he could accept your lie with an explanation. Usually, people do not like being lied to and they'll either learn to distrust you overall or if you're lucky, they'll give you another chance to prove you will be honest from this day forward. This is the chance you will take. In the future, there is a way to be vague without lying.
  10. First of all, I commend you for having a conscience. You feel guilty and how this world would be a better place if people actually thought about how they were wrong. Most people whom I know, simply continue wrongdoing and they don't care about any damage in their wake. As for you, if you want to make amends with F, tell her you're sorry for gossiping. Don't make excuses though because if you do, your apology is perceived as insincere. Realize that this apology won't guarantee resuming your friendship with F though. She may be done with you because once a person is hurt, they usually don't revert to the same friendship anymore due to innocence lost forever. Naivete is no more. She doesn't trust you anymore and you don't trust M either. It's a lose lose situation all around. As for M, I'd pump the brakes on your friendship with her. You can't confide in her because she has loose lips. Loose lips sink ships. ☹️ Lower M to less than acquaintance status. Sure, you can resume contact with her but keep it minimal and should you discuss anything with her whether in person or not, remain brief and superficial at best. She's deceitful, a snitch and backstabber. Beware. In the future, be more cautious and learn how to keep your mouth shut. You never know who will betray you. πŸ™„ 🫒
  11. Yes, it's possible. What do I think? It's very individual. Some people have no qualms having opposite gender best friends whereas (even though I can't speak for all couples), my husband and I have friends, couple friends but we don't have opposite gender friends. Same with all relatives and in-laws. I'm not saying it's right or wrong. It's just our personal preference, our comfort zone, what we chose and how we are. That's all. The majority of our married friends are the same way. Again, to each his or her own. I don't see anything wrong with opposite gender friends though. Whatever floats your boat. πŸ˜‰
  12. Your uncle was right to an extent IMHO. I trust some people in my life because they've earned my trust for many years. Trust didn't happen overnight. There are some people whom I semi-trust dependent on the subject matter. If it's rather insignificant and lightweight, I trust them because their responsibility to deliver my trust is doable. However, I wouldn't trust them with anything important. I draw the line and I have my limits with them. Then there are those whom I would never trust in a million years especially if they've played me meaning they've tested me sorely in the past and betrayed my trust intensely. I also don't take "bleep." In those cases, pay attention to your intuition and instincts because red flags forewarn you of looming danger. πŸ˜’ I understand how you feel though. Feeling bitter and resentful after innocently trusting someone only to be deceived, challenged and betrayed is a horrible feeling. ☹️ There are ways to trust people according to categories and topics and most of all, your experience with various individuals. You can determine different characters based upon how they treat you or mistreat you over time. I don't completely agree with your uncle. I believe not everyone is evil 😈 and not everyone is an angel πŸ‘Ό either.
  13. You can't make anyone regret anything. That's all on them. Lower your standards in people meaning people will not always behave the way you want them to for example: honorably and with utmost integrity. Nope. It's unrealistic and if they do, consider yourself very lucky. Lower your expectations in people because they won't always consider your feelings and simply don't care about you. They lack empathy which is the norm for most people. Once you accept how this world is, you won't feel shocked, surprised nor disappointed anymore because it's nothing unusual. In an ideal or optimal scenario, people do the right thing by possessing humility, make amends or at the very least, part ways with with peaceful closure. However, it's a fantasy and save that for storybooks and movies. The best thing to do is to control yourself, surround yourself with very upstanding, moral people and everyone else? They're unimportant in your life.
  14. She had burned out after 10 years. For her: Too little too late. ☹️ Continue the great work though and congratulations on your road to good health.
  15. Some people don't consider relationship material as friendship material. They don't want to mesh the two. They prefer separate categories. Friendship isn't lost. It graduates toward a relationship if that's the direction it's going.
  16. You're doing a good job. Continue enforcing boundaries with your mother whether she approves or not. I am the same way. Remain adamant regarding how you've decided to govern your life.
  17. If you're still crying and sad, many times you're still clinging to a nugget of hope and haven't quite let go yet. I can't speak for you but personally, in my mind, when the tears stop and you've had time to think analytically, this is the time when it's actually beneficial to admit wasted, senseless hope and truly let go with finality. Resolve envelopes you and you become so strong that you can no longer relate to your previous weak self. It's a positive sign that a new mindset will carry you and you'll never feel defeated. It's hard to explain. It's a process. It takes time but you'll get there. Be patient. The light will turn on in your brain and you'll realize you're a lot smarter, resilient, stronger and tougher than you thought you were. πŸ‘
  18. Yeah, I agree, don't have kids! ☹️ Two people can't get along if one person is doing the majority of work to maintain a household such as chores including decluttering, cleaning, laundry, cooking, errands, repairs / maintenance / replacements and repeat. It's part of life. Some people eat, sleep, work, repeat but they don't mind coming home to a dump. πŸ™„ If there's no food nor beverages in the home, oh well. Either continue living at this rate or do something about it. If he refuses to change by helping out, then he doesn't sound like a very good husband for the long term. Your patience or lack thereof @cuddlebunny777 will determine how much you are willing to endure and tolerate. Let time be your guide.
  19. Bad idea. Just be a well mannered, respectful classmate. Act natural. If he says, "hello" then do likewise. If he prefers to ignore you, you ignore him as well.
  20. I think it sounds corny. Don't get all dramatic with your long winded explanation. Just have a good time and go with the flow. Let each date define how the next date will go. Don't explain because it's unnecessary. You're getting anxious over nothing. Enjoy being with him and see where it takes you! πŸ™‚
  21. Ignore her back. She doesn't give you common courtesy so consider her "history." Move on. 🀨
  22. If this is an ongoing problem and there are no kids, it's easier to part ways if the OP @cuddlebunny777 will no longer tolerate being with a husband who refuses to cooperate to maintain the household whether it be chores, errands, etc.
Γ—
Γ—
  • Create New...