Cherylyn

Don't believe what you see on social media. Of course, they'll shine and blast their best to you. I know some friends, relatives and in-laws on FB who have numerous boastful posts yet I know the real dirt. I know about their miserable marriages, toxic, dysfunctional family dynamics, their insecurities and a world of hurt behind closed doors. This is what is deliberately concealed from you. Sure, everyone looks blissfully happy but you don't know their painful, real story. Often times it is shameful, humiliating, embarrassing and hidden from you. You're still young. Work on yourself and get serious with your endeavors whether it's your education, career, doing what you enjoy, taking good care of your health, home life, surrounding yourself with moral people or whatever makes you content. Build your own security. Ever since I've exited FB, I've never been happier. This is how I stopped comparing myself to others. I'm too busy with my own life to care about what other people are doing during every waking hour.

No, you cannot work through it. At least he was honest to tell you how he is and it's a way of forewarning you of possible risks to your relationship with him. Perhaps this revelation is your signal to exit the relationship so you can be in a normal, safe, content, harmonious relationship compatible to your values. My wise mother taught me this: "You can never change a man." She learned this harsh lesson the painful way.

Ask yourself what you would be willing to hear without being classless. Fighting fire with fire makes you look worse than the bully. Take the high road.

Both of you are mismatched. You don't need to flaunt whereas your boyfriend is very mentally unstable. I agree with you. It's better to tone it down, remain modest and conservative at the workplace because showing off anything is distracting, invites criticism, judgment and / or gossip. As for social media, my sister posts pics of her affluent lifestyle including her enormous house in a coveted, exclusive neighborhood, her expensive travels, fine dining and obviously everything money can buy. She wears a gaudy, rock (diamond) which is tacky and an eyesore. Some people have no qualms nor shame being the narcissists that they are. It works for them so they continue acting the way they do. My sister grew up poor as did I yet we're different. I've since exited FB altogether and don't feel the need to blast my minutiae to the world. It's so unnecessary. Why? Because I'm secure. You need to have a talk with your boyfriend and explain to him that while you appreciate his gifts, you don't feel the need to show everyone what you have. I like nice things, too but I practice discretion regarding who my audience is. There are a lot of successful, prosperous people whether they grew up poor or fortunate. I know several affluent people in my midst yet they're quiet and under the radar. Sure, they live extremely well (expensive house / cars / vacations / tasteful jewelry / clothes, no crazy debts, etc), successful more than you can ever imagine, however, they're modest and humble in attitude and behavior which impresses me immensely. They're self confident and secure without the flash. Their focus is kindness towards people, modesty, humility, being considerate of other people's feelings, helping the disadvantaged and do what truly matters in this life. If you and your boyfriend cannot and will not find common ground, then perhaps he's not for you long term. I agree with others. Your values are vastly different which no amount of love can cure.

The problem is fighting dirty. Turn it around. If you were the bully, what would silence you without being vulgar?

Anytime, @WintersDay. Immerse yourself in all you do. Gradually and eventually, he'll become merely a blur and fade away from your brain space. Should your paths cross with him, deliberately ignore him and do NOT look at him. Dial up the frost and ice. Remain strong and be very tough. This is how you build your self esteem and self confidence which transforms into courage and bravery. You can do this. Concentrate and stay focused on what matters which is work, study, surrounding yourself with very moral people and yes, I agree, delete / block him everywhere. He will become out of sight, out of mind for you. Make drastic changes and he will be wiped off the map.

Then wait until the engagement ring is within the planned budget. Or, have her contribute towards the ring. Also, look into simulated diamonds. They're grown in a lab and much less expensive than mined diamonds. You can purchase a high quality ring at a fraction of the cost. Check it out. Or, you can start out small and eventually exchange it for a larger stone which is what I did. My original diamond was 1/2 ct and years later, I exchanged it for 1 ct. I only wear my mint condition engagement and wedding rings for special occasions and for local errands, I wear my CZ ring which does the job for out in public.

I have several thoughts on this. It is often said that you are the company you keep. Or, if you want to judge a man, look to his friends. This means your character is in question dependent on whom you choose to socialize with as alike minds associate with alike minds. Birds of a feather flock together. Not saying your boyfriend is reminiscent of his friends but it makes you question why he would choose to associate with friends who are not completely kind and considerate of others. 🫢 You can't control your boyfriend. He's free to choose whom he socializes with but again, it makes me question his choices in people. Since you're uncomfortable being in the company of his friends, don't be with them. Let your boyfriend hang out with them while you do something else whether it's remaining at home or whatever. Some people are very rude. They'll say uncalled for comments such as commenting on your accent, comment about how you you attained your job without a degree and on and on. It's just the way it is. You don't have to be with them though now that you know what they're capable of saying. I'd steer clear if I were you and in my mind, I'd question what type of boyfriend you have to choose to have the type of friends he has. 🙄 They say your friends are your future so beware. I only choose very moral friends which I think says a lot about my character. I'm very picky and choosy and it has since paid off. My friendships are smooth, harmonious and extremely respectful which is the way it should be. Any other way is intolerable and unacceptable.

Don't be fixated on flowers. (Btw, I'm the opposite of you. My husband brought me flowers almost weekly long ago and I finally requested no more flowers because flowers die. If he really wants to do something for me, some random, infrequent, permanent gifts would be nice. I have a penchant for handbags or clothing, for example.) Appreciate who he is. If he's loyal, steadfast, true, humble, very moral and a decent human being, you've struck gold. He's a keeper if he ticks all the boxes. Don't fret about the frou-frou stuff because it doesn't matter. Save that for Hallmark commercials. 🙄 As for hanging out with his friends, why pester him about it? Sure, you can get together at random once in a while but it's not that important. If you have to ping him every now and then to give him a heads up regarding your wanting to feel included in an enjoyable group social life, then do it but don't make it mandatory every time he wants to be with his friends. Develop a happy medium somewhere. Don't be a pain otherwise he'll eventually end the relationship with you. Don't push him away by being overly fussy.

Even though my story is not the same as yours, estrangement is estrangement no matter what. Feelings are same. It's difficult to move on as they say. What helped me to prevent myself from being fixated on the person who rejected me and / or if we are currently in no contact mode, is to get on with my own life. Apparently that person doesn't think I'm worthy so I should return the favor by doing likewise. I've since become very industrious, productive and work hard whatever endeavors whether it be at work, my fitness, getting healthy, surrounding myself with very moral immediate family and friends. I do what I enjoy whether it's hobbies, cooking, outings, reading my library books (not e-books), real paper newspaper subscriptions, catching up on watching some movies or documentaries and the choices are truly limitless. Work on you. Ruminating is easy to do. I no longer give that person my brain space which he or she does not deserve. You'll never forget the person who wronged you. However, you can do the best you can by living your best life. Start anew with a clean, fresh slate. Do a reset and re-program your brain and your life. Make daily or weekly plans and stick to it. Put yourself on a schedule. You will be pleasantly surprised to discover how much you will enjoy life without people you don't treat you with respect. This is how it is in life. You learn to readjust and adapt during various stages of your life. Create your own healthy boundaries. Get busy. Preoccupy yourself and you'll realize insignificant people in your life will become merely a blur and eventually nonexistent. When you pass each other, ignore him. Don't look at him. Go your own way. Stay strong and most of all, be tough.

I like @NighttimeNightmare's idea about sending a care package. Ship everything you know he likes such as various miscellaneous items, perhaps his favorite snacks and the like. Enclose a note and let him know he can call you anytime and that you will lend an ear. Or, perhaps kind and compassionate email exchanges. Be careful though. Don't over do it with electronic correspondence. Give him a lot of time and space. He suffered a tremendous loss. Not everyone wants constant attention. The bereft needs to process their mourning and void. Back off by using common sense and wait for him to come around. There's only so much you can do and after that, you need to leave him alone until he's ready to share more of himself with you.

You can't undo the past. All you can do is become a better person from this day forward and continue improving. Be smart. Be kind, considerate and respectful of others. This is how you forgive yourself so you can move on and seriously change permanently. Get rid of the old you and start anew. Think long and hard and be intelligent.

Narcissism is when you don't place yourself in other people's shoes. Narcissists are complete opposite of empathetic types. If you want self improvement, to put it simply, treat others the way you would want to be treated which is respect, good manners and grace. Be honorable. Any other way is a train wreck.

No, you're not a bad person for cutting off this hopefully soon to be ex-friend. Steer clear. He's nothing but bad news. Avoid him like the plague. 😒

No more SOS. He should become your ex-boyfriend. He's passive aggressive, immature, engages in gaslighting and very manipulative. It's either his way or the highway. If I were you, I'd choose the highway. You're being played. Also, don't take _________ from anyone. Let's make this very clear. 🫢

Your friend is really angry and verbally aggressive. I don't care what people's reasons are. They have no right to treat others badly. It's not "why." It's "what" regarding unacceptable and intolerable behaviors. A lot of people don't share everything with you. They'll only say so much and the rest? They keep to themselves because some information is either too painful, embarrassing or both. As for what to do? You wouldn't be abandoning your friend should you enforce strict boundaries with her or drift apart if you're left with no other recourse. The best thing to do is back off and learn to avoid her because she isn't pleasant with you, doesn't treat you with common decency and her behavior is very obnoxiously rude. I've known people similar to your friend. It's beyond your control. The best thing to do is save yourself. You don't need ill behaved people in your life. Savor your independent mind and surround yourself with very moral, honorable people. All the rest? They can go to you know where for all you care. 🙄 This is my assessment which I apply to anyone who won't treat you with common sense respect.

Be the bigger person, have a quiet moment with zero distractions and tell her, "I'm sorry for . . ." Sincerely apologize, be humble and do the right thing. Both of you live together so make amends and squelch hard feelings. Take the high road and make peace with her. Both of you will feel better in the end and can start anew. Tell her that you made a mistake and will try to do better. Express why you are remorseful. In the future, when you have a bad day, put a lid on it. You can calmly share about your bad day but don't yell, shout and carry on like an out of control monster. 🤬 Since she yells at you and refuses to accept your apology, perhaps you should think about a new roommate replacement sometime in the future. Both of you are at fault. She's a bad girl.

I'm on the other side of the fence. I'm not a big texter and same with some of my relatives and friends. We only reserve texting for very brief, infrequent, important correspondence only. We prefer occasional phone chats and for local family and friends, we see them occasionally throughout the year. Learn to adapt. Get busy with your own world. Become industrious and productive. Greatly reduce your screen time. Too much screen time turns into a huge time trap. ☹️ Days or weeks will go by where I stay far away from screens and I must say, having old-fashioned time and freedom is quite a relief and exhilarating. 😊Being tethered to electronics is time consuming. Break away from it every chance you get and you'll feel as if you're getting a wonderful break and breather. You can get so much done in a day without so many electronic distractions.

Both of you are incompatible. It sounds like he's not a boyfriend for the long term. He doesn't envision a future with you and neither do I. ☹️ I would love to lounge around in my PJ's all day, hair tied up in a bun or ponytail, no make up and look as if death warmed over. 😳 I must say it is very comfortable. However, I don't like what I see in the mirror every single time I pass by it. 🥺 It's not a pleasant appearance. Of course, looks aren't everything. Of course, cleanliness and showering are important but I'm referring to more than that. I've noticed that I feel better whenever I pay attention to my grooming to look at least presentable, apply some natural-looking make up so I don't look neglected which is psychologically uplifting and it doesn't hurt that I'm treated a bit better by my husband and sons whenever I don't look sloppy and disheveled. I pay attention to my grooming more for myself if anything and it doesn't hurt that I look nice, too. 😊 Good idea about going out once in a while. You should have a change of scenery. As for the dogs, as a former dog owner, I know I gave my late Golden Retriever a very happy, long life. 🐶 🐕 Having said that, I highly doubt that my husband and I will own another pet or dog for that matter. As cute as they are, they're a huge responsibility and we're enjoying our freedom and time from pet ownership; namely dog ownership in this case. (We've also owned cats, birds, lizards, aquarium fish and rabbits.) Been there done that. 🙄 Your boyfriend wants out. Your lifestyle preferences differ. Let him exit the relationship because that's what he wants and don't let the door hit him on his way out.

I have several schools of thought on this. As a friend, regardless of the request, I prefer to pick and choose whatever I prefer to help with. If it's one more favor and I've already helped a friend or agreed to do something, I don't want yet another request to deal with. Try not to take it personally, @NighttimeNightmare. 😒 We live in a selfish world. Not everyone is willing to drop their life for you, make accommodations or help you despite your being helpful to them. It's unfair but it's the way of the world, unfortunately. 🥺 I agree, it wasn't out of the way for your friend to help you with the trunk but people are funny. They don't want to commit. They prefer to decline instead of do the work no matter how minor. It is human nature. 🙄 Since your friend sounds like a good friend overall, I wouldn't discard her easily. Simply readjust. Don't "help" each other anymore. Let everyone be responsible for their own lives and enjoy socializing with healthy boundaries. I wouldn't create unnecessary drama by asking for clarification tomorrow. Simply help your friend and after that, change the dynamic so no one owes anyone any favors whatsoever. If your friend asks for your help, decline with respectful good manners. As for you, continue being independent by fending for yourself. I have close friends and none of us are an imposition toward one another. We take care of ourselves and households. Your friends should behave reminiscent of my friends and if they don't, it's time for new friends who know how to be considerate. I cut people off easily but I have my criteria. If they've broken all the human decency rules regarding consistent lies, deceit, betrayal, gaslighting, apathy, sneakiness or wicked calculations, then of course, estrangement is the answer. However, if issues are relatively minor, then I simply rewrite the friendship / relationship and carry on.

Don't get married because you'll never know who you'll get yesterday, today and tomorrow. Sometimes he'll be in a good mood. Other times or days, he'll be in a foul mood. You won't be able to keep up with him. Dependent on his mood of the day or time, you are the one who has to constantly alter your behavior according to his whim and do you want that? Should you marry him, you'll be more miserable than you are now. ☹️ Perhaps you need an ex-boyfriend. 🙄

Dump him. Stat.

I agree. I'm not a mind reader. I ask questions if I want answers. I want to know. After that, I'm satisfied and all is well whether it's good or bad news.

Yes, I have. When I was younger, I was more amiable, smiled more, lighthearted, carefree for the most part and overall more pleasant. Due to some unfortunate circumstances with extended family members such as relatives and several in-laws, I've since become more serious, stern faced, wary and jaded. 😒 I actually miss the nicer person I was once upon a time. However, I try my best to be pleasant despite my sometimes sad or foul mood. 😏 No sense ruining the vibe for everyone. I try to be more than merely civil. When you learn to be selfless and empathetic, you're more aware of people whom you're interacting with or whom you're with, period. I'm even nice to my local grocer whom I greet if I happen to see him, ask him about his recent vacation and rather cordial. After a brief chat, I actually feel better and he's a nice person to everyone. Other than smiling, be engaging and take interest in others. Step outside yourself. You'll give a positive impression and become more approachable. No one wants to be with a grouch. 😠 😡

He is not worth keeping in your life. I'll chime in with others. Contact an attorney stat.