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Hollsmaur

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  1. Ok so my ex and me met at work and we dated for a year and a half. He was a little controlling and possessive and had drink and anger issues and I felt unhappy for a very long time! A month ago I plucked up the courage to end things with him. I honestly felt so alone and depressed. I haven’t told people about the extremes I went through because I didn’t want people to know.. it was private you know. But anyway there is an contractor engineer and we got talking and I actually quite like him. I’ve told him of the situation and that I’ve only just recently broke up with someone and he said that’s fine we can be friends and see how it goes. So my ex is still working at the same place as me and the contractor, but the contractor isn’t a permanent member and is just covering a staff member. Anyways some people said I shouldn’t be moving on so fast or I shouldn’t be texting and talking to him because it’s a bit “inconsiderate” towards my ex, even though we aren’t broadcasting it across the workplace. I just feel stuck because I finally got away from a mentally draining relationship and met a man I like and I feel like I can’t spend time with him or talk to him without being judged.
  2. Cut long story short, I felt pretty low the other day, I felt lonely and just depressed.. so I messaged my boyfriend and told him I felt a bit ty. I didn’t tell him the ins and outs because he usually gets upset because he blames himself for my mental health even though I’ve told him it’s not his fault, so now I just let him know and leave out the details. I later put a Facebook status about my depression and stated that if anyone else was struggling that I’m only a message away. His mum seen it later that day and asked him what was wrong, but he didn’t know I put it on because he doesn’t have Facebook, he told his mum he didn’t know and that I was being “retarded”. He then messaged me saying “nice facebook status btw” then went on to complain about it. I went to his house after that and a huge argument broke out about it, he said that he didn’t understand how I could say I can’t talk to close people about it but can post it to a lot of strangers and called it pathetic, he also said “carry on posting things like that on Facebook i’d Rather not know you” and he also managed to punch some furniture and it toppled over he was that raging. I was very upset obviously with me already feeling in a low mood, but I was stood there in shock. He has since apologised and told me he didn’t mean it and that his own head gets to him and that he feels like he’s trying his best with me and getting nowhere. However I keep thinking about it and wondering whether I’m actually in the wrong? He has always had a temper, few weeks ago he got angry and didn’t tell me why so I was asking him what was wrong and he ended up ripping the curtain rail off of the wall. Other times he’s the best boyfriend and does look after me, and for the record he’s never laid a finger on me. I just dunno how to manage situations like that.
  3. So I’ve only been with my boyfriend for 4 and half months but I’m having some doubts. Let’s just say it’s his attitude towards things and the way he makes me feel. At the start he was so loving and I never felt better, after being in a controlling relationship before I wanted someone who would except me for who I am and I thought i did. Just recently he’s been complaining about me being on my phone and says that I post stuff on social media because I like the attention. That’s not true, I go on there to browse and rarely post, and he’s gone and deleted all his social media as he doesn’t like it so he has no idea how much I post. I’m also not even on my phone that much around him, it’s more when I’m bored and got nothing to do when I’m alone. This morning I woke up and the first thing he said was “I didn’t know you downloaded twitter” and then went on to say “that means you’re gonna rinse it instead of spending time with me” and he basically went on to ask what I use Twitter for and stuff. There’s also other things, now I’m all for people being honest but on Christmas Day, I did my makeup Christmassy looking and had green eyeshadow on as I was at his house for Christmas night and wanted to make the festive effort and when I walked in, he said “I don’t like your eyeshadow, it makes you look bruised” in front of all of his family, and I felt a little hurt by it. We also had an argument because he wanted me to shave my legs and I was lazy and didn’t do it. Once he was at my house and my sister was talking to us and he put both of his earphones in and I ripped them out saying it was rude and then later explained that he didn’t agree with what she was saying. There was also a time that I felt down and said to him I wanted to go for a drive alone and he got mad because I didn’t ask him to come with me but I just needed to be alone. He also has random bouts of being really grumpy and will just sit there and not talk to me. I just don’t know what to do
  4. Okay so I went to my boyfriends friends house with him last night for a gathering, I didn’t really know anyone and didn’t really want to go but I wanted to make the effort for him. In conversation we were talking about smoking and I said “I only smoke if I have too much to drink, he’d probably fall out with me if I smoked a cig” and I thought it was harmless, but he took it to heart because he just said he would be disappointed in me and that it was in front of all of his friends. I could tell at the time something was wrong so I kept asking if he was okay, and he said he was fine. The night went on and he seemed fine, put his arms round me and stuff then as soon as we left the house and I drove home he started arguing with me about it, tried to get out the car whilst i was driving I had to pull over and tell him to stop. In the morning he hugged me and afternoon i’d Left for work he sent me a text saying sorry for my actions and words and asked if I wanted to go for dinner tonight, I said i’d Think about it throughout the day but I never said no. He then text me saying “we’re having a Chinese takeaway tonight” I was like okay? So I took it we wasn’t going out anywhere, and I know this is petty, but he usually sends me 3 heart emojis but he was only sending me “xxx” and if I sent that back too he’d send nothing. I just don’t know what I can do? Or what to think? Am I in the wrong?
  5. He’s also deactivated and reactivated his Facebook account twice, and I posted a video on Facebook and he said he “hidden” it from his news feed because he didn’t want to see it, including who comments and likes it, but I don’t get why
  6. We haven’t been together very long.. coming up to 3 months. He’s not given me a reason to why he doesn’t want to, now hes just said he isn’t gonna watch them alone, but will watch it with me.
  7. Okay so I didn’t really know what to put as the title, but here goes. So basically, I have a YouTube channel and I film and upload videos as a hobby and I love doing it. However my boyfriend said he’s never gonna watch them? I’m not gonna force him to watch them obviously but he just said he doesn’t want to watch them and it kinda hurts. I said i’d send him the link to watch when I’ve uploaded but he said he won’t watch it. Like I love doing it and he just don’t care about watching them, but he watches videos on YouTube all the time. Makes me feel like he’s embarrassed of me.. am I overreacting?
  8. I see what you’re saying. Sometimes I do think maybe it’s me? I’ve had bad relationships and had a long line of men who just wanted the sex so maybe I don’t know how to take it when sex isn’t a priority for a man? I do tend to overthink a lot and sometimes struggle to believe I’m actually wanted due to the past, but everything else he does proves he’s into me, it’s just the lack of sex bit, I guess some people take longer to get comfortable and I’m up for waiting for him because he is my definition of perfect and all I’ve ever looked for in a person
  9. So I just got into a new relationship, and we met about 2 months ago. We get on really well and he’s honestly the kindest person. He pays me compliments, he’s honest, he’s very affectionate and always cuddles and kisses me and doesn’t mind PDA. It’s just that he seems to decline sex whenever I mention it. I have asked him why, and he said he wants to make sure it doesn’t mess the relationship up because he wants us to last. So it’s a case of me being ready before him? We have done other little bits and fondled but even then I’m the one who initiates it first and when I perform sexual acts he doesn’t even seem he’s enjoying it, like i’ll Be in the middle of doing it and he’ll be laying there still looking at the ceiling and then he’ll just tell me he’s going to cum and that’s it.. no expression or groaning (sorry too much info). It makes me feel a bit deflated. I love being intimate and it makes me feel like maybe I’m doing something wrong or that he has issues he’s not telling me about. It’s just sexual intimacy that’s an issue like I say he has no problem kissing me and stuff. He’s only ever had 1 other girl who broke his heart and he was single for 7 years. He doesn’t get much sleep (about 3 hours a day) so maybe they are both factors that have something to do with it. I just don’t know what to do to resolve this
  10. Ok so I met somebody on holiday who lives in a different country than me. Ever since I got back home we text and FaceTimed everyday. I made the decision to fly out and see him and it was great at first, greeted me with flowers and a kiss, he was holding my hand and being touchy feels which I liked. First day was great.. he had previously told me he liked me and I even found some doodles (he’s into graffiti art) that he did on the way back on the plane and I could see he wrote my name and said “I miss you”. Anyways, 2 days have gone by and he’s changed! He isn’t kissing me no more, he’s not as touchy feely and feel like he ain’t into me anymore? I’m pretty sure he just moved into the living room to sleep as one of the pillows has gone and he isn’t in the bedroom? Like I’ve met one of his close friends and his mother whilst being here and they both welcomed me in and I got on with them but now he’s just like drifting? Maybe I’m overthinking but just feels a bit you know? It’s almost like he can’t be bothered anymore.. and I go home tomorrow so you would think he’d be making the most of me being here. What do you guys think am I overthinking or has he just decided it’s not for him? He also smokes weed and I take into account how chill it makes you so that could have an effect? He has no problem having sex with me but honestly he is a gent and has respect for women, just feel like he’s drifted these past couple of days and I don’t know what to think.
  11. So I just got back from Mallorca after a 8 day break and it was so great! I went with my sister, auntie, grandmother and my young cousins. One day the reps organised a beer pong game where I met a German man who was with his friend. My sister started to talk to them so then I joined and we decided to all play pool after the beer pong. I was pretty drunk but we had a really good time when we started to talk alone when his friend and my sister left us alone. We ran to the beach and climbed the rocks in our swimwear and just sat and watched the sun set. We spoke about what we loved and our ambitions and I felt so comfortable. We both love the idea of travelling, he was telling me about his home life. After that we spent as much time together as possible, spent one day together at the beach and I felt like I knew him for ages. He used to kiss my hand and my forehead, I spent the remaining nights of my holiday at his hotel room and we cuddled all night. When it was time for me to go home, he woke up early to say goodbye and we have stayed in contact ever since over text and FaceTime. I’ve only been home for 3 days but I miss him so much, he wants me to fly over to Hamburg soon and he said when I get there we are going to plan some trips together and fulfill our travelling dreams. However I don’t want to get my hopes up, because most holiday romances never last? I’d like to think it would last but who knows? Has anyone else ever had a holiday romance last?
  12. So I was seeing this man for 6 months. He told me from the start he had commitment issues and that he was scared of relationships but we seen eachother and spoke every day. He took me out to places, cooked me dinner and bought me a Christmas and birthday present. We ended up arguing a lot because I was falling harder for him every day and he wasn’t willing to accept he loved me too. In the end he said he needed space from me so that’s what I gave him. One week later he tells me he misses me and loves me but I just can’t help but think he’s just saying it so that I go running back to him so I’m a little bit skeptical. I just keep thinking that if he truely loved me he’d be in a relationship with me by now and he wouldn’t of needed space but he might actually mean it. I told him i’d Think about it because I just really don’t know what to do.. I don’t want to get hurt. He told me he wants to carry on just seeing me until he feels ready for a relationship but I can’t help but feel he’ll never want one.
  13. I’ve known my friend for 3 years, and just recently we started having sex in a fwb agreement after we hooked up when we went on a night out. He told me he liked my company, and the sex was good so we carried on doing it. Everything was fine, until things started to get a lil more passionate, like to me, it feels like we are “seeing eachother” rather than just buddies. He’s told me to “go with the flow” and a few weeks ago we were talking and he said the only reason we’d have to stop being fwb is if one of us got bored, one of us found someone and then he paused and said or if one of us got feelings.. I just said “hmm yeah” and then he repeated what I said and giggled, felt as if he was wondering what my response would be. We carried on doing our thing, baring in mind I’ve been totally cool about the situation, ive talked about meeting up with guys on dates, and I try to encourage him to go on dates with girls. One night a girl he says he’s friends with lives in a different city and she was visiting, she asked him if he would meet her for food, he declined and invited me over instead. I went and told him that he should of seen her, and he was aware that one of my old male friends was asking if I wanted a catch up too. The next day, she asked him again and this time he said yes, and he had food with her. That’s the only time that I’m aware of that he’s seen another girl since we’ve been fwb, he hasn’t said he doesn’t want a relationship but has admitted to having commitment issues. He invites me round his place every night, we have take aways, watch films or play his xbox.. and sometimes we have sex. So sometimes I go round and we don’t have sex. We cuddle, kiss, and play fight and it doesn’t always lead to sex. We also sleep in the same bed (even when we haven’t had sex) and he asks me to stay over, and whenever I say I’ve gotta go, he tells me not to, and pulls me back in for a cuddle. He makes me dinner sometimes, and he even washed my socks I left over at his place, I never asked him too. He texts me every day all day, and one night when he was out clubbing, he text me saying “I wish you was here”. I know this probably doesn’t mean much, but he’s gone from sending “xx” to “xxxx” on texts, might not mean anything but oh well. He’s not afraid of people knowing about us either, and some of his close friends know about it. We go out together to pubs, and he’s asked me out for food on 2 occasions. He’s started to do more affectionate mannerisms, like stroking the back of my head and neck whilst I’m driving, asking to compare hand sizes (and then saying how small they are) kissing my cheek, and kissing my forehead, leaning on my shoulder whilst watching tv. And can I just say most of the time, he initiates the cuddles and hugs first. He sometimes hugs me when We are both standing, and one time we were holding hands, he asked “why are we holding hands” and I said “oh I think you grabbed mine first” and I said “let go if you want to” but he kept it there and even started doing that thumb stroking . I’ve caught him looking at me when he thinks I’m not looking, and he always kisses me goodbye. I once mentioned to him that i’d Love it if someone planned a surprise day out for me or took me somewhere I liked, and a few days later he told me to pull a sicky at work so we could go on a “road trip” where I don’t know where we are going. I might be looking way too much into this, but I’m confused as to what he might feel, and I need some secondary opinion before I ask him, because I’m a bit of a wimp. He’s quite a reserved person, doesn’t open up about things much, and he’s quite macho, so isn’t a soppy person. Thanks in advance.
  14. Okay, so I’ve known this guy for 3 years and we basically had a one night stand when we went on a night out a few weeks ago. There is a 10 year age gap.. he’s 31 and I’m 21. After it had happened, we were cool about it, I didn’t rush off in the morning we just chatted in bed until i wanted to go home. The next night, he asked if I wanted to go round again, which I Ageed to, and yes we had sex again. I had just come out of a toxic relationship and he was single and free so we decided to have a friends with benefits agreement because it was so fun! It starts to get dodgy though.. because every night for the past week he has asked if I wanted to go over, which I have but we don’t always have sex, sometimes we just sit in the living room and chill together. He told me he enjoys my company and he’s even asked me if I wanted to go Nando’s and drink in town at a few bars. We’ve been out drinking after the ordeal and it’s been great! He’s not bothered about anyone knowing about us or seeing us out together and he hasn’t been talking to other girls whilst talking to me. This is why baffles me though, because he is known to be a bit of a player, hasn’t settled for anyone for 4 years. I legit expected him to just talk to other girls whilst we out but he didn’t, all his attention was on me. He also told the mother of his kid that I was round his house, which seems weird to me because why would she need to know if I was just a fwb with him? However, he’s a texter and he’s started to take ages to reply, and he just doesn’t seem to be as eager anymore? I’ve been told that I’m just overthinking about that part though. Do you think he may like me more than just sex? And I can’t talk to him about it, feels like it’s just too soon.
  15. Okay, so I know this guy at work and I really like him. We have been friends for awhile now, always had good banter with eachother and always spoke to him about personal problems. Wasn’t until about 6 months ago or so when I realised oh I’ve caught feelings. Only thing is he’s engaged and has a 9 month old baby.. I never said anything and just brushed it off for that reason. Until we went to a works party, he agreed to meet me and walk me to the party (his fiancé didn’t attend) and he got me a drink. We went off to talk to separate people and all was good.. until I had one too many and I pulled him to one side and told him I liked him. We came out the party to talk in private and I just opened up to him. What happened next was totally unexpected. He told me he liked me back! So we spoke for ages, and he gave me a hug and it wasn’t just a friendly hug it felt like it was kind of an embrace, he was squeezing me and rubbing my back slowly it felt so good. He then asked for a kiss which I said no to as I said it wasn’t morally right, and he kept asking for one until I finally gave in (oops) he kissed me until I pulled away 3 seconds later because I felt guilty. We was gone from the party for 3 hours and all our colleagues kept ringing him but he kept rejecting the calls to stay with me. I asked him whether what he was saying was true because I just couldn’t believe he said he felt the same and his words were ‘if I didn’t I wouldn’t of spent 3 hours with you i’d Be in there with the others’. Anyway he walked me home and that was that. In the morning I was left very confused like what do I do now? So he texted me asking if I was okay and told me he didn’t regret anything. He’s carried on texting me all week and when I’ve seen him at work he makes excuses to talk to me and calls me when he doesn’t need to. Now I’ve asked him about his fiancé. He tells me he’s not happy with her and if it wasn’t for his baby he’d of left ages ago.. I’ve told him that it’s not a good idea to carry on texting whilst he’s still with her but every time I’ve said that he tells me not to stop because he likes me. I’m really stuck, because I don’t know how he feels I don’t know what to think. He’s asked me to ring him outside of work hours and he’s even asked me to meet him outside of work. He said he wants to chat and stuff. And for the record, it was only a kiss.. no sex involved. What should I do? Do I move on or do you think he genuinely is stuck in a loveless relationship for the sake of his child? I don’t know what to do!!
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