Cherylyn

Because rudeness seems to be the norm in society. It's not any different than a lot of motorists who no longer bother with flashing their turn signals before changing lanes in front of you, turning left or right. They just do it without warning. These rude, selfish habits are ubiquitous. Whether you're in a small town, big city, with family, friends or acquaintances, learn to let it go. They know what they did and they don't care because you don't matter that much to them. You're not that important to them. Should you confront them, they'll become defensive by either giving you a litany of excuses, actually become angry at you as if you are at fault or gaslight you. Take your pick. It's nothing I hadn't experienced before. 🙄 Expect the worst in people so you're longer shocked by their unsavory behaviors. You will grow numb to being ignored. Should they actually treat you with common courtesy and common decency, be pleasantly surprised and go from there.

I've noticed that some happy people including myself in many respects, don't want to feel dragged down by other people's serious or miserable woes. I can relate. After awhile, a person's depressing stories start to wear on you as if you're their free therapist. I know some people who harbor very painful baggage and while I have compassion for them, many times they habitually dump their problems onto me which can feel selfish and burdensome. I hear you. A lot of people can't simply have a good time and the conversation has to turn dark which is so sad that I can't handle it as you can attest. In other words, my sympathy card eventually expires. My suggestion for you is to date a person who is very stable, content and secure. This in turn will make you feel more comfortable with your date.

I think you need to let it go meaning accept John's stance. He accepted your apology with the caveat of readjusting the dynamic for himself which is his form of boundaries with you. He is willing to be cordial with you albeit cautiously. Respect his position. Either accept him as is or perhaps you can drift apart and fade away if his offer isn't good enough for you. Move forward by working on yourself. Get healthy because there is a strong connection between sound body, sound mind. Surround yourself with very moral people preferably in person. Back off from social media. You will find the break whether temporary or permanent freeing. I've found that the best healing is to focus taking outstanding care of yourself and not preoccupy yourself with others, what they're thinking and the like. Get busy. Work hard at any of your endeavors. Have goals. Be industrious. Don't waste time. You'll attract like minded people this way without even trying.

Concentrate on your health. There is a sound strong body, strong mind connection. Take good care of yourself if you want to be a more positive person. Have outlets. Help the disadvantaged, surround yourself with very moral people and positive role models. Get a hobby, become industrious in your home, work hard (nose to the grindstone) and get busy. Don't give yourself time to feel rotten. Feel relieved that you no longer have to put effort into a floundering relationship. Put a positive spin on it.

@niceknowingyou45 I wholeheartedly agree with MIL receiving respect and DIL receiving respect as well as I emphasized "mutual" respect as I've written previously. Of course, you can't predict the future regarding MIL's behavior and hopefully her comments to you won't precede what is to come. I hope it works in your favor. Just keep in mind that usually when the mouth spews, it's generally not the end of it. Sure, you may not hear anymore uncalled for comments for the time being but once you discover what a person is capable of, it's only a matter of time before the next zinger or dig is hurled in your direction whether directly or indirectly. Only time will tell. You'll just have to wait and see what happens next. No matter what, keep the peace. Many times relationships aren't optimal and ideal but at least you can be civil. You can't control other people to your favor no matter how much you wish it or strive to extend goodwill. At best on your end, remain diplomatic with strict boundaries if you have to take that route in order to attain your peace of mind.

You are just an online Internet buddy to her. No more, no less. Her real friendships or relationships are with people whom she knows in person, most likely locally and whom she socializes within her community. Or, people whom she has known for a while or a long time if they're her social media (FB) type friends, for example.

Amen @mylolita👍 🤗

I didn't give a what if scenario. I said that if MIL isn't loving and kind toward her DIL, it would be ideal if her son stood up to his mother and tell her outright to respect his wife or it will impact everyone whether it's his mother, her son, DIL, perhaps MIL's grandchildren, family and extended family socializing and the whole lot. Sure, many times there are workarounds and everyone can socialize separately but it's not always feasible. What I'm saying is that if the son confronts his mother and requests that she change for the better in order for his wife to feel accepted and loved by MIL, there needs to be improvement or socializing will either be limited or in the worst case scenario, can lead to estrangement. Having one's back means to defend, clear a person's name and protect the one you love from further harm. The husband should be his wife's buffer and shield. From friends, family, in-laws and acquaintances, there is a "fight your own battles" type mentality sometimes and while it works with some people, often times, you need moral support from your immediate loved ones. Hence, 'having your back.' If you want a scenario of if the wife is a jerk, hopefully, MIL's son will intervene and speak to his wife. Hopefully, there can be a lucid discussion between all 3 to resolve this. In an ideal world, this will happen and if not, there's an impasse. As for both sides, was it provoked? Did someone instigate anything? What happened? Whether from the MIL side or DIL side, there is competition for MIL's son / DIL's husband's time, attention, energy, perhaps resources and heart. There is only so much of the son / husband / father to go around. Perhaps he's a father of children. Perhaps he travels a lot for business, endures a long commute, has a household to run and it includes the gamut. Both sides should acquiesce but remain realistic all the while. Hopefully, there can be a happy medium somewhere. Then there's the geography. Is MIL local or does she live faraway? Usually, if MIL is the senior which she generally is by age, there's a 'I've paid my dues' mentality and she enjoys her pedestal status as the matriarch. Not always but many times, yes. I believe she has earned her rank as long as she does not throw her weight around. As a DIL, MIL deserves to be respected just as MIL should refresh her memory regarding what it felt like to be a young DIL and a new member of the family tree. Love, care, respect, effort and self control should be mutual. It amounts to love. Both sides should show it and really mean it otherwise it won't work. It has to be predictable and consistent without alarming blips and red flags. Most people no matter who they are want this.

I was referring to if MIL has a habitual, chronic mouth problem. Could be once in a while. Could be rarely but enough to be a dig. Could be either predictable or unpredictable. You never know. Unfortunately, this is what builds distrust. Or, you either don't mind, don't take offense even if directed at you or indirectly referring to you. Or, you'll feel the sting or continue moving on but know the next jab will come. You just don't know when. 🙄 @niceknowingyou45 is new to the FMIL / MIL / DIL relationship. Just give it time. 🤔 Hopefully her FMIL's mouth issues are few and far between. Wait days, weeks, months and years. Then determine what type of character she possesses. However, once you get a taste of someone's unsavory character, usually, this is not the end of it. It always could be worse. It really depends on your tolerance level. Some people don't mind listening to air pollution whether infrequently or frequently or in between. Some people do mind very much and this is the time to establish boundaries if you wish to lessen these types of uncomfortable encounters. I think it's great when people don't mind receiving condescending behaviors. They carry on and continue socializing with said person no matter what. There are a lot of people who prefer predictable, very consistent kindness rules of common courtesy and common decency and any other way is a no go. 👎 ☹️

I agree. If you are incompatible with FMIL / MIL, there are workarounds. People can socialize without you and you can enjoy a glorious break. However, many times if there's a rift between FMIL / MIL and DIL, a good husband will have his wife's back meaning he will defend her honor and clear her name. If that doesn't work, many times, he will remain loyal to his wife. I can see how socializing can continue without DIL if it came to that but often times extended family members, kids, grown adult children and the like become collateral damage. Many times, it is inevitable. If MIL complains, she should've thought about harsh consequences before she decided to open her big mouth. What goes around comes around. If she refuses to realize what she had done nor take responsibility, she will be a lonely woman. If offenses are bad and / or habitual or chronic, then often times family members will rally to the DIL because they're loyal to her especially if her dignity and integrity are at stake. She will be shielded and protected. FMIL / MIL should learn that there's a heavy price to pay and what this teaches her is this: You can't get away with it. Sure, have the freedom to say whatever you want but be prepared because people won't want to be with you if you're not nice. No one likes unpleasant surprises. I've seen this repeated phenomenon amongst family, friends, acquaintances and countless people in my life. It's more common than you think and nothing unusual.

My siblings and I were abandoned by my father. He walked out without saying 'goodbye' and when I awoke the next morning, he was gone. He never paid child support nor visited us. My mother worked 3 jobs 7 days a week to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table. I was again abandoned by family when my grandmother left with my baby brother all day and night. I was locked out of the house so there I sat on my dark front porch on a cold night without dinner on a school night. I can relate. I remember it very well. I'm fortunate to be happily married and a mother of sons in the suburbs. I have great friends. My BIL (nice brother-in-law) and his wife are my close friends in addition to my local friends. I'm grateful for their moral support. My husband is empathetic. Sometimes I'll catch myself feeling bitter and resentful regarding my past but it doesn't help. I'm learning to feel grateful and blessed. 🧡 A lot of people in public carry a world of painful burdens on their shoulders. I could be one of them but I choose to start anew with my current life. I don't want to be in my pity pot. My family and I've been volunteering at soup kitchens feeding the homeless and volunteering at local food banks. It puts life into perspective. It is very humbling. There are millions of people worse off than I am. Whenever I feel sorry for myself, I help the disadvantaged and I learn to feel grateful instead. My best friend's dying father told me this years ago: "Don't live in the past." I'll never forget his wise words. 🙏 🧡

I agree with you @niceknowingyou45 I feel for all 3. I'm a mother of sons. I have a MIL. I could very well become a MIL in the future. Even though a son is an adult, it is hard to let go and share him with another woman whether it's his girlfriend, fiancee or wife. For the longest time, a mother and son had direct dialogue without having to confer with another woman regarding plans, schedules and the like. In a mother's heart, there is a part of her which will always consider her son(s), her baby no matter how grown up he becomes. I will say though that since I know what it feels like to be a mother of sons and I'm a DIL AND I've been disrespected by MIL countless times through the years, the one empathetic lesson I've learned is to make sure I'm a good MIL someday, watch my words wisely and never throw caution to the wind. This is my key takeaway. I agree, a mother wants to spend time with her son and not always with his partner, girlfriend, fiancee or wife. However, @niceknowingyou45, I agree, an engagement celebration should include you. It makes sense. I too am referring to dynamics from friends, family members and life in general. I wouldn't go so far as to say that MIL treats her son as a surrogate lover though. Many MILs do expect their sons to drop their lives for them and it is an unrealistic expectation. Also, many MILs do not care about their DIL, what she thinks, how it impacts her schedule or routines. In this case, it is selfish of MIL to lean on her son just because he is her son. She finished her job and she needs to learn to treat him as an independent man and if he's married or betrothed, then MIL needs to respect DIL and yield to her. I actually agree with you. A lot of MILs think that their son's lady is the one who "took her son away." It's definitely a new role for everyone in the dynamic. MIL is unaccustomed to no longer being top priority in her son's life. MIL's status had been upstaged. I've discussed this with my friends, too. Some MILs don't have friends because their family is their whole life. They don't have any outlets. Some MILs don't exercise, have hobbies, a career, have other interests, intellectual pursuits nor the like. Naturally, their entire existence revolves around family, family, family and nothing else. It does feel as if one is smothered and it is quite suffocating indeed. I agree MIL often times does not respect their adult children and their own family lives or lives, period. It is not distinct to the baby boomer generation though. It's universal everywhere. I hate to break it to you but it's worse than the media portrays. ☹️ Just be prepared for more zingers to come you way via FMIL / MIL. I guarantee you will hear more insults, offenses and her true feelings toward you. This isn't the end of it. This wasn't her first nor last. You are a newbie at this game. All I can tell you is that someday hopefully sooner than later, you'll learn how to navigate yourself in order to feel safe. With practice, you'll get the hang of it. I was you back in the day. Now, I'm more calculating and shrewd in order to protect myself. You'll get there, too. Live and learn. 😉 Establishing boundaries works great. Don't get hurt. Get smart. Think and you will know how to play it safe and protect yourself. If I can do it, you can, too. 👍😊

I agree MIL was caught off guard but often times it's not what you say but how you say it. People never forget how you made them feel. If there is a poor choice of words and you're supposed to pretend you are deaf, it tarnishes the relationship which could've had potential to thrive. When life goes on with random unkind comments, naturally there is reluctance to be in said person's company which stands to reason. This applies to anyone on this Earth; not just FMIL / MIL. Any time a person speaks a certain way which rubs people the wrong way, it's not a good look. ☹️ I don't care how charming a person is when they're on or how well behaved they are most of the time. Unguarded moments when the mouth spews off makes one wince while the recipient dons their best poker face. 😐 It's those zingers which no one on the receiving end will ever forget. This is where the distrust starts to built up. It makes you question: Hmm, this person is a loose cannon. 😒 🤔 Do I wish to subject myself to their disrespectful (unkind) words in the future? Most people are risk adverse. Most people avoid those who don't behave honorably. Most people want predictable integrity. Most people want to be treated with dignity. Any other way? No deal.

^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ This advice is gold. 👍 🙂

I'm sorry for all your pain @SonicYouth Count me in with others by saying, I too have a very hurtful past and as much as I want validation from my mother, I know it is a very unrealistic expectation. I'm sorry to say you're just wasting your time, energy and breath by expecting your mother to validate your feelings. It will never happen. Not that I'm giving your mother excuses but many times, a mother, parent, could be sibling, friend, in-law or whomever simply does not care about your feelings. Your feelings do not matter. Their primary concern revolves around themselves, their concerns, wants and / or current situation. Often times, the past does not matter to them regarding how YOU feel or how you're currently trying to cope with painful memories. Thanksgiving, Christmas, perhaps Easter or major family gatherings during the holidays are especially hard because it's supposed to represent joyous groups and sharing good times. Unfortunately, it's difficult to reconcile painful memories, perhaps grudges, bitterness, resentment, unfairness, wrongs and hard feelings. What you're feeling is very universal. I'm not defending your mother so I don't want you to perceive it that way regarding what I say here. Even though it was not your intent to evoke hurtful memories for your mother, she told you not to feel melancholic nor sentimental during her tumultuous marriage to your late father. I experience the same snide comments from my mother and whenever it happens, I let it go. I don't give life to the subject anymore. I simply move onto a different subject or learn to walk away. There are times when it's better to diffuse an uncomfortable subject no matter how innocuous it was in your mind than to argue back 'n forth, engage in a fight and allow the unpleasant conversation to drag on. Take the lesser of two evils by shutting down the conversation. Don't go there anymore. Unfortunately, with some people on this Earth including your mother, you have to walk on eggshells, think before you speak and really watch what you say if you want to avoid conflict of any sort. Learn to adapt. Don't be sad and mad. Be smart. Be calculating and shrewd as you navigate yourself in all scenarios because it will save you. 👍 I hear you. I'm in the same boat. My parents housed and fed their three children but they too argued A LOT and it was ultimately a broken home. Sure, I can remain bitter but I've decided it's not healthy. I continue moving forward. Don't live in the past. Like you, my late father is long gone. Don't want nor expect your mother to validate your feelings. Since you know she lacks the emotional capacity, don't try to extract the impossible from her. If you do, you'll only become frustrated, disappointed and angry. ☹️ You're wasting your precious energy on an effort in futility. If you continue to pressure her to give you what you want, you'll be met with her snide, hurtful comments, gaslighting and talking in dizzying circles. Both sides will become defensive which leads to a lot of animosity. It's better to be peaceful. Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? 🙄 🤔 It hurts. Validate and acknowledge your feelings to be sure but also treat yourself better. At age 37, this is a new life of yours. Enrich your life whether it's with your career, surrounding yourself with moral people, be with people who are morally supportive, take great care of your health, perhaps take up a hobby, read good books, watch a documentary or whatever makes you happy. It's what I do and it helps a lot otherwise it's easy to become depressed and miserable. Transform your hurts into doing something positive. My family and I've been feeding the disadvantaged such as serving holiday meals to veterans, poor children and families who would otherwise not eat a holiday meal and the like. It really puts life into perspective when you realize there are millions of people worse off than you. It becomes less of a pity pot and you evolve into a man of gratitude. You ought to try it because it's a huge slice of humble pie.

You need to develop thicker skin @niceknowingyou45. As a mother of sons and perhaps a future MIL, I sit on both sides of the fence. 🤔 I think you have a beautiful heart 🧡 for wanting to bond with FMIL but dial it back. The more you expect from FMIL in particular, the more you will end up getting hurt and disappointed if she does not deliver the type of habitual respect, kindness and consideration you are seeking and anticipating. I think a lot of people can say this about a lot of people in their lives. 🙄 Lower your standards in people meaning your FMIL in particular could very well fall short of your expectations regarding consistent, high quality character you crave from her. She might not tick all the boxes. Lower your expectations in FMIL and people in general. Not everyone will behave wonderfully despite your goodwill because it is human nature and quite universal. Sure, you can remain respectful and well mannered but to err on the side of caution. Many times your overtures could very well be met with apathy, indifference, nonchalant behavior or temporary civility. Tread lightly. If you express your sentiments, be prepared for any scenario especially if you hear a response which may not be agreeable to you. Or, you could be offended or not. It's a gamble. An olive branch is a beautiful thing. However, not every FMIL wants the type of very close, tight relationship you desire. Pump the brakes. Not every FMIL wants your over zealous behavior nor wants to be your friend despite your good intentions. There are exceptions but many times FMIL wants boundaries, too. It works both ways. Again, exercise caution because sometimes when you get too close, you will get to know her or other people too well warts and all and do you want that? 😖 Intimacy is way overrated. If you're seeking longevity, play it safe. Be nice but don't over do it otherwise, sometimes it can backfire and you won't see it coming. Take it from someone who has been there, done that. 😏 There are commendable qualities in FMIL and MIL as well as many people not distinct to in-laws. Do everything at your own risk and you'll learn eventually what works best for you, best for her (or anyone) and let that be your guide towards your trajectory. 😉 😊 Your goal should be an enduring, peaceful rapport with FMIL even if you have to establish boundaries in order to sustain it which applies to most people on this Earth.

That's an amazing answer @Wiseman2

Disregard his hypocrisy. He's your ex. He shouldn't matter to you anymore. Whether he's still with you, your ex or other hypocrites in this world, there's nothing you can do about it. A lot of people pretend to be good and during weak moments in their character, arguments or whenever life isn't rosy, their true unsavory characters are revealed to you. Deal with it then if these people remain in your life but if they are an ex, they're history. Dealing meaning boundaries and the like. He's an ex so move on with your life and leave him behind where he should remain. Also, delete and block him everywhere so he'll become out of sight, out of mind. The less you know, the more you could care less. 😊

Opinions are based upon experience. Experience meaning dealing with all sorts of people whether in-laws or not. You learn to adapt, contort yourself and if you're uncomfortable with unpredictable or predictable behavior, a person has every right to resort to boundaries. Yes, I agree with boundaries because it is definitely fair. 👍 No, I'm not projecting. As mentioned previously, whether in-laws or not there are people in this world who won't always give you a smooth, harmonious relationship and since you can't change them to your will, the only thing you can control is how you feel about the situation, how you'll handle situations which can be uncomfortable or take the easy route by simply making yourself unavailable as possible. I agree, I too like some people very much. Unfortunately, you have to take the good with the bad sometimes, grin and bear it and if you happen to receive some form of uncalled for comments, it's part of the package deal in relationships that aren't always going to play nice. It's this way everywhere. Everyone has foibles. However, if some offenses no matter how minor or major they are, lean towards habitual and chronic; spanning days, weeks, months or years, then do something about it to protect yourself which stands to reason. Nowhere does it say that you should be anyone's verbal punching bag in order to remain civil and prevent any type of distress and discord. Anytime a situation isn't ideal, it can feel uncomfortable and you just either have to go along with it for the sake of everyone's peace or make your own stance where those who want to be together can and if you decide @niceknowingyou45 to opt out, you most certainly have your freedom of choice. As for feeling numb, it takes practice with this world. You don't let people affect you so severely. Treat them the same way they treat you. If they don't care that much about you to say something flippant, then do likewise by not placing them on a pedestal in your life. Don't make some people so important. Make self preservation your priority. It can be done by establishing boundaries. It is very doable indeed. I too hope MIL is self aware but remain realistic. Again, you can't change nor fix people because it's above your pay grade. Learn to adapt and you will be fine. It really does work however way you navigate this @niceknowingyou45🤗 And yes, boundaries work wonders. 😊 👍

Also, what helps is to be dismissive and don't allow MIL to impact you so emotionally. Since she doesn't hold you in high regard, you are devoting far too much brain space for her which she does not deserve. Learn to back off A LOT. 😉 I say let your boyfriend / fiance / husband be with his mother while you stay home, eat, watch a movie, take a long hot bath, relax and enjoy yourself! There are times when the best thing to do is absolutely NOTHING. It requires less energy not to partake. If there's a relationship problem between you and MIL don't be in it. Don't be available and should she say anything behind your back, you can't control her mouth. The beauty of it is you're not there. Many times when a relationship or dicey in-law situation isn't optimal nor idyllic, the best thing to do is bow out and do your own thing. Boundaries are also about doing things separately because you can't make everyone happy all the time. It's one of those "you do you, I'll do me" type dynamics and it works wonders. 😊You don't have to be lumped together and better yet, you're better off to avoid each other since you would be uncomfortable in MIL's presence anyway. Step back and look at the big picture. Do what is best for you. You don't have to deny him of being with his mother. Have at it as he and his mother pleases while you take a break and do what makes you happy. It's a win win situation. 👍 Don't fret. There are always workarounds. This is exactly what establishing boundaries are.

You are entitled to your opinion as am I. We can agree to disagree. 🤗 I'm saying it's typical and very universal because in many ways, MIL can't let go of her baby boy no matter if he's a grown man. She still wants to feel special and it's annoying to have to share her son with DIL. Hence, snide comments are of no surprise whether it's habitual or at random. Sure, it doesn't have to happen all the time but every now and then there is no shock factor for yet another jab DIL didn't see coming. 😖 I agree not every MIL is the same but for the MILs who are matriarch types, the only thing a DIL can do is establish healthy boundaries if it's habitually uncomfortable to be in MIL's presence. Also, the best advice would be to practice good diplomacy. You don't have to love nor hate each other but be polite if you must be together whenever it may be. You don't have to be chums just like two world powers or adversaries who practice good diplomacy despite not caring to actually like each other. 😏 Not every in-law situation is lovey dovey. In an ideal world, it would be wonderful if everyone is consistently kind, thoughtful and very considerate. However, with relatives and in-laws in particular, you never know what you'll get at any given moment so the best thing to do is to be prepared for all scenarios good, bad or indifferent. With practice, you will grow numb or become smart by simply making yourself unavailable. In many situations @niceknowingyou45, you don't have to be with MIL at every opportunity. Lessen the discomfort with your boundaries because it will save you. 😊

You need to find another woman who wants children without a doubt whatsoever. As for remaining in contact with her despite not sharing the same future goals and dreams together regarding children, it's not healthy to be friends or be in a relationship when the relationship is not on the same wavelength as yours. Stop wasting everyone's time. Cut her loose and settle down with meeting a woman who has intentions of being your wife and / or the mother of your children at some point in the future. Be evenly yoked and compatible otherwise it won't work no matter how much you wish it or hold out hope that perhaps her mind could change. Be pragmatic.

The in-law situation can be be like walking on eggshells; especially MIL since she feels she is Queen Bee while DIL "should know her place." You can keep the peace by kowtowing to her all the time but after a while, you'll wise up and won't tolerate her shenanigans anymore. 🤔 For years, you can be the type to do a lot for MIL in order to feel accepted and loved. Good luck with that. 🙄 You can give gifts, do a lot of favors, help, jump right in and make every occasion a success for MIL and for her branch of the family tree, cook a lot at every opportunity and bend over backwards to make her happy so she'll approve of you. This is how a young, naive DIL behaves in order to get into her MIL's good graces. Unfortunately, it's to no avail because in her eyes, you will always be her subordinate and never her equal. She will always feel superior to you and she always feels that she has every right to throw her weight around as top priority in her son's life. Be prepared for snide and condescending comments spewed in your direction. You can either take the high road by grinning and bearing it like a stoic DIL or enforce strict boundaries meaning decrease your encounters with MIL, never engage in 1:1 phone chats, no texts nor emails and ensure that every social interaction is with witnesses abound. Less funny business this way. Take it from someone who has been there, done that. Save yourself the angst, grief and be smart from the beginning. If anything, I wish I would've known back then what I know now. I think most people would say the same regarding their life and various interactions with difficult people who are often times pathological. ☹️ If your boyfriend / fiance / husband is the type to have your back, defend you, speak up for you and protect your honor, then you can use him as your shield and buffer which is to your advantage and benefit. If he is a coward and doesn't have a backbone to stand up to his mother, then you are in trouble as the lone lamb left for slaughter. No one is in your corner which is an awful position to be in. 🥺 If you're local to your MIL, the relationship is dicey and she's more maintenance. If you reside faraway from her, it's easier to deal with her because she'll become out of sight, out of mind during the majority of every year. 🤗

Realistically and unfortunately, we live in a judgemental world. Most people are guilty of it but would never admit it. There are different judgements whether it's occupation or lack thereof, education or lack thereof, demographics, income, religious or not, physical appearance, how one speaks, writes, political views, race, etc. It's unfair but it is the way of the world. Personally, if a person possesses high quality character and I can rely on them unequivocally, I tend to focus on how a person treats or mistreats me. As for you, you can't change how people think or what they perceive in you. All you can do is be your best self, be kind and let that part of you shine during social settings. They'll either accept or reject you. Concentrate on surrounding yourself with people who treat you with kindness. Everyone else in this world truly does not matter. I agree with others. You do not need to give every minutiae regarding what you do for a living.

Yes, he sounds like a flake and very unreliable. ☹️