ilovecats666

I guess as an update for anyone who is curious, I think I am ending the relationship. I think a lot of you are right in saying that I'm not ready for this situation, I'm not. I think if it were in person, it would have worked out well. But the pressure of the long distance and vague future is getting to me. Yesterday I discussed with him how I'm having an extremely hard time with the situation. And he more or less said that his next 5 ish years will probably have him moving around a lot and working even more. Which is definitely unstable and leaving him with even less time. And I know I won't be able to cope. I already only intermittently am. Aka not. I think I need to back out before I make his life a nightmare with my insecurities. I know I can be massively draining though it isn't my intention. Because it's a nightmare to live in my own brain sometimes. So I imagine it'd not great to be on the other end either. I'll take a long break and keep working with my therapist and psychiatrist to hopefully be more normal psychologically at some point. It is very devastating because he's a great dude. Easily the best guy I've ever dated. I just know I'm not going to be magically better any time soon. And this relationship taught me a lot about how deeply not healed I am.

Very much so. Its WILDLY different. In a much better way, but different none the less. I'm absolutely working on it. I have a long time therapist that is helping me. And I'm very careful to not lash out at him. And to own it when I am out of line

Yes it's that same guy. And yes I still have some of those same anxieties, but its a little more than that. It's basically my entire history of relationship trauma surfacing BECAUSE he is safe to discuss and confront issues with. I'm very happy with him. I'm just alarmed at the amount I've repressed over the years.

I DO believe we are compatible and I don't mean to make it seem like I am complaining about him. He's great. Just the relationship being a safe space has allowed more trauma to surface than I was expecting. Plus I'm having to learn that a little boring is GOOD. And that constant "excitement " is tumultuous

Thank you! I am definitely getting there

Hahahah idk. Trauma brain is weird

I'd say it's more that I'm in a safe space now that's allowing trauma to surface how it hasn't been allowed to before.

I may look those up. I enjoy new reads on the topic. And very much so. I'm very grateful for him and his stability. And don't want to OVER do it. Its just hard to address surfacing trauma in a way I haven't had the chance to before.

Correct. The problem one is me not him 😂

I agree. Thankfully I have a long time therapist who is great. It's just new to me to have a relationship that's a safe space. I am very grateful for him. And his stability. And I tell him that often. And when I do go off the rails, I always apologize and own it. I try to make a huge point to not be a burden.

100%. When it's a safe space it's HARD even though it's wonderful.

Yes! Its finally a safe space. And that's the problem and the solution 😂

Definitely. I do see a therapist, and do my best to not dump on him. It just projects light onto my issues in a way that doesn't happen in a toxic setting

Very much. That's an excellent way to put it. I'm used to having to be the mature one. And it's finally not the case. And yes, him being SO calm and communicative makes me realize how many things I need to work on because I have a hard time with both. Its a positive. He's a good partner. I just find it interesting that it's a bigger struggle for me

It shines a light on everything that I need to work on. I notice it more when I'm not having to "baby" my partner"s feelings so much like I'm used to. And therefore I have to turn into myself and see how I feel without care taking someone else's emotions for once