r0tar

You know, it's funny how people say about helping others and feeling grateful. They tend to say it a lot more than do it. When I've been down and out, which is to be expected if you have literally no one at all to count on, people haven't pursued gratitude or tried to be humble. They let you down, constantly. They look for things to feel jealous about. Not trying to be derogatory about yourself personally. But this is what it's like when you're alone. There is not much to feel grateful about because it is a real disadvantage. How can you learn to like what kind of hand that is? If we're going to be honest you can only learn to hate it.

That sounds great you have a network that looks after you No, I've found people come and go

No, they refuse to take me seriously. It can make me feel mad sometimes, like I've done something wrong, murdered a puppy or something ridiculous, and forgotten about it. I keep thinking, what did I come out of exactly? And into what? Most of life has been about survival, that has had to take the top priority. What kind of life is it when all you do is struggle to survive? I'm not proud of that. It's not empowering or prosperous to have no one to count on. You don't gain any special skills, just a mentality that no one can be trusted. But I'm not sorry for myself. There's been no other way to live.

That sounds very difficult to have a deadbeat dad. If the definition of deadbeat is someone that cares about you until it serves no more to them, my whole family are deadbeats. I won't mourn them, they won't mourn me. So no one will be mourning me. No role models or anyone reliable has stuck around. That's what family is supposed to be there for. They are the ones that do this. When they're not there, no one's there.

The reason I'm writing this is to see if there have been others like myself who have been discarded from their families for no apparent reason. When I was 19 my parents went through a nasty divorce and left me in a homeless shelter. I worked my way out of this but the way my family treated me was strange. Not any of them had tried to get in touch. They received my calls and visits but never called or visited me. My siblings also became homeless too. I learned some of my family were very wealthy and lived nearby, and had done nothing. This was shocking to me. Over the years I became exasperated and gave up with them. I don't trust my immediate family after how it imploded and how some people acted. I tried to get in touch with some extended family members but all they did was humour me. In other words they've made it clear they do not accept me. The most hurtful thing about this, is that no one has said why. I feel treated like a degenerate or a criminal. One person once said "we know things were bad at home". Yes, they were awful, I almost died. Maybe that's why? They always had this thing where they made a point of family being important, perhaps that was just part of the facade. It's messed my head up, I think it would to anyone. I've tried to keep trying with my life, but life without a family to support you or be around sometimes is no joke. Especially when you were brought up to take it seriously. People don't treat you very seriously without a family. Is it reasonable to still feel so shocked about this? I know this is not the first time in history something like this has happened. But I've never met anyone else who went through anything similar. I'm not sad or angry, but it's unpleasant and confusing. Who are you without a family? That's my story, if anyone else has been abandoned by their family, especially for no real reason, would like to hear.