Others who have been abandoned by their family?

[r0tar]

The reason I'm writing this is to see if there have been others like myself who have been discarded from their families for no apparent reason. When I was 19 my parents went through a nasty divorce and left me in a homeless shelter. I worked my way out of this but the way my family treated me was strange. Not any of them had tried to get in touch. They received my calls and visits but never called or visited me. My siblings also became homeless too. I learned some of my family were very wealthy and lived nearby, and had done nothing. This was shocking to me.

Over the years I became exasperated and gave up with them. I don't trust my immediate family after how it imploded and how some people acted. I tried to get in touch with some extended family members but all they did was humour me. In other words they've made it clear they do not accept me.

The most hurtful thing about this, is that no one has said why. I feel treated like a degenerate or a criminal. One person once said "we know things were bad at home". Yes, they were awful, I almost died. Maybe that's why? They always had this thing where they made a point of family being important, perhaps that was just part of the facade. 

It's messed my head up, I think it would to anyone. I've tried to keep trying with my life, but life without a family to support you or be around sometimes is no joke. Especially when you were brought up to take it seriously. People don't treat you very seriously without a family.

Is it reasonable to still feel so shocked about this? I know this is not the first time in history something like this has happened. But I've never met anyone else who went through anything similar. I'm not sad or angry, but it's unpleasant and confusing. Who are you without a family?  

That's my story, if anyone else has been abandoned by their family, especially for no real reason, would like to hear.

 

 

 

 

[boltnrun]

I wasn't abandoned by my entire family, just my father. He left my mother and basically just wanted to date younger women and get married multiple times and have fun. He didn't pay child support and left us alone under the care of our older half brother during our visitation weekends. 

The day I turned 18 I told my mother "I'm legally an adult now. No one can make me see that man anymore. I'm not going." And she said "OK". He was not invited to my wedding and hasn't met his beautiful grandchildren (my kids). I have not laid eyes on the guy since I was 17 and that's 40 years.

It hurt a lot because I was my father's little precious princess until he didn't want the hassle of caring for me or providing food, shelter, clothing or medical care for me and my brother. So I said, screw it. He don't care about me, I don't care about him. I have no idea if the old fart is even still alive and I don't (and won't ever) care. No, I won't regret it after he croaks.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. I can't even imagine. And yes, it's completely understandable for you to still feel hurt and confused.

Do you have friends who care about you and who you care about? Any sort of mentor or role model?

[Wiseman2]

41 minutes ago, r0tar said:

. When I was 19 my parents went through a nasty divorce and left me in a homeless shelter. I worked my way out of this. My siblings also became homeless too. 

Sorry this happened. It's good you came out of this. How long ago did this happen? Are you working and living somewhere now?  Are you still in touch with your siblings, either of your parents or any extended family? 

[Seraphim]

I am so very sorry for what happened to you. 

[r0tar]

18 hours ago, boltnrun said:

It hurt a lot because I was my father's little precious princess until he didn't want the hassle of caring for me or providing food, shelter, clothing or medical care for me and my brother. So I said, screw it. He don't care about me, I don't care about him. I have no idea if the old fart is even still alive and I don't (and won't ever) care. No, I won't regret it after he croaks.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. I can't even imagine. And yes, it's completely understandable for you to still feel hurt and confused.

Do you have friends who care about you and who you care about? Any sort of mentor or role model?

That sounds very difficult to have a deadbeat dad. If the definition of deadbeat is someone that cares about you until it serves no more to them, my whole family are deadbeats. I won't mourn them, they won't mourn me. So no one will be mourning me.

No role models or anyone reliable has stuck around. That's what family is supposed to be there for. They are the ones that do this. When they're not there, no one's there.  

[r0tar]

18 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Are you still in touch with your siblings, either of your parents or any extended family? 

No, they refuse to take me seriously. It can make me feel mad sometimes, like I've done something wrong, murdered a puppy or something ridiculous, and forgotten about it.

I keep thinking, what did I come out of exactly? And into what? Most of life has been about survival, that has had to take the top priority. What kind of life is it when all you do is struggle to survive? I'm not proud of that. It's not empowering or prosperous to have no one to count on. You don't gain any special skills, just a mentality that no one can be trusted. But I'm not sorry for myself. There's been no other way to live. 

[boltnrun]

29 minutes ago, r0tar said:

That sounds very difficult to have a deadbeat dad. If the definition of deadbeat is someone that cares about you until it serves no more to them, my whole family are deadbeats. I won't mourn them, they won't mourn me. So no one will be mourning me.

No role models or anyone reliable has stuck around. That's what family is supposed to be there for. They are the ones that do this. When they're not there, no one's there.  

I've chosen to have my friends be my support. We support one another emotionally. I did have my mother but she was often overly critical and sometimes downright cruel due to unresolved jealousy from when I was a small child and my father favored me and gave me affection and attention. And she passed away many years ago so I have no parents. I rely on chosen friends when I am not doing well.

Do you have friends you trust? How about a special someone?

[r0tar]

30 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I've chosen to have my friends be my support. We support one another emotionally. I did have my mother but she was often overly critical and sometimes downright cruel due to unresolved jealousy from when I was a small child and my father favored me and gave me affection and attention. And she passed away many years ago so I have no parents. I rely on chosen friends when I am not doing well.

Do you have friends you trust? How about a special someone?

That sounds great you have a network that looks after you

No, I've found people come and go 

[Cherylyn]

My siblings and I were abandoned by my father.  He walked out without saying 'goodbye' and when I awoke the next morning,  he was gone.  He never paid child support nor visited us.  My mother worked 3 jobs 7 days a week to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table.  

I was again abandoned by family when my grandmother left with my baby brother all day and night.  I was locked out of the house so there I sat on my dark front porch on a cold night without dinner on a school night. 

I can relate.   I remember it very well. 

I'm fortunate to be happily married and a mother of sons in the suburbs.  I have great friends.  My BIL (nice brother-in-law) and his wife are my close friends in addition to my local friends.  I'm grateful for their moral support.  My husband is empathetic. 

Sometimes I'll catch myself feeling bitter and resentful regarding my past but it doesn't help.  I'm learning to feel grateful and blessed.  🧡

A lot of people in public carry a world of painful burdens on their shoulders.  I could be one of them but I choose to start anew with my current life.  

I don't want to be in my pity pot.  My family and I've been volunteering at soup kitchens feeding the homeless and volunteering at local food banks.  It puts life into perspective.  It is very humbling.  There are millions of people worse off than I am.  Whenever I feel sorry for myself,  I help the disadvantaged and I learn to feel grateful instead.

My best friend's dying father told me this years ago:  "Don't live in the past."  I'll never forget his wise words.  🙏 🧡

[r0tar]

On 11/28/2023 at 2:00 AM, Cherylyn said:

I don't want to be in my pity pot.  My family and I've been volunteering at soup kitchens feeding the homeless and volunteering at local food banks.  It puts life into perspective.  It is very humbling.  There are millions of people worse off than I am.  Whenever I feel sorry for myself,  I help the disadvantaged and I learn to feel grateful instead.

My best friend's dying father told me this years ago:  "Don't live in the past."  I'll never forget his wise words.  🙏 🧡

You know, it's funny how people say about helping others and feeling grateful. They tend to say it a lot more than do it. When I've been down and out, which is to be expected if you have literally no one at all to count on, people haven't pursued gratitude or tried to be humble. They let you down, constantly. They look for things to feel jealous about.

Not trying to be derogatory about yourself personally. But this is what it's like when you're alone. There is not much to feel grateful about because it is a real disadvantage. How can you learn to like what kind of hand that is? If we're going to be honest you can only learn to hate it. 

 

[Cherylyn]

On 12/1/2023 at 8:07 AM, r0tar said:

You know, it's funny how people say about helping others and feeling grateful. They tend to say it a lot more than do it. When I've been down and out, which is to be expected if you have literally no one at all to count on, people haven't pursued gratitude or tried to be humble. They let you down, constantly. They look for things to feel jealous about.

Not trying to be derogatory about yourself personally. But this is what it's like when you're alone. There is not much to feel grateful about because it is a real disadvantage. How can you learn to like what kind of hand that is? If we're going to be honest you can only learn to hate it. 

 

I think about my painful past, too.  There's nothing I can do about it.  I can either wallow in my misery or make my life better within my control. 

I've already been down the pity pot road and I don't like it.  What has helped me is the power of positive thinking.  I get busy no matter what endeavor whether working hard,  taking care of my health,  being with very moral people,  immersing myself in hobbies or doing what enjoy and the possibilities are limitless. 

I don't allow bad memories to have a grip on my life otherwise they've won.  I prefer to triumph instead. 

Like you @r0tar,  I don't like the cards I was dealt with so I make the best of it.  I hope you will, too.