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Scottrn

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Everything posted by Scottrn

  1. Scottrn
    Nothing else to say! Excellent, you get it now! 8) There may still be bad days, them hours, them minutes, but try to remember how you felt when posting this, and hold on to it!!
  2. Scottrn
    There isn't any reason to blame yourself for his leaving, as you said he was telling you things were fine. Sometimes when we're down, as learning to be without that person in your life, we tend to beat ourselves up even more, thoughts like "If I only....or I should have...etc". The fact is he said he's done with the relationship, for whatever reason. Theres no reason for you to think it was your doing, or for you to keep beating yourself up. Some days are better than others, trust me I know but you will get over it. It may actually prove to be a good thing, at least he didn't wait until you guys were married to decide it wasn't right for him. Find something to do, focus your mind on other things and it will gradually get better. 8)
  3. Scottrn
    I've heard it said that the pain from something won't go away until the lesson intended from it is learned. I know how you feel, I never planned on being where I am at my age. But here I am, and I too think I'm ok. So the things I went through in the past MADE ME who I am today. It's ok to feel regret but only to the point of reminding yourself what you've learned and to know you won't make the same mistakes again. Focus on the positive in your life, less on the negative! 8)
  4. Scottrn
    Because he didn't tell you he loved you because you did doesn't equate with something being wrong with you. I'm SURE that you will meet other people that you will feel ofr, it just takes longer for some than others. I think that means you feel deeper, which at times like this seems like a curse, but if you keep your heart soft and open, heal properly and completely you will have grown so much through this! You will have a better idea of what you need in a partner and the relationship will be more fullfilling for you both. Stand on your own and like yourself before you go to another, the time table for you is different than others so don't get rushed by anyone! (To borrow from a great guy!) Chin up! You are beautiful and a one of a kind creation, made on purpose!! 8)
  5. Scottrn
    From now on, I love reading your posts, you really have your thought life squared up! Rainswept said: I recenty looked up an ex of mine, wrote her an e-mail and went for coffee. It was a nice visit, really got me past it. I saw her as just a woman, not this person I created since we split. Maybe you could contact her? Not with the intention of getting back together, but if you see her, catch up and trade stories, maybe you can finally put that guilt and wondering about 'the one' down. I'm not sure how long you've been having these thoughts about God taking you, but if its going on for more than a few weeks I would strongly suggest counseling. Don't do anything rash, life has a way of turning around when you least expect it. Keep posting and reading here, you are not alone, everyone here is great and it will help you to realize that you really are not alone.
  6. Scottrn
    Free will is not given up to God. I exercise my free will to follow his teaching, which in a nutshell is to love everyone as yourself. Good advice, but we get so into ourselves and our concerns that often we are unable, due to our misconceptions of others. Don't judge, no-one knows where in their path someone else is. They may be the nicest person in the world but they crossed paths with you at a bad time, hard day, who knows? We are far from perfect. I believe this life amounts to little in the big picture. It's like a school, we are learning things to make ourselves better, more complete. If we are spiritual beings without form in the after-this-life, how will you do there if you only rely on yourself? Won't it be difficult for someone without empathy or a sense of connection with others to go into this setting? Caldus, I agree with you! I love these threads, reminds me theres more to life than right now, and getting others thoughts on it really does set a person thinking about bigger things, encouraging personal growth. "the purpose of debate is not to win or lose, but to learn."
  7. Scottrn
    Thanks for the compliment bibora! Aika said: I went through something similar, and for me it was that she moved on to another guy but I was still alone. That cost me a few nights sleep, thinking about what they were doing alone together.... ...but you need to remember, as I did, that you need more time to learn from it and being alone is the best thing if you are in that mindset, also for the new person because they deserve a fair shake with you, which you can't give them if you still feel as you do for your ex. Take everyones advice, just find something to do. Look hard at yourself, it hurts sometimes but you will learn and grow, the hurt you feel isn't for nothing. Use it. Learn to recognize whst triggers these thoughts (I learned this here, what an awesome bunch of people posting on this site!) and retrain your mind, learn how to recognize these thoughts and replace them with something else. Keep plugging along, and remember setbacks aren't permanent, nor are they indicative of failure. 8)
  8. Scottrn
    Hi all, I found this excellent web page about the meaning of life. Lots of neat stuff there, check it out!
  9. Scottrn
    This is a neat page about this very question. Check it out. I don't agree with it all, but it will set you thinking differently, and isn't that enough?
  10. Scottrn
    Thats the Great Guy! Just don't beat yourself up for the waves of emotions that hit you when you see her. I passed my ex on the road, both in cars going opposite directions the other day, and I got one of those waves. In 5 seconds I felt a numbness, lump in my throat and I think our whole relationship flashed through my mind. Only the good stuff, of course! I got home and felt bad, only to sign on here and realize that it doesn't mean I'm starting all over, just was an unexpected 'sighting' which brings it all back, but only for as long as you let it. I read some posts by GG and reminded myself of what I quoted from you above. Feel it, then move along. Best to you bro!! 8)
  11. Scottrn
    Happy for you! You're right, a little better each day!
  12. Scottrn
    Very well said ilse. That is the bottom line. For your future, I think you need to figure out who/what YOU want to do or be, not what you should or shouldn't do. As long as you don't know (or care) who you are, you will continue to be like a ship tossed on the waves, never finding peace and contentment. Ated, seems you answered this yourself. Tell him, and mean it, to leave you alone. Seems to me he's still using you to lift himself up...."hee hee she still misses me". Whats that? Just an ego boost at your expense. Enough of that, move on and if he calls, remind him that you don't appreciate the calls and hang up. Don't worry about not being nice, he isn't.
  13. Scottrn
    I hurt for you, really....... I know the feeling, and sometimes it goes from bad to worse. The last thing you want to hear is that it takes time, but it does. I no longer feel like dying would be better, but it still gets to me now and then. Let me share this mornings thoughts with you, hope you don't mind. I flipped back and forth between the game and law & order 'criminal intent' last night, and it was about this doctor who turns out to be nuts in the end, but thats not the point. He was dating this lady his age (?40's) who was a recovering alcoholic and was still insecure, but was strengthened by his being with her. She told the cops how nice he was, sweet, treated her well, understood her. At the end, she finds out with everyone else that he wasn't even close to who she thought he was, or led her to believe he was. This had nothing to do with the storyline as it was all about catching this doctor, but I found myself thinking of her for the rest of the night and still this morning. She let down her guard, trusted him, and got lied to. How did she cope? What happened after he was arrested, in her mind? Did she stay sober, or was this blow to her already low self-esteem and sense of self-worth enough to put her back in the bottle? I reflect on her to try and see me. What would I do? This may happen to me again, how will I deal with it? God willing I won't EVER shut down or get hard hearted towards others because of what happens. I see her story and KNOW that it had nothing to do with her, shes still a good person, struggling to be her best, but what does she see? Again, what will I choose to see? I know you are a good person struggling (as we all are) to do and be your best. Do you see that? Or do you see a person still defined by the ex as someone unwanted and thereforeeee unworthy? I really hope this made sense, I'm on break and trying to be quick about it, but your post really touched me. Be strong, you are more than what anyone says you are, God loves you and says so!! PM me anytime, the beginning is the worst, it gets better, promise! 8)
  14. Scottrn
    Well said 11flower, nothing wrong with the process, just don't let it be the new way of life! 8)
  15. Scottrn
    I know what I should do, buut sometimes I do what I shouldn't. If I did what I was supposed to do I would be happier, but occasionally I get myself into thinking wrong again. I think I was really surprised by this one with new years eve, didn't expect it to matter so I wasn't ready for the emotional onslaught! I'm getting better at spotting the triggers and avoiding them, or as GG suggested in another post, laugh about it. What difference does it make what she does Dec.31st? To me? We were, now we aren't. I don't mean to sound bitter, but its me time now, you guys are right on with that! Not to say I'm going to be a selfish jerk, I still can be my nice self without becoming a doormat for someone else. I gotta work on me now, you go work on you. 8) Yeah, sounds good, guess I was having a hard time letting go there for a few. Thanks ya'll, I'll suck it up and go work out!!
  16. Scottrn
    From now on, Excellent post about selfish to be selfless.....makes sense. Ticlebug has a way of putting things out there, doesn't she? I've read several of her posts and it is always what is needed. If you are the one who can't see the forest for the trees, often someone else has to point it out. Good on ya mentor, we goin' to be ok. 8)
  17. Scottrn
    HAHAHAHHA!! I was thinking the SAME THING!! ROTFLMAO!!! Seriously Great GUy, you do have a way about putting things! I love it! That post reall ypicked me up out of my wallowing in self-pity...Thanks!
  18. Scottrn
    You're right, I do that sometimes also. Doing well but thinking maybe I shouldn't be, don't deserve to be?!! Logically it makes no sense, but at 3am theres not much logic. Thanks for the tips, I'll try to think differently about these things....but I will be glad when it's January 2. Surprising, didn't worry about Christmas, but New Years eve is kickin' my butt! Hope Santa was good to you guys
  19. Scottrn
    I feel you. Good for you to not go, I know how difficult it is, especially with the family involved, but as you said it would be roulette for you...not worth the risk. I have a huge hole too, thinking of new years eve is turning out to be really difficult for me but this too shall pass. Good luck with the date, you nailed it to say someone can have an interest in you. one of the toughest things is to feel unwanted.. Hope it works, at least to distract you for awhile, until you forget what you needed to be distracted from!!
  20. Scottrn
    How about thinking of Valentines day as a day for yourself? I never really bought into V-day, so I guess it's not so dreadful for me. Where did it come from anyway? Was it hallmark, or a diamond company!!
  21. Scottrn
    There is only one bro!! You said awhile back helping others helps us help ourselves. So true. Just trying to get better together. 8)
  22. Scottrn
    Good advice GG! I'm learning guitar, went and got some skin stuff at one of those mall kiosks, exfoliation!! HAHA! Really! Upgraded my exercise equiptment, added weights and a new bench......getting ready for the beach in 2005! You're really great gg, keep it up, and didn't mean to usurp your position on that other thread!!
  23. Scottrn
    Strange thoughts. I know I'm better off without her, finding someone to return my love etc... The hardest part to get past is thinking of her with someone else. Like today, I remember last new years and think that she'll do all that with a new guy. Why do I do that to myself? I think if I knew why I could get a better handle on not doing it anymore, or less often. Like I said, thats what drives me nuts! Not surprising as she never was who I though she was or said she was, didn't put effort into change. Is it the responsibility I still feel for her? Awww crap, if not for this dadgum issue I would be able to deal. All else is understandable. aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!! (is that how you spell it? )
  24. Scottrn
    I reallu liked the chess analogy!
  25. Scottrn
    None taken. I'll be working New years so I'll be here on new years eve~first one alone in very long time. Yeah, it is depressing huh.... but not really alone!
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