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Scottrn

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  1. Scottrn
    Hey Hockeyboy, I was wondering when you'd show up here!! It's all good doc, don't take it personally. You are different, I've learned enough from your posts to say that with confidence. Don't stereotype, it's not always on target. Sometimes it is, but what might you miss from doing it? I missed out on a great girl because I was scared what people would say/ do because she was a different color. Maybe I'll find her again.........Hmmm, maybe I will!!
  2. Scottrn
    LMAO!!! Good post, but no sympathy here,....I still miss the whalers!! Well, at least we still have the wolfpack......actually, I think they're a better team! Sorry Gordie
  3. Scottrn
    I don't think I understand.... To repeat amanda, why did you marry him? From the little you said, I would not recommend throwing away a year(at least, as you have a child) for a 2 month thing..... Hard to advise with so little offered. If you don't mind, could you tell us a bit more? Hope I'm not overstepping here........
  4. Scottrn
    Loving someone is nothing to be ashamed of. You love deeply, and thats awesome! But, it does have a price. I know, I do the same. In the end though, it's worth it. Even though we go through this everytime, we still can never look back and say we didn't do all we could for that person, and our conscience will be clear. Keep your heart soft, and wait for another chance at love....Don't forget to respect yourself as well, don't give it all to someone not deserving! Try to keep your eyes open, you can't save the world!! 8)
  5. Scottrn
    sitting here envious! You go!
  6. Scottrn
    Congrats to you! And yes I DO want to hear it, for I know theres an end to this, and a good one! By the way, did you know Dr. Dyer teaches the same stuff Jesus did? Just easier to understand sometimes!
  7. Scottrn
    That makes sense, just remember to be honest and up-front with her. No leading on or saying things just to make her happy, because that won't work in the long run and she'll think poorly of you. Go with it, enjoy yourself, but don't sacrifice anything!
  8. Scottrn
    Been there, done that....youre right shu shu, no one should know things like that, I do and boy oh boy I can trade nightmare stories with you. I think we are looking for something to say how crappy they are doing and it will make us feel better somehow, but it wouldn't. We all care about our exs and want them to be happy too, just not yet!! Think it through in both directions and NOTHING good can possibly come from it. I think the key is to stay the way we are and grow, strengthen. I ran into an old ex(about 2 years long, 4 years ago) and we talked for awhile over coffee. I remember how I thought I would die when she left me, for another guy. I didn't. But it was so cool to see her, there were no feelings there anymore, like it was a good thing we split when we did, but also to see she is just a woman. Not the, um, I dunno, semi-godlike figure of perfection I created in my head after we split? Seems I get tunnel vision after a split, can't see my nose.... but time heals. I think I never really put that down for myself until I saw her, just didn't realize the stuff I was carrying from it, got used to the weight or something. I give all I have in every relationship I'm in, so when they fail I set myself up for feelings of worthlessness/uselessness because it didn't work out. I know thats nuts as I type this, but I know no other way to love, and if I love then all would be well. My ex used to get PO'd because she said I lived in a 'Disney movie' and have unrealistic expectations of life. No, I don't, but I can identify with that supertramp song..."Logical song". I went and got the cd after we split! Balance and patience, those are keys for me in an ongoing learning process. Hope this makes sense, seems my fingers can't keep up with my head sometimes!!
  9. Scottrn
    It IS a habit thing, but thanks for pointing it out ticklebug. Sometimes we need (I do at least) the obvious brought up to see it clearly, as we can't see for ourselves. Thanks for all your posts tb, keep doing it!!
  10. Scottrn
    Another awesome post Michael! I look forward to being where you are in your mindset, positive and moving on! Honestly, it is getting better, it's just that when it comes back to me sometimes I'm surprised by it because I thought it wouldn't. I'm trying to learn how to roll with it when it comes, not beat myself up for it like I'm starting from scratch because thats not what it means. I remember the numbness in the beginning, I don't want to go back to that! Again, great uplifting post, best of everything to you for the holidays and all next year!! Scott
  11. Scottrn
    definitely! Keep doing what you are doing, go slow, think of him as a nice addition to your life, not someone to occupy you at all times! As was posted above, enjoy the ride, let him boost you up with his interest!
  12. Scottrn
    I bought an alvarez acoustic about a month ago, still plugging along but I'm starting to enjoy it now, especially because it no longer sounds like cats on the fence!! It's working for me for the most part, although there are times it bums me because her new guy is a musician, but I'm doing it for me to learn new things! I know how you feel, but play through it. No Doubt were never heard of until Gwen Stefani had her heart broke and wrote those #1s!
  13. Scottrn
    When we first split I did that too, although I checked caller id's at her house....Ouch. All it did was give me 2 weeks of stuff to go over/create in my head. If I didn't do that I would not have known about the new guy.....which s%$$*d bad but gave me more strength (reason) to maintain nc, at least I know now how she feels about me. Stinks to find out the truth, but at least you did before you did anything else you'll regret, you know the calls, whining begging,etc... Now you can use this, even though it hurts like heck to know, use it to move on, because she is trying to. If she tries to move on and you don't, kinda silly huh? You'll get through, you now have no choice. Enjoy the holidays, be with family and friends!
  14. Scottrn
    I know, me too. But, we don't go through with them anymore. Get some sleep, go shopping tomorrow, that's my plan!
  15. Scottrn
    If you knew how your life would unfold, everything that would ever happen to you from birth to death, would you learn anything? Or just go through the motions and wait for the next blessing you knew was coming. Don't get angry at God, waiting for him to reveal His plan for us is faith. Faithfully waiting and KNOWING it will be good because He said it would be. He has a plan for our lives, "and it is good"! Be patient, make the best of where you are and what you are learning. He said good, not easy. Love
  16. Scottrn
    Sorry for what you are going through Amanda, really. But it will pass. It sounds like you have a plan for your future (school) and are trying to get somewhere on that front. Focus on that, go for a 4.0! Why not? You need to understand you are a good person, loved, not because of who you are with or who loves you, but because you are happy in your own skin. It's a tough thing to learn, but do it now, don't wait (like I did!) another 13 years to do it! Just know in your heart you are special, and this will help you to grow and become a stronger, better person, ready to make well thought out decisions for your next relationship, and get someone who can appreciate all you have to offer. Stay introspective, keep searching yourself to improve.......but don't let it overwhelm you. Focus on school, do your best in all you do, it will get better.
  17. Scottrn
    Don't think that for another second. You help, more than you know, and I appreciate it. I'm working regularly, not self-destructing although I do have the occasional few beers....not enough to pass out or puke, but sometimes it seems to take the edge off. I only drink on weekends, and (almost) never alone, so I think it's ok so far. Thanks mentor, keep it up.
  18. Scottrn
    I know the feeling. I spent 6 months telling myself that I had to try harder since I understood what drove her to do the things she did and she didn't, it was MY responsibility to help her, so I gave up myself....which turned out awful and put me here. I'm learning to stand again, but I won't let my heart get hardened by it, just won't be so arrogant next time to think I can fix anyone. Her insecurity ran so deep, no approach would open her up to discussion about what she was doing, it was all me. Messed me up, because if I only tried harder.....you know.
  19. Scottrn
    Thanks for the replies. I just posted in another thread a question about therapy. I feel I'm doing ok most of the time, seems to be a few minutes better(no thoughts) a day, but night is the worst. Anyway, I'm just not sure a therapist could tell me anything I don't already know, or get here. I have talked ad nauseum to friends and family and have a good grasp on how and why and what to do to heal, learning ALOT about me, some not so positive but it's all good if I learn to not do some things again. Would it speed this up? In my heart I don't want to rush healing and miss out on the whole lesson, but at times I wonder if it would.... By the way, doing NC and won't stop that for anything.....
  20. Scottrn
    WOW is right! That's great! I'm not in a place yet I can do that, but you sound (read?!?) like you did/aare doing great. Good for you, keep it up! By the way, did you go to therapy right away, or did you try to go it alone first? I'm thinking therapy might speed things up for me, but not sure they could tell me anything I don't already know or get from you guys......
  21. Scottrn
    Keep posting and reading here. Go see new Blade movie, I haven't made it yet but I liked the first 2! Stay on track, keep telling yourself there is a reason for all this, and YOU ARE SPECIAL. Keep saying it to yourself, sounds cheesy but it works. You are one of a kind and will grow from this, it's not for nothing. Go to gym, church, family or friends homes, talk to anyone, even here...keep going, you are worth it.
  22. Scottrn
    Just a quick question. I'm getting better, but sometimes someone says something or a song comes on the radio, not one we even heard together, and I'll think "her new guy is saying this to her". It turns an otherwise good day into one of s$%^. How do you guys change thinking, or avoid this? I know to refocus and go on, but sometimes it's out of the blue and those seem to hit harder because they aren't expected. It's getting better, just not FAST ENOUGH!!! (tongue firmly in cheek)
  23. Scottrn
    It is a b&^$*. Good days, bad days, howling with pain....yup. But other times are better, just gotta get through those howling bad moments. For me also its the thought of her with someone else, a real confidence smasher. Trying to keep busy, keep a soft heart, want to be a better person for the next person in my life. My short term goal is the summer, trying to get in shape for the beach....if you're straining at working out, it takes away the mental pain, if only for awhile, but each while gets just a bit longer. The light at the end of the tunnel is there, and no it's not an oncoming train! I heard that the pain will decrease once we've learned the lesson from it. Be still, be patient and wait for it. Love you guys, Happy holidays!
  24. Scottrn
    I don't have call id either, so sometimes I just don't answer! I can choose to keep doing what I'm doing, don't need to run to the phone anyway! The good days come and go, but it seems to be getting better. GG, I don't know what I would do, I think I would be a little afraid of 'going off' on her as I'm not over it yet, and thats not who I want to be. My first reaction is to delete it and don't respond, but she said she'd call back later so maybe wait for that. Good luck deciding brother, post what happens!
  25. Scottrn
    Perfectly said, had to be repeated. And yes, reading your story and replies helped me too.
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